He shook his head and laughed. “You’re good at reading people. It’s a good trait to have since you want to go into psychology.”
I nodded. I’d been told that before.
“I know you too,” he said.
I looked over at him. “Do you?”
He nodded once. “You come off like you don’t want to let people in. Like you’re fine on your own, but I know you’re lonely. You know yourself better than almost anyone else I’ve ever met. You don’t pretend to be anything, you don’t change to fit in. You’re you. I love that.”
I froze at his words. Not only had he said something I didn’t know other people realized. My mom taught me to be myself and be proud of who I was. I took that to heart.
He also used the L-word. Maybe not in the context that means anything, but still. He loved something about me.
This was too much. He didn’t know me. He didn’t know the parts I kept hidden. He wouldn’t be with me now if he did.
When he got back we moved to the back of his SUV where he had blankets and pillows waiting. We climbed in and got comfortable just as the previews started. It was strange being outside watching a movie. We were in our own little world, while still being next to dozens of other cars.
The popcorn sat between us and I watched as he took a handful, careful to wait my turn. For some reason the thought of touching him right now, even his hand, scared me.
I felt like a young teenager again. Intimidated by a boy.
The movie started and as much as I’d wished it was an action movie, it was a romantic comedy. Perfect. We’d just hang out here for the next two hours watching people fall in love.
I looked over to see his reaction, but he didn’t seem fazed. He probably already knew what would be on. I was just along for the ride.
We continued snacking in silence, carefully avoiding one another. About halfway through the movie, the main characters were forced together in a closet. Their eyes met, music played, and the inevitable kiss occurred.
I glanced out of the corner of my eye and was shocked to see Wyatt looking at me.
He smiled and laughed.
“I guess this is an awkward first date movie. I should have waited until they played an action movie next week.”
I laughed, grateful I wasn’t the only one feeling a little off.
“It’s a cute movie, just not very realistic.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Why not?”
I pointed at the screen. “Just because it’s the first time they’re alone and in close proximity doesn’t mean they have to kiss. They could have just hidden out.”
“Now where’s the fun in that?”
That was the last thing I’d expected him to say.
My mouth opened but no words came out.
“What’s wrong with the hero and heroine getting closer?” He leaned forward an inch. “Realizing it was their chance.” He moved until he was a breath away. “And taking advantage of it.”
He winked and dipped his head until his lips barely grazed my cheek, so close to my lips.
My brain was in overdrive. What was he doing? Why was he doing it? What was going on?
Then the rest of my body took over. I turned just enough for our lips to connect. I didn’t move after that. Didn’t breathe. Just waited for him to react.
It only took a heartbeat for him to press his lips harder against mine. His hand found my neck, my jaw, my cheek, my hair.
My senses were on the fritz. This. Was. Happening.
Wyatt was kissing me.
The second I comprehended that I reached forward and traced a finger along his jaw.
He pulled back and looked at me with an expression I hadn’t seen before.
It was new.
Not bad.
Surprised maybe? No. Not that.
“Wow,” he said.
I nodded.
Wow, indeed.
I didn’t know how the night would end, or what would happen to us tomorrow, but for right now I knew we were on to something incredible.
Chapter Fifteen
Wyatt
I passed the puck back to Erik and paused in the center of the neutral zone, watching. Practice was the last thing on my mind, and I knew it was coming through in missed passes and careless mistakes.
Kendall was holding back. I couldn’t figure out why. Was it just her personality to be less open as I was? Was she hiding something? Was she really not interested in me?
No. I knew she was. She’d made that obvious. There was just something else.
She would tell me when she was ready. I couldn’t force it out of her, and I didn’t want to. When she was comfortable she would open up. In the meantime, I had to prove she could trust me. I wanted her to share with me. I wanted us to be able to lean on each other. We’re both on our own here. I wanted her to know that she didn’t have to be alone, or feel lonely. I wanted to be her person to lean on.
I was turning into a sap.
“Get your head in the game, Hartman.”
I ignored Coach and focused on getting the puck away from Malkin. We were playing a scrimmage and I’d yet to score. This was not me. I couldn’t let Kendall distract me. She made me promise her I would tell her if she did. I wasn’t going to put that on her. If my playing suffered it was my own fault, not hers.
I got the puck and turned in one motion. I broke past Brassard and Malkin and sprinted to the other end. No one else was around, so I took aim and slapped the puck into the goal. Olli shook his head and took a sip of water.
The guys playing on my team slapped my back and helmet, but I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was slipping out of control and I needed to reign it in. This close to playoffs was not the time to get sloppy.
Maybe I should tell Kendall I needed to focus for the next few weeks. She would understand. Hopefully.
I finished off the rest of practice without getting yelled at again and headed home. I needed time to relax and get a break from the team.
I just sat down when a knock sounded at the door.
