“Forgive him? Never.”
“That will be your decision to make, Kathryn. But bear in mind that what I am suggesting to you is no more than what is now required of the inhabitants of Sormana.”
“Have you forgiven the Borg?”
Tuvok considered the question for a long time.
Finally, he said, “There is more to my life than their cruelty. There is service to my fellow beings. There is my family and friends. There is knowledge yet to be discovered. There are truths yet to be revealed. Forgiveness grants me access to those things.”
Kathryn stared at him. He had never before seen her so empty.
“I have no idea what is mine.”
Tuvok reached out to her and took her hands in his. “Start with this.”
26
VOYAGER
When Counselor Hugh Cambridge had seen Lieutenant Conlon settled into her quarters aboard Galen, he returned to Voyager with the intention of spending the next few hours rearranging his schedule to accommodate the hours he would now be spending with Nancy and her medical team. He also wanted to review the notes from their previous sessions. It troubled him that she had so successfully concealed her inner turmoil from him. That others might have missed it was not alarming. That he had been blind to her deception suggested a lack of focus on his part that was unacceptable.
Seven was waiting for him in his quarters. A single glance at her beguiling form quickened his pulse. She was seated with her legs pulled to one side on his sofa, her elbow resting on its back supporting her slightly tilted head with her hand. As was often the case these days, her eyes were distant, focused on some internal landscape he could not access.
Perhaps his recent myopia wasn’t that hard to understand after all. Seven seemed to have managed the task of separating the personal from her duty much better than he had. This might require further exploration. She had been his patient. Her task had been to learn from him. Their professional relationship had ended long ago, but since then he had clearly given too little thought to how much she might be able teach him.
“Good evening, my love,” he greeted her. “Have you eaten?”
“I have.”
“I won’t be ready to turn in for a few more hours.”
Seven brought her legs to the floor and placed her elbows on her knees, resting her chin in her hands. “I have violated Starfleet regulations several times since I first came to Voyager,” she said dispassionately. “I did so again today and for the first time, regret that choice.”
Intrigued, Cambridge moved to sit opposite her. “Go on.”
“I have been assisting the officers of the Rilnar command center in their analysis of the readings they were able to take of Rahalla prior to its destruction. The admiral authorized me to give them access to the data we collected on our tricorders and what was discovered by Voyager’s sensors when in orbit. I have also been working with their engineers, explaining the modifications that will be required to add temporal shielding to their current defensive arsenal.”
“None of that sounds like a crime to me.”
“A point of data has troubled me since we first learned of the denzit’s existence. No one else has raised the issue in our subsequent briefings, but it has not been resolved to my satisfaction.”
“What point, love?”
“The denzit’s survival.”
Cambridge looked away briefly, attempting to recall the information the denzit had provided. “Didn’t some doctor revive her after she died?”
Seven met his eyes, her disappointment clear.
“Kathryn Janeway’s death was a fixed point in time. Every single version of her that ever existed died across all timelines at the same moment in a variety of manners. Our admiral was saved by the unprecedented intervention of an omnipotent life-form. Do you honestly believe anything less could have saved the denzit?”
“Now that you mention it, I don’t know. But does it matter? She lived. She’s here now. Her survival has complicated this fleet’s mission as only Kathryn Janeway can.”
“During my review of the Rilnar’s databases, I was able to access their medical files. I knew it was wrong, but I copied the denzit’s file.”
“Ah, there it is. Yes, that is certainly frowned upon by Starfleet.”
“If I tell you what I found, you will also be vulnerable to disciplinary action.”
“I’ll risk it.”
“The circumstances of her death were not precisely what she described to Captain Chakotay.”
“She lied? Imagine my surprise.”
“She did not succumb to injuries sustained in an attack on her base. She died in childbirth.”
Cambridge sat in stunned silence for a full minute. Seven waited patiently until he asked, “Did the child survive?”
“She was taken by her father from the medical center in the chaos that followed the denzit’s death. Her current whereabouts are unknown.”
“Merde.”
“The doctor who revived the denzit made no formal report. No one even recorded his name. Her vital signs just prior to her death were such that no standard intervention could have reversed the process. Her blood loss was massive. The duty nurse reported that the doctor in question initiated mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and chest compressions to successfully revive her. Blood transfusions were immediately initiated and stabilized her condition.”
“I grant you, it was a one-in-a-billion chance, but we’re not talking about just any woman. Kathryn Janeway is a force of nature and it sounds to me like she had more than most to live for.”
“Perhaps,” Seven agreed.
“But you don’t think so.”
Seven shook her head.
“Are you going to tell the admiral?”
“Do you think I should?”
Cambridge shrugged. “It explains the denzit’s choice to stick with the war to the bitter end. I’d bet a year of shore leave that Commander Tuvok knew about it. When he spoke of the personal concerns that kept her tethered to that rock, he might have been talking about more than her husband.”
“If Dayne took the child, she could still be alive.”
Cambridge thought back to the chaotic moments following their return to the cavern after Batibeh. Tuvok had assaulted Dayne. The Krenim man had been saying something . . .
