by Alexa Martin
“Especially because of that.” She looks me straight in the eyes, and I swear I can feel the intensity of her words. “I know I’m hard on you, too hard, if I’m honest. But in these last six years, you’ve proven time and time again that nothing is going to get you down. And you’ve done it while creating this little girl who knows the world has no limits for her.” She squeezes my hands in hers, and I can’t stop the tears that start to fall hearing my mom tell me she’s proud of me.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
“But after that day.” I shake my head; the image of Adelaide’s tiny body in that hospital bed is burned into the back of my eyelids. “If I had slowed down, it wouldn’t have happened. I was doing too much. I was being selfish.”
“Selfish? Lauren, are you crazy?” She lets go of my hands and puts hers straight to her hips before doing the neck roll that promises a good rant. “I’ve worked your entire life. I hated those damn dance recitals we had to sit through for four hours only to watch you dance for five minutes, and unless it was history, you know I was useless helping you with homework. I wish someone would dare to call me selfish for wanting to have some autonomy outside of being a mother, I’d tell them right where they could shove their opinion.”
I snort out a shocked laugh. I’ve never heard my mom talk like that. “Oh my god! Mom!”
“What? It’s true!” She laughs with me for a second before she sobers and her voice drops to a whisper. “I know you’re worried about Jude coming today.” She latches onto my hand when I try to move away. “But I want you to talk to her.”
“She almost killed Adelaide, Mom. There’s nothing to talk about.”
I didn’t even want to invite her. The only reason I did is because Adelaide has been missing her like crazy and cries at least once a week because something reminds her of her Auntie Jude.
After we moved into my parents’ house, I started taking Adelaide to a therapist. I was so nervous what the emotional fallout of being rushed out of playgroup and into an ambulance was going to be that I didn’t even think moving out of our town house would be a blip on the radar.
Boy was I wrong.
Getting sick, going to the hospital, and getting the IV didn’t even faze her. Really, the only thing she remembers is getting lots of Popsicles and Jell-O and unlimited screen time. What was bothering her was her new living arrangement and sudden and total silence from the woman who had played a huge part in her little life.
When she asked if she could at least invite her to the birthday party, I called Ben and we both talked to the therapist together. We came to the agreement that Adelaide’s feelings are all that matter and we’d get over our anger if it was best for her. However, if I see Jude take even a single sip of alcohol, she’s gone. No questions asked.
“You know I’ve had a hard time with Jude in the past,” my mom says, and if this conversation didn’t have me so on edge, I would laugh hysterically at that.
“A hard time? You hated her!”
“No.” She shakes her head with so much force that a bobby pin falls from her bun. “I hated her mom and then I thought Jude was turning into that awful mother of hers.”
“What?” This is news to me. “I loved Mrs. Andrews!”
“Of course you did, you were a child and she let you all get away with anything if it meant less work for her. Jude always ended up over here because her mom would cancel sleepovers the second a better offer came around.”
I don’t remember this.
I mean, sure, I remember Jude coming over to my house and us being bummed because my mom made us have a bedtime even on the weekends, but I don’t remember Mrs. Andrews ditching us.
“Don’t try to think of when it happened. You didn’t know.” My mom accurately reads my face. “Juliette would call me and tell me something came up, and then I’d make up some excuse as to why you couldn’t go to their house, but Jude could come here.”
Well, crap. I do remember that happening . . . a lot. I always thought my mom was being an overbearing jerk who just wanted to keep an eye on me.
“And from what I’ve caught in the magazines I read, Juliette has only gotten worse since her husband died,” she says. This conversation is enlightening in more ways than one. Until this very moment, I thought my mom only read autobiographies and law textbooks. Gossip magazines? Who knew! “They’re saying she let the house fall into foreclosure and that her manager dumped her because she kept promising to do campaigns with Jude, but Jude isn’t talking to her anymore.”
If this were a cartoon, my eyes would pop out of my head and triple in size while a screeching-tire sound effect went off in the back. “What? Where’d you read this?”
I obviously knew something was going on with Jude and Mrs. Andrews, but I had no idea it was big enough to cause them to stop talking altogether.
And curse me, even as mad as I am at Jude—and I’m still really freaking mad—it makes me want to find her and hug her and never let her go.
“All the magazines are saying the same thing, that Juliette has been out and about, complaining to anyone who will listen about her daughter turning her back on her,” Mom says. “And even though I can’t stand that selfish cow, Jude always idolized her. So go easy on her today.”
Well, crap.
I was planning to go full-on Elsa today. Now what am I going to do?
I’m contemplating this when my mom proceeds to blow my mind one final time.
“And by the way,” she says. “Can you please call Hudson back? He seems like a great guy—way better than Ben—and I would eventually like more grandchildren.”
My jaw flops open, but no words come out.
Who is this woman, and why am I just now meeting her?
* * *
• • •
Between the llamas, baby goats, piglets, face painters, and hordes of kindergartners, I still haven’t been able to focus on anything except the constant stream of people flowing in and out of the house.
