by Lilian Harry
‘Only husbands—’
‘But her husband can’t be here! It’s forbidden for him to leave the airfield. And I am here. She would want to see me, I know it. And Andrew – Squadron Leader Knight – he would want it also, I am sure. When he finds out I’ve been here,’ he put his head on one side and gazed at her, ‘he will be disappointed if I can tell him nothing. So disappointed.’
The nurse glanced nervously at the door behind her. They could hear Alison’s groans and the voices of the midwives urging her on. She chewed her lip and then made up her mind.
‘I’ll try. That’s all I can promise. If Matron or one of the others were to find out, I’d get into terrible trouble, so it’ll have to be when she’s on her own, and that won’t be until the baby’s born now. But if there’s a chance – well, I will try.’
‘Thank you.’ He lay back on his pillows and she slipped out of the room.
Silently, Stefan joined his voice to those of the midwives in encouraging Alison and her baby in their battle. With the nurse gone, he began to be more aware of his cuts and bruises, the aches of his body and the throbbing in his head. He felt sick and shaken, but he knew it would pass. His more pressing desire was to see Alison.
He knew that he hadn’t been strictly honest with the nurse. He did want to see Alison for Andrew’s sake, so that he could report on her and, with luck, the baby. But most of all, he wanted to see her for his own sake. He wanted to be with her. And, when he’d heard her call his name, he had known that she wanted him too.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The baby was born at last, just after five o’clock in the morning.
The whole maternity home seemed to relax once it was all over. It was a small home, with just two wards and a few private rooms, and there were fewer than a dozen new mothers in at the time. Stefan, by now stitched and waiting for transport back to the airfield, was in a fever in case he was whisked away without having a chance to see Alison; but once the birth was over and she and the baby had both been bathed, the corridor fell silent. After a few minutes, the little nurse slipped into the room.
‘I think it would be safe now. They’ve given her a cup of tea and gone to have their breakfast. You’ll be very quick, though, won’t you?’
‘I will. Don’t worry.’ He swung his legs off the bed and padded towards the door, not stopping to put on his shoes. Apart from that, he was fully dressed. ‘Keep watch for me, will you? If anyone comes, knock on the door and I’ll jump out of the window!’
‘Don’t be silly.’ But she stationed herself nervously by the door and he slid into the room.
Alison was propped on her pillows. The bedclothes lay oddly flat over her body and he realised he had been subconsciously expecting her to be the same size as when he had last seen her. Her eyes widened as she looked up at him and then her face crumpled with tears.
‘Alison!’ In two strides, he was beside the bed, cradling her against him. In the same moment, he realised that she was holding the baby against her, wrapped in a creamy-white shawl. ‘Sweetheart, don’t cry. You’ve got your baby – you should be happy.’
‘I am,’ she sniffed, wiping the tears away. ‘It was just seeing you – I felt so lonely. Andrew can’t come to visit me and I don’t know when we’ll be together again – and then you were here and it seemed like a miracle.’ The tears flowed again but she was smiling as well. ‘Oh, Stefan, it’s so lovely to see you!’
‘Ssh,’ he said, bending to kiss her cheek. ‘Nobody must know I’m here. Matron would probably have me shot. I can only stay a few minutes. Show me your baby. Is it a boy or a girl?’
‘It’s a girl.’ Proudly, she drew aside the folds of the shawl and he looked down at a face that was neither red nor wrinkled, but creamy and smooth, with pale blue eyelids tightly closed so that long dark lashes lay like fans on the downy cheeks. The head was covered with black hair, still damp and wavy.
‘She’s exactly like Andrew,’ he said in astonishment. ‘I never believed it before, when people told me that newborn babies could resemble one of their parents.’
Alison nodded. ‘She is, isn’t she? There’s not a scrap of me in her.’
‘I expect she will have your beautiful nature,’ he told her seriously, and then kissed her again. ‘I am so pleased to be here. It is a privilege.’