Perfect.
I stood and went to the door and swung it open.
“Hi.”
Kendall stood in front of me with two white plastic bags in her hands. It was like Deja vu from the other night.
“Hi?” I glanced curiously at the bags.
“I know I probably should have called first, but I was hungry, and I figured you probably would be too. My house is too quiet so I wanted to see if you wanted to eat with me?”
She seemed so nervous which was strange. I thought we were past that. Our date had been great. Didn’t nerves die out after the first kiss?
“Yeah, of course.” I stepped back and let her in before shutting the door behind her. “What did you get?”
She walked straight to the kitchen and started opening the drawers. “Forks?”
I moved past her and opened the last drawer and offered her two.
“I wasn’t sure what I was hungry for at first, but I walked by this little Indian restaurant and the smell was so amazing so I got that. One Massaman curry and one chicken pad Thai. How does that sound?”
I leaned over and inhaled. “If it tastes like that it sounds perfect.”
She beamed and began dishing out on two plates. I watched her work and was surprised by how natural it felt. I didn’t have a lot of people over, this was my sanctuary from the rest of the world, but I liked her being here. I liked how she made herself at home. I liked that she thought about me, and felt comfortable coming here, even if she was a bit nervous.
“Dinner is served!” She held out a plate for me and I accepted it before taking a seat at the bar.
One bite in and I was done. “This is amazing.”
The flavors were delicious, and I spooned more into my mouth. Maybe I was hungry from practice or maybe I’d been eating too much boring food, but this was some of the best I’d had in…. a long time.
“This place is close?” I asked.
She nodde
d and covered her mouth. “Just around the corner.”
“Huh.” I needed to pay better attention to my surroundings. Who knew what else I was missing out on due to my tunnel vision?
I looked over to her and smiled. She was good for me even though she broke up my routine.
We finished the rest of the meal quickly. “Do you want to stay and watch a movie or something?”
She seemed to hesitate. “I should study.”
I couldn’t argue with that. As much as I wanted to hog all of her free time I knew I had to respect her school time as well.
“But I guess I could stay for an hour or so,” she conceded.
I smiled as she did and took her hand. I led us to the couch and pulled her down with me. Now that I knew what it was like to have her close, I craved it. She cuddled in against my chest and I turned on the TV to some sitcom rerun.
She shifted until she was looking up at me. “We need to talk.”
I sat up and nodded, feeling nervous. This didn’t sound good. “Okay.”
“Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad, well at least I hope not.”
“Is there something specific on your mind?”
She pursed her lips and made the cutest face. I wanted to kiss her but didn’t want to take away from whatever she needed to say.
“Yeah. Kind of. You know what? Now that I think about it. It’s nothing. Never mind.”
She tried to turn away, but I caught her shoulders and stopped her. “You can talk to me, Kendall. What’s going on?”
She sighed and looked to her lap. “What is this to you?”
Oh boy. We were already having this conversation? I’d heard about this from the other guys. The define the relationship talk. I’d heard it was usually awkward and ended with the girl pushing for commitment.
Not that I’d mind that.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Was I ready for commitment? It wasn’t necessarily a question of Kendall, it was the idea of a relationship in general.
“This is two people who should never be in the same room, finding that they actually enjoy spending time together.”
She laughed and pointed at my first pro jersey hanging on the wall. “If only that was black and maroon.”
I shook my head. “No way.”
“Tell me more. I know you love hockey, your team, and volunteering. What else?”
I laughed. “I don’t have time for more.”
“You read.”
I nodded and looked down at her. “You noticed that?”
“What kind of books?”
“Crime novels mostly.”
She smiled. “Interesting.”
I shrugged. “I like trying to figure it out before the characters. It’s a break from my reality.”
“I get it. I’m more of a romance person myself, but I’ll read mysteries and crime every so often.”
I liked that she read romance. She’d told me about so much pain and hardship she’d been through I questioned whether she believed in happy endings. She deserved one.
“What do you want, Wyatt? In life? Do you want a wife and kids?”
I should have expected the question from where our conversation was going, but I wasn’t prepared with an answer.
“I think so.” She didn’t say anything, and I took that to mean she wanted more. “I don’t want what my parents have. It’s all about appearances to them. My older brother is a doctor and they couldn’t be prouder, but he’s miserable. It wasn’t the life he wanted. He just wanted them to be happy so he sacrificed what he wanted. I didn’t do that. I pursued hockey as a career. They were proud and supportive of me when I was younger, even in college. They made sure I had the newest and best equipment. Hired the best trainers and made sure I was on the best teams, but once I told them I wanted to do this professionally they shut off. They didn’t want me to waste my life pursuing a childish dream. They thought I should use my business degree. Get a grown-up job.”
