by Claire Adams
I could have stepped out of the way…I suppose. But instead, I chose to bring up my knee. It connected with the soft part of his gut and as he fell forward, it hit the underside of his chin. He went down again. This time, he had blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.
I had to try one last time to talk to him. It’s what I’m supposed to do…right? “Please, don’t make me hurt you anymore. Just walk away. My intentions here are not to hurt you.”
“Fuck you! You didn’t hurt me, you little pussy!” He wiped the blood from his chin and crawled back up out of the dirt, immediately taking a swing at me with his right arm.
I blocked it with my left and threw out a right jab. It landed squarely between his eyes, and his nose started spurting blood. He covered it with both his hands. Blood oozed out from between his fingers.
I couldn’t believe I caused that. In a nasally voice he said, “You broke my nose, you dumb fuck!”
“Not yet,” I told him. It wasn’t broken. I hadn’t hit him hard enough. “But I will if you don’t leave, right now.” The most frightening thing about that was that I meant it.
He looked like he might be drunk enough or stupid enough to say something else. I stayed in my fight stance wondering who the hell I was.
If Max and Ryan saw me as I was then, it would blow them away. We used to spar as boys and I was always the one to give in first. Not because I was a pussy, but because I just really hated the idea of fighting.
Finally, whatever good sense he had left kicked in. He dusted himself off, and with blood still pouring from his nose, he started to walk away. I tried to tell myself to just let him go, but I was beyond reasoning, even with myself.
“Hey!” I yelled at him. He stopped and turned around to look at me. He still had a smug look on his face and God help me, but I was tempted to wipe it off. Instead, in a voice infused with rage, I said, “If you ever come near her again…or even call her…I will find you and I will make your life a living hell. Do you understand me?”
In his nasally voice, he said, “Fuck you.” He spit on the sidewalk and blood went everywhere, and then he flipped me off before turning around again and walking away.
This time, I let him go. I think I was frozen for several seconds over the shock of hearing those words come out of my mouth. I’m a Catholic Priest. Jesus, what is happening to me?
I watched him make his way through the parking area. He was weaving as he walked. He didn’t get into a car. That was at least one good thing. I watched until he disappeared down the street into the night. He would probably walk into the nearest bar. Hopefully, they’d take one look at him and not serve him.
I knocked on the door and so she wouldn’t be too frightened to open it I called, “Daphne, it’s Jace. He’s gone.” Several minutes went by. I thought she wasn’t going to open the door so I said, “Daphne, you’re safe. Please open the door.”
Finally, when I was just about to knock again, I heard the latch. She pulled the door open just enough to peek out. I could see terror in her eyes and felt that surge of rage once more. I wished that I had broken his nose.
“He’s gone?” she asked in a shaky voice.
“Yeah, he’s not going to hurt you tonight…or ever again if I have anything to say about it.” She closed the door, and I heard her disengage the chain.
She pulled it back open and the rage morphed into instant desire. She was wearing a white tank top and it was evident that she didn’t have a bra on underneath. I could see her dark nipples through it and the flesh of her full breasts in the arm holes on the sides. Her shorts were what I think the girls call “booty” shorts. That was all they covered. The rest of her long, tanned legs were exposed. Her blonde hair was loose and disheveled, and although she had tracks of tears on her pretty face, she was still the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. God help me.
I knew at that moment what was happening to me, although I wasn’t really ready to fully admit it. I would do anything to make sure this woman was okay. Anything. I suddenly knew that I would die protecting her. I felt that strongly about her, and that wasn’t just physical attraction. I needed her to be okay. I was falling for her, right or wrong.
Chapter Thirty
Daphne
“Daphne, what’s the deal with you and him? Does he hurt you physically? Do you think your life could be in danger? If you do, we really need to call the police.”
He looked so worried that it made my heart feel happy and sad at the same time. “I’m sorry, Jace, but I really don’t want to talk about all of that. I can’t right now,” I was shaking and my voice cracked. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at me softly. “Don’t be sorry. Just be safe, okay? I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I smiled at him through my tears. It was so nice that he cared. He cared enough to run over in the middle of the night.
“Thank you; I will be. I moved here because I want nothing more than to go on with my life and forget all about him. I’m not sure how he found me. I do have a restraining order, like I said, but it doesn’t do any good. He does what he wants.”
“Daphne, you really should-”
“Please, don’t say it. I know I should call the police. I can’t explain it, though, no matter how horrible he is…he’s still my father.”
I wasn’t sure what happened between Jace and my father out there. I tried to see through the peephole, but they’d moved too far away. I did hear a struggle and I was surprised to say the least. I was so grateful to Jace just for coming…I hadn’t expected him to fight for me. I know that’s another thing he’s not supposed to do. I’m batting a thousand here.
He was rubbing one of his hands in the other so I said, “Is your hand okay? Do you need some ice?” He looked down at it. His knuckles looked a little red, but there was no blood and they didn’t look too swollen…yet.
