by Alexa Martin
“No.” I shake my head and squeeze her hand. “Do not be sorry. You couldn’t have known. And things are better now.”
Those are words I never thought I’d be able to say.
“They are?” She looks skeptical, and rightfully so.
It was just last weekend that my mom blew me off and I took some of it out on stupid Jennifer . . . even though I still stand by my decision. She deserved it.
“I don’t think I really told you, but my mom’s manager made a deal with a magazine to get her name out there. It’s part of how I got so many sponsors for the launch.” I give her the super-abbreviated version of the story. “The goal in the uptick of media was to get her back on Hollywood Housewives because she’s been struggling to get a well-paying job since my dad died. She found out a few days ago that she got the job!”
I thought Lauren would be just as excited by this news as I am, but instead, she looks more concerned.
“Didn’t you say that her first time on this show is when she started to lose control? Do you think this is the best thing for her?”
I understand her concern. Especially because it was my first thought when my mom initially ran this plan by me.
“I was worried at first too,” I admit. “But you should’ve seen her today. She was actually smiling and laughing. I didn’t realize it until today, but I haven’t seen her like that since before my dad died. I think she needed this. She needed something to remind her that she still has to have a life after my dad.”
Plus, I have to believe that after struggling financially for so long and not having my dad to depend on, she’ll be smarter this time. And if she’s not? I’ve done my part and she’s an adult. She’ll have to figure it out on her own.
“If you’re happy, then I’m happy,” Lauren says. “I just hope you remember that no matter how much I love your mom, I love you more. I’m team Jude until the day I die.”
“And I’m team Lauren.” I point to my necklace. “I’m sorry I worried you, but I’m good now, honest. Now we can focus on you taking down Ben. I want to see him cry.”
Lauren bites her lip, trying to hide the mischievous smile she rarely ever gives. “I kind of do too.”
I slap her leg, so excited to finally hear her ready to go toe-to-toe with Ben. “Hell yes you do!”
They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, so imagine how fucked Ben will be with both of us coming for him.
TWENTY-THREE
• • •
Lauren
Everyone says that hospitals have a funny smell, that they smell like death. I always thought they were crazy. I think they smell like life and miracles and love.
But lawyers’ offices? Now they have a terrible stench.
I’ve been coming to them since I was a little girl, visiting my mom for lunch or trailing her around on Take Your Daughter to Work Day. But the smell, I’ve never been able to get used to it. It’s like there’s blood in the air and a bunch of hungry sharks are hiding in their offices, preparing to attack. The bitter scent of fear lingers on every surface. It taints the air and poisons your lungs, making it impossible to breathe.
“Everything’s going to be fine.” Kim squeezes my hand as we sit in the most uncomfortable chairs lining one side of the long conference table and wait for Ben and his lawyer to arrive. “If we don’t come to an agreement today, it’s still okay. The only way something will be finalized is if we all agree. There’s no need to be nervous.”
My foot hasn’t stopped bouncing since we sat down. I keep looking out of the window-lined walls, waiting to see Ben make his appearance.
“It will be finalized today though,” I say. “Ben said he didn’t want to go for full custody. I’m okay with every other weekend and switching holidays.”
I’m not okay with switching holidays.
The thought of Christmas morning without Adelaide makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry until I die from dehydration.
“I know. Remember, Lauren, we’ve talked about this.” Kim’s voice is quiet and gentle. I’m guessing this is also the way she’d talk to a skittish animal. “And I know what Ben told you, but we have to prepare for what comes next if that changes.”
“It won’t change. He just told me on Friday. It hasn’t even been a week.” I don’t know if I’m reminding her or convincing myself.
I play back the conversation from Friday and will my nerves to chill the freak out. This is going to be great. This is going to be a fresh start, and maybe once it’s over, Ben and I can learn how to co-parent respectfully.
Yes.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, holding it for five seconds before exhaling just as slowly.
This is for the best and it’s going to be great.
“All right”—Kim taps my leg—“here they come. Are you ready?”
My eyes snap open. I look through the glass and see Ben trailing behind a man I’m assuming is his lawyer. His lawyer nods his head, greeting his coworkers as he guides Ben through the office and into the conference room where we’re waiting. He pushes the door open and motions for Ben to walk in.
Kim and I both stand, extending our hands to shake with Ben and his lawyer before we all take our seats.
I immediately hate Ben’s lawyer. Ethan Caputo looks to be in his early to midforties, but considering how overtanned his skin is, I’m thinking he could be younger than that. From his jet-black, slicked-back hair to the Gucci tie around his neck, everything about him screams asshole. I’d bet good money he drives a yellow sports car.
Of course this is who Ben would choose to represent him.
I look at Ben and offer him a small smile as we sit, but when he avoids my eyes, the panic I had been working hard to squelch comes back with a vengeance. I want to get his attention, make sure we’re still on the same page, but Kim has gone over today ad nauseam and I know I have one job: stay quiet.
I lay my palms on top of my thighs, trying to stop my legs from starting to bounce again as Kim gets this meeting rolling.
