by Jacob Chance
She orders cheesecake and I order the triple chocolate cake, both of us agreeing to share with each other.
“Where did you grow up?” I ask her even though I already know the answer to this question. I want her to be comfortable talking to me and I want to know everything about her.
“I grew up about twenty minutes from here in Belmont.” She studies her nails, avoiding eye contact with me.
I know this conversation isn’t something she wants to be having. “Do your parents still live there?” God, I hate doing this to her, but I have no choice. How can I explain already knowing the answers to all of these questions? I can’t—I have to remain committed to my original plan. I watch a flicker of sadness pass over her face before she answers me.
“No, both of my parents died in a house fire right before the start of my freshman year of college.” She nervously spins her bracelet around and around her wrist.
I don’t say anything. I just sit there in silence waiting for her to continue. I know there’s more for her to tell me.
Her blue eyes raise to meet mine. “My high school boyfriend and I were also in the house, but I’m the only one who survived.”
I cover her hand with mine, squeezing it gently and waiting for her to continue.
“They were never able to determine the cause of the fire.” She turns the hand resting beneath mine over, allowing me to align our palms.
“I’m sorry for your loss, I know there aren’t words to take the pain away. I wish you hadn’t gone through so much.”
“Thank you, it’s easier for me to talk about it now. What about you? Where did you grow up?”
“I grew up in South Boston. I have a sister, Kenna, she’s eight years younger than me. My parents are no longer with us. They were killed in a drunk driving accident ten years ago.”
This time she squeezes my hand and I love how soft and tiny hers is.
Her nails are painted a light blue, a small detail which makes me wonder if she has a frivolous side she keeps hidden. “I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else who’s lost both of their parents on the same day. What happened to Kenna when they passed? Who took care of her?”
She’s sweet to be concerned for Kenna and I like how she genuinely cares about other people. The more I learn about her, the deeper I fall.
“I took care of Kenna. I was twenty-three at the time of their death and the only option she had.”
She takes a bite of her cheesecake and rinses it down with a sip of water before continuing. “So that means you’re thirty-three now.” She raises an eyebrow and waits for me to confirm it.
“Yes, I’m thirty-three. Does that make me too old for you?”
I hope it doesn’t.
My stomach tightens anxiously as I wait for her answer.
“No, I’ve never been one to get hung up on age. I’m twenty-two and an adult who can make my own decisions. I know what’s right for me.”
“Am I right for you?” I ask, my voice sounding hoarse to my own ears.
Her eyes rise from her plate to meet mine and I swear I can almost see the sexual tension flowing between us. “That remains to be seen.”
***
I was shocked when Janny agreed to let me drive her home. I’m thrilled she’s already feeling more comfortable with me. The ride to her apartment passes mostly in silence, but there’s no awkwardness to it at all. Every once in a while I’ll take my eyes off the road and glance at her. Our eyes will meet and we’ll share a small smile.
She directs me to the apartment building she lives in and once the car is parked, I jump out and walk around to open her door for her. She seems surprised I’m observing this small nod to chivalry.
We hold hands, while walking toward the main entrance of her building. I’m not sure who reached for the other first. Once we’re inside I’m consumed with thoughts of kissing her, of my tongue gliding across her pouty lips. I want to suck her lip into my mouth and nip it with my teeth.
We remain connected all the way to her first floor apartment. I’m not happy she’s on the bottom level. It would be so much safer for her if she lived on the second floor.
She lets go of me to find her keys and just before she unlocks the door she turns to face me. “Would you like to come in for a bit?”
I nod my head in response because I don’t think I can find any words right now, the way the next twenty or so minutes goes, will decide our fate. I hope her asking me to drive her home and inviting me in her apartment, means she’s curious too. I hope she’s eager to know where this may lead.
Once the door is open and we’ve both stepped inside, it takes almost every bit of restraint I have to keep from shoving her against the wall, so I can get my lips on hers. My hands clench and my teeth grind together while I fight against the fierce need to taste her mouth.
“Take a seat,” she says as she places her purse on a small entryway table. “Do you want a drink? There’s beer and water.”
“Water would be great, thanks,” my voice is tight when I answer, still thinking about our first kiss which will soon be a reality.
I glance around her space as I move toward her couch. The walls are painted a light beige and she’s hung brightly colored works of art throughout. The paintings infuse the space with a warm and happy feeling or maybe it’s just from being in her company. Red curtains flank her patio door plus all of her windows and there are matching pillows on her sofa. I walk over to the sliding glass door and check to make sure the lock is secure.
I sink down into the softness of her brown leather couch when she walks into the room. Our fingers touch when she hands me the ice water, the cubes clink against the glass and I nearly fumble my hold. I raise it to my lips and drink a large gulp of the chilly water, a soothing relief against my suddenly dry mouth. I’m acting like a nervous virgin, not the experienced man I am.
Being this close to her and knowing she’ll soon be in my arms, is doing funny things to me—things that never happen to me. I don’t get a strange feeling in my stomach when I’m around women. I never worry whether a woman will enjoy kissing me, I know they will. Yet I find myself obsessing over what kind of kiss I should give her. Should it be soft and gentle, the merest brush of our lips? Should it start out innocent and progress as passion takes over?
