“Get down from there, Eric.” Kevin grumbled as he tried to yank his friend off the bench. “You look like an idiot.”
“That’s because he is an idiot,” Alex pointed out.
His brother nodded in agreement. “A complete idiot.”
Heedless to the people making fun of him, Eric spoke with the fervor and zeal usually seen only in crazy people wearing cardboard signs and proclaiming that the end of the world was near.
“Even I know that there are some places a man just isn’t meant to go, and that chick with the katana is one of them. Like the no-man’s land found in the center of the battlefield, the katana babe’s tittielicious body is a place no man can get close to without suffering a horrible death. I’ve seen it! One cannot grasp those heavenly mountains unless they want to get dumped in a ditch and watch helplessly as their life bleeds out of their broken bodies.”
“Wasn’t that the threat she used on him?” Andrew whispered to his brother.
“It was indeed.”
“Perverts beware! You’re in for a scare!”
“Dang it, Eric! Get down from there!”
***
After rounding the corner, Lindsay turned to look at Lilian, her face the epitome of quizzical. She and Lilian had never really spoken alone before, or at all, really. Until just recently, the redhead had seemed to harbor a grudge against her, so this new situation was more than a little odd.
“So what did you want to talk about?” Odd or not, Lindsay didn’t dislike the girl, and thus, was willing to lend an ear.
Lilian stared at Lindsay, her lips curling downwards as her inner conflict came to the fore. A question was on her lips, but she seemed afraid to know the answer. Lindsay waited patiently, however, knowing that the beautiful girl would eventually talk. Lilian wasn’t the type to stay silent for long.
“I want to know why you turned Kevin down,” she said at last.
Lindsay froze, eyes widening to the size of baseballs. It would’ve been comical, if not for the nature of the question.
Lindsay looked down at her feet, which suddenly seemed far more interesting than Lilian. “I’m not sure why it matters. Aren’t you happy? Now you can have Kevin all to yourself, provided that cute goth girl doesn’t grab him first.”
At the mention of her somewhat-rival for Kevin’s affection, Lilian scoffed. “Christine has no hope of getting with Kevin. She’s too tsundere.”
“I’m still not sure what a ‘tsundere’ is.”
“She will never admit to liking him, much less wanting to be something more than just friends. Relationships like that never happen in real life. It would take some kind of incredibly complex and ridiculously over-the-top Plot Device to get them together.”
“What’s this about a Plot Device?”
“Not even The Author is stupid enough to do that."
“Who’s The Author? And are you ignoring me?”
“And it’s not that I’m not grateful to you,” Lilian continued, making it clear that, yes, she was ignoring Lindsay. “I am. Truly. I just want to know why. Why would you let Kevin go like that?”
Despite her annoyance at being ignored, Lindsay did not lash out at Lilian like Kevin would have. She had more restraint than him, but she was also pensive. She decided to focus on the question being asked, and not the zany things Lilian kept mentioning. It was more important anyway.
“Did you know that Kevin and I used to be best friends?” The surprise that spread across Lilian’s face answered her question without words needing to be spoken. “I would even go so far as to say that I was better friends with him than Eric will ever be. Back then, he and I used to do everything together—we played together, went to the park together, we even took baths together.”
Lilian’s right hand twitched in agitation, but she did her best to keep cool. All of this had happened long before she had re-entered Kevin’s life, maybe even before they had ever met. There was no reason for her to get upset.
That did not mean it didn’t bother her.
I want to take a bath with Kevin, too.
“One day, all of that stopped.” Lindsay frowned. “It happened when we were in seventh grade. We were hanging out like usual, playing some kind of game, when I kissed him on the cheek.”
Lilian’s left hand joined the right in twitching.
“Kevin’s face turned beet red, so red you’d have thought his face was trying to mimic a bonfire.” Lindsay’s lips twitched into a slightly amused smile. “I remember how he stared at me with these wide eyes, his mouth hanging open like one of those cartoon characters.”
“Anime.”
“Huh?”
