“That is the tomboyish one, if I am not mistaken.”
“That’s her.” Ms. Swift took another sip of wine. “Anyway, he used to have a crush on Lindsay, but because he didn’t know how to act around her, Kevin actively went out of his way to avoid her. Even when she tried talking to him, he would just run away.” A pause. “Or pass out. He did that, too.”
“Then he is a coward.”
“More like a confused child who never had a father figure in his life.” Ms. Swift barely withheld her grimace. “Or a very good mother, for that matter. I will admit, I am partly responsible for his inability to deal with women. Back when he was younger, I was very hard on him. I was a single mother working full-time and going to college for my bachelor’s degree in journalism, and it was tough. Hiring a babysitter was expensive, so once he reached fourth grade, I stopped hiring them altogether and left Kevin to his own devices, expecting him to be capable of taking care of himself. I could’ve done a better job prioritizing myself; I should have given him the attention he needed, but I didn’t.”
Ms. Swift’s eyes lost their vibrancy as she looked at something only she could see.
“I did try occasionally, of course,” Ms. Swift said, her voice devoid of emotion. “I’d take him with me when I traveled, allowing him to see the world… but I was never there. Whenever we journeyed to other countries, I would leave him to do my job.” She gritted her teeth, her eyes holding tears. “I remember, every time I came back from my job, he would always be crying. I kept telling him that he needed to man up or no girl would go out with him. Pretty awful, huh?”
“Hmm…”
Ms. Swift watched as Lilian grabbed one of the sandwiches on the plate and held it out for Kevin, smiling when her son allowed the beautiful redhead to feed him.
Her smile widened when she saw the goth girl—Christine, if she wasn’t mistaken—stand up and start shouting at Lilian.
“Stop acting so lovey-dovey with Kevin, boob-head!”
“Why should I listen to you? Are you Kevin? No, you’re not, so why don’t you just go back to watching the anime, tsun-loli. If he doesn’t like what I’m doing, then he can tell me himself.”
“D-don’t get me involved in this argument! I don’t want any part of it!”
“God damn you, Kevin Swift! How come these two tittielicious sex-bots are always fighting over you and not me?! It’s not fair!”
“Shut up, Eric! And for the love of god, stop mentioning tits!”
“And don’t call us sex-bots, perv!”
“Gaoi!”
Kotohime and Ms. Swift silently watched how one Eric was pummeled by Christine… again. Steam wafted from his cranium where Christine had hit him, and a large bump the size of a baseball had grown out of his hair.
“I fail to see how that justifies his behavior,” Kotohime continued their previous conversation.
“Maybe it doesn’t,” Ms. Swift shrugged. “But I want you to understand where Kevin is coming from. He’s never had a father to help him deal with the changes that boys go through, and I was never a very good parent. In fact, I’m pretty sure my version of the Birds and Bees scarred him for life. Like I said, give him some time. I’m sure he’ll surprise you.”
“I am giving him time. He just hasn’t met any of my expectations thus far.”
“That’s too bad.” Ms. Swift’s posture slumped even further. She perked up a second later, however, and leaned forward conspiratorially.
“By the way, may I ask how you managed to store that sake in your Extra Dimensional Storage Space? I can’t store anything larger than a cup in mine.”
“I believe it has something to do with our comparative sizes,” Kotohime admitted. “Mine is much larger than yours, you know.”
Ms. Swift looked at Kotohime’s boobs, which bounced and jiggled without any prompting, as if they knew they were being studied. She then looked at her own boobs, which didn’t bounce.
“I don’t think I like you as much as I used to,” she pouted.
“Ara, ara,” Kotohime’s eyes gleamed with amusement. “There is no need to be like that. You are still a very youthful woman.”
“Whatever.” Ms. Swift’s pout was that of a child who knew they were being talked down to.
Kotohime tapped her lips with her right index. “Then again, Lilian-sama is about the same size as you. However, she is also growing and, well, pardon my saying this, but hers are much more perky than yours.”
