I closed my eyes and hugged him, willing the heat of him to ease the pain of his words.
“Please do it. I want him to be free to leave, if he decides to.”
Titus drew back from me. “Sar, just because I do this doesn’t mean he’ll leave you. There is no bond between you and Danial like you have with Theo, but Danial loves you more than life.”
“Maybe he won’t anymore, after he finds out about Lash and I,” I said bitterly. “It’s going to be so fun ’fessing up to him.”
“I forgave Leri, and her crime was much worse,” Titus rumbled, hugging me again. “He’ll forgive you, Sar.”
I hugged him, wishing he was right. But I knew Theo all too well.
* * * *
Devlin had Titus teleport Lash, Danial, and I to Danial’s home. We arrived in the great room about three a.m. Devlin told Lash to wait outside for a moment, and Titus disappeared instantly, teleporting back to Hayden. Venus was there with only the bears and Serena, after all, and none of us liked the idea of her being unprotected.
“Danial?” Devlin called, gripping my hand in his.
Danial came out of his study, and looked down at Devlin, but didn’t see me. “Dev?” Danial said questioningly. “Why aren’t you at Hayden? Is Sar okay?”
“It’s me,” Devlin said quickly. “Are you alone?”
“Yes,” Danial said, giving him an odd look. “The kids are out with Terian—” Then he saw me and his face lit up. “Did he tell you?” Danial said excitedly, coming down the stairs with a grin. “Samuel and Perseus are pleased with the information. They said that they’ll let you live out your life with us, Sar. It’s so—”
Danial saw my expression and froze on the stairs. “What is it?” he said, as much fear as I’ve ever heard in his tone. “Your heart is racing, Sar—”
“She’s worried you won’t love her,” Devlin said, rubbing his eyes. “When you find out what she did.”
Danial came to me and hugged me. “I’ll always love you, Sar. There is nothing—”
“Lash!” Devlin called loudly. “Get in here, please!”
Danial went still, and then recoiled back from me. “Sar, tell me you didn’t—”
“She saved me with her blood,” Lash said, striding into the room. “I was dying, and she came to me and saved me.”
Danial looked at me with narrowed eyes. Then he cut his eyes to Lash and did a double take. “You are young!” Danial said, his voice strangled. “How—?”
“It was her blood, something in her blood,” Devlin said quickly. “Titus said it was also because there was so much vampire in Lash, from the potion he’s been taking for years with my blood. Her blood saved him.”
“He must have almost drained her then,” Danial growled, his eyes red. “You filth, that you would dare to—!”
“Shut up!” I said harshly.
Danial was so shocked he cut off. All three of them looked at me.
“I gave my blood to him willingly, along with my body,” I said, my words echoing in the room. “And I’m tired of everyone giving him shit, like he forced me to or something. Of all my lovers, he’s the only one who never demanded anything of me, or took anything from me without my consent. The only one Danial, including you! So knock it off!”
Danial looked at me, then took in a long deep breath. “I should have heeded Lash’s warning to me those months ago,” he said, every word filled with pain. “I didn’t. None of us thought of him as more than a temporary annoyance. And we gave him just enough room in our jealousy and fighting over you that he slipped into your heart—”
“Stop it,” I said, moving away from him. “It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?” Danial whispered, upset. “You risked your life to save him. You know what he is, what kind of man he is. You knew what he felt for Theo, and for me, and how we felt about him. And you went anyway, leaving your children without a second thought—”
“Don’t disrespect her, you fucking vampire,” Lash hissed. “Or I’ll knock you through that wall.”
“Get out,” Danial said, baring his fangs. “You are banned from this house, Snake.”
I’d already had enough tonight. I wasn’t going to listen to anything more from Danial. I glared at him, and then went to teleport.
