by Claire Adams
Every part of me wanted to take her right where she stood, press her against the wall, and feel every part of her… But I knew that I had to be patient. I knew I was staring, but I didn’t care. She smiled, looking me over.
“You look handsome!” she said to me.
“You look… I mean… shit, you look fucking incredible,” I stammered out.
“You think so?” I couldn’t tell if she was being humble or legitimately didn’t understand just how good she looked. Either way, I decided not to make too big of a deal about it. Hannah was not a woman who would ‘melt’ simply with a barrage of compliments.
“No, really,” I said. “You look fantastic. I’m the luckiest man in Madison.”
“Aw, only Madison?” she asked playfully.
“Well, I would have said ‘in all of Wisconsin,’ but I thought you’d think that was too high a compliment.”
“Actually, you’re right. I probably wouldn’t have believed you.”
We went out the front door. I let her go first, partly to be a gentleman and partly to check out her ass. She caught me in her peripheral checking her out, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I thought I saw a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, but I chocked it up to wishful thinking.
“I’m the luckiest man in all of Wisconsin,” I blurted out. She chuckled.
We made our way to the Camaro quietly. We each pulled out our phones and looked at them, even though I suspected it was just something to do to distract us. I was a little nervous about bumping into the landlord, but fortunately, we only came across the nice Indian couple who lived on the third floor and the weird blond-haired guy who lived over in 222 who gave us both a peculiar look. I didn’t know right at that moment, but the reason that Hannah was so attentive to her cell phone happened to be because of that weird blond-haired guy.
We pulled up to Josef’s Cuisine, the Persian restaurant where I hoped things would take a turn for the better for Hannah and me. I had a brief dialogue with Samir, the usual host at the front of the restaurant, asking him for a table for two wherever, and before I knew it, we were seated and looking through the menu. I occasionally glanced at Hannah, still admiring how good she looked.
Before I had a chance to turn up the charm and steer us in the direction I was hoping for, our waitress appeared. It took me a few seconds, but it began to sink in: I knew our waitress. I truly had forgotten about her.
How I knew the waitress was the same way I knew many female acquaintances. We’d had a one-night stand together only a few months before. I was so busy thinking of a good place to take Hannah that it hadn’t occurred to me to think about who might be working when we arrived. What was worse was that once she recognized me, her face lit up and she smiled. Her name was escaping me, but thankfully, she had on a nametag.
“Sawyer!” Jasmine said as she got to our table. “Hi!”
“Hey, Jasmine,” I replied. “Long time, no see. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been great! I’m no longer part time! Now, I’m getting overtime. Isn’t that crazy?”
The details were vague in my head, but I inferred that she must have talked to me about her work schedule whenever we saw each other last.
“Awesome!” I said.
“Right?” she said. “How are we tonight?!” She looked over to Hannah.
“We’re good,” I said. “This is my roommate, Hannah.”
Hannah waved to Jasmine.
“Oh, nice!” Jasmine said with sharp enthusiasm. “You guys just hanging out on a Friday night?”
“Well…” I looked to Hannah, who gave me a forced smile. “I was calling it a date, but I’m not sure about her.”
“It’s our first date, actually,” Hannah said, shooting a look at Jasmine.
“That’s awesome!” said Jasmine with a wide smile. “So, do we know what we want or do we need more time?”
I looked at the menu and then at Hannah, then at Jasmine—whose eyes had rarely left me. I looked back at the menu, trying to figure out how I was going to explain myself if Hannah was suspiciously preparing questions to ask about Jasmine.
“Yeah, give us like five minutes,” I told Jasmine.
She nodded and meandered over to another one of her tables. I regretted how I handled myself with her, but I wasn’t expecting her to be as giddy and happy to see me as she was. We hadn’t ended on bad terms, but feelings can change.
“Do you want any appetizers?” I asked Hannah. “I think I’m okay without any.”
She smiled and shook her head. Her eyes were on the menu, but I could tell her mind was elsewhere. I was concerned already that the evening had been dealt a huge blow. I considered bringing up my past with Jasmine, partly for upfront honesty, and partly so that the only woman who got attention that night was her and not our waitress.
Fortunately, she beat me to it.
“So, how do you two know each other?” Hannah asked.
“She’s been my waitress here before,” I answered.
“Has she been… anything else for you before?”
I chuckled, avoiding Hannah’s penetrating eyes. I also decided to avoid the phrase ‘one-night stand.’ It was too incriminating.
“We went out on a date once,” I said.
“A date?” Hannah asked skeptically.
“Yes,” I affirmed. “A real, actual date… you know, followed by sex.”
“There it is,” said Hannah.
“Hey… come on. Look how happy she was to see me, right?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“…That she had a good time with me.”
She licked her lips and rolled her eyes.
“I told her what my intentions were, and she was fine with it,” I continued. “She did ask for a follow-up date, but I said no. She moved on.”
“Sawyer, I don’t doubt that you know how to satisfy a woman sexually,” she said.