“All right, all right,” Ms. Swift grumbled. She should have never brought this topic up. “I get it. I’m getting older and my boobs aren’t what they used to be. No need to rub it in.”
“Ufufufu, I am merely saying that that could have something to do with the reason your Extra Dimensional Storage Space isn’t as large as mine. However, if you are interested, I know of a great brand of cream that you can use to tighten up your chest. It works better than any surgery, and it may increase the size of your Extra Dimensional Storage Space.”
“Really?”
“Ufufufu, of course.”
“You know, that whole ‘ufufufu’ laugh of yours really doesn’t fill me with much confidence in you.”
***
After watching a full season of anime, the group separated. Lindsay, Christine and, for some strange reason, Justin went off to a corner and started talking. Well, Lindsay and Christine began talking. Justin just seemed to be staring off into space. The rest of them were playing video games.
“Come on! Come on! Come on, come on, come on, come on, comeoncomeoncomeon!”
Kevin gritted his teeth as he saw what Alex was doing to his controller. “Oi! What are you doing?! Stop button mashing! This isn’t a fighting game, and you’re going to break my controller if you keep that up.”
“Take a chill pill, man. I’m not breaking anything. See? Your controller is fine. Besides, I need to be fast on the trigger finger if I want to beat all of you and―what the hell?! Damn it! Who just shot me?!”
“I did.”
“Lilian?! But your player is on the other side of the map! Even a sniper rifle shouldn’t have that much range!”
“Ufufufu, I’m just awesome like that.”
Kevin grimaced. “Ugh, Lilian, please don’t use that term ever again. It’s just not you.”
“Sorry, I wanted to try it out at least once.”
Kevin sat on the sidelines, watching his friends play one of the many first-person shooter in his collection. He would have been playing with them, but since his system only allowed four players at any given time, they had drawn straws to see who would play the first round.
He’d drawn the short straw.
“Holy crap! Lilian just sniped me! She just shot me in the fucking head! How did she do that?”
“She shot you because you suck at this game.”
“Shut up, brother! I’m good enough to kill you every time you spawn. Crap! She killed me again!”
“Ufufufu, I’ve got mad skills. Oh, it looks like I’ve racked up another kill.”
“Damn it! I don’t care if your tits are some of the largest I’ve ever seen. There’s no way I’m letting―oh, for the love of―stop killing me while I’m in mid-rant!”
“Ufufufu, if you want me to stop killing you, then you’re going to have to become a better shot.”
Kevin wasn’t surprised by Lilian’s deadly skills at first person shooter games. He’d been playing video games with her ever since she started living with him. She’d been bad at first, like, really bad, but the gorgeous redhead was nothing if not tenacious. When she wasn’t cooking, doing homework, trying to sex him up, watching anime or reading manga, she was playing video games.
He didn’t know why Lilian loved them so much. None of the girls he knew enjoyed video games, period. Regardless, he couldn’t deny that her enjoyment of video games and anime gave her a certain appeal beyond her incomparable beauty.
It made his situation that much harder.
Seeing how Lilian was having so m
uch fun thrashing his friends like they were a bunch of newbs, Kevin decided to join the other group.
“What are you guys doing all the way over here?”
Lindsay gave Kevin an amused smile. “You know that video games were never my thing.”
“Hmph.” Christine crossed her arms. “Why would I want to corrode my brain by playing a game that contains nothing but mindless violence?”
“… Like…”
“Then why aren’t you playing with them?” Kevin inquired, staring at his friend who merely stared back with half-lidded eyes.
“… Foxy…”
Three sets of eyes gave Justin an odd look.
“You say the strangest thing sometimes, Justin,” Kevin muttered, Christine and Lindsay nodding in agreement.
***
After speaking with Lindsay and Christine… and Justin too, he supposed, Kevin concluded that it was high time they do something that could include the entire group.