“Anime characters,” Lilian repeated, her stare making the tomboy uncomfortable. “Not cartoon characters. Cartoons and anime are two different things.”
“Uh… right, anime characters.” Lindsay shook her head and got back on track. “Anyway, after that day, Kevin seemed incapable of talking to me. Most of the times I tried talking to him, he would just blush, stutter and run away. Sometimes, he might actually talk, but it was always something stupid like ‘I like your hills’ or ‘freshness the bestest.’ One time he even started speaking in French. At least I think it was French. It sounded French-ish, sort of.” Lindsay paused to collect her thoughts. “Oftentimes, though, he just spouted gibberish. I couldn’t understand a single word he said. I even had the French teacher try to translate it for me once, but she couldn’t make heads or tails of it.”
“Is that so?”
Lilian bit her lower lip. So Kevin had been struck by Gibberish of Love with Lindsay? That was not something she wanted to hear, but she took consolation in the fact that he didn’t seem to be affected by the tomboy anymore.
Lindsay smiled in fond remembrance. “Yeah, he was kind of a dork like that. So, anyway, after that Kevin and I stopped hanging out, and Kevin’s problem seemed to expand to all girls. At first I thought he was just going through some kind of phase, and that he’d get over it if I just gave him some space.” She grimaced. “I don’t think I need to tell you how that turned out.”
“No,” Lilian agreed, “you don’t.”
“I more or less lost my friend after that. Kevin stopped spending time with me and we grew further and further apart. But, even then, I never gave up hope. I had hope that someday he would start talking to me again, and that maybe he would pluck up the courage and tell me that he liked me as more than just a friend.”
“But he did do that, didn’t he?” Lilian asked rhetorically. “That’s what he wanted to talk to you at the mall, right? He told me so himself.”
“Yes.” Lindsay’s smile became melancholic. “He did confess his feelings, but by that point, it was already too late.”
Lilian scratched her head. “I don’t get it.”
Lindsay’s morose smile spoke of her emotional state than words ever could. “Even though I haven’t been able to talk to Kevin much these past few years, I’ve been friends with him for a long time. I know things about him that no one else does. That’s how I knew I lost him the moment he confessed for me.” Lindsay looked to the side, her eyes staring at nothing. “Kevin wouldn’t have been able to confess that easily if he still liked me.”
Lilian’s eyes widened. “Oh…”
“And besides,” Lindsay looked at the kitsune once more, a wide smile spreading across her face, “you’re good for him. I don’t know what you did to Kevin, but ever since you came into his life, he’s become more confident. He’s no longer shy around girls, he can talk to me like a normal person—he’s really come into himself, and I know it’s thanks to you.”
“I… I didn’t do that much.” Lilian crossed her right arm under her chest to grab her left elbow, looking away from the other girl, her cheeks turning a nearly luminescent red.
“I beg to differ,” Lindsay contradicted. “Because of you, I have my friend back. It may not be in the way I wanted, but I think it’s better to be friends with Kevin than not be with him at all.”
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Lilian wondered why this girl’s praise made her feel so uncomfortable. “I guess. But I still don’t see why you would have turned him down. I’m not complaining,” she added upon seeing Lindsay’s expression. “I just know that if I had been in your position, I wouldn’t have let him go.”
The smile on Lindsay’s face grew soft, with just the faintest trace of sadness. “And that’s why you deserve to be with him more than me.”
Lilian looked surprised. “You think so?”
“Yes, I don’t deserve to be with Kevin, because I was willing to let him go. You’re not. I guess that’s one of the differences between us. Aside from that,” Lindsay clasped her hands together, “I have it on good authority that he likes you."
“Really?”
Lilian perked up. She knew that she affected Kevin on, at the very least, a physical level. She knew that he found her appealing. She even knew that he liked her as a friend. What she didn’t know, and what Lindsay was suggesting, was that Kevin liked her as something more.
“Definitely,” Lindsay nodded, her face somehow appearing both serious and mischievous. It was impressive. Lilian would have to remember that expression for later. “Haven’t you noticed that Kevin sometimes acts differently with you?”
