Infiltration (Infiltration Book 1)

by Susanna Rogers

  “I’m not getting out of this alive,” I said softly. “I’ve given up my life for you. My superiors will execute me. I have absolutely no doubt about that.”

  He gritted his teeth. “I trusted you.”

  And he didn’t any more.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Why were hospitals so dreary? Mom and I were sitting upright in padded navy velvet chairs with firm seats and narrow arm rests. We were lucky to have nabbed the good chairs rather than a seat in the row of blue plastic chairs worthy of a bus depot waiting lounge that lay opposite us. Then, this was a waiting area.

  Everything here looked ancient to me. The glossy magazines on the coffee table had been straightened but that didn’t make them any less dog-eared. The walls had probably once been white but were now an indiscriminate shade of pale gray. The blue carpet bore the tracks of a vacuum cleaner. The place was clean, but that was the best you could say about it. No windows, no prints on the walls, no personality, nothing to make you want to stay. Maybe that was the point.

  Dad crouched in front of Mom, holding her hands in his. “You sure you don’t mind if I go back to the office?”

  “Honey, you know I don’t like too much fuss.” Mom’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “There’s nothing more you can do here and I’ve got Nicola for company.”

  He leaned across, smoothed my hair and whispered in my ear, “Be brave for your mom.”

  I nodded. “I’ve got everything under control.”

  “That’s good to hear.”

  Bending over, he slid his hand along his wife’s jaw and kissed her gently on the lips. His kiss said I care for you, and I love you, and I’ll always be there for you. But he had to go, and he was leaving her in good hands.

  After he left, Mom dropped the magazine she wasn’t reading into her lap and turned to me. “You look worried.”

  “Of course I’m concerned,” I said. “I’d be pretty stupid if I wasn’t.”

  “Anything else bothering you?”

  “No, right now you’re the most important thing.”

  Though that last part was true, I was such a good liar. Everything was worrying me, and there was absolutely no reason for her to know.

  “You could always go to school, then come back later,” she said, as if that was going to happen.

  “Or I could just stay here.”

  “I guess anything’s better than school.”

  She had it the wrong way around. Anything would be better than this, however there were some things we had no control over. A lot of things.

  “Besides,” I said. “I might be able to offer the doctors some important medical advice from the vast store of knowledge I learned at school.”

  At least I made Mom snigger. It was the best I could do. I’d tried to obtain the cure for her and failed. Either Lucien hadn’t wanted to help or the generals intercepted my message. I’d probably never know which. And Ben wasn’t yet in a position to simply whip together a remedy that was going to take years of concerted research.

  Ben… How would I keep him safe when I wasn’t here any more? Was there any way of getting through to him?

  If only I could keep the people I loved alive. What was it my mother had said not long after I first arrived? You give us so much pleasure just by breathing. Now I knew exactly what she meant.

  I looked up to see Mom take off her wedding ring and watch, and place them both in her purse while a nurse spoke to her. It seemed so final. I reminded myself it wasn’t.

  “I’ll look after that for you, Mom.” I took the purse from her.

  She slowly stood. “You sure you’ll be all right?”

  I grabbed the magazine slipping from her lap. “Sure, I have this riveting reading.”

  And she left. Just like that.

  The surgery she was having had come a long way since it had first been developed. No big deal, as my mom had insisted. They were going to make a tiny incision, poke around with a special instrument and cut away the cancerous lump. In fact, the procedure was so simple it didn’t even require a general anesthetic, only a local, so she’d be awake throughout the procedure. I still didn’t like the sound of it.

  The doctors would take care of her. They had to.

  At least there was one good thing I could say about the Bartley government. They’d made vast improvements to the health system so people who didn’t have much money could still get adequate care. Mom had told me stories of how people were regularly turned away from hospitals because they didn’t have health insurance. I found that unthinkable.

