“What is it like?” Honoria asked.
“Wonderful,” Esme said. “It hurts, I won’t lie. But it also feels…very good.” She gave a helpless shrug. “Words cannot describe it, Honoria. But you shouldn’t be afraid. He would never hurt any of us.”
“Even when his eyes go dark?” she asked dubiously.
“Go dark? I don’t know what you mean.”
“When his hunger overtakes him,” she said.
Esme slowly picked up the clothing again. “I’m afraid I’ve never seen his eyes go dark. He’s always so very much in control. I’m fairly certain none of the others have seen him in such a state either.” She nibbled on her lower lip. “Perhaps…perhaps Will’s right. Perhaps you aren’t very good for him.”
***
Blade poured himself a tipple of blud-wein, listening to the brisk footsteps coming toward him. Esme. And in a mind to give him a lecture. He could tell from the distinctive swish of her skirts.
She peered into the room, in her hand a silk nightgown that had been spoils of war. Blade’s crew did a brisk trade in the rookery, fencing stolen goods. Some of them he kept, like most of the furniture that filled the warren. Some of it—like the nightgown—was stored in the cellar for redistribution.
He eyed it warily. “You ain’t givin’ ’er that to wear, are you?” Honoria would have conniptions if she caught even a glimpse of that filmy scrap of lace. And he wouldn’t be able to sleep for days without thinking about her in it.
“It’s the only thing I could find that would fit her.”
“She ain’t stayin’.”
Esme looked surprised. Then nodded sagely. “Not for lack of trying, I assume?”
He growled under his breath and swallowed a mouthful of blud-wein. “It ain’t none o’ your business.”
“Of course it is. We’re all concerned after the drivel Will’s been filling our ears with over the last few days. I was almost expecting a lady of the Echelon crooking her finger at you.”
“I don’t dance to no one’s tune.” Bloody Will. The whole lot of them didn’t have enough to do if they were earwigging over his private affairs.
Esme put the nightgown aside. He could hear the sudden nervous pounding of her heartbeat. Hell. Here came the lecture.
“She wanted to know what you were like as a master,” Esme said. “And what I did when your eyes went dark. What did she mean by that?”
He drained the blud-wein. “It ain’t nothin’.”
“Blade.” She caught his arm. “Is she a danger to you?”
“I lost control for a moment. It won’t ’appen again.”
Esme’s eyes widened. “I see.”
Blade cursed under his breath and put the glass down. He knew she would be straight in Will’s ear with this. He sank down into his chair and scraped a hand over his face. “It ain’t bad.”
“Have you checked your blood levels?”
“Of course I ’ave,” he snapped. He did a virus count daily, just to make sure he wasn’t getting closer to the Fade. “First thing I did when I got ’ere. They’re still ’oldin’ out at seventy-eight percent. It ain’t like I’m goin’ to start tearin’ the walls down anytime soon.”
“They’ve been high for months.” Esme knelt in front of him, resting her hand on his knee. “I’ve heard of these new colloidal silver injections—”
“Ain’t worth a pinch o’ frog shite. If they were, every bleedin’ blue blood’d be on ’em.” He shook her off and took a few steps away. “I’ll let you know if they hit eighty. Then you can tell Will to keep an eye out.”
“Blade—”
“’Adn’t you better find that dress? She’ll be all shriveled up like a prune.”
Esme slowly gathered her feet underneath her. “Well, we can’t have that, now, can we? All that soft naked skin, shriveled up. It’d be a shame.”
And that was for him. Esme always had had a bit of bite to her. His cock jumped at the thought, and he glowered at her. “That’s plain mean.”
“Stop looking like a drawn dog,” she said, “and make yourself useful. She’s afraid of you, especially after tonight. You need to be gentle with her, show her that you aren’t the monster she’s afraid you might be.”
“Ain’t my fault,” he snarled. “I ain’t the first blue blood she’s known.”
