by Mona Risk
“Soon these little dolls will have a good family.” Madelyn was more interested in her little patients than in their wimpy father.
“I heard there was a couple interested in Liana.”
“In Liana only?” Worry clenched Madelyn’s heart. “What about Celia? I hope they don’t plan to separate them.”
“CPS said they’d give priority to the parents who’d want to adopt both. But not too many people can afford to adopt two babies at once.”
“Oh no. Twins need each other.” She held Celia closer to her heart and gave her a peck on her hair. “Sandra, you mentioned you’d be interested. They’re so cute.” Madelyn threw her friend a look that should melt a tougher heart.
“I discussed it with my husband more times than I could count. Unfortunately, Chuck insists he wants his own flesh and blood children. Next week we have another appointment at the fertility clinic.”
“Not fair,” Madelyn mumbled against the baby’s hair as she sat in the rocking chair. “Sandra, please bring me Liana.” With the two babies tucked in her arms, she fidgeted so the twins could face each other. “Now, listen to me, you two. I want you to know and love each other. I promise I’ll talk to CPS. They can’t separate you,” she added without conviction. CPS didn’t condone interference in their business by zealous doctors.
“Maybe Dr. Preston can pull some ropes.” Sandra’s tone betrayed her concern and Madelyn had her own doubts. Nick had been very busy with his new responsibilities as Clinic Director and his move to the apartment he’d rented on the twenty-third floor of the Blue Lagoon high rise.
Things didn’t look rosy for the lovely bundles in her arms. “We won’t abandon you, sweethearts. Do your part and get bigger, and I’ll move heaven and earth to help you.”
“Hmm, what happened to the Don’t get too chummy with your patients they drilled in our heads during residency?” Nick’s baritone voice rang ominously behind her.
“Hi, Dr. Preston.” A little rattled by the boss’s presence, Sandra scampered out of the NICU while he slipped on the yellow sterile gown and gloves.
Madelyn spun her head. He stood at the door, arms crossed over his chest. One eyebrow arched. Darn if he didn’t look very directorial.
“We can’t abandon our patients when they’re still so weak.”
“Really? Our business is to keep them healthy. Not to organize their lives. There are others responsible for that.” A grin denied his scorn. “I wish I had a camera to take a picture. You look so beautiful with babies in your arms.” Then all humor faded from his face. “Madelyn, you’ll make a wonderful mother one day.”
She frowned and lowered her gaze to the babies. Wrapped in red and green Christmassy blankets, their light blue eyes shining, they looked at her as if she was the center of their universe.
Too late. I can’t have children now. She swallowed the lump in her throat and stiffened. “I told you once I don’t believe in relationship and commitment.”
“A woman according to my heart.” He considered her for a moment. “Yet the pose suits you.”
“Stop it, Nick.” His words needled her with regret and longing. She’d never realized she’d sacrificed so much for her career. Now it hurt. “As long as they are in the NICU, they are my responsibility. I’ll make sure they’re well taken care of.”
“I don’t doubt it. But I heard part of your conversation with Sandra. Don’t expect me to suggest anything to the CPS, or argue or plead with them. It’s not my job.” A scowl formed on his forehead.
“I understand.” Independence had been her motto since she’d joined college. She wasn’t used to asking for help from anyone and wouldn’t start now. “Maybe someone will adopt both. We can hope and pray.” And she wouldn’t allow Nick—as boss or friend—to smother her now.
“Madelyn, adoption is a very secretive procedure. No one will tell you anything. I’ve learned it firsthand.” A shadow obscured his usually charming face. Was he talking about his own situation?
“Have you tried to find your birth parents?” She regretted the question the second she blurted it out. Would he resent her curiosity? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
A one-sided smile curled his mouth “I have no secrets for you.”
Oh God. She had plenty. Why couldn’t she get herself to confide in him?
Because he’d put his director’s hat on and used his authoritative tone to demand...who knows what.
“To answer your question, yes, I tried to find my birth parents. First I asked Dad about them. He got upset and said to drop the subject and stop being ungrateful. They were dead and I’d never find anything about them. Mom cried and said I was the most precious person in the world.”