“Mr. Caputo, Mr. Keane, we all know why we’re here today, to do what’s best for our clients’ five-year-old daughter, Adelaide.” Her voice is calm but determined, and I thank my lucky stars that my mom helped me get such a capable lawyer. “Mr. Keane filed for full custody, but I think we all know that after being absent from such a large portion of his daughter’s young life, that’s not what’s best for her.”
“Kim.” Ethan tilts his head to the side, not returning Kim’s respectful way of addressing him. There’s a glimmer in his eyes and his smile looks greasier than his hair. “Everyone in this room, whether they want to admit it or not, knows that Adelaide would be better off in the custody of my client and his wife.”
My vision swims and the room feels like it starts to spin.
“Wife?” I know I dodged a bullet when Ben broke up with me. He sucks. I’m better off without him. Still, knowing he’s married feels like someone found my voodoo doll and stuck a hundred needles through my heart.
While Ben ignores me completely, Ethan must smell my shock and pain like the shark I knew he was. He zeroes in on me, and Kim’s hand reaches for mine. I don’t know if it’s to remind me she’s on my side or that I need to stay quiet. Either way, I know I need it.
“Yes, Mr. Keane and Stephanie Parson were married at the beginning of the month.” He informs me of something Ben should’ve told me weeks ago . . . or at least on Friday when we were talking freaking face-to-face. “Obviously, living with two married adults who love each other is a better, more stable home than the sorority house Miss Turner is living in.”
I think that was supposed to get a rise out of me, but instead I have to suppress my laughter with how far he’s reaching. I’ve known Jude for almost twenty years. Ben met Stephanie less than a year ago. Plus, Ben’s a freaking resident. He works all the time and has no seniority
to get days off. However, I can’t tell Jude any of this because she will straight up murder Ben and Greasy Hair. Which won’t look great for me.
“If your client has been married for that amount of time and we’re just now finding out, I think that goes to prove our point that he lacks the capability to properly communicate with Miss Turner.” Kim’s voice has an edge to it, and I don’t know what to make of it. “We should’ve been made aware of this before this meeting took place.”
“No”—Ethan settles back into his chair, amusement written all across his sun-damaged face—“what it goes to prove is that your client is unreasonable and my client didn’t feel safe to reveal this information until he had representation present.”
My leg begins to shake again, but this time it’s not from nerves. It’s from anger. Pure, unadulterated, steaming-hot rage.
He didn’t feel safe? What a lying piece of shit.
“I think that’s a laughable excuse at best.” Kim still sounds calm and collected. I try to take comfort in that. She’s seen this before. None of this will throw her off balance . . . I hope.
“How so, Kim?” Ethan leans forward, resting his elbows on the dark wood tabletop. “My client stayed in a relationship with Miss Turner out of obligation and fear of retaliation for years. And when he finally gained the courage to end their engagement, she left and took their daughter, refusing to let him see her for years.”
I open my mouth, to scream or laugh—not sure which one yet—at how fucking absurd this all is, but Kim’s firm hand on mine stops me.
“Mr. Keane had multiple affairs while engaged to Miss Turner, some of those taking place while she was on bed rest with their child. That doesn’t sound like a concerned and loving father or partner to me.”
I don’t love the reminder that Ben was a cheating piece of crap during one of the scariest and darkest moments of my life, but I’m glad Kim is throwing it out there. I don’t have the most faith in Ben as an overall human being, but I can’t believe he’s letting his lawyer sink this low.
“And instead of going to therapy like a healthy adult, Miss Turner practically stole Adelaide away from my client, not letting him be involved for years.”
“Where is your proof that my client wouldn’t let Mr. Keane see Adelaide?” Kim asks. “You don’t have any. We have emails and call records from my client to yours. In no way does your narrative fit with the evidence we have.”
I keep expecting Ben to speak up. Just last week he said he didn’t want full custody. Now he’s not only still fighting for it, but insulting me in the process.
“Your evidence won’t hold up,” Ethan says. “Not when we have character witnesses who will attest to my client’s claims. Miss Turner is controlling, uptight, and vindictive. She has done whatever she could to maintain control of their daughter. The courts will vouch that control is not love, but a form of abuse.”
I couldn’t quiet the gasp that falls from my lips even if I wanted to. Abuse? They’re going to claim I’m emotionally abusive to the little girl I love more than anything in this world? That I’d hurt the child I’ve given up my entire life for and would literally die for? Are they insane?
“And we have character witnesses who will state the opposite. Witnesses like teachers and pediatricians who have never had a single interaction with Mr. Keane but know Miss Turner well.”
“Do those witnesses know that Miss Turner picked an elementary school without giving my client a say? Do they know that she bulldozed my client into giving their daughter a name he despised so much that he only calls her by her middle name? Miss Turner’s control issues don’t stop with my client, they’re leaking into their daughter’s life.”
Something inside of me shatters.
I don’t know what it is. The pain is radiating throughout my entire body, and I can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. I don’t know if I’m angry or heartbroken. I don’t know anything anymore.