‘But why are you here?’ she asked. ‘Andrew can’t come, so how did you manage it? And you’ve been here for hours. I didn’t think Matron allowed—’
‘Matron had no choice.’ He tapped one of his bandages and her eyes widened again as, for the first time, she really took in his appearance. ‘I crashed my plane and they brought me here. There was some confusion at the airfield gate – so much was going on, so many planes taking off – and this was the nearest place with medical facilities. It was just luck – for me, good luck.’
‘You crashed your plane? But are you really all right? Was anyone else hurt?’
‘It was just me. I clipped the Rock. The aircraft is broken, but I am just a little bent.’ He smiled at her. ‘I shall be in trouble, no doubt, but they’ll find me another plane. I will be back in the air by tonight. But for now – it is good that I can be here with you. I can tell Andrew that he has a beautiful daughter, as well as a beautiful wife.’
‘Oh, Stefan,’ she said, and leaned her head against him.
They stayed quiet for a few moments and then he said, ‘I will have to go soon. There is a little nurse keeping watch for me – I don’t want to get her into trouble.’
‘No, you mustn’t do that.’ As he straightened up, she reached up her free hand and slipped it round to the back of his neck, drawing him down again. ‘Stefan, I’m so glad you were here. If it couldn’t be Andrew – well, there’s nobody I’d rather have.’
A little more pressure on the back of his neck, and his lips met hers. They kissed; a brief touch of the lips. And then there was a soft knock on the door and she let him go. Hurriedly, he straightened and moved away, then he turned back again.
‘The baby’s name – what is it to be?’
‘Caroline,’ she said, and then, after a tiny pause, ‘She’s going to have three names. Caroline Morag Stephanie.’
‘You’ve seen Alison?’ Andrew echoed. ‘You’ve seen Alison and my daughter?’
Stefan had returned to the airfield to find most of the squadron safely back. Two had been lost – Brian Summers, and a new pilot who had been with them only a week or two. Stefan himself had been checked by the station doctor and seen the Group Commander about the crash. When he came back to the mess, the first thing he had done was seek out Andrew and tell him what had happened.
‘It was just luck,’ he began, but Andrew wasn’t listening. He’d telephoned the maternity home the minute he had landed and discovered that he was a father again, and Matron had told him the weight of the baby and the names Alison had chosen. For a moment, as he listened, he was bemused, and when he heard that Stefan had actually been in the little hospital while Alison was giving birth he had felt as if his world were dropping away from him.
‘They won’t let me off the station,’ he said bitterly. ‘I can’t even go two miles to see my own wife, and you waltz in as if you were the King himself. And she’s even named the baby after you! It’s crazy. I don’t understand it.’
‘It was just an accident,’ Stefan said, trying to explain. ‘I didn’t ask to be taken there. I didn’t even know that was where I was, until I came to my senses in the bedroom. Then I heard her voice …’
‘What do you mean, you heard her voice? She was in labour.’
‘Yes,’ Stefan said. ‘She was in labour. She was crying out. Calling for you,’ he added in the hope that this might mollify his Squadron Leader.
‘Calling for me? Oh, my God – my poor Alison. And me not there.’ Andrew began to pace up and down the mess. ‘I ought to have been there, not you. It’s all wrong. Oh, this bloody war!’
Stefan waited. He didn’t know what to say. He had thoug
ht that since Andrew couldn’t see Alison or their baby himself, he would be glad that a friendly face had been there with her, glad to hear at first-hand what the baby was like. Instead, he seemed angry – angry with Stefan.
There was no reason, Stefan thought uncomfortably, why he should be angry about the accident that had taken the Pole to the maternity home at just that critical moment. But if he knew the feelings that Stefan had towards his wife, he would have every justification. He might think Alison the most lovable woman in the world, but that didn’t mean he wanted other men loving her.
And I do love her, Stefan thought. All these months when I’ve been visiting her, talking to her, building castles with Hughie and telling him stories, playing the piano – all this time, I’ve been falling in love with her. I should have realised what was happening and stopped before it was too late. But I didn’t. Perhaps I didn’t want to realise it.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said at last. ‘I didn’t mean to take myself where I was not wanted. It wasn’t my wish. But I was there – and of course I wanted to see her. And I think she was pleased to see me too.’
