by K C West
PJ took it and stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll make the call right now.”
Before we could say another word, she was across the room and out of our sight.
Blodwyn gave me a quick grin. “Doesn’t waste any time, your woman.”
I smiled. “Not when she’s got her mind made up, no.”
We poured ourselves another cup of tea and sipped slowly.
“Blodwyn, I don’t believe you told us the whole story just now.”
“Why would you think that?” Her eyes wouldn’t quite meet my own. “I’ve told you the main thing, that she was shot. Allegedly, but most probably, by one of the men who kidnapped your partner.”
“We could assume that, because PJ identified her picture, but there’s something else you’re not telling us about Sarah.”
Blodwyn fidgeted and glanced at the doorway to the drawing room. “I didn’t want to say it in front of her, you understand.”
I leaned forward. “What?”
“Before Sarah was shot, she was raped, rather brutally.”
My stomach tightened. The recently swallowed tea and cookies now threatened to reappear. “Oh, shit.” I shuddered and closed my eyes, trying my best to shut out the image that appeared in my mind. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.
After several seconds, I forced myself to look at the sergeant. “Thank you for sparing PJ that information.”
“It may come out sooner or later at a trial. But for now, it would only disturb her more.”
“Yes.”
“She really needs to see a therapist, Kim.”
“I know. And she will, once we return to Boston. Her father has made arrangements.”
“You’ll make sure she goes?”
“I will.” Though it might take an act of Congress.
“Good. Now, one more thing.”
“Good grief, what else could there be?”
“You should go, too.”
I stared at her. “Me? I don’t need a shrink.”
“Take it from me, you do.”
Furious denials formed on my lips, and my belly heated in anger.
Blodwyn raised her hand. “Before you get all huffy with me, listen. I know what I’m talking about. You both need counseling, or your relationship will suffer.”
“Our relationship is none of your damn business, Sergeant Jones.”
She smiled, despite my outburst. “Probably not. But I’m making it my business long enough to tell you something. I know from experience what trauma like this can do to a couple.”
“PJ is going to be just fine.” I took the napkin from my lap and wadded it between my fingers.
“I pray that she will be,” Blodwyn said. “And what about you? What about all that anger you’re carrying around inside?”
“We just need a little time to sort things out, to get away together.” I spoke with my teeth clenched, trying to keep my voice under control.
“Kim. Listen to me, okay? Get your knickers untwisted long enough to hear me out.”
I tossed the napkin on the table and laced my fingers together in my lap. “Fine. You seem bound and determined, so go ahead.”
“Four years ago, I was in just about the same situation that you’re in. My partner was attacked and raped one night on her way home from work.” Blodwyn’s face flushed as she spoke. “Jemma fought her assailant, but in the end, it didn’t matter. The only thing she could do to stay alive was to let him do whatever he wanted to her. And he did.”
“I’m so sorry. Though PJ managed to avoid being raped, I know how you must have felt. It must have been hell.”
She bit her lip and gazed past me, blinking back tears. “It was all of that and more. I was crazy with anger. I could have ripped the bastard’s heart out of his chest and stuffed it down his bloody throat. My rage was so strong that I couldn’t function. Not as a copper, or a lover, or even as a human being. Jemma and I barely spoke to each other, we hurt so much. She was keeping all her pain bottled up inside, only I was blind to it, you see. I mistakenly thought time was the healer of all things.”
I was embarrassed to hear such intimate revelations from her, and afraid to admit that she had struck a nerve. Could my rage be that unyielding?
“The department insisted on counseling. I resisted for many days, telling them I was all right, that it was Jemma who needed help. We would be just fine as long as she received treatment. Isn’t that what you’re telling yourself right now?”
I stared at my folded hands. “No, it’s not like that at all with us.”
“Very well, lie to me. But don’t lie to yourself or to PJ. See that she gets help, and then get some for yourself. Both of you need to work on this together, or things may never be the same between you.”
Her expression scared me. There was a crack in her professional veneer that threatened to reveal old, painful wounds.
“You seem to be functioning okay now, Blodwyn.” I gave her a tiny smile. “Did you have a hand in catching the rapist?”
“He was caught, but it wasn’t from anything I did. Jemma went to several psychiatrists before she could even bring herself to return to her job. I went to the department counseling service after our relationship fell apart.” Her voice caught, and raw emotion spilled out. “I was with you through all of this, Kim. I know how you feel about PJ and how she feels about you. Don’t let what happened to Jemma and me happen to the two of you.”
My brain finally registered the anguish in her words. I was expecting a happy ending to the story. I was all set to nod my head and assure her we would not let anything happen to us, once she assured me all had been fixed in her life. But then I sensed that her story was not going to end happily, and my mind reeled at the thought of losing what PJ and I had together. Surely that wasn’t possible, was it?
“Please, Kim,” Blodwyn was saying, “you need to listen to me.”
“I hear you, really I do. But tell me how it all turned out for you and Jemma. Didn’t the counseling do you both some good? You were able to patch things up, weren’t you?”