“Nah, I’m okay. If you’re okay, I’m going to take off. Just do not open the door to him, and please, please, please, call the police first next time…then you can call me.”
I tried to smile. I wasn’t going to call the police, but if it made him feel better to believe that I would, so be it. “Thank you again. I should get to bed. I have to work the breakfast shift tomorrow.”
He smiled back. God, he’s beautiful. “You’re welcome, anytime. If you ever want to talk about this, or anything, I’m all ears, okay?”
“Thank you, that means a lot. And hey, if you ever want to talk about anything, it goes both ways. Carla said that girl at the picnic was your ex. You two seem to be getting along pretty well, but if you ever want to talk even about that, I’m willing to listen.”
I laughed after I said it. As soon as it was out of my mouth I felt like an idiot. God, please give me a filter.
“I don’t think Lily will be around much anymore,” he said. I hated that I was so petty that it made me want to dance naked in the street.
“Oh, I’m…sorry?”
He chuckled. “Don’t be,” he said. “I just kind of turned down a come on from her last night. She wasn’t happy.”
“Oh, kind of like you turned me down. I guess you have women coming onto you all the time.”
He got a look in his eyes then that I didn’t recognize. It was kind of like he was tortured. “No, Daphne,” he said, softly. “This wasn’t like that at all. I turned her down because I’m a priest, but also because I don’t feel anything for her other than friendship. I turned you down simply because I’m a priest and what I did with you the night I was drunk was wrong. But if I could be with anyone on this earth, Daphne, it would be you.”
I could feel my heart move up into my throat and my pulse went crazy. He still wants me! Shit! Why am I celebrating that? He just said it’s wrong. He didn’t have to say it. I know that it is.
God, maybe I was better off when I thought the feelings were just one sided and I was obsessing over a man that didn’t want me. My chest ached.
“Sleep well, Daphne,” he said then and he turned to
wards the door.
“Jace?”
He turned back around and before I lost my nerve, I embraced him. He didn’t push me away. I hugged him tight, and he hugged me back. I put my mouth next to his ear and said, “Thank you, so much for coming tonight.”
When I finally let him go, he looked at my face and I could see the sincerity in his eyes as he said, “Anytime; I mean that.”
I watched him go, and he waited at the bottom of the steps for me to lock myself in. Once I did that, I pressed my forehead into the door and wondered what I was going to do.
One thing I knew for certain: I wasn’t going to sleep. There was going to be no getting the feel of his body against mine off my mind. There wasn’t even any use in trying. My mind knows the difference between what I want and can’t have, but my heart doesn’t.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jace
When I got back home, I realized that my sleep time was over. I got back in bed, but my mind was racing.
I couldn’t help but wonder what it meant that Daphne was the only reason I’ve ever found in my life to be violent. I would have killed that man to keep him from hurting her. That should have frightened the hell out of me, but instead, it gave me a weird sense of peace inside knowing that I finally found someone outside of my grandmother and my brothers that I truly felt like I belonged with.
I’d had a really hard time with that my entire life, feeling out of place. In school, I never fit in with any specific groups. I was always on the fringes of everything. The only thing that gave me any semblance of peace at all was the church and that was why I chose to be a priest.
I thought that I felt that way because it was my calling. Now, I was not so sure, and what terrified me most is that changing my mind so late in life might ruin any peace I’d had in my heart all along.
I tried to make myself stop thinking about it. I couldn’t fix it that night…if at all. I finally dropped that train of thought; however, Daphne was still prominently on my mind.
I wondered about her mother. Was she there when her father was hurting her? I tell people who I counsel through the church to “put it in God’s hands.”
Daphne is a devout Catholic. Was her mother as well? Was that what Daphne was seeking through the church…help from God with a life that had to be pure torture? What about her siblings? Did she have siblings? Did her father abuse them as well?
One thing I struggled hard with before taking my vows was giving up the chance to have children someday. I loved kids, and I would have loved to have my own had I chosen a different path in life. I couldn't even wrap my head around wanting to harm any child, much less your own.
It made my stomach feel sick to think about what she must have been through. The terror in her eyes gave it away, and although I didn't know the circumstances, all it took was a look at her face tonight to know it was torture.
That thought made me angry again and that anger made me remember what I did. I knew that I should pray for forgiveness, but I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I’m not sorry for beating that man down — and I’d do it again, in a heartbeat.
I wanted to spend more time with Daphne. I wanted to get her to open up to me and tell me exactly what she’d been through. I knew she didn’t believe it, but it would probably help her so much to talk about it.
I wondered if anyone knew, or if she’s spent her life in silence. That made me even sadder, because when that happens, it’s like you’re completely alone in the world at it hurts that much more.
I wanted to help her and I wanted her to know that as long as I’m nearby, she’ll never be alone.
My life and my brothers’ lives were unbearable before we went to live with Grandma. At the time, child services wanted to put us in counseling. Max and I wanted no part of it, so Grandma didn’t make us go. I never talked about what had happened to us with her, either, but she knew, so sometimes we’d just sit in silence and the two of us would remember together. It was like talking about it with our hearts.