Esme gathered up the nightgown. “A word of advice, then. She’s young and she’s wary, but she’s still a woman. Court her. Be charming. I know you have it in you when you want to be.”
“I’m tryin’,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ve been bloody careful as kittens with ’er. It don’t get me anywhere. She’s still holdin’ me at arm’s reach.”
“Answer me truthfully. Do you want her in bed, or do you want her to stay?”
“What’s the difference?”
“All you need to do is lie to her and charm her if you want her in your bed. But if you want something more, then I would suggest other tactics. I would help you if you were sincere.”
He knew she just wanted him to admit the depth of his interest in Honoria so that she could spread it over the house’s gossipmongers. And yet it was apparent that Honoria had barely thawed toward him at all. The look on her face as he kissed her tonight had said it all. She would give him his kiss because she owed it to him. But only because of that.
“She don’t want me,” he said.
“Do you want her?”
He shot her another glower and tucked his hands in his pockets. “Aye.”
A beatific smile spread over her face. “Then go and fetch my comb. You can play lady’s maid.”
***
Honoria shrugged into the silk Oriental robe that Esme had located from somewhere. It was far too large and the crimson-colored skirts dragged the floor, but it felt terribly nice on her skin. It had been a long time since she’d worn silk.
Don’t get used to it. She sighed and wiggled her toes into the fur-lined slippers. Again they were too large, but if she crooked her toes she could walk in them.
The girl staring back at her in the mirror was a different creature from the one who’d been there before. Her brown hair tumbled over her shoulders, almost to her waist. She needed to cut it badly, for the ends were ragged, but she’d not given it any thought in months. There was no need.
A knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” she called, turning in a swirl of Esme’s rose-scented soap. Hopefully Esme had found her some undergarments, for she felt a little naked with nothing but the robe and nightgown to cover her skin.
It wasn’t Esme. Blade stood in the doorway holding, of all things, a comb. He opened his mouth to speak and then seemed to see her for the first time.
“Bloody ’ell.” It sounded like the reverent whisper of a man of worship.
Honoria froze and clutched at the neckline of the robe. “I wasn’t expecting…you.” She looked past him, but the room was empty.
“Aye.” He hovered in the doorway, dressed in a clean white shirt that billowed at the sleeves and a tight leather vest that buttoned down his left breast. A red scarf was tucked into his neckline, and he’d washed the coal dust off his face. Dust, she was suddenly certain, that had come from her.
“Esme sent me,” he said, holding up the comb. If she wasn’t suddenly nervous herself, she’d almost have thought he looked anxious, standing there in the doorway. “She’s tryin’ to find you somethin’ to wear.”
“Then you’re not here to claim your kiss?” The words were out of her mouth before she could think.
Blade scowled and stepped inside the bathroom. “You don’t ’ave to kiss me if you don’t want it. I weren’t meself. I won’t ’old you to it.” He dragged a low chair in front of the mirror, then looked around. “Sit.”
Honoria sat stiffly. What did he mean he wouldn’t hold her to it? Just how long had Esme been gone from the room anyway?
“I made a promise,” she said.
The mirror gleamed in the candlelight. Blade stepped behind h
er, his blond hair tousled. He picked up a piece of her hair and started combing it, carefully untangling the knots. Though he barely touched her, she shivered, her nipples tightening against the silk robe.
“I don’t want you to kiss me because you owe me,” he replied, concentrating on a knot. “I want you to kiss me because you want to.”
Their eyes met in the mirror.
Honoria flushed. The backs of his fingers brushed against her shoulder as he scraped up another handful of hair. She didn’t know how to answer him. And strangely enough, a part of her felt a little disappointed. Lazing in the bath, she had been prepared to kiss him, going over and over in her head how she would approach it. Just a light brush of her mouth, a hint of her lips, and then she could back away, owing him nothing once more.
Only now he was insisting that she didn’t have to do it. Unless she wanted to. There was a hint of burning dissatisfaction within her. An odd sense of feeling cheated, but she didn’t know why.