“Why do you think I’ve been badgering you so? This is serious. Trauma like what happened to Jemma and PJ doesn’t get fixed without professional help. I was lucky enough to get aid from a very wise and caring doctor. I was able to work through my anger issues.”
“Good. What about your partner?”
She looked down at her hands. “I’m afraid Jemma wasn’t as lucky. Her pain was too deep. She never got over the incident, and our relationship fell apart.”
My mouth dropped open. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry.”
Blodwyn raised her head, eyes glistening. “That’s not the worst of it. I could have accepted the fact that Jemma couldn’t love me the way she used to, if only…” She took a shaky breath and started again. “If only she’d gone on living.”
“What? I don’t understand.”
“She couldn’t live with the pain of it all, Kim. She took an overdose of barbiturates and died before I could get her to hospital.”
I felt like a cannonball had slammed into my gut.
Blodwyn bent her head and pressed her hand to her eyes. “I thought our love would last forever,” she murmured.
And always, I thought. Forever and always. Just like PJ and me. Oh, God.
I reached across the table and gripped her free hand until she regained her composure.
PJ returned and gave us both concerned looks. “Everything okay back here?”
“Yeah,” I assured her in a husky voice. “How about you?”
She sat down and folded her hands. “I talked to Mrs. Worthington. She’s a lovely woman. She sounds so much like Sarah.” Her voice cracked. “Anyway, she said it would be okay if I went to visit her.” She looked at me. “Do we have time before we leave?”
“I think we could make the time.”
PJ focused on the sergeant. “Will you take me to see her? I’d like to have you there when I tell her what I have planned.”
“I imagine I can. Just tell me when it suits you.”
PJ gave her a huge smile. “I will. Thank you.”
I tapped her hands. “Are you going to let us in on your plans?”
“Sarah told me about wanting to finish nursing school. It was her dream to become a nurse and help others. Her mother was divorced and couldn’t afford to pay the tuition, so that was why Sarah dropped out and went to work, taking cleaning jobs around the area.”
“Poor thing,” Blodwyn said.
“Yes,” PJ agreed. “I’m going to keep in touch with Mrs. Worthington, and make sure her bills get paid, but my real goal is to start a nursing scholarship in Sarah’s name at the college she was attending.”
“Great idea,” I said.
The sergeant nodded. “I’m sure it will give Sarah’s mother some comfort to know that her daughter’s name and ideals will live on through such a program.”
PJ beamed. “That’s settled, then. Are we all finished now, or do you have something else to discuss?”
Gripping her briefcase, Blodwyn looked at her intently. “I think I’m finished. I’ll let Kim fill you in.”
“Okay,” PJ said, but she was clearly puzzled.
Blodwyn’s gaze shifted to me. “Tell her everything we talked about.”
“I will. She’ll know if I try to keep anything from her, anyway.”
PJ touched my arm. “Now you have me really curious.”
Blodwyn brushed some crumbs from her lap. “What we spoke of had to do with my personal experiences in a similar situation. I’ve also observed, and Kim agreed, that you haven’t been quite up to par lately.”
PJ let some irritation show. “I see. And how, exactly would you - ”
“Wait, please” Blodwyn held up her hand. “I’m not trying to criticize. I’d just like you both to move beyond this terrible time in your lives and remember Wales with fondness.”
“We had great memories before all the nasty stuff happened,” I told her, coming to my partner’s rescue.
“And we found this place enchanting,” PJ assured her.
Blodwyn nodded. “It is enchanting, magical even. But you’ve been cheated out of so many wonderful experiences.”
“It’s okay, really.”
The sergeant turned to me. “No, it isn’t. What happened to both of you never should have happened.”
PJ took her hand. “Blodwyn, we appreciate what you’re trying to say, and we want you to know that we don’t hold Wales responsible. We’ve visited a lot of great places here and enjoyed everything.”
“I’m glad, but I can’t help thinking that you deserve more. Please promise me you’ll come back again soon and let me show you all the places that I know and love.”
PJ and I shared a look.
“Thank you,” I said. “I’m sure we would love to take you up on your generous offer.”
“Good.” Blodwyn nodded. “That’s settled then.”
I looked around the sitting room, surprised to discover that we were the only guests left at tea. “In the meantime, we’d better get going. I think Arwel and Mavis want to clean up in here.”
“Right you are.” Blodwyn shouldered her purse. “Thanks to you both for a lovely visit. PJ, ring me when you want to see Mrs. Worthington.”
“I will. Thank you for your friendship, Blodwyn. It means a great deal to both of us.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I appreciate everything you’ve told me.”
She our hands and smiled. “It’s been a pleasure getting to know you both. I just wish circumstances had been different.”
“Getting to know you has been one of the good things about our trip to Wales,” PJ said, as we walked Blodwyn to the door.
We said goodbye to her and climbed single-file up the narrow, spiral stairs to our room. Pup needed a walk, and I had a strong suspicion that PJ would accompany us, firing questions at me left and right.
Tact wasn’t my strong point. I knew Frederick was in favor of this therapy plan. PJ went through it before, years ago, but I wished I could say that I was comfortable with the idea of letting a shrink pick at my brain. Just the thought made me shudder.
PJ put her arms around me. “Cold?”