  Everything had seemed so much more straightforward in New Nation. Die for my country? No problem. Go back in time on a life-threatening mission? Sure. Kill for my country? Absolutely.

  How could it be that life was so much more complex here? I’d never felt this way in New Nation. In fact, I’d hardly felt much at all, and now I could see it was because I’d been brainwashed and whipped into line. Then there were the so-called “vitamins”. It made me wonder what else the government was doing to control the people, what other measures they were taking, what else I didn’t know about.

  I’d learnt one thing in the last few months. You had to be strong to handle emotions.

  You’d think I should’ve been too stressed to doze off in the upright chair with the narrow arm rests, but that’s exactly what I did.

  Mom shook me awake. This was the wrong way around. I should’ve been taking care of her.

  I jumped to my feet. Her purse slipped from my lap but I caught it and handed it to her. She looked exactly the same as before. How could that be? Hadn’t the surgery saved her life? Hadn’t it changed her?

  “Don’t look so worried, Nicola,” she said.

  “We went through this before,” I said. “Of course I’m worried.”

  “I already spoke to the doctor on my own.”

  “And?” I asked.

  “So far, so good. They removed the lump and the surgeon is confident he got it all.”

  “That’s promising, isn’t it?”

  “He’s also concerned it might be a certain type of cancer that leaches into the rest of the body. They’ve sent a sample off for testing. The results won’t be back until first thing Monday.”

  Words weren’t going to cut it so I wrapped my arms around Mom and held her close.

  Damn it, I hated all this uncertainty. Hated that there was nothing else I could do for her.

  But some things were out of my hands.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I wasn’t in a party mood, didn’t feel like acting happy, but wasn’t in the habit of sulking so I hammed it up for Lauren’s sake. Only two more days after this. It didn’t bear thinking about.

  Lauren reached for my hand as we walked down the hallway toward the thrum of the party. This may once have been a comfortable living room, however it had now been taken over by teenagers and turned into party central.

  A few kids were draped over sofas while everyone else was standing around chatting or shouting over the doof-doof music that blared from a stereo. In a corner, two girls lifted their arms over their heads and undulated, performing a sultry dance while a small group of guys pretended not to look. A giant anti-curfew banner was stretched across one wall, the only indication this was a protest rather than a party.

  Outside the French doors at the rear of the room, someone was hunched over, vomiting into the garden. No party was complete without it. Then the boy straightened and I recognized Daniel, the computer nerd. I’d only ever seen him with his friend Lorenzo, the two of them talking about technology. I’d certainly never seen him like this. Who’d have thought?

  Lauren headed for the dining table covered with half-full bottles, empty beer cans, dirty glasses and several stacks of clean ones. A punch bowl took pride of place in the center.

  She pulled a bottle of white wine out from her bag, unscrewed the lid, and poured a generous serving into a clean glass.

  “You sure I can’t interest you?” she asked
. Before I had a chance to answer, she added, “Watch out for the punch. It’s most likely contaminated.”

  “Allergic, remember?” I said.

  “Worst luck. You’re missing out, Nicola.”

  I could’ve had a glass or two, but I didn’t want to use alcohol as an escape. I wanted life, wanted to feel, no matter how hard it was.

  “You didn’t even notice my hair.” Lauren tilted her head, her hair a shade blonder, thanks to more foils.

  “It looks lovely,” I said.

  And mine looked the same as always, light brown and pulled back into a ponytail.

  At the far end of the room, Ben stepped inside the French doors with another guy, both of them laughing. He glanced around, relaxed and happy, until his eyes locked with mine and the smile got wiped from his face. He stared with a look partway between disgust and indifference. I didn’t know which was worse.

  My heart sank. The noise in the room disappeared. Only silence in my head. There was nothing else in the room, only me and Ben, and the chasm between us.

  Time stood still. It was true. That could happen.

  Lauren nudged my shoulder. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

  I looked around but couldn’t see Ben any longer. He’d moved on, outside perhaps, or away. Away from me.