“Right, I know. You’re looking for the romance.”
“I’m not looking for anything,” said Hannah. “I just want something that feels right. Ideally, I would find someone, and we’d fall in love. But, who knows?”
I was surprised by her slight shift. I was afraid to press and have her elaborate on exactly what she meant by ‘something that feels right.’ I knew what felt right to me, but I had made myself clearer than Hannah had.
“Sounds like you’re open to new experiences,” I remarked.
She raised her eyebrow but continued. “I don’t know what I want, but I do know what I don’t want. Does that make sense?”
“Totally,” I said.
“So,” she began. “You really think that if we were to have sex, I would want you to stay with me and be my permanent roommate?”
“I do,” I answered honestly.
“Why are you so sure of that?”
I gave a light shrug. “History suggests it. And history does have a way of repeating itself with me. I’ve seen it.”
“Has any girl lived with you before?” she asked.
“Many have tried. All have failed,” I said.
“Let me ask you this, since you seem so sure of how I would react. Is there no possibility in your mind that tells you if we were to have sex, you might fall in love with me?”
I smiled. “I guess anything is possible. I’ve never been in love, so I’m not sure what it would feel like. I guess I would know it when it happens, right?”
She was quiet, pondering. Before she could respond, Jasmine had returned to take our order. I ordered the kebab tabei; she ordered a tripe soup.
“So, what does romance mean to you?” I asked Hannah.
She chuckled, hesitating. “That is a tough question to answer. It’s hard to sum up romance.”
“That’s not fair,” I pressed. “You guilted me into coming up with something, and you made me say a bunch of bogus bullshit. Come on; we’re not getting out of here until I hear your answer, Miss Stone.”
“Well, I guess I’m going to be unfa
ir, then,” she said. “Because… you want the truth?”
“Always,” I said. “I’ve been saying it this whole time: men and women are never honest with each other about what they really want. It’s a problem way too easy to solve.”
“I agree,” she said. “But, the truth is… I don’t have a checklist. I don’t have things I look for in a guy. I just follow my heart, but I have been rethinking that ideology because it has only led me to pain. I’m not sure I trust my heart right now.”
I smirked, trying to decide which route I would take on this dangerous path.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be listening to your heart,” I said to her.
“What should I be listening to, then?”
“That’s easy,” I replied. “You go with your gut. Don’t you ever follow your instincts?”
“Rarely,” she answered.
I was taken aback by that answer. “Really?”
“Yeah,” she confirmed. “I guess I’m not as impulsive as others…or adventurous, like you. I try listening to reason or to my feelings…”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad you aren’t doing that with me,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well… it probably wasn’t your feelings or ‘reason’ that made you willing to let me stay with you like this,” I said matter-of-factly.
“You’re right,” she said. “That’s a good point. Wow, I must be crazy.”
“Crazy hot,” I added.
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, if I weren’t letting you stay with me, you would stop talking to me the moment you walked out my door.”
While it was true that one of my main objectives, at that point, was ensuring that I had a place to stay until I had found a new suitable home, my search for an apartment, while ongoing, was not at the forefront of my mind.
“That’s not true,” I said to her. “You’re smart, together…feisty.”
She scoffed but appeared to be blushing deeper by the second. “Feisty?”
“Do you disagree with my assessment?”
She smiled, looking down at the table. “I guess not.”
As Jasmine arrived back to our table with our meals, quicker than either Hannah or I had anticipated, I sat back and enjoyed a sense of relief and excitement. I was anxious to see how she would react to what was going to take place after the date.
Chapter 13
Hannah
Riding in Sawyer’s Camaro was fun. He liked to drive fast. Even though I typically didn’t like when guys would drive asinine levels above the speed limit, I was surprisingly okay with it whenever Sawyer did it. He definitely knew how to handle his vehicle.
I still couldn’t decide whether I thought he had arranged for us to go to Josef’s with ulterior motives in mind. His reaction to our server was difficult to discern, but it didn’t seem like he was trying to make me jealous. However, I wondered if that was just wishful thinking on my part. From my perspective, I thought the date actually went well. He said that he had a new strategy. I was hoping that the strategy wasn’t simply to try and make me jealous (and in such a cheap, lazy way).
Another reason it was nice to see him drive the Camaro was that it was one of the rare times when he wasn’t wearing a smarmy or arrogant expression. He looked focused, which was a state I’d only seen him in when he was trying to get me to sleep with him. It was a nice look on him.
I realized then that I liked him, and it irritated me beyond belief. A significant part of me felt like following through on my earlier threat of kicking him out, not because I wanted him to leave, but because I didn’t want to open myself up to the possibility of being hurt again.
I was able to put my thoughts on hold once I realized that Sawyer was driving us down an unfamiliar road. I looked around, noticing we definitely were not heading back home.
“Where are we going?” I asked him.
He cracked a smile before returning his focus to the road. “You’ll see.”
Thankfully, I didn’t have enough time to speculate or react. Within seconds, we were off the main roads and driving toward a field I’d driven by occasionally.