The coffee table had been moved off to the side, making room for the large Twister mat, the game they had all decided to play after it won a majority vote. Kevin personally thought his male friends just wanted to use it as an excuse to perv out. No hot-blooded teenager would miss out on a chance to feel some soft, feminine flesh and pretend it was just an accident—unless his name happened to be Kevin Swift.
It was only five minutes into the game, and already, everyone playing looked like one giant pretzel. They were a tangle of limbs and torsos, all pressed together in a way that somehow looked both erotic and uncomfortable.
Eric had never been happier.
Alex and Andrew, on the other hand, were not happy.
“I can’t believe we’re not getting to play. This is so unfair.”
“Damn it, I knew I should have chosen rock!”
“… Flexible…”
Lindsay, who also wasn’t on the mat, spun the wheel for the players.
“All right, Christine, it’s your turn now. Left foot on red.”
“D-damn it,” Christine grumbled as she looked around. “Why do I have to play this stupid game?”
“Just hurry up and make your move.”
“Shut up, Speed Bumps!”
“Don’t be hating just because my boobs are bigger than yours, Bee Stings.”
“S-s-s-shut up!”
“Hey! No fighting, please,” Kevin piped up from his place underneath Lilian. “The last thing I want is to fall on top of Eric.”
“I agree with Kevin. I don’t want him falling on top of me either. Now, if one of you bodaciously bodied hotties would like to fall on me, that would be an entirely different matter.”
“Shut up, you stupid lecher!”
“Yeah, keep quiet, perv!”
“You two are so cruel!”
After several seconds of searching, Christine eventually found a way to put her left foot on one of the red dots.
Unfortunately, this also put her in the awkward position of being sandwiched between two men.
Christine’s eyes widened as she not only felt Eric’s butt pressing against her back, but also found her face only inches away from Kevin’s.
Her heart thumped like a war drum in her chest. It beat even faster when he grinned at her.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “This must be uncomfortable for you.”
“Ah… ah…”
Christine tried to speak, but couldn’t. It felt like something had been lodged in her throat. She could hardly even breathe, much less get a word out.
She didn’t know why Kevin made her feel this way… actually, that was a lie. She did know why, but that shouldn’t have mattered anymore. They hadn’t started interacting again until last month. Granted, this wasn’t for lack of trying on her part. She had tried talking to him before, but every time she thought about going up to him, her mind and body would freeze quicker than a pole in Antarctica.
Why can’t I be more forward, like that stupid fox skank?
“All right, now it’s Kevin’s turn.” Lindsay spun the wheel again. “It says right hand on blue.”
“Okay, right hand on blue. Let’s see. Let’s see.” A moment’s search revealed a blue circle his hand could reach. He leaned down, stretching his arm as far as it could go, and put his hand on the blue dot.
“H-hey! W-w-w-what the hell do you think you’re doing?! She said right hand on blue, not stick your face into Christine’s boobs!”
“Damn you, Kevin Swift, getting to stick your face into those snuggle pups! You know that’s one of my life’s goals! How dare you do it before me!”
“Be quiet, Eric. You’re making a fool of yourself.”
“Beloved―I mean, Kevin’s right. You should stop talking while you’re ahead.”
“That’s right, ya damn pervert. Now shut the hell up!”
“Why does everyone hate me?!”
“Because you’re a lech and deserve to die. And for the gods’ sakes, Kevin, get your face out of my boobs!”
“Ufufufu, I’m not sure what the problem is. You don’t have any boobs for him to stick his face into.”
“Go to hell, you damn udder woman!”
“Udder woman? Haven’t you already used that insult before? You must be losing your touch, tsun-tsun-chan.”
“I’m not a tsundere!”
… The resulting silence from her statement was profound. Even Lindsay was staring at Christine, making her feel very uncomfortable.
“… I hate all of you.”
The game soon continued.