“What about your certificate of adoption? You needed official papers to apply for college. Right?” Interested in spite of herself, she wanted to learn about the adoption procedure. If only to help the sweet things she carefully held in her arms.
“Dad gave me a birth certificate showing Frank David Preston as my father and Anne Lee Meyer as my mother.”
“Born in what hospital, what city?”
Nick shrugged. “Born in a clinic that doesn’t exist anymore in New Haven, Connecticut. The birth certificate was probably a fake my parents managed to get by bribing someone. I couldn’t discover anything at the City Hall. Upset by my questions, Dad shouted that I was born abroad. So...” He opened his hands. “I don’t know anything about my roots, my real country, my birth parents, my genes. I’d rather not risk transmitting criminal genes to any children.”
“Oh Nick, don’t say that. You have nothing criminal about you.”
“I’ll never know.” He came closer to her and touched the babies’ cheeks delicately. “Who knows? Maybe I have a twin somewhere.”
“What?” Horrified, Madelyn searched his face for a sign of sadness. None. Just a blank expression as if he was analyzing the possibility.
“Anyway, I came to invite you to visit my new home. The furniture—what I have so far—is in place. I need help with the decoration. I’ll order a pizza. Six okay?”
“I’ll be there around six. I love decorating.” She nodded and smiled, happy that Nick wanted more of her company. They saw each other every day in delivery or at the hospital cafeteria, and went out together for dinner three days ago.
A wail alerted her. Celia fidgeted. Liana immediately echoed her twin.
Madelyn lowered her eyes. And gasped at the awkward position of Celia, her head too deep in the crook of Madelyn’s elbow. She tried to raise the preemie but her right hand felt weird. Tingling spread in her arm and soon tickled her feet.
What was going on? She had her pills two hours ago. Their effect shouldn’t have dwindled already. Was her mal escalating?
Not now, please.
Her left hand’s fingers spasmed on the baby’s wrap. Dread dried her throat. She was stuck in a difficult situation with Nick in front of her.
“Nick, call Sandra,” she groaned, her gaze shifting from one baby to the other and watching her own fingers. “I can’t take care of the two.”
Unaware of her drama, he chuckled. “I’ll help you.” He grabbed Celia and laid her in her bassinette, and then took Liana and set her in hers. Both babies screamed louder. “They like it better in your arms.”
Madelyn had already pressed the nurse’s number. “It’s already 3:30. I’ll have a round in the nursery.” Worried her feet wouldn’t carry her, she didn’t move from the rocking chair.
“Three-thirty? We have a C-section in fifteen minutes. See you in delivery.” He left her at the same time Sandra stormed into the room.
“What’s up?”
“The twins are crying. I think they need a bottle.”
Sandra opened big eyes. “You had me rush here because they’re crying?” Her lips stretched in frustration and she clamped her fists on her hips. “Explain to me how you and Nick can save babies’ lives any time, yet you don’t know the abc of how to handle them. The babies were
comfy in your arms. They don’t like it in their cribs so they protest. Simple.” She quickly checked their diapers. “They’re not wet and probably not hungry. You want them back?”
“No.” Madelyn was not in a laughing mood. She gripped the arms of the chair and stood, took a deep breath and a step forward. Dizziness overwhelmed her. She backed up and fell in her seat.
“Madelyn, what’s wrong? You’re so pale.” Sandra seized her wrist and took her pulse. “It’s low.”
“I know. Give me a glass of water, please. And don’t ask questions now.” She rummaged in her scrubs’ pocket for the little bottle.
Waiting in front of her with the glass of water, Sandra observed her as she fumbled with the damned tight lid she couldn’t unscrew. “Here’s your water. I’ll open this for you.” The nurse grabbed the bottle, twisted the lid open, and handed it back to her. “Take your pill and tell me what’s going on.”
Madelyn swallowed her medicine and leaned her head on the back of the chair. “I’m tired. Leave me alone.”
“Not on your life. I need to know what’s wrong with you so I can help.”