That night, when I looked into Daphne’s eyes and I saw all the pain over her father, I also saw all the feelings that she was having for me. I felt like we were talking to each other with our hearts the way that Grandma and I used to do.
I closed my eyes and said a prayer for her…and then I said one for me…and then I said one for us both and I asked God to give me some kind of sign that it wasn’t wrong to feel the way I did about her because if this feeling I had was wrong, I was not sure I ever wanted to be right again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Daphne
I stood in the line today to say hello to Jace after church. It was the least I could do after what he did for me when my father showed up on my doorstep, drunk and dangerous.
I hung back so that I could be last and when it was my turn, I thought I saw a light in his eyes when he looked at me. It made me happy…and guilty at the same time.
“Hello, Daphne,” he said, taking my hand like he would any other parishioner. “How are you?”
“I’m good, thank you. Thank you again for…” I looked around to make sure no one was hanging back. When I saw it was clear, I simply said, “The other night.”
He smiled and everything inside of me liquefied. He’s so gorgeous, even in his cassock and collar. I’m such a demon. “It was no problem. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
“Well, thank you. I should let you go, I’m sure you have plenty to do today.”
“Actually, I was going to have lunch with my brothers. Would you be interested in joining me? Just as friends, of course.” I wondered if he threw that last part in for me, or him, or us both. Either way, he was right…that was the only way we could do things.
“I’d like that,” I heard myself say. I wasn’t really in control of things where Jace was concerned. My evil body ruled all of those thoughts.
“Great,” he said with another dazzling smile. “Do you mind just waiting for me while I change?”
“No, I’ll be right outside.”
I stood outside of the beautiful old church and asked God again to help me. Am I doing the wrong thing as long as we really are just friends? I cannot control my feelings or my thoughts and I’m sure God will forgive me for those. I can, however, control my actions, and that will have to be the key here.
When Jace came out, he was wearing jeans, a blue t-shirt, and tennis shoes. He looked like that hot guy I met in the bar that night; my heart swelled and pressed up against my ribcage as it pounded. Damn it! Friends, Daphne: that’s it.
We took his car, and on the way, he seemed to be trying to warn me about his brothers. “They’re a lot different from me,” he tried to explain. “Max is the oldest and the more serious one, and Ryan is a 14-year-old in a 25-year-old man’s body. Don’t take anything he says seriously, okay?”
I was a little nervous, but I agreed. We went to a sandwich shop called Pot-Belly in Boston. His brothers were already there, and I knew them as soon as I saw them because the three of them looked so much alike. I also didn’t miss the looks on their faces when they saw me or the glance they gave each other.
“There he is,” the dark-haired one said. “And, he brought a friend.”
“Did you bring me one?” the light-haired one with the tattoos asked with a lewd chuckle. My guess was that he was Ryan. I was right.
“Daphne, this is Max,” Jace said of the older one. Then with a hard look at the younger one, he said, “The mouthy one is Ryan. Remember what I told you.”
Max shook my hand. Ryan looked offended and said, “What did he tell you?” I didn’t know what to say and I could feel myself blushing. He looked at Jace then and said, “What on earth could you possibly have to judge me for…Father.”
“Ryan, cool it.” That was Max. He had a deep, controlled voice and as soon as he spoke, Ryan shut up and took his seat. He looked up at me and said, “I’m pleased to meet you, Daphne and whatever he told you is probably true.”
I smiled at him and he winked a
t me. Jace rolled his eyes. Jace and I sat down and the brothers started talking about people they knew. There was something about their grandmother’s house selling and having a meeting with the attorney.
We ordered our meals before Max looked at me and said, “So, what do you do, Daphne?”
“I’m a waitress,” I told him. He was very well-dressed and just the way he held himself I could tell that he was the successful one. I was a little ashamed to tell him I was just a waitress.
“How do you know Jace?” Ryan asked. He had a mischievous glint in his eye.
“We met at…”
“Church,” Jace said, taking it out of my hands. Ryan smiled again and looked like he knew it was bullshit somehow.
“I ran into Lily the other day,” Max said. My thigh was barely touching Jace’s under the table, but I felt him tense at the mention of her name. I wondered why. Is it because of me?
“Oh, where did you see her?” The waitress brought our sandwiches and the conversation was put on hold while Ryan flirted with her and everyone got settled with their food.
Once she was gone, Max said, “She was at McDougal’s Friday night. I was surprised to see her since I’d heard she moved out of town. She told me she went on a church trip with you last weekend.”
“Yeah, we had a kayaking trip. Lily is part of my congregation.” Jace took a bite of his sandwich. He looked uncomfortable, like he was trying to think of a way to change the subject.
“Yeah, that’s what she said. She also told me something else really interesting.”
Jace now looked like he was about to take off running from the restaurant. I could actually watch him visibly relax from head to toe as Max said, “She said that the house she lived in with her husband sold for 50,000 more than Grandma’s did.”
Ryan looked amused, Jace looked relieved, and Max looked completely in control. These three were something.