Lilian tilted her head.
“Now that you mention it, he has been stuttering and blushing a bit more.” It wasn’t as bad as when they first met, but she also wasn’t walking around their apartment naked these days either. “And sometimes he’ll say something that doesn’t make sense…” Lilian trailed off, her eyes widening. “Wait! Are you telling me that Kevin is afflicted with Gibberish of Love whenever he’s around me?”
“Yes,” Lindsay smiled, nodding. “That’s exactly what I―wait.” She interrupted herself. “Gibberish of what now?”
“Ha! I can’t believe it!” In her joy, Lilian completely forgot about Lindsay’s presence as she began jumping up and down like a crack addict on a pogo stick. “He’s been struck by Gibberish of Love because of me!”
“Uh… Lilian?”
“Yes, yes, yes! Take that Christine! You stupid tsun-loli!”
“What’s a tsun-loli?”
“This is great! I knew Kevin would fall in love with me eventually! It’s only a matter of time now before he loses control of his carefully hidden lust, throws me on the bed, and makes me scream out his name in delirious ecstasy until my throat gets sore and I become a wet, quivering bundle of nerves.”
Lindsay’s entire face, from the roots of her hair down past her neck, turned bright red. “I-I really didn’t want to hear that.”
Lilian then began to laugh. “Ufufufu…”
Lindsay looked like Sadako had just walked out of her TV. “You’re really starting to freak me out, Lilian.”
Without warning, Lilian turned back to Lindsay and gave the girl a big hug, lifting the poor soccer player off of her feet and twirling her around, laughing like a loon. Lindsay thought she heard some bones creak ominously, but couldn’t be sure. It definitely hurt, though. The redhead was stronger than she looked.
Setting the girl back down, Lilian ignored the way Lindsay’s legs wobbled precariously and beamed at her.
“Thank you!”
“Um, sure. You’re, uh, welcome?” Lindsay blinked several times in an attempt to uncross her eyes. She was almost certain Lilian had broken something important, like her spine, maybe.
Lilian gave Lindsay one last smile. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get back before my Be―I mean, I need to get back before Kevin notices I’m gone. Thanks again.”
As the redhead trotted off with an extra bounce in her step, Lindsay watched her disappear in muted silence, her back aching and her body feeling like a pantheon of angry gods had trampled on it.
“What… what just happened?” she asked into the stillness of the hallway.
***
Kevin wasn’t feeling too hot at the moment.
He would have liked to say it was because of how hard it was to pedal home after such an intense track practice, that the intense soreness devastating his legs was the reason he felt like utter crap. Unfortunately, he couldn’t, because claiming that was the reason would be a lie.
That honor belonged to Kotohime, the woman traveling alongside him, though it might have been more accurate to say that she was ahead of him and slowly widening the distance between them.
She wasn’t riding a bike.
She was running.
It was enough to absolutely crush his pride as a man―and a sprinter on the track team, but mostly a man.
“Damn… kitsune… and their… stupid… reinforcement…”
Holding him tightly around the waist, her front pressed against his back and her left cheek nuzzling his shirt, Lilian giggled. “Geeze, Kevin. I knew you were competitive, but I didn’t realize you’d get so depressed from something like this.”
Even though Kevin heard her, he didn’t reply. Or, to be more exact, he couldn’t reply. He was too busy pedaling to retort. He’d never been more thankful than when they arrived home, less than five minutes later.
“Ha… ha… ha…”
As he wearily stared at the staircase before him, Kevin couldn’t help but curse his mom for buying an apartment on the second floor.
I suppose I should just be glad this complex doesn’t have a third floor.
“Ara, ara, you look a little tired, Kevin-san.”
Kevin sent the maid-slash-bodyguard a fierce glare. He did not appreciate her condescending attitude, nor the look of superiority she gave him in return.
He looked back at his bike, which he would have to haul all the way up those stairs.
Ugh… so not cool.
He sighed and prepared himself for more physical torture.