Giving up the pretense, Madelyn gave her the bottle.
“I don’t understand.” A frown of anxiety pleated Sandra’s forehead. “You can’t have epilepsy?”
“In fact, I do. Had all the tests to prove it. We thought these pills would control it. They did for a week, but now the symptoms are escalating. Listen, Nick is waiting for me for a c-section. Ask Kathy to sub for me. Tell her I’ll return the favor whenever she wants. I have to go to Miami right away to see Dr. Lu, my neurologist.”
“I’ll call Kathy. Then I’ll have Hailey replace me here, and I’ll drive you.”
“I don’t need—”
“Don’t argue with me. Save your strength.”
Madelyn closed her eyes. Maybe it was better to have Sandra with her. So much angst clouded her mind at the moment she could risk an accident, especially with the rush hour traffic on the highway.
Efficient as always, Sandra led her to her car. In less than five minutes, they zoomed down the freeway. “Relax and try to sleep,” the nurse wisely advised.
“I can’t.”
“In that case, tell me your story.”
****
“Where’s Madelyn?” Nick frowned when he saw Kathy walk in the OR.
“Don’t know. Sandra called me on her behalf and asked me to assist you.”
Befuddlement froze him for a few seconds. Madelyn would never skip surgery without notifying the obstetrician in charge. What was wrong with her? Yet he wouldn’t reveal his worry in front of his staff.
“Okay. Let’s start.” He approached the operating bed. “The patient is on term. I don’t expect complications.”
“Thank you, doctor.” A young man dressed as a medic and holding a camera hovered around his expectant wife and shot pictures in all directions.
“Give us space, please.” Nick motioned him away and proceeded with the C-section. A moment later, he extracted an eight pounder boy and handed him to Kathy.
“Beautiful big boy,” he told the happy dad.
“Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much.” His eye glued to the camera, the man repeated his words of gratitude like a litany but didn’t interrupt his videotaping. “Thank...”
Eager to find out what happened to Madelyn, Nick closed the patient’s gaping abdomen. “How’s the baby?”
“Perfect,” Kathy said. “Normal vitals. I’ll check him again tonight. I’ll probably discharge him tomorrow.”
“Same with the mom. You can wheel her to recovery,” he ordered the nurses.
“Thank you, doctors. Thank you.” The new father walked behind his wife’s gurney and raised his camera for a few last pictures until the door of Recovery automatically closed in his face.
Pleased to contribute to a new family’s joy, Nick tapped him on the shoulder. “Congratulations.” He pointed to a door. “This way. Why don’t you have a coffee at the cafeteria while your wife recovers? Then you can both enjoy your new baby.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
They were done here. Nick threw his operating gown, mask, and gloves and strutted out of the OR. “Why on earth had Madelyn skipped the scheduled delivery?” he mumbled under his breath the question that had kept swirling in his mind during the procedure. She’d never done that before.
He went straight to her office, knocked, and turned the knob without waiting for an answer. The room was empty, but he noticed her clothes hanging on the hook behind the door. So she was still in her scrubs. And at the hospital.
Probably in the NICU, a place she seemed to favor. He shook his head indulgently. It made sense for a neonatologist to spend a lot of time with the preemies. Yeah, but recently she’d visited the newborns every moment she wasn’t in Delivery—particularly the twins she’d called Liana and Celia. Not good for her morale. And not wise, professionally.
Nick retreated out of her office and strode to the Children floor. Two nurses oversaw the regular nursery, changing, feeding, and checking about twenty healthy newborns.
“Hi Dr. Preston,” they both said with bright smiles as he grabbed a sterile gown to cover his scrubs. Amazing, this was his second time in this area today. He rarely came to the nursery where neonatologists and pediatricians restricted visitors. As Director, he made the resolution to visit more often. After exchanging a few words with the nurses, he continued to the NICU.
Darn, where was Madelyn? He approached the twins’ cribs. One was awake and fretting, her arms and legs jerking in all directions. She gave him a timid smile. He chuckled. Madelyn would have melted at the baby’s antics. “I wish you could tell me where your favorite doctor is.” He stepped closer to reach for the baby.