“But you’re in the NHL. It’s not like you’re playing in community leagues and hoping to make it big one day. You’re one of the top players in the league.”
“You admit it finally?” I almost laughed but caught myself.
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not the point. I can’t believe your parents aren’t proud of you.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is. I’ve accepted it. Any support they show is for the media or their friends. They don’t actually care. I don’t want to be like them. If I have kids I want them to know I will love and support them no matter what they do in life. I want my wife to love me. Not just stay with me for the money. Their marriage has been full of affairs and lies. It’s pathetic. I want love and a real marriage.”
She looked sad and I felt guilty for laying that on her. “My parents had a happy marriage. At least, that’s what people told me. Dad died when I was young, so I don’t have any memories of them together, but Uncle David and their friends told me they were head over heels for each other. I want that too.”
“The white picket fence and all?” I was teasing but her face turned serious.
“I want me and our children to come first. I’ve never known that. Dad was in the Army and so was Uncle David. The Army and the men and women that served were their priority. They pledged their lives to the service. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be out of control of my life. The Army tells you where to live, when you can leave, where you can travel, everything is dictated by them.”
I cringed. It sounded a lot like the NHL. The Fury could trade me at any time. They could terminate my contract. They tell me activities I can’t participate in. They control my daily schedule. I don’t have much say in my life either.
It had never been a problem before. It was only affecting me. I never really thought of how a wife or children would fit in the picture. I wasn’t planning on dating until I was retired. Kendall was changing that though.
But I wasn’t done. I was still in my prime as a player. I couldn’t give that up yet.
“You know, the NHL isn’t much different in that respect,” I said.
She blinked and looked up at me. “I know.”
“I can’t change that. At least not for another ten years or so.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to.”
I sighed and dropped my head back. Was this the breaking point? The first woman I’d ever been seriously interested in and being an athlete was the problem?
I knew the other guys’ wives worried about being traded and moving around, but it wasn’t enough to keep them away. It was just a necessary evil of the job.
Madeline hadn’t wanted to date Erik because she didn’t want her life to be how it had been growing up with her dad as a player. She was willing to take the risk though. She loved Erik more than she feared moving around.
Would Kendall ever get to that point?
I turned my head and looked down at her. She was staring ahead, lost in her own thoughts.
Chapter Sixteen
Kendall
The thought had been brewing in the back of my mind, but Wyatt confirmed it. We weren’t compatible. We were too different.
I should have said goodbye that night. I should have cut all ties then.
He was too sweet though. He walked me back to my car down by the café and kissed me briefly before opening my door for me.
How was I supposed to end it then? Hey Wyatt, you’re perfect and all and your kiss is the best thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, but I just don’t think we’re going to work.
Nope.
No.
Not going to work.
I’d have to fade out.
It helped that he was busier than ever. The Fury made it to the play offs, so he was traveling more and had more press obligations.
It made postponing the goodbye easier.
He hadn’t been into the café in over a week. He’d called and sent me sweet messages, but I hadn’t seen him since that night.
I ignored his c
alls. Told him I was busy working or studying when I replied to his texts. It was hard, but it needed to happen. Dragging this on would only make things worse in the long run.
I needed to do it. Tell him no more.
But what if that upset him? Threw off his game?
A few months ago, that would have been the perfect plan. I would have savored the opportunity.
Now though. I cared.
It wasn’t just him. I cared about this stupid city. The stupid team. Even the stupid Pride.
They’d sucked me in.
I still bleed black and maroon for the Harbor, but I had a tiny, itty bitty section of my heart for the Fury.
“Why do you look so glum?”
I looked up from the counter I’d been wiping for the past five minutes to see Joey watching me with a worried expression.
“It’s nothing.”
“Tell that to the hole in my counter.”
I picked up the rag and twisted it in my hands. “I have to do something hard.”
“Like finish grad school?” She walked around the counter and leaned against it, facing me.
“Well, yes. But that’s not what has me worried.”
“Then what is it?”
Should I tell her? It’s not like she would tell anyone else. Maybe Matt but I doubted he’d care. He was the one that warned me at the beginning. He would probably be happy I was walking away.
“You can trust me, Kendall.”
I nodded. “I have to end things with Wyatt.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Why? Did something happen?”
I shook my head.
“Are you pregnant?”
I threw the rag at her. “No! Why would that be your first guess?”
She smirked. “It was the most scandalous option.”
“It’s not like that.”
Her expression turned serious. “Do you not like him?”
“No, I do.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I think I’m missing something, honey. If you like him and nothing bad has happened, what’s the issue?”
When she said it like that I felt stupid.
A customer walked in so I was saved by the bell. I thought Joey would disappear to the back room while I was making the drink, but she stuck right by my side. I wasn’t getting out of this as easily as I’d hoped.
Attacking Zone (Utah Fury Hockey Book 4) Page 10