‘I’m bloody sure she was!’ Andrew burst out. ‘She named our baby after you, didn’t she!’ He stopped by the high mantelpiece and leaned his elbow on it, biting the side of his thumb.
There was an uneasy pause. Then Stefan said, ‘I think when a woman has just had a baby she is at the mercy of her emotions. She probably regrets it already. You do not have to call the baby that name. I will understand.’
Andrew turned and came over to him. ‘No, it’s all right, Stefan. If that’s what Alison wants to call the baby, she shall. You’ve been a good friend to us, after all – especially to her. Keeping her company all these weeks …’ His voice trailed off and he hesitated, as if suspicion had touched his mind. Then he shrugged it away. ‘I know you’re a man of honour. You won’t have taken advantage of the situation – I don’t think that for a moment. It’s just – well, it’s so bloody disappointing.’
‘I know,’ Stefan said quietly. ‘And I am very sorry.’
They stood in silence for a moment or two and then Andrew heaved a deep sigh and said, ‘Well, you’d better tell me. How is she, really? Matron said she was fine but you know what these nurses are – they say you’re “comfortable” when you’re half dead. And tell me about the baby, too.’
Stefan smiled, relieved but unable to push away his guilt completely. ‘Alison is very well. Tired, but she had a difficult night. All she needs is a good sleep. She is looking beautiful. And so is the baby.’
‘Is she? Is she really?’ Andrew seemed to have forgotten his anger. ‘What’s she like? Does she look like Alison? Is she like Hughie? He was like a snowball when he was born.’
Stefan laughed. ‘No, she’s not like a snowball, not in the least. And she is not like Alison either. In fact, she looks very much like you.’
‘Like Andy?’ Robin Fairbanks asked, joining them with a pint of beer in each hand. He gave one to Andrew and one to Stefan, then turned away to pick up his own. ‘I thought you said she was good-looking?’
‘Who sent for you?’ Andrew demanded good-humouredly, then turned back to Stefan. ‘What do you mean, she looks like me? I thought all new babies looked like Winston Churchill.’
‘This one doesn’t. She looks like a princess. Pale, smooth skin and thick black hair just like yours.’ He winked at Robin. ‘It seems impossible, doesn’t it, that a baby can look like Andrew and yet be beautiful?’
‘Impossible? I’d say it was a blooming miracle.’ Robin lifted his pint. ‘If you ask my opinion, the poor kid’s going to need all the help she can get. Anyway, let’s drink to a long and happy life for her. To – what did you say her name is?’
‘Caroline,’ Andrew said. ‘Caroline Morag.’ He paused, glanced quickly at Stefan, then added, ‘Stephanie. Old Dabrowski here’s going to be her godfather.’
‘Is he, by Jove?’ Robin raised his eyebrows and lifted his glass to Stefan, who hoped he didn’t look as astonished as he felt. ‘Well, here’s to you, old boy, as well. And here’s to the proud daddy.’
‘To Andy!’ the others shouted, and Stefan realised that the whole squadron had gathered about them. ‘Andy and Alison and their new sprog.’
Stefan drank with them, thankful when the conversation was directed away from himself. He moved away and stood by the window, looking out at the twilight and thinking about the picture Alison and her baby had made in the white hospital bed.
Robin Fairbanks came and stood beside him.
‘It’s a bloody shame old Andy can’t get out to see them, you know,’ he remarked quietly. ‘It must sting a bit, to know that you were there instead. But I dare say he’s glad, on the whole. I’m sure she was.’
‘I hope so,’ Stefan said, thinking of the soft touch of her lips on his. ‘I hope so.’
May came in to see Alison as often as possible. For the whole two weeks she was in the home, Alison was not allowed to put a foot out of bed. She fretted and railed against it.
‘I feel perfectly well now. I’m sure I could manage. And I’m going to have to, once I get home again. I’m just getting weaker, lying in bed all this time. It’s silly.’
‘You’ve got to get over the birth,’ May said, putting a small brown-paper parcel on the bed. ‘It’s hard on a body, having a baby. You’ve got to get your strength back.’