Jude still isn’t here.
She RSVP’d yes and I don’t think she’d get Adelaide’s hopes up for nothing, but then again, we left off on a terrible note and I don’t know what to expect.
I’m helping Lake pick out her face-painting design, while Jennifer—who, while I doubt she’ll ever be my favorite, has grown on me—is chatting with my mom about the different boutiques where she finds all of the matching outfits for her and Lake. And even though it will be mortifying, I can’t help but cross my fingers that my mom will buy matching outfits for her and Adelaide.
“What about the rain—” I stop talking when Adelaide’s loud shriek pulls the entire party’s attention to her as she sprints across the yard and straight into Jude’s open arms.
“Auntie Jude!” She’s still screaming. “You came! I’ve missed you so much! The last time I saw you, I was five and I’m six now! I grew a whole year since I saw you!”
My mom looks away from Jennifer and tips her head in Jude’s direction.
“Here you go, sweetie.” I hand the booklet with face designs back to Lake. “I think the rainbow would be beautiful. Plus,” I lean in and whisper in her ear, “if you say please, they give you glitter!”
Glitter is all the encouragement Lake needs before she’s tossing the design book on the floor and shouting, “Rainbow with glitter, please.”
I leave the kid corral (my name for it that makes my mom roll her eyes every time I say it) and move toward where Adelaide is still yapping Jude’s ear off.
“—and then the last field trip, we gotta go to a chocolate factory to see how they make chocolate for Valentine’s Day! It wasn’t like Willy Wonka, but it was still fun.” Adelaide leans in and covers one side of her mouth with her hand. “I was kinda hoping that Declan would turn into a blueberry, so that stunk.”
Jude bursts into laughter while I yell, “Adelaide June! That�
�s not kind.”
“Well, Declan is mean, Mommy,” she says, like that justifies everything . . . and I guess to a six-year-old, it does. “And he wipes his boogers on the desk.”
“Gross,” Jude and I say at the same time.
Adelaide opens her mouth, no doubt to say I owe her a pop, a terrible thing she picked up at school, but Winnie runs up to her with a bottle in her hand. “Addy, we get to feed the goats now! Come on!”
Adelaide doesn’t even spare us a backwards glance before she’s off.
And then something happens that I never thought would be possible when I’m near Jude: awkward silence fills the air.
“Um, hey.” She waves and rocks back onto the heels of her sneakers. “Thanks for inviting me. I’ve really missed Addy . . . and you too,” she rushes out. “Of course.”
“Thank you for coming, she has really missed you. She was more excited to see you than the llama.”
“Better than a llama,” she repeats, and laughs. “If I ever sign up for a dating profile, I think that’s going to be in my bio.”
I cringe thinking of what her inbox would look like. “You might want to rethink that one, I think that’s just asking for weirdos to DM you.”
“Good call. I obviously didn’t think that through.”
We both laugh for a second before the silence sets in again.
“I think they’re going to be feeding the animals for a little bit.” I point to the group of kids crowding the different animal stalls. “Do you want to go find a place to talk for a minute?”
“Yeah, sure. That’d probably be good,” she says.
I notice the fear that crosses her face, but I don’t say anything to correct her. As much as what my mom said about her mom is weighing on my mind, I still feel like I shouldn’t give in this easy.
I lead her inside and up the stairs into my old room turned new room. I point to the old computer chair my parents never got rid of and I sit on the edge of my bed.
“You look really good,” I tell her. “And not in the way you always look really good, but something is different.”
“I quit drinking,” she answers without missing a beat, shocking the shit out of me.
I stare at her with my mouth dangling open and my eyes blinking for I don’t even know how long before I find my words again. “You what?”
“I’m not going to make excuses for what I did when I last saw you. There are none and I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I put Addy in danger and caused you to experience that kind of fear. I was in a really bad place and I didn’t know how to handle it.” She looks down and starts tearing at an invisible string on her pants. “I yelled at you when I was really angry at my mom. I drank instead of confiding in you and I drank to numb myself from the pain I was afraid of feeling, not knowing how much pain I was causing you and Addy.”
“My mom said she read that you stopped talking to your mom and she lost the house? I know the blogs are usually full of it, but what happened?”
“Well they are spot-on for that story.” She looks at me, and for the first time in a long time, her eyes aren’t cloudy or unfocused. And even though she looks scared and sad, she still looks like Jude . . . not the dulled-down version I’d grown accustomed to. “I told you the first part, how my mom started blowing through all of the money the first time she was a Housewife. My dad took out a second mortgage to cover her spending. But then he died and instead of changing the way she lived, she came to me. Always asking for money, always needing me for some story line, never just calling to be my mom. What I didn’t tell you is that when I started saying no, her methods changed. She threatened to kill herself or she’d disown me until she needed me again. It was just a never-ending cycle. And I finally had to stop it.
“After you and Addy moved out, I got in a really dark place, but now I’m seeing Chloe again. We meet three times a week, but are going to start scaling back soon.” She unzips her purse and hands me a little token. “And I’ve been going to AA meetings every week. I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in two months.”