The field was far enough away from houses and roads that the artificial lights from the city barely illuminated the area. The moon was bright, and the stars were visible throughout most of the sky. Snow was falling lightly. It was enchanting.
He found a spot in the field, parked the car, and turned it off. I was expecting him to try and lunge at me, which I was not prepared for at that moment. I held my breath.
“Aren’t you coming out?” he asked.
“…What, outside? In the snow?”
He opened his door, giddier than our waitress at Josef’s. Following him, I opened my door and clambered out. It seemed extremely dark at first, but once my eyes adjusted to their surroundings, I was back to looking up at the sky.
I looked over and saw Sawyer hopping up off the grass and onto the hood of the car. I was surprised that he was so willing to get on the Camaro like that since I had assumed that guys, especially ones with vehicles like his, didn’t like it when their cars were even touched the ‘wrong way.’
Even though he was stretched out on the hood, relaxing with another of his grins, I was reluctant to join him. My gaze left him and returned to the sky. My lip quivered.
“The view is better from where I am,” he said to me. “And it’s warm.”
Slowly, I sat down on the edge of the hood, trying not to think about what the car might do to my skirt or blouse. As I looked at the sky, I tried to pick out constellations, despite not being able to remember the name of a single one.
“He can be arrogant… he can be obnoxious and thickheaded,” I thought to myself. “And, he’s told you what’s going to happen if you’re stupid enough to give yourself to him. Why are you thinking about it?”
Another thing I hated admitting to myself was how much I, in fact, did admire his honesty. There was no pretense with Sawyer. He didn’t care if the truth hurt to say or hear; he was still going to give it.
I decided to take a chance and lay back on the hood with him. He was right. The view was better where he was. The stars twinkled, and the clouds in the sky were barely an obstruction. At times, it seemed like the stars themselves were moving, even though I knew that was impossible.
I looked over at him briefly. I thought about some of the things he said to me over the last couple of weeks. I thought of how he went after whatever he wanted, no matter how unorthodox his desire was or how low his odds for success were. He needed a place to stay, and he got it. He wanted to play games with me, and I was obliging him.
I toyed around with the idea of fooling around with Sawyer before that night, but I hadn’t considered anything with serious intent until then.
I wondered if he was a good kisser; he had nice lips. They looked soft, and they complimented him well whenever he gave me one of his signature looks. Kissing under the stars was something that I had never done with anyone. If I hadn’t been afraid of what he would do after, I would have inched closer to him until our mouths were only centimeters apart. It would have been easy; it was a chilly night.
But I also knew myself, and I knew that if we kissed, it could easily escalate. And I wasn’t sure what would happen if it went too far. I wasn’t even sure of what ‘too far’ would be for us, but I knew that if we got to a point where we’d find out, I could easily lose all control, and not just of my body, but my heart too. I wasn’t like Sawyer in that way. I knew I wouldn’t be able to maintain an emotional distance from him if things went to the physical realm.
I did really want to kiss him, though… I could tell he wanted to kiss me, too, but we didn’t kiss. Instead, we looked up at the sky, mostly quiet, floating into the night.
We pulled into Sawyer’s parking space (reserved by his Kawasaki). He turned off the car, along with the warm air that had brought our bodies back to room temperature.
“It’s snowing more here than it did at th
e field,” I commented, looking out my window, watching the snow fall and build up all around us.
“Wait right there, little lady,” he said.
He stepped out of his side and quickly marched over to my side of the Camaro. He opened my door for me and extended his hand.
I smiled. “I can walk through snow, Sawyer. I’ve gotten pretty good at it.”
“Still… better safe than sorry, right?”
Once again, I obliged him. I took his hand, and he pulled me out gently. He closed my door, keeping a firm grip on my hand.
He led me through the falling snow the entire way to my apartment. It was the first time that we had actually held hands and not under some guise like touching hands over a bag of popcorn or shaking hands over a bet on whether or not a stranger next door could seduce me in a month.
My heart, my mind, and my gut all seemed to be simultaneously telling me that what I had on that Friday was, quite possibly, romance. I grew content at the thought.
The contentment didn’t last long. As we walked, we both caught sight of Jared. He was lingering near the mailboxes, giving us a glare icier than the snowy ground. I grew nervous, desperately hoping that an altercation would not occur. Sawyer looked at me, confused, but I didn’t want to address him right then.
I thought for a moment that we should have been using a different entrance. Not only to hide Sawyer from the landlord, but so that I could have avoided Jared. I needed to remember that in the future. We were already almost to my apartment, there was no point in trying to sneak in a new way now.
We passed Jared. No one said anything to each other. I let out a sigh of relief as we ascended up the stairs to the second floor, believing somehow that we were okay.
Sawyer waited until we were inside the apartment with the door closed to speak his mind.
“I recognized that guy mean-mugging us,” he said. “I’ve seen him around the apartment complex for, like, the past year. Never spoken to him.”