“She’s dead,” Cambridge said. “That’s what Dayne told Tuvok.”
“Are you willing to take his word for it?”
Cambridge sighed. “Of course not.”
• • •
Several hours after she had arrived, Tuvok escorted Kathryn back to her quarters on Vesta and requested a mild sedative for her, which Doctor Sal willingly provided. When he returned to Voyager a message was waiting for him from Captain Chakotay. As requested, Tuvok reported immediately to the captain’s ready room.
“Take a seat, Commander,” Chakotay ordered upon his entrance.
Tuvok would have preferred to stand but saw no reason to add rudeness to the list of charges Chakotay was surely prepared to file against him.
“I’m in the process of completing my report on the incidents at Rahalla. I require a little clarification, if you have a few minutes.”
“Of course, Captain.”
“The child you asked Dayne about . . . that was Kathryn’s child as well?”
“Yes, Captain.”
“And you learned of the child’s existence from . . . ?”
“The denzit shared that intelligence with me during my first visit to Sormana.”
“I see. You, of course, chose to omit that information from your report because . . .”
“The denzit asked that I respect her privacy.”
“You didn’t think that our need to fully understand the denzit’s motivations took priority over respecting her privacy?”
“I did not.”
Chakotay leaned forward in his chair, placing both hands on the desk. “One could argue that was dereliction of duty.”
“I fu
lly expect that one will.”
Chakotay exhaled slowly, shaking his head. “I probably had that coming. When I accused you of failing us back in the cavern, I did so in the absence of significant data.”
“Indeed?”
“It seems to me that you have been acting this entire time out of concern for the child’s well-being. Knowledge of her existence could have compromised her safety. Despite Dayne’s assurances to you that the child is dead, that intelligence was offered under extreme duress and can hardly be considered unequivocal proof.”
“Kathryn believes it to be true.”
Chakotay nodded somberly. “She might be right. If she has no intention of pursuing the matter further, that is her prerogative.”
“I agree.”
“My problem is this. At the moment, Admiral Janeway is inclined to continue monitoring the Krenim but we are not going to pursue further contact. None of us, least of all the admiral, are interested in provoking another protracted conflict with the Krenim. By providing technology to the Rilnar and Zahl that will permit them to defend themselves against future temporal incursions, we’ve done all we can reasonably be expected to do to secure this region against further alterations to the timeline.”
“A logical and tactically sound course of action.”
“But if I note in this report that the other Kathryn had a child and that we believe it is possible that the child is being held by the Krenim, the admiral is going to feel a sense of personal responsibility to investigate that claim. She’s never going to take Dayne’s word that the child has died. She’s likely to demand proof.”
“Any action this fleet takes with regard to that child will put her at risk, should she still be alive.”
“I know.”
“The only individual among us with legitimate cause to pursue the matter is the former denzit, and she would surely find a willing advocate in the admiral.”
“Which would also compromise this fleet’s safety,” Chakotay noted.
“Agreed.”
“So if you were me, what would you do, Tuvok?”
“I am not you, Captain.”
“No.”
“If you are requesting my opinion as a friend to the admiral, the former denzit, and you, I would suggest that no one’s interests would be served by creating an issue that could provoke a greater conflict where none currently exists. Whether or not we believe Dayne’s assertions to be grounded in fact, Kathryn does. To continue to pursue the matter will create greater anxiety for her than our suspicions warrant and may be detrimental to her healing process. More important, it might force Dayne to take action to prove the truth of his words, thus endangering an innocent life.
“I cannot weigh Starfleet’s interest in this matter as greater than a child’s interest in continuing to exist,” Tuvok continued. “Indeed, the only solace I can find in this circumstance is to believe Dayne’s assertion. If she is dead, there is nothing to be done. If she is alive, any attempt we might make to reunite Kathryn with her child could prove fatal, both to the child and us.”
“My inclination is to leave well enough alone.”
“And yet you feel that to do so is to personally betray the admiral?”
“I think she would see it the way should she ever learn about it.”
“Are you willing to accept the consequences, given the magnitude of the alternatives?”
Chakotay paused for a long time. Finally he said, “I think I have to. I think the only thing worse than the child living the rest of her life as Dayne’s daughter would be learning that something we did resulted in the child’s death.”
“Is it possible you aren’t giving the admiral sufficient credit? Your reasoning is sound. Whatever her initial reaction to this information might be, you should be able to persuade her of the most appropriate course of action.”
“I’d like to think you’re right.”
“But?”
“My heart tells me it’s not going to be that simple.”
“I would never advise you to ignore the demands of your heart.”
“You wouldn’t? Is that logical?”
“Logical or not, it is unwise.”
“I’ve missed your counsel.”
“Should you have further need of it, Captain, you have but to ask.”
“Thank you, Tuvok.”
GALEN
Lieutenant Nancy Conlon didn’t want to talk to anyone. She had to talk to Cambridge and her doctors, but in the day that had passed since she had received their diagnosis and begun to enjoy their polite version of confinement to quarters, no one had pressed her to make any choices regarding her treatment or the fate of . . .