‘I’ve got my strength back,’ Alison grumbled. She had been feeling tearful and crochety for two or three days now. ‘Look at women in Africa and India. They have their babies while they’re working out in the fields. They just go behind a bush for a while, then come out and carry on working, with their babies on their backs. They don’t stay in bed for a fortnight.’
‘Well, they’re different,’ May said. ‘Open your present. It might cheer you up.’
‘I’m perfectly cheerful, thanks,’ Alison said ungraciously, but she unwrapped the brown paper, smoothing it out carefully so that it could be used again. ‘Oh May, they’re lovely!’ She held up a tiny pink knitted jacket and a pair of minute bootees. ‘Have you knitted these since the baby was born? Wherever did you get the wool?’
‘That little shop in Yelverton,’ May said, smiling with pleasure. ‘I saved some of my coupons and the lady put by some pink and blue baby wool for me, so that I could have the right colour. Mother knitted them, though. I haven’t had much time myself.’
‘No, of course you haven’t. You’ve been looking after Hughie as well as doing your other work. Well, say thank you to your mother for me until I can do it myself.’ Alison gazed in admiration at the little garments. ‘They’re so tiny, aren’t they? I can’t believe Hughie was ever that small. How is he, May? I hope he’s not missing me too much.’
‘He’s getting along fine. We keep him busy most of the time so he doesn’t have time to miss you, and when he goes to bed he’s asleep the minute his head touches the pillow. He’s been helping Grandpa in the garden, and I took him down to Double Waters this afternoon – he walked all the way there and back and hardly complained at all. We saw the herons on their nests, and a dipper, and a kingfisher! And he found a shiny stone on the old mine-dumps there. He thinks it’s a diamond, but Father says it’s called marcasite.’
‘It sounds as if he’s having a lovely time,’ Alison said wistfully. ‘I wish I could come home, May. I’m missing him so much.’
‘I know. But the time will soon pass, and you’ve got to get to know little Caroline as well. You’ll soon be back and then you’ll have your own family all around you.’
‘Will I? I hope so. But with everyone getting ready for the Invasion … well, I’ve got a nasty feeling about it, May. I’m so afraid that something’s going to happen to Andrew.’ She stopped and looked at her friend with wide, frightened eyes. ‘I might never see him again. He might never even see his baby!’
She burst into tears, and May immediately moved closer to comfort her. She put both arms around Alison and drew her close, patting
her shoulders and murmuring. Alison turned her head so her face rested against May’s breast, and sobbed as if her heart were broken.
‘I’m sorry, May. I’m being so selfish, especially after you’ve lost Ben. But that’s just made it worse – it’s made me realise all over again how dangerous it all is. I can’t stop thinking about it. I try, I really do – I tell myself how lucky he’s been so far, what a good pilot he is and all that – and then I think about Ben and how good he was as well, but how it didn’t make any difference in the end. And I wonder just how long anyone can go, being lucky, and … oh, it all goes round and round in my head, and I feel like a prisoner in here, and Andrew’s a prisoner on the station. We’re only two miles apart but we can’t see each other. And then I think how he may fly off one day and never come back, and it starts all over again. I can’t seem to stop it.’ She lifted her head and looked at May with red-rimmed eyes. ‘And you’re doing so much for me, looking after Hughie and bringing me lovely presents and all I can do is snap and grumble and be a grouch and then cry all the time. I don’t know what’s the matter with me.’
‘You’ve just had a baby,’ May said soothingly. ‘It often takes women like that. And you’ve got plenty to grumble about, too. Everything you say is right, after all. It’s awful for you.’
‘It’s awful for everyone,’ Alison sniffed. ‘Not just me. There are plenty of people worse off than I am. You are, for a start. You’ve lost your fiancé before he even had a chance to give you a ring, and you’ll never have his babies. And I shouldn’t be saying things like that!’ she burst out as May’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m just making it all worse.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re saying what’s true. And I’ll tell you something, Alison – it might sound funny, but I’m glad to hear somebody saying it, because most people are frightened to. And if I say anything like it, I just sound sorry for myself. But it is true. We never had a chance to get married or – or to love each other properly – and I’ll never have his babies. But nothing’s going to happen to Andrew, and even if it did, at least you’d have Hughie and Caroline.’