  Lauren’s eyes were wide. “Did you guys break up?”

  “You could say that,” I replied.

  “You’ll have to win him back.”

  Simone and Taylor walked into the room. With hair and outfits carefully coordinated and styled to perfection, they looked as if they were ready to perform with a backing band. Their make-up was certainly thick enough to be stage make-up. It didn’t look so bad against Simone’s dark skin but on Taylor it looked like a disease.

  Lauren waved to them, then turned to me. “Ben doesn’t know what he’s missing out on with you. I’m sorry it’s not working out.”

  “I’m not ready to talk about it just yet.” I motioned toward Simone and Taylor. “Why don’t you go chat with them? I’ll join you in a while.”

  Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

  I ushered her away and wandered around the edge of the room, staying on the outside. That’s what I was, an outsider, and somehow it felt strangely comfortable. I was never going to fit with Simone and Taylor and the cool crowd, and didn’t want to. I wasn’t a nerd either. I was something else.

  Yet being in that room filled me with warmth. Everyone around me looked so healthy and happy, if a little drunk, though that was okay too. They had their whole lives ahead of them and they were having fun. They’d go on to college and get jobs and make their own decisions. They’d have relationships and lovers and search for the right person. They’d live their lives to the full. Or not. They could do as they wished.

  Life. This was it.

  Feeling a little heady, I wandered outside for some fresh air and bumped into Daniel, literally.

  “Where’s Lorenzo tonight?” I asked.

  “He said he knew where he wasn’t wanted.” Daniel’s words were slurred. The smell of vomit mixed with rum as he leaned closer. “I know how to fit in. I’ve got friends here.”

  A vacant expression on his face, he turned and walked straight into Moose who spilt some of his beer and swore. Daniel bounced straight off Moose’s chest and crashed into his friend. What was his name? Bulldog.

  I’d seen pinball machines in old movies and that was what this reminded me of as the skinny Asian kid got bounced around from pillar to pillar.

  Bounced at first. Then pushed. The kid was out of his league.

  Moose’s expression changed as he saw me approach. He knew I wouldn’t let him push Daniel around so he put his arm around him in a friendly fashion, his lips curling to a smarmy smile. Moose and Bulldog were the only thing holding the poor kid up as the two of them led Daniel inside the house. He’d probably be safe in there.

  I should help him. I should leave. I should do something.

  It’d only be polite to let Lauren know I was leaving but the thought of bumping into Ben inside was too much for me. Still, I had to do it. Maybe I was like Lorenzo and knew where I wasn’t wanted.

  Peels of laughter ripped through the air as I stepped inside the French doors into the living area. A crowd had gathered around something, but I couldn’t see what. I pushed my way through and took it in at a glance.

  Daniel was sprawled face down on the carpet, his scrawny brown ass exposed, his pants pulled down to mid thigh. Moose stood at the kid’s feet, pointing in case anyone in the room had missed the scene. Which they hadn’t.

  A dull, pained moan escaped Daniel, causing Moose to laugh even more and the girls next to me to giggle.

  Why didn’t someone do something? How could it possibly be funny to degrade a person like this, even if he was inebriated?

  Beside me, Simone and Taylor held their glasses to their mouths, smiles on their faces, their eyes glued to the scene in front of them. Lauren stood on the other side, emulating their stance though she looked uncomfortable, her shoulders scrunched.

  “He should know he was only allowed here as entertainment,” Taylor said to her friend, rolling her eyes with an air of worldliness.

  Enough.

  I grabbed her arm, squeezed it. “Is this how you get your kicks?”

  “What’s with you, Nicola?” She shook her arm free. “He got himself drunk. I’m not the one who did that to him.”

  Absolving herself of all responsibility. Fine. Still, she had the second part right. I could work out who’d humiliated the unfortunate nerdy kid.

  Moose was bending over Daniel, his hands on the guy’s pants, about to yank them lower.