Danial was suddenly in front of me, holding onto my wrist. “Is it too painful for you to face the truth?” Danial asked harshly. “You did these things, Sar. You have to pay the price for what you did. And the price you are going to pay when you tell Theo is going to be the heaviest of all.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” I shouted at him, yanking my arm out of his grasp. “Now let me go.”
I stalked out the door, and into the cool night. By themselves my feet found the path to the cemetery. I tried not to think too much as I walked.
It hadn’t been too bad with Danial. It could have been worse. Maybe.
I finally got to the cemetery, and stood for a while, leaning against the tree, looking over at Suri’s grave. In the faint moonlight, there was only shapes, and shadows.
“Suri, I’m glad you didn’t live to see this—”
“Why not?” a soft voice said at my shoulder.
I jumped, and then saw it was Lash. “Shit, you scared me,” I said angrily. “What are you—?”
Lash’s passionate kiss cut off my words as his arms went around me, crushing my body to his. He leaned into me, pressing me to the tree, his hungry mouth moving insistently. I resisted briefly, then gave in, putting my arms around him.
He kissed me for a long time against the tree. Although he obviously wanted more, he didn’t make moves to take it further. Finally he drew back from me slightly, then kissed my forehead.
“Why are you here?” I asked, thinking guiltily how good it felt to be back in his arms.
His dark eyes looked into mine. “Devlin is talking to Danial, and he sent me out here to keep an eye on you. I think he did it mostly to get me out of Danial’s sight, so Devlin could calm him down, tell him what to say about how I’m changed now.”
“Did that include kissing me?”
Lash grinned, and then kissed me again. “I promised him I wouldn’t make love with you,” he whispered. “I never said anything about kissing you. I intend to kiss you every chance I get.” He kissed me again to make his point.
“I thought you wanted to just be my guard,” I said, slightly irritated. “That’s what you extolled earlier this evening. Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Because of what you said in there,” Lash said affectionately, cradling me against his chest. “I didn’t expect you to stand up for me, Sar. But you did.” He swallowed. “And besides that, I like to kiss you,” he hissed, then he kissed me again, his forked tongue winding around mine.
I kissed him back, losing myself in him, thinking just of how good he was making me feel. Finally, needing breath, we separated again.
“I always liked kissing you,” he hissed, tickling my ear with his tongue.
“Are you going to tell me about your tattoo now?” I said with a smile.
Lash started, surprise in his dark eyes. “I didn’t think you saw,” he said, sounding embarrassed. “I didn’t want you to see it.”
When he had changed in my arms in the bright motel room, I had seen something dark on his back briefly before we’d started talking. Later, when he’d been distracted by Dev, I’d gotten a good look, enough to see that it was a snake, a large one, slithering up his back in coils with the mouth just under his shoulders, the fangs bared to strike.
My surprise had been in not having noticed it before then. While Lash and I had been intimate many times, most of those had been in the dark, or with him partly clothed. When we’d been in the hotel, Lash had been very careful to always face me, when he knew I was watching him. It had been then that I’d finally realized he was trying to hide it from me.. “It’s why you didn’t shower with me, right?”
“Yes,” he admitted grudgingly.
&n
bsp; “It’s a cottonmouth, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “When I was eighteen, I had it done,” he said shyly. “I thought it made me look fearsome. You know how it is, when you’re eighteen.”
“I do indeed.”
“I wanted to be a badass,” Lash said, grinning ruefully.
“You succeeded,” I affirmed. “Though I think the tattoo was just window dressing.”
Lash looked at me uncertainly. “You don’t think it’s...well, dumb?” he said hesitantly. “I mean, I’m already a snake. I should have gotten guns and a skull, or an eagle or a dragon, anything but a snake—”
“I think you should kiss me again,” I said, smiling. “Right now.”
“Why?” Lash said with both pleasure and surprise. “You can’t like it—”
“I like it and I like you and I like you to kiss me,” I said with a eager smile, looking up at him. I ran my hand up his shoulder to hold his face, caressing him gently. “Is that enough of a reason?”
