by Peach, Hanna
“And it worked.”
Alyx spluttered. He had noticed.
“It worked better than I thought it would.”
“That’s not fair. That’s cheating.”
“Don’t let the Darkened find out that all it takes to distract you is a kiss.” There was amusement in his tone and in his eyes.
Amusement. He was amused at her. She had become like every other one of his simpering female friends, falling apart at his kiss. And he was amused. Hurt swirled inside her. Mixed with… guilt.
You promised me you’d never kiss him again, a voice inside her whispered. But this just confused her. Who did she promise? Why did she have this strange yet distant feeling like she was betraying someone? Her confusion was forgotten as Jordan continued to smirk at her. The bastard was amused.
“How... how dare you,” Alyx threw her blades at the ground and flung herself at him. Her first hit struck him in his jaw before he dropped his own blades and used his arms to deflect her next punch. He jumped back out of reach.
“Ow. You know, you have a decent hit on you… for a girl.” He was egging her on.
Alyx growled and launched herself at him again, her fists raining at him. This time she wrapped her legs around his waist so that he couldn’t get away from her. As she continued to hit him, his laughter faded. “Hey, that bloody hurts.”
He grabbed one of her wrists. She struggled, but he wouldn’t let go. She went to hit him with her other fist. She connected with him, but he managed to grab that wrist, too. Spinning in the air he threw them both at the wall. Alyx’s back hit the aged wood with a thump, causing her to gasp. Wallpaper crumbled to dust. She struggled against him. He pushed her firmly against the wall and pressed her hands above her head.
Alyx struggled to control her heavy breathing, which was causing her small breasts to push against his hard chest. Fury and resistance raged underneath her skin. He was such a bastard. How dare he take advantage of her?
“What are you so damn angry about?” he said leaning in close to her, his face serious. His hair was loose and falling across his cheekbones. “That I kissed you… or your reaction to it?”
She felt her face flame. “Screw you.”
But he didn’t get angry or cuss back as she expected him to.
“No,” he said softly, and he began to trail his lips down her neck. “That’s not what I’d do with you. You I would… savor.”
Her breath caught in her throat as his lips parted and his tongue traced the hollow at the base of her neck. A fire lit low in her belly and she felt her legs tighten around his waist involuntarily. Shit.
“Jordan, what are you doing?”
His tongue continued its languid trail across on her skin. “If you don’t like it, tell me to stop.” He blew across the moist line he had just made on the tops of her breasts. The cool made her whole body, inside and out, break out into chills. She suppressed a moan.
“What… the hell… are you doing?” she demanded, struggling to control her breath.
“If you tell me to stop, I will.”
Alyx felt her head smack back against the wall as he trailed one hand down from her hands still pressed up above her, down the sensitive underside of her arm while as his lips teased the rise of her breast over her top.
“Oh my God, Jordan. I can’t.” Her voice had lost its bite now. She felt the prick of tears in her eyes.
This time he pulled back. “Why… why would it be so bad if you felt something for me, too?”
The sadness in his voice caused her to pause. Why would it be so bad? Why was she holding back?
Because, her heart protested, she couldn’t stand to just be another friend to Jordan. And if she told him what she really wanted from him, he would run.
“I… I don’t know,” she lied.
He searched her eyes. She could see it when he found what he was looking for. His face softened. “But you do feel something for me, don’t you?” He sounded almost unsure of himself.
This caught her off guard. She nodded. Then bit her lip when she realized what she had admitted.
His hand loosened its grip on her wrists and trailed down her skin. Where his fingers were hard shackles before, now they were gentle… and curious. They came to rest at her jaw.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked softly, his eyes on her lips.
“You didn’t have a problem kissing me without my permission before.”
“I am asking you now…”
“Jordan—”
“Say ‘yes’,” he whispered.
She closed her eyes. She wanted so badly to feel his lips again. But she didn’t want to have her heart broken by him when he was done with her. Alyx clenched her jaw as these opposite desires tugged back and forth at her heart.
“You don’t have to worry, I don’t take what’s not on offer,” she heard him say. “I just thought…I just thought you…” Sadness and a touch of bitterness laced his voice. “I won’t ask again.”
His hands left her. And a knot formed in her stomach as she watched him pull away. She gazed at his pale green eyes, partly hidden by thick downcast lashes, and she saw the hurt and rejection there. One of the sides of this tug-of-war won out.
“Yes.” It tumbled out of her mouth.
His lashes flicked up. For a moment he just stared at her, as if he didn’t believe what she had just said. “What?”
“I said ‘yes’.”
His mouth closed over hers.
And she felt herself give in. Tomorrow be damned. Alyx rolled herself round him to press him up against the wall, her hands pushing back on his shoulders, her knees up on either side of him so that she was the one pinning him down. If she couldn’t control her heart, she was at least going to control him. Her hands ran up the length of his firm arms, his fighter’s arms, gripping and releasing her fingernails into him like a cat.
He pushed her forward with his hips and they peeled off the wall. Alyx felt her back slam against the ceiling. He grinned at her, “See… intense, passionate creature,” before he kissed her again, slipping an arm between her and the wall to pull her firmly against him. He was all around her and she felt dizzy. It was an exquisite breathlessness.