  I pushed Moose in the shoulder. “No.”

  There was a secret to giving a good shunt and that was to do it with the force of a punch. His shocked expression told me he’d felt it.

  “Leave him alone,” I said.

  Moose straightened, screwing up his face. “What’s it to you?”

  He was truly the master of the witty retort.

  I was aware of his size, so much bigger than me. Also aware no one in the room would do anything to help me, just like no one had done anything to help Daniel.

  I was in a room full of people. Alone.

  My hands were up. I was ready. Leaning closer, I repeated my request for him to leave the kid alone.

  “What’s up your ass?” Moose replied. Another witty retort.

  My gaze was riveted to his. “Do you really want to do this?”

  Lips parted, he returned my stare. His face flushed pink and I saw it in his eyes. He didn’t want a repeat of what had happened at the martial arts arena, not now and certainly not with an audience.

  Shaking with rage, he stepped back, spat on the floor beside me and stormed out of the room toward the front door, taking Bulldog with him.

  I turned to help Daniel but Ben was already there, along with another guy who was pulling the kid’s pants up and trying to get him sorted. It was better they did it than me, less embarrassing for the victim. Ben didn’t look up.

  As I glanced around, the party was buzzing again as if nothing had happened but I could guarantee that for Daniel this wasn’t nothing. He’d never live this down. I hadn’t got to him soon enough.

  Not sure what to do, I wandered across to Lauren.

  She nodded slowly. “Whoa.”

  I’d never heard her use so few words.

  Taylor scowled at Lauren. “You can’t possibly be sticking up for her. She caused a scene, ruined the fun.”

  Lauren’s eyes narrowed as she stared at the other girl but I couldn’t read her, couldn’t tell what was on her mind.

  “What?” Taylor asked. “What’s wrong?”

  “You have no idea how wrong you are,” Lauren said.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your mouth.” Lauren leaned across, touched the girl’s lips and smeared deep red color across her pale cheek. “Your lipsti
ck’s smudged.”

  Go Lauren!

  Taylor was outraged. Simone comforted her. Lauren took my arm, stepping into the back garden with me.

  We bumped into Rex Anderson outside, literally. I seemed to be bumping into a lot of people tonight.

  “You did a nice job back there saving Daniel from Moose,” he said.

  For a moment I thought he might’ve matured since the first day at school when he’d groped me, but his words were slurred and he was swaying. It’d be a long time until he grew up.

  I shrugged. “Thanks.”

  He nodded, his blond hair bobbing over his eyes. “I’m just glad it wasn’t me at the receiving end that time.”

  “You’re drunk, dude,” Lauren said.

  Rex raised his eyebrows. “Not too drunk to get more beer.”

  “Oh, yes you are,” Lauren said. “You’ll crash your mother’s nice silver convertible.”

  “Then she’ll spank me.”

  He slipped past her to leave, a wicked grin on his face. If I had the energy, I’d have stopped him.

  Lauren sat beside me on a chaise lounge at the back of the garden. “I wish I’d had the guts to stand up to Moose like that.”

  “That was nothing compared with the way you handled Taylor,” I said.

  Lauren shrugged. “I’ve had enough of her and Simone. You were right when you said they were mean. Sometimes there’s a fine line between ‘cool’ and ‘stupid bitch’.”

  I laughed, feeling closer to Lauren than ever before.

  Her eyes lit up. “I wrote that story about how the community center and skate park were knocked down, and emailed it to a couple of magazines. I told my mom and dad what I was doing too.”

  “Good for you,” I said.

  “My mom thought I was drawing too much attention to myself.” Lauren giggled. Maybe she didn’t care too much for her mother’s opinion.

  We chatted until it was time for me to leave and Lauren to continue partying. We each had our roles to play.

  I nudged past the people lining the hallway and made my way to the front porch. Signs outside the house proclaimed ‘No curfew, no way’, reminding me of the supposed reason for the party.