I place my glass down on the end table and glance at Janny sitting beside me. Our thighs are separated by only an inch or two, but it might as well be a mile with how unsure I’m feeling. This tiny slip of a woman is killing what little game remains from my wild and crazy days. I’ve reverted back to a fumbling teenager waiting for the right moment to make a move.
She angles her upper body toward mine. “Kiss me,” she blurts out, making my heart thunder in my chest.
I turn to face her, trailing the back of my fingers down her pink flushed cheek, all the way to the slight point of her chin. My thumb slides up to caress her lower lip and delicately map out its curve before moving on to trace over the bow of her upper one. I could spend hours memorizing the shape of her mouth and never tire of it. My eyes raise searching her beautiful blue ones for any sign of doubt or hesitation on her part. I recognize the emotion I see reflected there and it’s the same thing I’m feeling.
Desire.
Knowing she’s patiently waiting for my kiss is a powerful aphrodisiac. I want to throw her down on the couch and own her body in every imaginable way, drowning her in a sea of ecstasy until she’s begging me to stop. If this was anyone besides Janny I wouldn’t hesitate or worry about the consequences—but it’s not any other girl. This is what I’ve been waiting for and this has to be the best first kiss of her life. Every other first kiss I’ve given has been building toward this moment.
My head lowers, her eyes drift shut, and I lightly brush my lips against hers. I pull back to gauge her reaction, finding a slight smile on her face and now that I know she likes where this is going all fucking bets are off. I’ve just lost the last fucking thread of resist
ance holding me back and I take her lips. My arms wrap around her slight frame, pulling her into me. I’m almost dizzy with anticipation as our tongues come together for the first time.
Desire, more powerful than I’ve ever felt grips me, moving straight to my cock. I expected her to be tentative or hesitant, not the little temptress who’s gripping my hair and pressing her breasts against my chest. As we continue to kiss, she lets out a soft moan when my hands caress down over her hips, trailing lower until I’m cupping her heart shaped ass in both of my large palms. I slide my hands all over the generous curves. My painful erection is almost more than I can take. I grip her hips with my fingers, lifting her to straddle my lap and our mouths never break apart.
The first press of her heat against my cock has me on the verge of coming like an inexperienced schoolboy. I can’t control the guttural groan that escapes when my lips leave hers, trailing across her cheek and ending below her ear. I suck on the bottom of her earlobe, before gently biting on it with my teeth. She gasps, dropping her head back and I can’t resist such temptation. My lips trail down the side of her neck and then climb back up, stopping to bite and suck along the way. I nuzzle my nose behind her ear and her alluring scent assaults me. She smells sweet, like the most enticing chocolate cupcakes and she tastes better than I imagined.
Her pelvis grinds down into mine and I roll my hips up to meet hers. I know if I don’t put a stop to this now, it’s going to end with me buried eight inches deep inside her. Although there’s nothing I want more, she deserves better from me. It takes every ounce of inner strength I can rally to stop devouring her neck and hold her still on my lap. I rest my forehead against hers as my hands travel up and down her back.
“Janny, we have to stop, before this goes any further.” My breaths are labored when I speak, “I don’t want to rush things with us.” My palms reverently cup both of her cheeks, holding her still in front of me. My eyes journey over the bewitching plains of her face until they lock with hers. “I want to keep seeing you. Can I take you out again sometime soon?”
She shyly smiles at me, her cheeks flushed with passion when she whispers, “I’d love that.”
Chapter Five
Janny
My date with Kyle on Friday night went better than I’d hoped. Now, here I am, three days later, sitting in the library, still replaying each moment in my mind instead of focusing on the essay I’m writing. It surprised me how attentive he was. I loved holding his hand as we walked along the North End sidewalks. My hand felt so tiny in his, yet his hold on me was gentle. He’s so much taller than me, it felt like I had my own personal bodyguard with me. I noticed the stares from other people, I don’t think anyone would dare try to harm me when I’m with him. He seems like he knows how to take care of himself and I know being a cop, and now a private investigator, he’s been trained in hand to hand combat. I’m sure there’ve been times when he’s been in unexpected altercations due to his job.
I’ve always been attracted to the type of guy who makes me feel protected. I typically don’t date the artistic types, like Josh. Speaking of Josh, I’m glad things seem to be back to normal with us. It took a handful of days before he texted me and now I’ve made it clear we’ll never again be more than friends. We were friends before we were lovers and I never want to lose him. He and Elle are the most important people in my life and I’d be lost without either one of them.
“Hey, Jam.” Elle sneaks up behind me and scares me half to death.
I take a deep breath, my hand on my now pounding heart. “Jesus Elle, give me some warning next time. You just scared years off my life.”
She laughs at me before she takes the seat at the end of the table. She drops her bright pink messenger bag on the table without a thought for the brand new laptop inside and leans forward, resting on her elbows. “What’s new with you, Jam? We keep missing each other. Whenever I’m home, you’re not. Are you trying to tell me something?” Elle has called me Jam, short for Janice Alicia Moore, since the first day we met. My parents named me after my great grandmother, but I was always Janny to them.