He pulled back and leaned his forehead on hers. He was breathing as heavily as she was. Just the pressure of her breasts pushing against his chest when she inhaled was enough to make her reach for his lips again.
“Alyx. Wait.” He leaned away although he looked pained to do it. “Darkened blood. The orchid. We need to keep moving.”
Her kaleidoscope of responsibilities returned to her.
“You’re right,” she said untangling herself from him.
Suddenly she felt awkward. Almost embarrassed by her behavior. She tried to remember how to put on that cool, unaffected mask that she used to wear. She froze when she realized, Jordan had stripped her of it. Without her realizing, he had stripped her of her mask.
She composed herself. Her voice was all brusque and business again. “Let’s collect the blood we need and get out of this hell’s nest.”
She ignored Jordan’s look and the hand he brushed against her lower back.
Chapter 32
Alyx and Jordan travelled far north to the Scottish Highlands, where Owl had claimed a ghost orchid had been spotted. As she flew, she took in a deep breath which chilled her lungs. It was so much colder this far north. She gazed at the purple-tinged mountains and brown valleys around them. It looked as if God himself had slammed his fists against the ground in anger. She felt smaller than she had ever felt before. The scene was made more ominous by a blanket of dark clouds across the sky.
Jordan and Alyx barely spoke to each other as they flew. Alyx’s mind whirred over and over the kiss they shared. What should she say to Jordan about it? What she should do? Pretend it never happened?
She was grateful when he spotted what looked like the flower upon a ridge. At least now she had something to distract her from the madness of her own mind.
&nbs
p; They landed on the ridge next to the flower. She felt a surge of relief filling her as she recognized the white leafless stalk and pale flowers from the picture Owl had printed out for them. It lived off fungus, so it didn’t need leaves, Owl had proclaimed. This was definitely a ghost orchid and it was going to save Israel’s life.
Alyx picked one of the three flowers from its bone-like stalk and sent out a small prayer of thanks.
“Let’s hustle,” Jordan said. “I don’t like the look of those clouds over there.”
* * *
They hadn’t even made it out of the highlands before the storm hit. The icy rain began to pelt them and it was only getting heavier. Soon they wouldn’t be able to see through this hellish weather at all.
Jordan grabbed Alyx’s arm. “We need to find somewhere to stop, Alyx. We can’t fly through this storm.” She could barely hear him over the rushing wind.
Alyx felt momentary panic at the thought of stopping. She’d be alone with Jordan. She was really hoping to avoid that until, you know… forever.
Alyx activated the halolight on the chain around her neck, but it barely made a difference.
“Alyx,” he sighed in exasperation, “we’re no good to anyone if we’re dead.”
He was right. It was suicide to keep flying through this weather. Alyx nodded.
She let Jordan lead them both closer to the ground. “Keep your eye out for shelter.”
Shelter? Out in these rugged Scottish highlands? Unlikely. So when Alyx saw the squat cottage sitting like a large boulder she thought she was imagining things at first. She squinted. But when the vision remained she felt a flood of relief.
She tugged on Jordan’s hand and pointed. “There.”
They sped towards the cottage.
As they landed before it, Alyx could see that it was made from rough-cut stone, had thick shutters and a thick wooden door to keep out the elements. A small chimney poked up from the roof. It appeared to be dark inside and no smoke rose from the chimney.
Jordan slammed his fist against the door. “Hello?”
“I don’t think anyone’s in there.”
Jordan nodded and grabbed for the door knob. The door was locked. It rattled as Jordan tried to force it open.
If only Israel was here, Alyx thought. She remembered how he had been able to open the locked door of the gardeners’ shed after they had first met. She remembered entering the shed and… She found herself suddenly frowning as her memory appeared to skip in her mind, like a record with a scratch. That was strange. She tried again to recall what had happened in the shed. But she could only recall snatches of conversation between them. An odd sensation of longing settled in her stomach. Longing? Longing for what?
But before she could question what she was feeling, a bang came from the door, jarring her out of her thoughts. Jordan was trying to shoulder open the door. It took three more hits before the door splintered around the lock and it burst open.
Inside, the halolight cast a dim light across the cottage, lightly furnished with a bed, table and two chairs, a kitchen sat in the opposite corner. At least there was a fireplace. From the light layer of dust on the inner window sills, it didn’t look like anyone had been in here for a while.
Behind her, Jordan shut the broken door as best as he could against the wind. Alyx dragged the small table to the door to hold it shut.
“Nice thinking,” Jordan said amidst the sound of wood scraping on stone, as he helped her push the table into place. He frowned then rolled his right shoulder.
Alyx started as she noticed blood on his shoulder from where he slammed it against the door. “You’re hurt.”
He shrugged. “It’s already healing.”
“Let me see. There might be splinters caught in there.”
She flew to his side before she realized what she was doing. She helped him shrug off his jacket. Then she unbuttoned his top buttons and peeled the shirt off his shoulder. Suddenly she became too aware of how smooth his skin was and how close she was to him and how firm his bicep and shoulder and back was. All this sent an overwhelming fluster through her. Idiot. When trying to avoid someone, half-undressing them in a remote cottage in the middle of nowhere was not a good start.