“No, I was just thinking about something.”
When we opened the door to our room, Pup greeted us like long-lost family. We ruffled his fur and tickled behind his ears. “Ready for a walk, boy?” I asked, taking his leash from the dresser top.
Pup yelped an answer.
“If you can wait long enough for me to pee, I’d like to join you,” PJ said.
“Sure.” I gave her a weak smile. Oh, boy. I was in for it now.
When she had closed the bathroom door, I knelt and attached Pup’s leash. “You’re going to be the only one who enjoys this walk, my friend,” I whispered into his ear.
He gave my chin what I took as a sympathetic lick.
Chapter 29
Two days later, Kim and I were up early, driving the Rover along the winding country roads surrounding Dolgellau. We had scheduled several important activities for the day, beginning with a visit to the grave of Kim’s “mermaid,” the Jane Doe from the morgue. Kim had offered to provide her with a proper resting place, despite some local resistance to burying an unidentified person in the churchyard. The granite headstone, a rush order, was simple, but beautifully carved.
Fair Mermaid, it read, may you rest in peace forever.
My partner knelt to brush some debris away from the gravesite. “No one claimed her, so I named her Fair Mermaid because she was found in the water.”
“Why ‘fair?’ Was she fair?”
“She looked a little like you, which is why I was called in to identify her.” Kim stood and put her arm around me. “They thought she was you.”
I gave her waist a squeeze. “Oh, right. You told me a bit about that time. My memory has so many holes in it these days.”
She touched my cheek. “Have patience with yourself. We’ll get through this together.”
“I know we will. But I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”
“They say that suffering builds character, don’t they? And to be honest, Blodwyn was there supporting me when I viewed her body, so I wasn’t quite alone.” She took the bouquet of white roses I was holding for her and laid them at the base of the headstone.
“She met a violent death, you know,” Kim said. “A young life with so much potential, wasted.”
“You did a nice thing,” I told her, trying to avoid tears. “Providing her with a decent burial is probably the nicest thing anyone ever did for her.”
“As you did for Sarah. In a way, they were part of our lives, Sarah and the Mermaid. Now they’ll be remembered in a positive manner.”
We stood wrapped in each other’s arms for several minutes, listening to the birds and the breeze as it whispered through the leaves of a nearby oak. Kim was probably reliving the time she had been called to see this woman in the morgue. Now, at least, the woman was covered in green grass and shaded by the branches of a friendly old oak. It was a pleasant place to spend eternity. And Arwel, bless her heart, had promised to bring flowers on special days and lay them on the Mermaid’s grave.
“We’ve both had the unpleasant task of identifying or viewing women who were killed by sudden, violent means.” I reached up and touched Kim’s tear-stained face. “Am I heartless to be glad it wasn’t me who died?”
She took my hand and kissed it. “No. I couldn’t have survived such a tragedy.”
“I’m sorry she still has no name. At least I got to see Sarah’s mother and tell her how brave and kind her daughter was during her last hours on earth.”
Kim steered us back to the Rover. “I’m sure that was a comfort to her. And the nursing scholarship you’re planning to set up in Sarah’s name will be a lasting tribute to a life that ended much too soon.”
I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with the scent of flowers and freshly cut grass. “It was the right th
ing to do. I promised Sarah I’d help her once we escaped, but - ” My voice cracked and tears slid down my cheeks. “It’s a damn shame.”
Kim rubbed my back as we stood beside the vehicle, looking back on the hillside with its row upon row of weathered, moss-covered headstones. “It is, indeed,” she said.
*
We found a level patch of grass overlooking the graveyard and we spread our picnic blanket there. Sunshine warmed our bodies, and birds continued to serenade us with their melodious songs. As my partner opened our basket and prepared plates of food, I closed my eyes and tried to absorb the tranquility.
“A penny for your thoughts.” Kim sat down beside me and put two plates of fruit, cheese, sandwiches, and Scotch eggs in my lap.
I held our plates while she pulled two bottles of lemon squash from the basket that Arwel had packed for us.
“You’ve gone silent on me for the past half hour. Do you want to talk about it?”
She traded a bottle for her plate, arranged herself on the blanket, and kept her eyes focused on me as she chewed on a watercress sandwich.
I shrugged. “You know that I’m going to be like this for a while.”
“Like what? Distant?” Kim took a swallow of the lemon drink. “This quiet version of you is unnatural.”
I finished off an egg and licked my fingers. “Damn, I’ll miss these when we go back home.”
“PJ, if you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you, okay, but please don’t change the subject on me.”
“You’re right. I have been thinking a lot about things. It comes over me, and I can’t always block it. Sometimes my body and my spirit feel numb. My brain just zones out.”
Kim put her plate down on the blanket and scooted closer, taking my hand in hers. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to accept this situation, really I am. But if you keep silent… I mean, maybe I can help, if you’ll share some of your thoughts.”
I gave her hand a squeeze. “You’re the best, Kimmy. You know that, don’t you?”
“Well, if you say so.”
“I mean it.” My throat tightened, but I was determined to get the words out. “I love you so much. Especially now. And I thank you so much for putting up with me.”