Blade’s hands gently tugged the comb through her hair. It was quite pleasant. Indeed, almost hypnotic. She found her shoulders relaxing despite the nearness of his body. When he sat on the edge of her stool, his hip brushing against hers, her eyes shot open again, but he made no further move, simply concentrating on her hair.
“I guess,” he said simply, “that answers the question.”
Honoria looked at him. He’d almost finished with her hair, stroking his fingers over it as though reluctant to stop.
It took a moment to clear her throat. “I thought you were angry with me.”
“Angry?” His hands froze.
“You wouldn’t speak to me,” she said. “On the way home. You barely looked at me.”
Blade let out a long breath. “Ah, luv.” His hands resumed their pleasant stroking. “I weren’t angry with you.”
“Then what…?” Her brow furrowed.
Reluctance radiated from him. He put the comb down in his lap. “I were angry with meself.” He looked down, his words quietening. “It’s been a long time since I lost control like that. I thought I ’ad it mastered, but one sight o’ Vickers and I weren’t meself.”
“Vickers?” she whispered. “What does Vickers have to do with it?”
“He were the one that put me in the tower. The one that infected me.” His fists clenched, almost obliterating the small comb. “The one that murdered me sister.”
Honoria reached for him before she could stop herself, her hand sliding over his. “You’ll break the comb.”
He looked down in surprise. Then offered it to her. “Esme would ’ave me ’ead. It were ’er ’usband’s.”
Though she took the comb, she let her hand rest where it lay, stroking the roughened skin of his hands. Blade turned his fingers and caught hers in his grip, linking their hands together. Her palm pressed against his, her fingers laced through his thicker ones. So intimate. And yet she didn’t tear out of his grip.
Her heartbeat started to pound in her ears. What was happening to her? She felt nervous. Or was it something else? Something she didn’t understand?
“And ’ow do you know the duke o’ Lannister?” Blade asked.
The question took her by surprise. Her wits were befuddled, muddied. Too busy dwelling on the feel of his cool hands and wondering what they would feel like on her skin.
“Vickers?” Her head lifted like a startled doe. When Blade’s fingers tightened around hers, she realized she’d unconsciously sought to pull free. Her mind racing, she tried to sort out the previous conversation in her mind. Had she mentioned Vickers first? Or had he?
“Honoria.” He gave her hand a warning squeeze. “No lies.”
“I’m not…” She shut her mouth. She had been preparing to lie. Trying to find some way of explaining how she might have known Vickers. “I…I—”
Silence fell. She could feel those wicked green eyes on her, searching inexorably for the truth. But how could she tell it to him? A part of her wanted to, she suddenly realized. She wanted to confide in him—about Charlie, about the diaries and the never-ending watching over her shoulder for one of Vickers’s assassins. But she barely knew this man.
Too many years spent watching the blue bloods play their games at court. Watching what she said. Keeping her father’s secrets from even her own siblings. Tears pricked against her eyes suddenly, which was foolish. There was no point to it, and yet the swelling warmth spread until Blade’s hand was a blur in the candlelight. God, how she wished for just one person to talk to. Someone to listen and hold her while she poured out all the weight sitting on her shoulders.
His hand brushed her cheek, stealing the trace of liquid warmth from her. “Honor,” he said, stroking her face. “I won’t ’urt you.”
“How do I know that?” She looked up and met his gaze. “I barely know you. And you want something from me. How do I know I can trust you?”
His lips twisted. “Per’aps because I’m already keepin’ your secrets. Miss Todd.”
She almost missed the emphasis he placed on her name. Then her eyes widened. He had known her only as Miss Pryor.
Blade caught her by the shoulders as she stood. Honoria pushed at him, tumbling back against the dresser when he let her go, holding his hands up in a position of surrender. A flash of frustration crossed his face.
“How long have you known?” she whispered.
“All along.”
She shook her head. “No. You couldn’t have.”
