I had a feeling I knew the answer, but I had to try.
She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I ignored her and got out of the car, hurrying to her side before she could get out. She rolled her eyes but accepted my hands as I helped her stand. To my surprise, she didn’t protest as I led her up the stairs. She leaned on me as we slowly took each step. She stopped halfway up.
“Are you okay?” I searched her face, which was scrunched in pain.
“I’m just winded.”
Before she could argue, I put my arm under her knees and swept her up. We were at her door in under thirty seconds, but she managed to complain the whole time.
“I could have done it myself.” She didn’t meet my eyes.
“Well, you didn’t have to. I was there.”
She turned and opened the door, stepping in.
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow? I’ll bring by some food or something. Just let me know what sounds good.”
She inhaled, helded it and exhaled slowly before turning to me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea either.”
“Why?”
She tilted her head. “I need some.” She paused when her voice caught. “Space.”
My stomach dropped.
That usually translated to a breakup. But why? Sure, she’d been avoiding me before I found her, but we’d just experienced this crazy scary thing. I’d basically saved her life. I thought things were good now. I couldn’t fight. I couldn’t argue.
I wanted her to be happy.
“Okay.”
She looked up at me for only a second before dropping her eyes and turning.
Before she grabbed the door, I stopped her. “Kendall?”
She faced me but didn’t meet my eyes.
“If you ever need me, please call.”
She nodded once and quietly shut the door.
She wouldn’t call. She wouldn’t text.
I knew this was it.
The only time I’d see her was at the café. Could I be professional there? Be polite but distant?
Pretending would be hard, but what was worse was the unexpected sense of loss. She was never really mine, but my heart and soul already sensed the distance.
“Bye Kendall.”
Chapter Twenty
Kendall
I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling of my tiny, pathetic room. I could have been in Wyatt’s beautiful, luxury guest room, but no. I needed to let that go.
Yesterday was scary. Waking up in the hospital with no memory of how I got there, or the previous two days.
Nothing. I had no idea how long I’d been on the bathroom floor. I hadn’t seen my roommate in over a week, so there was no use asking her.
I’d been alone and who knew how long I would have stayed there if Wyatt hadn’t come. I didn’t want to think about that.
I couldn’t burden Wyatt anymore.
I’d rather be alone and scared than bring him down with me. I knew what was coming. Doctors had warned me for years. I knew I’d get to this point eventually. Dialysis. The transplant list.
I moved here so Uncle David wouldn’t have to watch me go through it, and I wasn’t going to let Wyatt either.
I was an adult. I was old enough and mature enough to take care of myself, well except yesterday. I should have gone to the doctor or hospital sooner. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Now that I was officially in stage four, things were going to change.
I would start dialysis. My life would revolve around treatments now. My limited availability at the café would probably diminish even more, especially if I wanted to graduate anytime soon.
Joey would probably let me go. She needed someone that was consistent. I had a plan in place if that happened. Uncle David had me invest part of the money my parents left me. It was supposed to be for my wedding or first home, but I could live off it for a while if I needed to.
This wasn’t what I wanted.
I didn’t want things to come to this.
Too bad diseases didn’t care.
I rolled out of bed and walked to the kitchen and put bread in the toaster before realizing that I missed Wyatt.
Already.
He offered to take care of me. He would bring me food or medicine.
I knew if I texted him he’d be here in minutes, but I couldn’t. I need to do this on my own.
I ate my toast and went back to my room. I had an appointment with Dr. Thompson at eleven to discuss my treatment. Plenty of time to relax and watch a show. I needed to rest. Even if the doctors from last night hadn’t told me to, I would. My body wasn’t giving me a choice. The walk to and from the kitchen had drained me.
I had to hide it each time Uncle David called or wanted to video chat. I couldn’t let him see me weak. It took over an hour of convincing him I was fine to get him to cancel his flight. I didn’t want him spending the time or money to come out here when I could take care of myself.
He finally agreed with the condition that I would keep him updated every day and if I ever felt off, I had to go straight to the hospital. That was something I could live with if it saved him a trip out here.
I wasn’t going to let anyone else worry about me.
The only time I’d left my apartment in a week was to pick up my dialysis machine. Dr. Thompson and I agreed on home treatment, so I could do daily sessions. She said I would feel better fast and not have as many side-effects. That sounded good to me.
It had been four days and I was feeling more like myself.
My professors had been understanding about my situation and had been emailing me lecture notes and assignments.
I read my textbooks and worked on catching up during my treatments. It took my mind off what was happening.
Things weren’t easy. I had food and groceries delivered. I didn’t have much of an appetite, which was good since I didn’t have the energy to cook. Crackers and toast have been all I could handle.
But I was doing it. I was taking care of myself. I wasn’t bringing anyone else down.
A knock sounded at my door, making me jump. It wasn’t Kristen. She was away for the next week. She’d been kind enough to yell that at me as she blitzed in and out in under a minute a few days ago.