“You look tired. Let me take the bike up for you.”
“Eh?”
Before he could so much as blink, Lilian lifted his bike with one hand and proceeded up the stairs, carrying his bike like it weighed less than a feather.
He could feel his HP gauge dropping.
“Ugh… great,” Kevin grimaced. “It seems even Lilian’s having a hand in crucifying my pride today.”
“Ufufufu,” Kotohime’s not-so-silent chuckling earned her another glare.
“Quiet you.”
Grumbling to himself, Kevin slowly climbed the stairs, his legs shaking. By the time he reached the top, Lilian had already locked up his bike.
“Kevin.” She stared at him in a way that he managed to properly interpret.
“Right, right,” he sighed tiredly. “Hold on, just let me get my key out.”
He stopped in front of the door, key in hand. He was about to put it in the lock when the door suddenly flew open without warning. He blinked several times, his mind momentarily blanking at the sight before him.
Standing in the doorway was a woman with a youthful face. Her shoulder-length, light brown hair swayed from the remnants of displaced air. She wore a knee-length black skirt, thigh-high black stockings, a white undershirt with an unzipped red jacket over it, and a pair of golden earrings with small rubies embedded into them. Blue eyes much like his own stared back at him.
As the seconds slowly ticked by, Kevin’s mind caught up with his vision.
His eyes widened.
“M-Mom?!”
“EH!? Kevin, this is your mother?!”
Lilian, for once, went ignored.
“Kevin.” His mom crossed her arms, wearing her poker face.
So not good.
“Care to explain why my last credit card bill had several hundred dollars’ worth of women’s clothing on it?”
Chapter 5
Ms. Swift
There had been very few times in his life when Kevin wished he could crawl into a hole and hide.
This was one of those times.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t a politician, so burying his head in the metaphorical sand wouldn’t help him.
Man, and I thought the situatio
n when Kotohime first arrived was awkward.
Standing in front of him was his mom, who should have been somewhere in Europe. When did she get home? And of all the times to surprise him with a visit, why did it have to be now? This was like a bad plot device in a shōnen manga!
Talk about inconvenient timing.
“Well, Kevin? I’m waiting. Are you going to explain yourself or not?” His mom crossed her arms and impatiently tapped her foot, pinning him with a stare that could have made a grown man faint. Kevin didn’t, but only because he was too frightened to pass out.
Fortunately, someone decided to step in and save him.
“I’m, um, really sorry, uh, Ms. Swift.” Lilian bowed apologetically toward the woman. “It’s my fault your son spent so much money on women’s clothing. When I first arrived, I didn’t have many clothes to call my own, and he was kind enough to buy me some. If you want to blame anyone for the money your son spent, then please blame me.”
“Lilian.” Kevin stared at the young vixen in surprise.
Kevin’s mom focused on Lilian. The young two-tails tried not to squirm when the woman’s sharp eyes observed her. Lilian had always wanted to meet her Beloved’s mother, but not like this. She hadn’t even had a chance to shower yet! How was she supposed to give a good impression if she didn’t look her best?
“Hmmm…” All thoughts fled when Ms. Swift moved, invading Lilian’s personal space, staring her down from head to toe. The look in Ms. Swift’s eyes was disconcerting, and it took everything Lilian had to remain still.
“What the…?” Lilian’s eyes widened as Ms. Swift circled her.
“Mhm, mm, hmm, mhm…”
Kevin’s mom studied Lilian thoroughly, making really strange humming noises in the process. She looked her up and down several times, mumbling the whole time.
“She’s absolutely beautiful… would make an excellent super-model… wonder if she would like a job…”
“M-mom, what are you doing?” Kevin asked.
“Uh…” Lilian didn’t know what to say, so she stuck with monosyllables. “M-Ms. Swift, um, are you—kya!”
No amount of foreknowledge could have prepared Lilian for what happened next. Kevin’s mom reached out and shamelessly grabbed her boobs, feeling them up like one might study a pair of watermelons. Reactions varied.
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