They still didn’t have a bed they could share, but they both liked the little nest they’d made. A bed was going to have to happen at some point, but now, as Badger laid her down and took care of her, she was glad that all they had was this bundle of blankets and pillows on the floor. A safe place, from which she could not fall.
He pulled her boots off and her socks, and then slipped the bracelets off her wrists and rings off her hands. She watched him, feeling cared for. Her heart still hurt, but Badger made her feel safe nonetheless.
His hands moved to the waist of her little flowered skirt, and he paused. “I’m not trying to start something, babe. Just getting you comfortable.”
But she wanted more than comfort—or she wanted more comfort—and when she lifted her hips to let him pull her skirt off, she flexed and shimmied a little. Her skirt still at her knees, he looked up, into her eyes.
“Please,” she whispered.
He was still for a few seconds, simply looking at her. Then he nodded and stood, pulling her skirt with him. He stripped to his skin before joining her among their blankets. She liked that he’d gotten naked before she was, and she liked that he no longer hesitated before baring his chest, or flinched at all when she touched it—as she did now, putting her hand over his heart.
He put his hand over hers. “You have a home, Adrienne. Here. With me.” As her eyes filled again with tears, he leaned over her and laid his mouth on hers.
She deepened the kiss herself, right away, needing him to be heavy and hard in a way he hadn’t been since she’d asked for a break. Since that day, he’d only been gentle with her, and careful, and it was lovely. Always sexy and sweet and loving. But now she wanted more from him. She wanted him to make her feel as much as she could that was good, to make her heart forget for a minute what her father had said. Thinking that perhaps she understood a little of the need that sometimes rode him, she took his hand and pushed it into her panties.
When she pressed his fingers between her legs, on her clit, they both grunted, and he pulled away to look down at her. Feeling too shy to say what she wanted, she pushed harder on his fingers and flexed, her eyes not leaving his. His eyes flared, and then his hand moved on her, roughly, and she wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, letting him make her feel good.
~oOo~
After, Adrienne lay on her stomach, Badger resting half on her back, kissing her shoulder, brushing his beard lightly over her skin. Their legs were entwined, and she could feel him, now soft, lying along her butt and lower back. She felt better, relaxed and comfortably sleepy, like she could set her worries about her dad aside until daylight. She even made a little purring sound when Badger ran his hand up and down her arm.
“Your dad loves you, babe. He didn’t mean it. People say shit they don’t mean all the time when they’re mad.”
She scowled, feeling resentful of the intrusion of that thought into this cozy moment. “I don’t want to talk about it, Badge. Not now.”
“Okay. I’m just sayin’. I can’t believe anybody would ever turn away from you.”
Well, now she did want to talk about it. Because that was a pretty hypocritical thing for him to say. “You did.”
He stopped caressing her. “That was different.”
She rolled under him until she was on her back and they were chest to chest. “How?”
“I was trying to keep you away from my shit.”
“So’s he.”
He pushed away from her and sat up. “Are you trying to start a fight?”
She realized that was exactly what she was doing, and she wasn’t sure why. But she couldn’t stop. Pulling the covers up over her naked body and tucking them snugly under her arms, she said, “I hate getting set aside. It hurts. I don’t understand how you can just do something like that. Seems like I’m not that important in the first place if you can just decide you don’t want me around.”
Where was all that coming from? She had no idea, and she could tell that Badger was as shocked as she was to hear what she suddenly had to say. But shock turned to anger, and his face went dark.
“That’s not true, and it’s not fair.”
“Sure it is. My own father just told me I couldn’t go home at all if I didn’t go home right now. You threw me away. Literally. To the floor.”
He flinched hard. “Adrienne, don’t do that.”
“I didn’t do it. You did.”
He got up and grabbed his jeans, shoving his legs into them as he stalked across the room. “Fuck. I thought you forgave me. I don’t know how to be sorrier than I already am for that. It won’t happen again. I was fucked up. I’m clean now. I need you to forgive me.” He came back and dropped to his knees in front of her. “Please, babe.”