“No, it’s because you’ve been busy spending time at our hunky neighbor’s apartment.”
“True. All weekend he fucked my brains out so hard; you’re lucky I remember who you are.” I giggle, loving her outrageous answer.
“By the way, how did your date go the other night?”
I rest both of my arms on the table and lean closer toward Elle. “I had an amazing time with Kyle. He’s different than I thought he’d be.” I pause for a moment and chew on my bottom lip.
“How so?” Elle interrupts, impatient as ever.
“He behaved like a perfect gentleman at dinner and dessert. I let him drive me home and even invited him in.”
Elle’s eyebrows rise with each word I say. She knows I never let guys bring me home on a first date.
“I didn’t think he’d ever kiss me and by the time he did I thought I might explode. I can’t remember ever longing for a first kiss like I did with him.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and lower my eyes as I think about our hot kiss. The way he maneuvered me into his lap and the dry humping we did had me ready to come. When I look back up at Elle she’s fanning herself with her hand.
“Jesus, I’m getting hot just watching you think about kissing him.” I snort at her before I continue, “It was the best kiss of my life. If kissing him is that hot, I can’t wait to know what sex is like with him.”
Elle gasps, covering her mouth, her brown eyes comically large above her hand. She slowly lowers her arm, resting her hand on the table. “Who are you and where is my prudish best friend?” I whack her in the arm.
“Shut up, I’m not a prude. There’s a difference between being a prude and being choosy. Just because I’ve only slept with two other guys doesn’t mean I don’t like sex or think about it.”
“Wow, you must really like this guy if you’re thinking about sleeping with him already.” I laugh. “Will he be meeting the family soon?” She teases.
I look down at my paper and avoid her eyes because I would like that, but there’s only my brother, Bryan, and he and I aren’t close. I can’t really remember what he was like before my parents died. He’d already moved away to college by the time I attended junior high and when he’d come home we hardly spoke. Now I feel like we’ve never really gotten to know the adult versions of each other. God knows I’ve tried, but you can’t hold a conversation with a living wall. I’m much closer with his wife, Sharon, and I think she would really like Kyle.
“I think we can hold off on meeting the family for now and when he and I do sleep together, there will be nothing ugly about it. It’s going to be hot as hell.”
I have some reservations about dating him. I’m worried once he’s done with me I may never be the same. What does a guy like him want with a girl like me?
“He’s a lot older and more experienced than I am, but I really like him. I’m just worried I won’t be exciting enough for him. I shouldn’t be thinking about this anyway, we just met. I’m only going on my second date with him in two more days.” When he called me yesterday and we set up a date for this coming Wednesday night, I was pleasantly surprised.
I don’t want to be one of those girls who makes more out of a situation than it is. We’ve seen each other a few times and only one of those times was planned. I think it’s a little too soon to start thinking about the future. I know it’s not like I’m picking out china patterns or naming our kids, but in this situation I think taking things one day at a time might be best thing to do. There’s so much I don’t know about Kyle, he’s a wild card and I don’t know where he and I will end up.
“Just go slow, Jam. Don’t let him rush you into anything you’re not ready for.” She pushes back her chair and stands, putting her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you later, I’m meeting our hunky neighbor now and you should stop worrying. Everything will be fine.” She blows me a kiss and I wave before she turns to walk away.
I’m so lost in my thoughts of Kyle and our date the other night that I’m not getting much studying done. I’m in my last semester of college, but I’m not home free yet. I want to finish strong and honor my parents’ memory. I want them to be proud of me, but I know they would be, no matter what I chose to do with my life. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t miss them and wish for one more hour with them.
Thinking about the two of them always stirs up memories of David, my high school boyfriend and first love, who also perished in the fire. It was mid-July, the summer before our freshman year of college at Boston University and we’d been together for two years. We had so many plans for our future together. I know most high school sweethearts don’t last, but I think we would’ve been fine. We were each other’s first for all things and we were also best friends.
God, I loved that boy.
Most days I still think of him in some small way and since his death I’ve never opened myself up to the possibility of falling in love again. Losing David devastated me, I never want to go through anything as painful again. I barely survived it and if it hadn’t been for the distraction of college and meeting Elle, I wouldn’t have.
***
“How’s your week been so far?” Kyle asks, his large feet keeping time with my smaller ones, while we stroll along. He picked me up for our date right on time and we decided to walk to a popular local restaurant, only a couple of blocks from my apartment. The weather has been unseasonably mild for March, but the air still has the perfect amount of chill to it. The weight of Kyle’s arm around my shoulders is keeping me comfortably warm and I love the way it feels to be pressed against his side.
“Not bad. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again.” I tip my head back and look up at him waiting to see him react to what I said. The honesty of my answer surprises me. This is not something I would normally say on a second date. I usually keep how I’m really feeling to myself. It’s all part of my need to keep guys at arm’s length. Something about Kyle makes me want to open up to him.