I know the name Adelaide wasn’t Ben’s first choice, but he knew how important it was to me. It was my grandmother’s name, and before we even knew we were having a girl, I asked him if we could name our daughter Adelaide. He asked to pick the middle name since I chose the first name. We both said yes and that was the end of it. To hear him say he despises her name? It makes me want to vomit. She’s five. How can he hate her name that much? It’s part of her.
And the school thing again? He can take the first fucking train to hell with that.
“Ben.” I try to keep my voice steady, but with everything that’s been said swirling through my mind, I can’t control the way it breaks. “You know that’s not true. How are you letting him say these things? You just told me you didn’t want full custody on Friday, why are you doing this?”
Ben barely looks at me. The spineless, worthless piece of garbage.
“Speaking of Friday,” Ethan says, and the way he does causes chills to race down my spine. “She went off of the assigned schedule, leaving my client to cancel important meetings to spend time with their daughter. Thankfully, Mrs. Keane has a flexible schedule and was able to provide care for when Mr. Keane couldn’t be home.”
Ben fucking played me.
I’ve done everything I can to make it so easy for him to be involved in Adelaide’s life. Including bending over backwards to drive her over to his house, which is an hour away from me, whenever he decided to step up for a day or two and giving up my plans with her so he can spend time with her.
So the other things suck and are hurtful, but this? Knowing that I gave up a night when I had special plans with her, not so he could treat her to Frozen and bond with her but so he could use it against me today? That’s what makes me lose my ever-loving mind.
“How dare you.” My voice is barely above a whisper, but I gain everyone’s attention. “If I hadn’t called off of work on Friday, you were going to practically kidnap Adelaide. You showed up at her school without ever contacting me, and I let you have the weekend with her. Not because I’m controlling or manipulative—no, those words only describe you—but because I’m desperate for our daughter to live a happy and healthy life with both of her parents. And instead of thanking me for my kindness, you fucking lied to my face!” My voice has steadily increased, and I don’t know how it happened, but I’m screaming now. “You told me you didn’t want custody. You told me you were too busy with work! And now, in front of this freakin’ slimeball, you want full custody again? For what, Ben? To convince Stephanie she didn’t marry trash? Because that’s what you are. Trash. I feel bad for Stephanie, because she’s lovely and has no idea what she just got herself into. Because you’ll try to ruin her too. It’s what you do. You ruin people. I’ll do everything in my power to keep your toxic ass from screwing up our daughter like every other member of your insane family.”
When I finish, I’m out of breath and my heart is racing like it did the one time I took a spin class with Jude. I know I should probably regret what I said . . . maybe all of it . . . definitely the part when I called him a toxic ass. But I can’t find it in me. All I feel is the relief of finally saying what’s been building inside of me for the last three years. If that feeling wasn’t enough to make me feel better, the shell-shocked expressions on Ben’s and his lawyer’s faces are.
Jerks.
“Well then.” Kim gathers all her papers from the table and tucks them back in her folder. “I guess that’s all for today. I’ll get the next meeting with a court-appointed mediator scheduled.”
She stands and I follow her lead. We walk out of the room, neither of us mumbling a goodbye to the assholes still sitting quietly in their chairs. I trail slightly behind her, neither of us saying anything until we’re alone on the elevator and the doors slide shut in front of us.
“I’m so sorry, Kim.” I know I messed up. My one job was to stay quiet. “I don’t know what happened. I never lose my temper and I just—”
; “Lauren.” Kim cuts me off and I notice the giant grin on her face. “That was amazing. Ben needed to know that you aren’t just going to lie down and let him run all over you anymore. And I hate Ethan. Actually, hate isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel about him. Seeing them both just staring with their stupid mouths hanging open? Brilliant.”
“Really?” I don’t think she’d lie to me, but it’s hard for me to believe she isn’t pissed that I broke the lone rule she gave me.
“Really.” She nods her head and grabs my hand again. “But when the court-appointed mediator is there next time, then you have to hold it in. No matter what.”
I was really hoping everything would be over today, but in a way, part of it is.
I finally understand that I can’t change Ben. It doesn’t matter how nice or accommodating I am, it won’t matter.
I have to live my life for me and Adelaide.
He’s a nonfactor.
TWENTY-FOUR
• • •
Lauren
From: Lauren
Date: October 11
Subject: A mom, an influencer, and a cow walked into a bar . . .
Hey!
All right, so maybe the title of this email is a little misleading, but there will be a story about a mom, an influencer, a cow, and cocktails in this week’s podcast. Is your interest piqued? It should be.
What is that? You want a sneak peek? Why, I’d love to!
When I enrolled my daughter in her school, one of the things I loved most was their emphasis on hands-on learning. In kindergarten, they go on field trips every other week, the older grades go at least once a month, but they have weeklong camping trips in the fall and spring. I was so excited for the opportunities and experiences Adelaide would get at this school. What I forgot about was that I would have to be a chaperone for a large majority of these.