Why was she trying to rip apart what she had that was good? She didn’t want to fight. She wanted him close. She wanted him to hold her. Closing her eyes, she took a breath. “I do. I did. I’m sorry. I don’t know what…why I said any of that. I’m sorry.” She crawled to him, onto his lap, and sighed again, this time with relief, when his arms went around her. “I love you, Badge. I just want to be close to you.”
“I love you, too. I love you so much.” He kissed her temple. “Do we need to talk?”
“No. I don’t want to talk. I just want to be close.” Her head was a muddle, the restorative benefits of their sex evaporated. So she wrapped herself around him and let him lay her down again.
CHAPTER TEN
“Stalls are done.”
Standing in the middle of the corral, longe line in one hand and longeing whip in the other, Badger glanced over to see Nolan with his feet on the bottom rail of the fence, leaning over. Spirit was finally in a good rhythm, circling Badger at a slow trot, so he took a second to answer Nolan.
“Good. Got their feed buckets clean, too?”
“Yeah. My mom’s not gonna be here for almost an hour. Can I watch you do whatever you’re doing?”
“Working on getting Spirit under saddle is what I’m doing.” He made the clucking sound he used to cue his horses, and gave the longe a light tug. Spirit picked up his pace. He was a smart colt. Headstrong, but smart. He’d have been great on barrels. But that was women’s riding, the kind of riding Havoc’s sister had done—and had intended to do with Spirit. There wasn’t anybody to ride him like that now. So Badger figured he’d get him on the trail when he was old enough.
“How does him running around in circles help?”
Badger pulled differently on the longe and said, “Whoa, boy. Whoa.” Spirit took about half a turn before he slowed up, but he did, coming to a walk and then stopping as Badger pulled up on the line and walked to him. Then, coiling the longe over his shoulder, he led the colt to Nolan.
“You really want to learn, or are you just pesterin’ me cuz you’re bored?” He rubbed Spirit’s nose, and the colt gave him an affectionate push.
Though his ten-day school suspension was up, Nolan had asked to stay on at the B&B, doing the same grunt work, but now for pay. Badger had cleared it with Shannon, and she was paying him a good rate. Everybody was keeping watch, making sure Cory and her kids were solid. They were paying Havoc’s cut of the weed run to her and would continue to do so as long as that run was on, but she wouldn’t get cut in on any new business. She was back managing Valhalla Vin, and Havoc had saved his take better than anybody—who’d have thought he’d have been so careful with money, considering his profligate ways in most other respects—so she’d be okay.
The Horde took care of their own and would step in to shore her up if and when she needed it, but she wasn’t one who’d come asking. So they paid attention, and they helped where they could. Nolan needed work not for the money, but for a host of other reasons. To keep his mind and body busy. To stay connected with people who cared about him. To figure out a way to move forward in his life again.
He seemed to have cast off what Badger and Len had figured was a problem with booze. Though he’d told Badger that he’d been pu
tting back about half a quart of vodka a day for months, once he’d been caught, he just stopped, and seemed to have experienced no effects of withdrawal. Maybe he’d been pacing himself sufficiently.
Badger was kind of jealous. He was still fighting every single day the need to get high. Some days, the only thing keeping him clean was geography. In Signal Bend, there was no dealer. Drug abuse did not happen in this town. Period. Except for Badger, who’d had to travel all the way to St. Louis to get his fix.
Some days, he almost went on ahead and did that. A couple of times, he’d made it to his bike with that intention. But Adrienne was right there for him when he needed her. He was gentler with her now than he’d been at first, and the need was on him less often, and less emphatically, than it had been at first. He knew he was trading one addiction for another, but he didn’t think being addicted to loving her was such a bad thing.
Nolan, once he started spending his afternoons and weekends at the B&B, didn’t seem to have a need for booze. If he was trading booze for work, that didn’t seem such a bad bargain, either. Still, Badger took a hit off everything Nolan drank unless he saw the kid unseal it. It had gotten to the point that Nolan just handed his bottle or can over when Badger came by. He minded, but he didn’t fight it.
“I really want to know.”