“I got eyes and ears in the Ech’lon, ’specially around Vickers. ’E put a price o’ ten thousand pounds to the guild regardin’ three people: Miss Honoria Todd, Miss Helena Todd, and Mr. Frederick Charles Todd. It ain’t common knowledge, but it were enough for me to put two and two together.”
Blade took a step toward her. Honoria backed away. The robe was tumbling open and she dragged it closed, feeling the lack of undergarments keenly.
“What do you want with me?”
“If I intended to ’urt you, I’d ’ave done it already,” he said, then paused. “I wanted to know why Vickers wanted you. I want ’im dead, Honor. And I thought to use you as bait. At first.”
The warmth drained out of her face.
“Not anymore,” he assured her. His eyes narrowed. “I ain’t lettin’ that maggot anywhere near you.”
The shock of it still hurt. He had been planning to use her. “Why?” she demanded. “Because you want me yourself?”
He took a step closer. “Ain’t no secret. I want you in me bed, luv. But even if you don’t want it, I won’t let ’im near you.”
Honoria circled the tub, keeping him on the other side. “I was going to kiss you,” she said. “That’s what I was thinking about before you happened to mention this. I can’t believe I was so stupid!”
She might as well have struck him. His eyes narrowed as though cursing his own ill timing. “You were?”
“I was.”
“That ain’t fair.” He moved and she moved too, dancing around the bath together. Blade could capture her in an instant if he wanted to, but he didn’t use his speed. “I were only tryin’ to clear the secrets between us.”
“Why? It would have served your purpose better to keep me in the dark.”
Blade stopped. “You don’t know nothin’ ’bout me purpose or what I want from you.”
“Then what do you want?” She was so angry she wanted to throw something. Preferably at his head. Why did this hurt so much? For a moment it had been nice between them. There was no pressure, and she’d been relaxed, melting under his hands as he combed her hair. Then he’d ruined it.
Blade glared at her, his eyes narrowed.
“Well?” she asked. Anger was easier to deal with than tears.
“I don’t know.” The words were soft, spoken entirely without accent.
“Well, that’s…honest.” She leaned against the wall. Then slowly slid down it. The anger was starting to melt away in the face of his stricken expression. He didn’t know what he was doing any
more than she did.
Blade crossed toward her, his boots making no sound on the tiles. Her shoulders tensed, but she made no move to escape.
“Why does Vickers want you?” He knelt in front of her. “Why’d you go to the Institute?”
She stared at him. Her silence was answer enough. If it were only herself, she might have given in. But as much as she wanted to trust him, she was afraid she couldn’t. Not with Charlie.
“I see.” He pushed to his feet and took a step back. “I’ll send Esme in with some clothes. Then I’ll walk you back ’ome.”
Honoria let out a breath of relief. He wasn’t going to push her to divulge her secrets. She was safe. Charlie was safe.
But why did she feel so awful inside? As though she’d struck him another blow? And why should she even care?
Chapter 15
“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for hours after I got your note. Are you insane? All I could think of was Vickers with his hands on you! I thought you were dead!” Lena scraped the chair back as she stood.
“Blade told me that he sent word.” Exhaustion clung to Honoria, a result of the recent emotional upheaval. She put her bag on the table and crossed to the washbasin to splash water on her face.
“He did.” Lena sniffed. “Is that a new dress?”
Honoria didn’t know where the burgundy silk had come from, but she suspected either an actress or a merchant’s mistress. Esme had pinned it at the back, where it was too large for her, and the front was a little too low for her liking. When she looked down, she saw a good couple of inches of pale flesh on display, and when Blade had walked her home, his occasional sidelong glances told her that he too was very aware of it.
“It’s borrowed,” she said, sitting down.
“From who?” Lena dragged her own chair around, prepared to interrogate her.
“Blade.”
There was a long moment of silence while she felt her sister’s eyes boring into her. Honoria started unwrapping the bag, searching for the precious diaries.
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