“You know it is,” Lash growled, and then he was kissing me again avidly, his hands going into my hair to tangle in it, his body leaning into mine, pushing against mine tightly.
When we separated again a few minutes later, Lash gave a reluctant sigh. “We need to go. But before we do, I have something for you, and something to say.”
Here it comes, the love confession. “What?” I asked.
Instead, I was caught completely by surprise. “I want you to know I am really sorry about what happened, the first time we were together,” he hissed, changing in his upset. “I would have done oral on you then, if I’d had any idea, Sar.” He paused. “Tell me you know that...that I didn’t...I didn’t not care I might make you sick. I wouldn’t have done that to you purposely, not ever. I thought I was okay, that you’d be safe, because I thought I was...um, clean.”
“I know that,” I said, hugging him and resisting the urge to tell him I found his struggle for words endearing. “I knew it when you went that night to check yourself out at Camlyn’s.”
“I want you to know, if the opportunity ever comes again...well, that won’t ever happen again.” He looked at me, and then quickly away. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good.” Lash took my hand and put something made of smooth metal in it.
I looked at him oddly. “Another knife?”
“Sar, the first knife I gave you is more ceremonial that functional. I’m glad you liked it, but I intended you to just keep it as a memento of me. This one is more functional. And you can slip it in your pocket easily. You don't have to have on a belt to carry it.” He flicked his hand, and the blade flipped out. “It’s sharp, so be careful,” Lash said seriously. “But you can carry it in your purse, and if you need a knife, you’ll have one.”
“Are you going to teach me how to fight with one, too?” I joked.
He gave me a faint smile. “No. You need to fight someone with a knife, you call me, and I’ll do the fighting. This is just for emergencies, like phone cords or snarled hair—”
My face split into a wide smile. “You ass!”
I gave him a shove. Lash was laughing so hard he fell down on his ass in the dirt. He just sat there for a while and laughed, looking up at me. I laughed, too, then offered him a hand up.
We walked back to the house together. When we arrived, Devlin was still “talking” to Danial, and from the loud yelling that was going on, neither of us wanted to go in. Also, I was both tired and cold.
“Lash, can you go inside and tell Dev I’m teleporting back to Hayden? I’m exhausted, and I need to get some sleep.”
“Just go ahead and go,” Lash said, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. “I need to stay here, but you go get some rest. I’ll let him know where you went, when they’re done.”
I nodded, and teleported to Hayden, ending up in the kitchen. No one was there, though Serena’s baking stuff was all put away. I took my second shower of the night, and then put on a fresh nightgown, and crawled into Devlin’s bed. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillows.
I awoke hours later, when Devlin slid into bed beside me and took me in his arms.
“Danial agreed to stick to our story. But he said if Lash should fail again, he wasn’t going to donate any blood to save him. But I’ll get him to change his mind,” Devlin said determinedly. “Somehow.”
I awoke at dusk. Immediately, I felt a heavy weight on me, and it wasn’t Devlin, though he was laying on my chest. Today I needed to go home and face Theo. If I waited too much longer, Danial would tell him about Lash and I, and I didn’t want him to find out that way.
I got up reluctantly, and got dressed. There was no sense putting off the misery.
Devlin stretched happily. “You know, in a few days I won’t need an eye patch anymore.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said, smiling briefly. “Though I find you a very sexy pirate.”
“I’ll still wear it sometimes for you,” Dev promised. “Are you off to bake with Serena?”
“No, I’ve got to go see Theo and get the big confession over with.”
“Shouldn’t you shower first?” Devlin said, confused. “You smell like me, Sar. Theo will be angry with you just for that—”
“I’m done with that,” I said, interrupting him. “I’m done with taking showers every other minute, so as not to offend him. It makes it seem as if I’m sneaking around with multiple lovers. You all know where I am at any given time, who I’m with, and what we do when I’m there. Anyone who doesn’t like how I smell, they don’t have to get close enough to me to let it bother them. And that includes you, too.”