I was hooked to the machine, so I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t remember if the door was unlocked or not. I ignored it. They probably had the wrong door anyway.
Just as I relaxed there was another knock.
“Kendall?”
A female’s voice surprised me. I couldn’t fathom who it could be. “Who is it?”
“Emma and Colby.”
Oh boy.
I looked at the machine, I might be able to carry it with me to the door. “Is it unlocked?”
“No.” The answer was immediate.
Crap. I stood and carefully brought the small machine with me. I was breaking a dozen rules, but I didn’t have any other options.
I opened the door and stepped back.
“Oh honey.” Emma rushed forward and took the machine from me. “You didn’t need to get up for us.”
“The door was locked.”
“We could have just come back.”
It was too late now. I walked back to the sofa knowing they would follow.
“What are you guys doing here?”
Colby looked at Emma then back at me. “You kind of went through a traumatic experience and no one has heard from you. We wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”
Emma nodded. “We’ve been worried.”
This wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. Fussing over me. Stressing over me.
“I’m sorry. You guys didn’t need to come all the way over. I’m fine.”
Emma eyed the dialysis machine. “You don’t look fine.”
I shrugged. “This is nothing.”
Colby barked out a laugh. “Yeah, right. You’re just treating yourself for kidney failure.” She paused and st
ared into my eyes. “Why are you doing this alone?”
I squared my shoulders. I didn’t need or want anyone talking down to me. Not right now.
“I can take care of myself.”
She leaned forward. “That’s not what I mean. I’m not doubting your ability. I’m just asking why you’re choosing to do this alone.”
I didn’t have an answer they would accept.
“We want to be there for you, Kendall. All of us.” Emma looked sincere and I hated it.
“I appreciate the thought, but…” my voice suddenly cut. I didn’t want to get emotional. I didn’t want to show my weakness, more than what was already on display.
“Kendall. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I want you to know that we want to be here. We care about you. It might be hard to understand, but the Fury is a family. Wyatt cares about you so we do too. It’s automatic.”
She was right. I didn’t get it. Why would these strangers care about me? I’d offended them by wearing Harbor gear. I’d made zero effort to get to know them, so why?
Colby reached out and touched my arm. “It’s a lot to take in, I get it. I’m new to their world too and it was overwhelming. I didn’t understand why they all wanted to be friends with me. Why they cared. But now that I’m around them more, and meeting you, I get it. Wyatt is like a brother to me. I want him to be happy. You made him happy, and we think you can again. So, we like you. It’s that simple.”
They were family. I guess I understood. I would want to get to know and hang out with the girlfriends of the guys from the base. They were a part of my life, so their girlfriends and wives would be included in that.
“But Wyatt and I aren’t in a relationship. We’ve only been on one date.”
Emma smiled. “It’s taken less than that in the past.”
Colby laughed.
“Guys, I don’t want Wyatt.”
They froze and stared at me. Emma shook her head. “What?”
I sighed. “I don’t mean it exactly as it sounds. I like him. I care about him. I’m attracted to him, but it’s more than that. I know what’s coming. I know what I’m going to have to go through. I don’t want him to see me like that. I don’t want him to worry about me or have to take care of me. I’m trying to save him from this.”
Colby raised an eyebrow and looked at Emma who pursed her lips before speaking. “Kendall, you have a lot to learn.”
Colby nodded in agreement.
“It’s going to take so much more than an illness to shake Wyatt off. I’ve known him for years and he’s never even noticed a woman. His focus has been one hundred percent on the team and his career. You’re the first one to get past that. You’re the first one he’s let into his world. Don’t abuse that.”
I didn’t know what to say. I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes.
“What do you really want Kendall?” Colby’s voice was gentle. Like she knew she had to be careful.
I looked away. I couldn’t face them.
What I wanted was to run to Wyatt. I wanted his arms around me and him telling me everything was going to be okay.
How had this happened?
How had my sworn enemy, the person I’d messed with the first time I’d met, become the one person I wanted?
He was everything I swore off, but everything I needed.
I blinked, letting a tear fall.
“I want Wyatt. I want us to drive each other crazy. I want him by my side through this, but I can’t ask that of him.”
Emma smiled. “Don’t make that decision for him. Let him know how you feel. What you want, then let Wyatt choose what he can handle.”
I nodded before finally looking up at them. “I’m scared.”
Colby stood up and came to sit next to me. “That’s okay. You have every right to be scared, but please don’t do this alone. Not when there’s a dozen people wanting to be here for you. I know we’ve just met but I like you already. I, for one, will be here for you whenever you want. If you’re bored and want someone to talk to while you’re on the machine, call me. If you’re hungry and don’t want to cook, call me. If you’re tired but need something from the store, I’m your girl.” She smiled and pulled me into her arms. “Actually, I’m not giving you a choice. I will be here. I will pester you and hover. You don’t have a choice.”