Conlon still had to force herself to think the words.
The baby.
The shock of the previous day had given way at first light to a visceral need to destroy something. As she was not an option, she’d chosen the next best thing. Galen’s holodeck was smaller than Voyager’s, but the range of programs available was substantially greater. To her dismay, all the hand-to-hand combat scenarios were denied her. The damned counselor was clearly getting back on top of his game to have thought of that. But the standard twenty-kilo punching bag that came with the gym program was better than nothing.
Conlon had been beating her fists against it and leveling vicious kicks at its midpoint for more than an hour when an unexpected voice sounded behind her.
“Hi, Nancy.”
Conlon turned, flushed and spent from her physical exertion.
“Harry.”
For a split second she considered trading him for the bag. The next moment she was certain she was going to burst into violent tears. Finally that anger and pain morphed into a question in her mind.
“How did you get here?”
Kim shrugged. “I co-opted Waters’s sensors for a few minutes at the end of her shift, and trained them on Galen to determine your location. I waited for the gamma shift crew rotation cycle for our shields and Galen’s to drop long enough for routine personnel and supply transports. I initiated a site-to-site transport to this holodeck.”
Nancy smiled in spite of herself.
“That’s a lot of trouble you went through.”
“You didn’t leave me any choice. No one will tell me anything about what’s happening to you. The last time I saw you, you were ripping my clothes off in Chakotay’s ready room. I’ve sent you ten messages a day. I honestly don’t care anymore if you love me or if you ever did. I just need to know one thing.”
“Okay.”
“What did I do wrong?”
Tears threatened again. Nancy held them at bay.
“You did nothing wrong, Harry.”
“That’s not possible. I know you were angry with me, but this—”
“You did nothing wrong, Harry. This,” she said, opening her hands to take in the room at large, “has nothing to do with you. I have a problem. It’s a medical issue. It’s taken this long for every doctor in this fleet to figure out what it is. I’m off duty for the foreseeable future.”
Harry had been angry when he first arrived. He’d controlled it, but his fury had been real. It evaporated with the gut-punch of her admission.
He stepped closer to her and she immediately retreated, keeping her distance. Hurt, he said, “What’s the issue?”
Nancy had heard the words. She understood them and could do a fair job of explaining. But she had not yet said them aloud, even to herself.
“I have a progressive degenerative disease.”
Harry’s face reddened. Now she wasn’t the only one fighting back tears. Far from adding to her pain, his concern, coupled with the act of speaking the truth, lightened the load she was carrying an infinitesimal degree.
“It’s curable, right?”
“We don’t know yet. It might be.”
Determination replaced fear. “It will be,” Harry assured both of them. “The Doctor is the best there is. From what I’ve heard, Sharak and Sal are no lightweights eit
her. If they say there’s hope, there is. You’re going to be fine.”
So far, this had been easier than Nancy had anticipated. The rest was going to destroy everything they had built between them in the last year. She wasn’t sure she had that in her.
“Why are you trying to do this alone?”
“I’m not alone,” she insisted. “I’ve got a whole team of professionals, including Counselor Cambridge ready to talk with me all damn day.”
“They’re not . . .” He struggled to complete the sentence. “What about your friends?”
I don’t deserve them, Nancy thought.
“I can’t ask any of you to take this on,” she said. “I understand why you’d want to. But we both know what it’s like out here. One crisis after another. Everybody has too much to do. More, now that I’m off duty. You don’t need this.”
“That’s stupid.”
Nancy flinched, taken aback.
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and I’m best friends with Tom Paris. Some artists work in oils, some in clay. Dumb is Tom’s true medium. But right now, you’re giving the master a run for his money.”
“Harry, I—”
He closed the distance between them in four quick strides but stopped short of touching her.
“I love you. I am yours. You took my heart, and even though you seem to want to give it back, I’m not going to let you. Not over something like this. I get that this is awful, terrible, frightening-to-your-core news. You probably think letting me go is some ridiculous noble thing to do. It will hurt a little now, but less than if we go down this road together and it ends badly. Well, guess what? You don’t get to make that choice for me. Live or die, we’re doing this together. You try to shut me out again and I’ll get myself transferred to Galen as your personal security detachment and become a frigging permanent fixture. You won’t go to the ’fresher without my knowledge. This is not a game to me, Nancy. I’ve spent weeks now wondering what I did wrong, how I hurt you. It almost killed me. Walking away, it’s just not possible. I can’t and I won’t. So say whatever you like. Kick my ass from one side of this room to the other. You’re not getting rid of me.”
Nancy had liked Harry since they’d first met. It was moments like this that had made her love him. When he got himself worked up, Harry Kim was a sight to behold. He would run headlong into an inferno for his friends. He’d suffer untold physical and emotional misery recovering from the burns. And the next day, he’d do it again. People like Harry, they never learned. That’s why you wanted them beside you.
Star Trek: Voyager: A Pocket Full of Lies Page 36