She tried to focus on his shoulder. Jordan was right, it was healing. “There doesn’t seem to be any splinters…” But her eyes kept straying to the solid curve of his arm running into the firm expanse of his chest, decorated with curls of dark gold hair. She swallowed and looked up in that moment.
Only to realize that he was watching her. He wasn’t just looking at her, he saw her and every emotion that had played out in her. His pale green eyes saw right through her.
“You might hide it or have trouble admitting how you feel, but you feel. You feel with every fiber of your being… I see you, Alyx.”
His eyes undid her. She shivered.
A look of concern came across Jordan’s features. “You’re cold. You’re soaked. I should have realized…” Jordan shrugged his shirt back over his shoulder, muttering, “And here you are looking after me…”
Jordan took the blanket off the bed and lay it out by the fireplace. “Take off whatever you feel comfortable with.” He pulled two chairs near the fire as well. “Hang your clothes on here and they’ll be dry in no time. I’ll get a fire started.”
Then he turned his attention to the fireplace. Thankfully there was a small woodpile and matches waiting for him. Alyx de-weaponed herself and stripped down to her singlet and briefs. Then she lay out her wet clothes and wrapped herself in the blanket. She sat fidgeting with her fingers.
What now? After their moment of passion was over, what did they have left? Alyx thought about Rosa and of the pastor’s daughter… and whoever else Jordan was seeing. A bitterness collected in her mouth. Even when she tried to swallow it away it wouldn’t go.
Could she stand to be with him knowing that there were others? A slice of pain lashed across her as if she had been whipped. Just the thought of it… she couldn’t…
Soon a fire was roaring. He let out a grunt of satisfaction and she heard the brush of material as he wiped his sooty hands on his pants. Alyx looked up just as he turned and their eyes met. Memories of their passionate encounter at the hotel flashed across her mind. Her body heated in response and she was sure that he could see it. She felt raw and vulnerable and exposed.
“Even now. I can see your mind showing across your face. Yes, Alyx, as much as you don’t believe it is so, as much as you don’t like to let people see you... I can see you.”
She couldn’t hide from him. He had already stripped her of her mask once in that hotel corridor. What she was feeling… she couldn’t hide anymore. Alyx could barely breathe as Jordan pulled off his shirt revealing a thick and muscled body. She was trying not to stare, but when she caught the first glimpse of his torso, golden in the glow of the fire, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him.
He unsheathed his weapons one by one, slowly wiping down each one and laying them out carefully. She had never seen anything so sexy and couldn’t help but imagine he was handling her the way he was handling those blades. She could feel herself getting too hot under this blanket, but she was too terrified to unwrap it from around her. She already felt too naked. Thank God he decided to leave his pants on.
He sat down next to her on the floor. “Talk to me, Alyx. I can see you have something to say.”
She cleared her throat. “So…”
“So.”
“What happened back there at the hotel…”
“Yes?”
“You kissed me…”
This caused one of the corners of his lips to pull up. “Yes, I did.”
“And I kissed you back…”
“Yes, you did.” Now the smile crept all the way up to his eyes.
Alyx took a deep breath. “That can’t happen again.”
“What?”
“I’m not like you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“That’s not true.” Alyx raised her eyebrow at his protest. “It hasn’t even been half the girls on this planet. Maybe, more like a quarter.”
Alyx shoved him so hard he fell sideways. He sat back up and raised his hands up. “Hey, I’m only joking. Only joking.”
Alyx threw her hands in the air and looked away trying to hide the prick of tears in her eyes. “God, you’re not even taking this conversation seriously. I’m just an amusement to you.”
“An amusement? Alyx, I was just—”
“The girl from the weapon’s store, the Pastor’s daughter, Rosa… how many more others? I’m not like you. I’m not a…”
His face hardened. “Go on, say it.”
Oh God, she was doing this all wrong. She tried again. “I’m not experienced like you. I don’t do… understandings.” Alyx took a deep breath.
Her heart was thundering in her chest, but it urged her on. Tell him, tell him.
“I’m falling in love with you, Jordan. If I can’t be your everything, then… I want nothing.”
And it was like… freefalling. Terrifying and liberating and free.
He froze. And that’s when she noticed the look on his face. He looked… terrified.
That’s when the ground came up all too quickly. This is where he pulls away. This is where he tells me that he can’t have relationships. This is where he breaks my heart.
The seconds that passed after her heart left her lips were excruciating and empty, filled only with the crashing of her heart against her chest.
Finally, he spoke, “What if… what if I said I wanted the same things as you? What if I said I had already fallen for you?”
Alyx stared at him, blinking. “I’d say that I thought you were lying to me.”
“Lying to you?”
“Or lying to yourself. One of the two. Jordan, I just told you I’m falling for you and you looked terrified. You don’t do relationships, you do understandings.”
He stared at her, complete disbelief marring his forehead. “You’re calling me a liar now? I just told you what you wanted to hear and you’re suddenly pushing me away?”