“Okay. The way I train a horse—the right way to train a horse—is about trust more than control. I want the horse to want to do what I ask, not be afraid not to do what I say. A horse that obeys out of fear is unpredictable. Also, people who make horses afraid are dicks. So the first thing I do is let the horse know I’m not a dick.”
“Why are you holding a giant whip, then?”
Feeling a little smart and superior, Badger smirked. “I’ve never whipped a horse in my life. I use it for a different kind of touch cue, and for a sound cue. Watch and learn, kid.”
“Don’t call me that.”
In the act of turning to the colt, Badger stopped and looked back at Nolan. Havoc had called him that; Badger had said it without thinking. “Sorry.”
Nolan shrugged halfheartedly. Now Badger turned; Spirit stuck his nose under his arm, snuffling at his kutte pocket—where he kept the sugar cubes. “Not yet, buddy. Gotta work for your pay.” He grabbed the longe line at the hook, right under Spirit’s chin, and gave it a little pull. Then he turned the whip down, the lash folded against the shaft in his grasp, and tapped Spirit’s foreleg. “Back, boy.” Spirit snorted a little protest and then stepped back, one step for every tap. “Whoa. Good boy.”
As Spirit lipped the sugar cube he’d held out on the palm of his hand, Badger looked over his shoulder at Nolan. “That’s the only way I’ll touch him with the whip. Here’s the other way I use it.”
He played out the longe line and clucked twice, “Gid’up, boy. Let’s go.” Loath to abandon the chance at another cube, Spirit resisted at first, and Badger released the lash and snapped the whip on the ground. The noise it made was thicker than it was sharp, the dusty ground of the corral absorbing most of the impact. But it had Spirit’s attention. With another snort, he took off in the direction of Badger’s leading arm, walking quickly until he had the lunge pulled out to near tautness.
“If I wanted him to step it up to the next gait, I’d cluck again, and he’d trot. But I want him to gallop right now, rather than go through the paces. So I do this.” He snapped the whip in the air, and it made a whistle-crack sound. Spirit nearly leapt into a gallop, shaking his head with abandon.
The colt’s enthusiasm was infectious, and Badger grinned, feeling good. He let him run for a bit, keeping alert, and called out to Nolan. “He loves this. I need to work on him restraining himself more before he can really take a rider. Easy to lose the saddle when a horse is happy dancing like this. But he’s just learned that the crack means all out, so we’ll work on restraint next. Then I’ll replace the crack with a voice cue.”
“He’s fast.”
“Yeah, he is. He’s gonna be great. Not a novice-level horse, but young ones rarely are. He’ll be wasted on the trail line, though.” He pulled Spirit up, and when the horse slowed to a halt, he gave him more sugar cubes. “That’s enough for today.”
“Can I come in there?”
“Sure. Just come up slowly. I’m working with him on standing pat, but he can still be a little skittish.”
Nolan jumped the fence and walked over. Spirit immediately began checking him out for goodies, and he laughed and rubbed his ears. “He’s two years old, right?”
Coming up empty on Nolan, the colt came back to nibble on Badger. “That’s enough sugar, buddy. Your teeth are gonna rot out of your head. I’ll get you a carrot in a minute…Not quite two. I probably won’t put a saddle on him until next spring. He’s not done growing, and he’s still full of piss. But he’s smart, and he likes doing this. He thinks he’s playing.”
“Havoc was gonna teach me to ride. He was gonna teach me to shoot and fight and ride horses and bikes. He only taught me to shoot.”
Badger looked at Havoc’s kid. He was tall—taller than Badger—and thin, but not scrawny. He looked older than his seventeen years, looked like a guy who’d already had a shitty life. Badger guessed he already had. “I can teach you to ride—horses or bikes. I could teach you to fight, too, but Len is a great teacher, and he’d do it. He taught me.”
Nolan shrugged again.
“I know it’s not the same, Nolan. But you know…if you want to learn, just say the word.” He walked Spirit out of the corral and into the barn; Nolan followed them in. Changing out the longe line for a regular lead, he tied the colt off in the aisle. “Hang out with him for a second, will ya? I’m gonna get him a couple carrots and then brush him down.”