“Okay, now it’s Lilian’s turn.” Another spin of the wheel. “And it says… oh, you get a freebie. You can use whatever appendage you want, just so long as it goes on yellow.”
“Okay!”
Lilian looked at all the yellow dots, trying to determine which one would be the easiest for her to reach. She lamented not being able to use her tails. Still, even without her foxy appendages, she eventually found a solution that not only worked, but would also be beneficial to her.
Ufufufu…
Kevin felt a shudder run down his spine.
Lifting her right hand off the mat, Lilian turned until her front faced the ground. She reached over Kevin and put her right hand on a yellow dot.
Her boobs were completely pressed against Kevin’s back.
“L-L-Lilian!” A pitiful squeak. “Why aren’t you wearing a bra?!”
“Ufufufu, I don’t wear one because I don’t need one.”
A certain yuki-onna spontaneously combusted, steam pouring out of her ears like smoke from the windows of a house that caught fire. “W-w-w-wha—y-y-you’re not—what the hell do you think you’re doing?! Get your damn jugs off Kevin’s back!”
“Wait. You’re not wearing a bra, Lilian?” Lindsay suddenly asked.
“Nope!”
“That’s incredible. How do you get your breasts to stay so uplifted and perky?”
“Um… genetics?”
“You must have some really good genetics, then.” Lindsay looked down at her own breasts with a frown. “Ha… I wish I had boobs like yours.”
“Why? I think you’re very pretty just the way you are.”
“T-thanks.” Lindsay didn’t know why, but for some reason, being complemented by Lilian made her cheeks flush. “Coming from someone as beautiful as you, that really means a lot.”
“Tee-hee, you’re welcome!”
“Hey! Stop acting like a couple of dykes and listen to me! Ms. Double-Whammies, get your damn dueling banjos off Kevin!”
“Why should I listen to you? You’re not his girlfriend.”
“S-s-s-so what?! You’re not his girlfriend either! And I doubt Kevin likes your damn walrus tits weighing him down.”
“Actually…” Kevin shifted a bit, his cheeks gaining a small sprinkling of red. “This… it’s, well, it’s not so bad.”
“Kevin?! How could you say something like that?!”
“Yay! See, Baby Bumps? He does like my girls.”
“Shut up! Shut u
p, both of you!”
“Damn you, Kevin Swift! Just wait until I get out of this!”
Having moved inside, Ms. Swift and Kotohime watched the group from their place on the couch.
“Look at how much fun they’re having.” Ms. Swift’s pout was reminiscent of a child whose parents told her that she couldn’t have dessert after dinner. “I wanna play Twister, too.”
“Ara, ara.” Kotohime held the sleeve of her kimono up to her mouth, looking nothing if not amused.
***
In the end, no one won the game of twister.
Once three o’clock hit, Christine, Lindsay and Justin went home. The twins and Eric stuck around, playing several more rounds of violent FPS goodness.
They decided to stop playing when Lilian won every single round.
Kevin returned from his trip to the bathroom to see his friends watching another anime. This one, much like White Out, was a mainstream anime—except it was about ninja instead of Shinigami. It was called Shinobi Natsumo.
“No! What the hell are you doing, Natsumo! Don’t just keep using dopplegangers to overpower your enemies! That’s never going to work on an opponent as powerful as Gaia!”
Kevin stifled his chuckles as Lilian shouted at the screen. He understood her frustrations. While he enjoyed the series, he really wished the main character would stop trying to run roughshod over her enemies with corporeal copies. Such strategies only remained interesting after the first couple of times. It got boring after the hundredth time. It got annoying after the thousandth time. And after the ten-thousandth time, well, it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that there were times Kevin wanted to throw his TV through a wall.
“Hey, Eric.” Kevin stood next to his friend.
“What do ya want?” Eric didn’t take his eyes off the screen.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What? Now? Can’t you see I’m busy watching sexy two-dimensional jugs bouncing around here?”
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