His foot hit something that rolled. He bent down and retrieved a small bottle of medicine. And automatically read the prescription stuck on it. Madelyn Ramsey. Phenytoin. 3x w meal.
Unable to understand what he saw, he frowned, and re-read the name and drug. Why would Madelyn use an anti-epilepsy drug? Maybe she filled an empty bottle with aspirins? No, her name was on it. He twisted the cap open and poured the pills in his gloved hand. He carefully deciphered the tiny letters on each capsule. Phenytoin.
His brain still blank, he counted eight pills left in the bottle. The prescription indicated 30 pills had been dispensed on December 2. The day his promotion was announced. The day Madelyn suddenly changed her attitude and decided she wanted to have fun.
Pictures played in his mind. Madelyn in a tight strapless dress dancing but not drinking. Tapping the floor of his car and listening to rock music. Madelyn in the OR, sitting on a stool to perform a resuscitation procedure. Darn, she’d been afraid to drop the preemies. His pulse skittered and raced as the nonsense started to make sense.
Madelyn swearing off all commitment. She knew she should avoid pregnancy at all cost while on this drug. Only kisses. She hadn’t trusted him and kept him at bay as if he was an inexperienced boy who’d get his lovers pregnant.
Fury pounded the veins in his temples. She hadn’t trusted him at all.
Not as a lover. Not as a friend. Not even as her boss and colleague. When was she planning to tell him about her illness?
He exhaled loudly and pocketed the bottle of pills.
As if sensing the anger in the air, one of the twins wailed and the other followed suit. He glanced at them. The two little bundles wanted help. Someone to guess and meet their needs. Or better even, a mother to love them. Nick’s anger melted. No wonder Madelyn had spent so much time with these babies in the last ten days. They had no mother. And they’d stirred a maternal instinct she’d ignored so far.
Sorrow engulfed him. He entwined his fingers and cracked his knuckles. The babies screamed louder. “Relax. Shh...” As if they were going to quiet down. “Sorry, I only deliver babies. I don’t know how to take care of them. I’ll get you someone.” He noticed a nurse at the end of the room, changing another preemie. “Hailey,” he
called. “These two want you.”
“I’ll get to them, Dr. Preston. As soon as I’m done here.”
“Have you seen Dr. Ramsay?”
“Sandra took her to run an errand,” the nurse said while changing her tiny patient.
“I see.” Sandra had probably rushed her to her doctor. Madelyn must have been in a critical condition to let someone help her.
Then it hit. He’d stood in front of her when she’d acted weird and wanted Sandra to take care of the babies. He’d put them in the crib and she’d called the nurse.
Good Lord, she’d felt a seizure coming. And she didn’t tell him. He could have kicked himself for not noticing she was in pain. Medical pain.
His breathing labored, he walked out of the NICU and yanked off his sterile gown. He strode back to her office, admitted himself, and dropped down on her chair to rehash what he wanted to tell her. Should he reprimand as a boss, chastise as a friend, or beg for her trust?
Ten minutes later, the door burst open. Madelyn froze in her tracks. “Nick, what are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you. We need to talk. You didn’t show up for a scheduled surgery.”
A deep sigh betrayed her weariness. “I asked Kathy to sub for me.”
“Why didn’t you notify me, Dr. Ramsay?” When would she trust him enough to reveal her secret? Damn it, she’d confided in Sandra.
She lowered her head and rubbed her forehead. “You’re right. We have to talk. But first, Dr. Preston, I have to give you my resignation.”
Chapter Six
“Your resignation? No way.” Of all the things he’d imagined Madelyn would say, Nick hadn’t seen this one coming. “You’re too good of a doctor. One of the best neonatologists in Florida.”
“Thank you, Nick. But there’s something you should know.” She bit her lips, and shook her head.
He decided to help her and extracted the bottle from his pocket. “This.” He turned his palm up, showing her the medicine.
“You found it. So you know.” Her eyes shone with tears she tried to suppress—tears that undid him.