“Can I brush him?”
“Sure. Brushes are on that shelf. Use the one that looks like a scrub brush, but don’t go hard. And he likes the mitt at the end. Don’t go against the lay of his coat.”
“I know. I’ve been paying attention.”
“Good.” Badger left him to it and went back to the fridge for carrots. On his way back, he stopped in the doorway and watched Nolan and Spirit talking to each other as Nolan brushed. They both seemed calmer together than they normally were.
He brought two carrots up and handed them to Nolan, who took them, snapped one in two, and laid half on his outstretched palm. Spirit lipped it carefully and then chewed happily.
“I want to learn all those things. I want to prospect. When can I?”
Badger wasn’t surprised, but he felt cautious. He had no idea how Cory would react. Rumor had it that she hadn’t been thrilled at the thought of Nolan patching into the Horde before Havoc had been killed. So he answered the other part of the question. “I can start teaching you to ride today, if you want.”
“I meant when can I prospect.”
“Not so simple as that. Technically, you can prospect when you’re eighteen. But with everything that’s been going on, we’re leery of bringing men in too young.”
“You were young, though, right?”
“I was nineteen when I got my Prospect patch.”
“That turned out okay.”
Badger laughed sourly. “I guess.”
“You regret it?”
“No. But it’s not an easy life. You know that. Everything’s on the line, all the time. It was like that when I was a Prospect, and it’s been like that over and over again since. Sometimes it’s quiet, but I almost hate those times, because you forget what it is you’ve put on the line. And then the quiet ends, and you lose what you forgot was at risk.” He shook his head, feeling embarrassed. “I don’t even know if that made any sense.”
“It did. Hav said something like it when he told me I should try college first.”
“Then maybe you should do what he said.”
“No. I’m never leaving my family. Badge, I mean it. I am never leaving my family. Here is the only place I want to be. The Horde is the only family my mom and I have ever really had. It’s
what I want.”
“What about your mom? She lost a lot because of us. You did, too. You think she’s willing to risk you, too?”
“It’s not for her to decide. It’s for me. I want a patch.”
He stared hard at Nolan, and thought harder, before he spoke. “I’ll talk to the officers. If that’s what you want, you definitely need to learn to fight and ride before you’re eighteen. And you need a bike.”
Nolan went still, staring at the floor. Then he looked up. “Do you think they’d let me have his bike?”
Badger’s supposed he shouldn’t have been shocked. It made sense, really. Havoc’s custom Softail was under cover in the clubhouse bays, the property of the Horde, and they would keep it and tend it as long as the club existed. “It’s not a bike to learn on, Nolan. You don’t want to lay that bike down. But I’ll talk to the officers about that, too. Maybe if you get your patch.”
“That’s the bike I want to ride.”
“You learn on one of our loaners. Or on your own. Not on Hav’s bike.”
“My bike is in pieces in our garage. Hav was helping me restore it.”
“I could help you work on it. I’m not as good as Hav. He was a fuckin’ genius. But I know most of it and we could learn the rest.”
Nolan didn’t answer.
“Well, if you want. Or not. It’s cool.”
“That was our thing. We were doing it together.”
“I know. I get it.”
“No, you don’t. I’m gonna wait for my mom on the porch. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He walked down the aisle and out of the barn.
~oOo~
Though the Midsummer Fair they held at the end of July was a typical fair, with carnival rides and games, music and fireworks, the Spring Fest had a different vibe. All the food booths were still there—in fact, even more food booths were there—but the only rides they had were for the little kids. It wasn’t a carnival so much as a big block party. The Signal Bend Spring Fest was a celebration of the beginning of the farming season. People ate and drank heavily. Their kids played in the corner where the few games and rides were set up. And the women of the town and its environs sold crafts on card tables. Despite the comparative lack of color and flash, the Spring Fest had had a reputation in its first incarnation for rowdiness by the end of the evening. Since it had been back underway, it continued to earn that rep.
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