She pulled back and winked. “We’re best friends now. Accept it.”
I laughed and choked back tears. “I guess I have to.”
Emma jumped up and wiggled between me and the arm of the couch. “Don’t forget about me. I’m your best friend too!”
I leaned my head on her shoulder and sighed. Fine. A week of doing this alone was rough. I wasn’t doing well. At least, not mentally. Maybe what I was missing was a support group. My doctor told me having one was important, but I told myself I didn’t need that. I could do this on my own.
Not anymore.
I had Emma and Colby. Plus, Wyatt. If I got the nerve to talk to him. I could only hope he would forgive me. I’d been rude and ungrateful to him. Constantly.
Why did he keep coming back?
I shook my head. Surely, I’d exceeded his limit. I’d pushed him away for the last time.
“Don’t worry, Kendall. Everything is going to be okay.” I smiled at Emma, but there was still doubt running through my mind. It wouldn’t be okay until I resolved things with Wyatt. I needed to apologize, again.
Emma and Colby were too optimistic. They probably didn’t know the full story. They didn’t know how awful I’d been to him already. I had a lot of work to do if I was going to fix things. That didn’t guarantee that he would forgive me though. The girls allowed me to make my own choice, kind of. I smiled. Maybe I wouldn’t give him a choice. I would make myself a part of his life. I’d show him that I cared about him. That he meant something to me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Wyatt
Nearly a week passed since Kendall was in the hospital. A lot had happened since then and I didn’t get to talk to her about it.
We won the second round and were just one more series away from the finals. I wanted this. The team wanted this. We’d been working hard for months. We’d sacrificed so much to get here, and I was going to keep us on track.
She wasn’t at the café. She didn’t come to practices.
She disappeared from my life. The one person I wanted to celebrate with was…gone.
Even though I tried not to let her creep into my thoughts, Kendall was always there. I worried about her. I wondered how she was feeling. What her doctor told her. If she was eating. If she needed someone.
I couldn’t let her go, no matter how hard I tried. But it was for the best. At least right now. The guys needed me at the top of my game. No distractions.
Practices had been brutal, but it was what we needed to make it through the playoffs. We didn’t make it this far by slacking off.
When I got home all I wanted was another ice bath and to rest.
I’d barely set my bags down and kicked off my shoes when there was a knock at the door. I answered it without checking.
Colby was standing there, smiling at me like she had a secret.
“Hey Colby.”
“Hi.”
She bounced on the balls of her feet but said nothing else.
“Is Noah alright?”
She nodded. “Oh yeah. Nothing happened with him.”
I studied her, waiting for her to go on but she didn’t. “What can I help you with?”
This was getting weird. Even though we lived in the same building, we didn’t often pop in on each other.
“I was just stopping by to make sure you’re doing okay.”
I searched her face for any signs of why she was really here. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.”
She nodded. “I know things have been stressful and you’re under a lot of pressure, so I just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay. In a good mood and all.”
I narrowed my eyes at h
er. “I am stressed but I’m pretty happy. We’re still in the playoffs so that’s what matters to me.”
She nodded slowly. “So, things are good. You’re in a good mood. That’s good.”
She was up to something. I could feel it.
“Well, now’s as good of a time as ever.” She stepped to the side and pulled Kendall back with her.
I tried to hide my shock at seeing her, but I may have dropped my jaw, a little bit. “Kendall? What are you doing here?”
Colby pushed her forward a bit more and smiled over Kendall’s shoulder. “We were just getting lunch and thought it would be nice to stop by.” She looked down at her wrist, which was empty. “Look at the time. I’ve got to run. You two should catch up!”
She bolted down the hallway before I could argue. Kendall was looking at me like a scared animal. I wasn’t going to kick her out or slam the door in her face.
“Do you want to come in?”
She bit on her bottom lip for a second before nodding and stepping inside.
“Can I get you anything? A water?” I didn’t know why I was offering things like I was hosting her. She showed up on my doorstep after disappearing from my life. She was the one that told me she needed space. I’d honored that. Why was she back now?
“I’m fine, thanks though.” She wandered over to the couch and sat down. I followed her, feeling out of place in my own home.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
She gave me a weak smile. “Things are fine. I’ve umm… I’ve started treatment. Home dialysis, which is nice. I don’t have to go into a clinic.”
I nodded. I didn’t know much about kidney treatment and knowing she was going through it alone made me feel a little sick to my stomach, but this was what she wanted.
She rubbed her hands over her jeans. “I realized I’ve made a mistake.”
My eyes shot up to meet hers. “What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath. “I’ve thought for so long that asking for help, admitting I can’t handle everything on my own was a sign of weakness. I thought if I leaned on anyone else, I’d be a burden.” She paused and smiled. “It was actually Emma and Colby that showed me how wrong I was.”
Attacking Zone (Utah Fury Hockey Book 4) Page 13