Devlin said nothing for a moment. “I understand. You found more than Lash that night you saved him, didn’t you, my Sar?”
“Yes. I found myself. I have spent this whole last year trying to balance everybody else’s needs. I just ended up driving myself crazy. I’m not going to do it anymore.”
Devlin sat up. “If you need someplace to go later tonight, you know my home is open to you. Danial’s is as well, even if he’s still upset with you.”
He was offering because he thought Theo might tell me it was over between us. It was a real possibility. I should prepare myself for it, and make some contingency plans.
“I know,” I said, shooting him a grateful look. “Thank you for that. I may be back tonight, if things go badly.”
“Good luck,” Devlin said, lying back in bed, and folding his hands behind his head.
“Thanks,” I said opening his bedroom door. “I’m going to need it.”
* * * *
When I arrived at my house, Theo embraced me immediately. Then he caught Devlin’s scent, and gave me a cold look. “Why didn’t you shower?”
His attitude just made this easier. “Come in here, please,” I said wearily. “I have things to tell you.”
I sat him down on the couch and told him everything, condensing the time Lash and I spent together after I saved him into that when I had saved him, we’d had sex.
“Did he force you?” Theo growled. “Or did you want him?”
I wanted to lie, but I didn’t. I wasn’t going to lie to him, no matter how much easier it would have made things. “I wanted him.”
There was silence for a full minute.
“Are you going to leave me and our baby, and go live with him and Devlin?” Theo asked, real fear in his tone that the answer would be yes.
“No.”
Theo’s fear immediately changed to fury, his fangs erupting, slurring his words. “Are you going to fuck him again?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “Devlin expressed an interest in him being with us—”
“Don’t tell me another word about your deviant sex games,” Theo growled menacingly.
I went quiet.
“Just the thought of you and him, the thought of him in you, that you wanted him there, really wanted him—”
“Theo—”
Theo roared, so much rage, misery,
and despair that I shrank back from him on the couch. He leapt up and left, slamming out of the house. The noise woke Devon, who began to howl from our bedroom.
I went in and comforted him until he was purring again. “I’m sorry, Devon,” I said, hugging him. “Whatever happens, I love you. I’m not leaving you. That isn’t going to change, ever.”
I lay there for a while with him, listening to him purr as I sniffled and felt sorry for myself. Then I dried my tears and told myself to be strong. This was the price. I’d known it before I’d left here. And if I had it to do over again, I would still go to save Lash. And when given the choice of being with him, I’d still look into his dark eyes and say yes.
Leaving Devon sleeping on the bed, I showered, then had dinner, giving Devon some wet cat food for a treat. Then we both went to bed.
Just before dawn, I felt Theo slide into bed beside Devon and I. But he stayed on his side, and didn’t touch me. I didn’t know what to say, so I waited in silence.
“I’m sorry I left how I did,” he said finally. “I needed to get out some of the rage I was feeling. I drove to Danial’s land, and killed a deer. I didn’t eat it. I just ripped it to shreds.”
I was horrified, even though by his tone he was ashamed of what he had done.
“I showered at Danial’s. I talked to him for a while about everything. Devlin had told him, he said. He was upset, though not as much as I was, or am. Some of what he said made me feel better.” He paused. “And some of what he said made me feel worse.”
Danial had told him his supposition that what had happened was more than just sex. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said finally. “Can you forgive me?”
Theo was silent a long, long time. “Sometimes there is just too much to forgive,” he said finally. “Isn’t that what you said, Sar?”
About Dev and Catherine. “Yes.”
“That’s how I feel.”
I faced him, pushing away the guilt. “Do you want me to leave? If you do, I will. I don’t want you to have to take our child from his home, and this is your home more than it is mine now. You are the one who’s been here taking care of—”
Dark Solace Page 19