“Wow, Jude . . .” I flip the token over and look at the other side before handing it back to her. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” she says, and I can feel the nerves rolling off her. “I know you can’t just forgive me for what happened. I’ve been on the receiving end of empty promises for years, I know they’re meaningless. But I want you to know that I’m trying. I’m trying to do better, and if you ever can forgive me, I want you to know I will never let you down like this again.”
“Jude.” I stand up and cross the room to where she’s sitting. “I forgave you the second you said you stopped drinking.”
I see the moment my words register because her eyes fill with tears.
“I’ve been taking Adelaide to a therapist for the last couple of months, and the only thing she ever talks about is how much she misses you. If you are taking the steps to be healthy, Adelaide needs you in her life.” I stop, thinking how sad and lonely I’ve been without her in my life these last months. “I need you. Nobody laughs at the stupid crap we find funny. Nobody gets me like you.”
“I missed you like crazy.” She swipes away the tears falling down her makeup-free face. “All I do is talk to my therapist, go to meetings, and do Pilates. I’m pretty sure I’m single-handedly financing Chloe’s office makeover.”
“Well, now you can call me.” I push the base of the chair she’s in and send her sliding away. “We might not be sister wives anymore, but we’re still sisters and I’m still team Jude till the day I die.”
“And you already know it’s Addy and Lauren till the very end.”
I got lucky, getting parents I can count on, having a little girl I adore. I was granted a great family.
But I was just as lucky, walking into my third-grade class and finding my soul sister. Because sometimes, family is just what you make it.
EPILOGUE
• • •
From: Lauren and Jude
Date: June 4
Subject: We’re back mother* . . . nope. Our bad, just mothers.
Hey!
Long time no talk, are we right?
Well . . . if you’re like us and the new year has kicked your ass from here to there and back again, solidarity, our friends. We’re right there with you.
So what’s new with us you ask? Where in the fresh hell did we disappear to? Take a seat, let’s have a little kiki while we fill you in on the newest updates.
Update #1: Jude is sober! You read that right! The martinis on Mom Jeans and Martinis are virgins now. So juice. We drink juice while we record. And no, you California-loving readers, there is no gin involved in this equation.
Update #2: We’re no longer sister wives. This might come as the biggest surprise of all. Though we loved the idea of platonic marriage when we first started, it proved more difficult than we anticipated. Some bumps that we might discuss down the road happened and we realized that being sisters is just as good without the wives. Though I (Jude speaking) do miss Lauren’s cooking and I (Lauren) miss Jude’s willingness to load a dishwasher.
Update #3: Though Lauren no longer has a sister wife, she does have a boyfriend! You read it here first, folks! Our Lauren is boo’d all the way up. His name is Hudson Phillips. He has his own podcast and also does all the tech stuff for us. And he’s h-o-t, HOT. Look him up, you’ll see. (Lauren says don’t look him up. But don’t listen to her, I only wrote that because she’s sitting next to me and making me do it.)
Update #4: Jude is getting her own Pilates studio!!! She’s going to try to play it cool and pretend like it’s no big deal, but it is a big deal, HUGE. She has worked so hard for this and has gone through more than most people can even begin to imagine to get here, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Jude says it’s just a Pilates room in a gym where she’s renting, but that
still sounds like a Pilates studio to me, so we’re ignoring her and everything I already said still stands. HUGE DEAL!
Update #5: Even though we haven’t recorded in a while, we still get messages from people listening to old podcasts. So here is the answer to our most frequently asked question: Yes, J and her daughter L still match all the time. To this day, neither of us have ever seen them together not wearing some version of the same clothes. The best update to this is that Lauren’s mom loves it and now buys matching grandma-granddaughter outfits and they also match. Though Lauren and I both draw the line at Gucci.
No child of ours will ever wear Gucci.
So, I guess that’s it for now. We’ve missed you all so much and we can’t wait to reconnect.
So, until next time, stay hydrated!
Lauren and Jude
PS Yes, that’s a wave, but there’s no water bottle emoji and Lauren said the water droplets are too sexual.
PPS If you unsubscribed because we were disasters and left you hanging for a few months, go back and hit that subscribe button again! Because we’re dropping gems and you don’t want to miss them!
Acknowledgments
• • •
When I first began my writing journey, I had no desire to write anything that wasn’t heavily focused on romance and kissing. But as I wrote these stories, one topic started to make me more excited than the closed-door scenes I was writing: strong women and the friends who supported them.
I didn’t know if I would be able to make the switch and I am so grateful to my amazing agent, Jessica Watterson, and my insanely talented editor, Kristine Swartz, for encouraging me to explore this new passion of mine. You both held my hand throughout this entire process and allowed me to tell the story I didn’t even realize I was dying to tell. You are a dream team and I could not be luckier to have such literary badasses on my side.
To everyone at Berkley, thank you for giving me another opportunity to live out this incredible, unbelievable dream I’m living.