Love's Grip

by Nika Michelle

He let out a deep sigh and sat down on the bed. “I feel a lot of things for you, Daisha, and none of them have anything to do with pity. As far as feeling sorry for you, why should I? You seem to be a strong woman who’s makin’ it through her situation just fine. All I wanted to do was make you feel better. It was just a gesture to show you that a man can do something other than fuck you. Believe me, what I spent ain’t even enough for you to be worried about. I’m good. I had some extra to spend. Okay. No agenda. Just me tryin’a be a good nigga for once.”

  Damn, I felt awful as I stared into his sincere eyes. The man was just trying to show me something different, and there I was, shitting on his efforts. I was so damn fucked up that I couldn’t appreciate a genuine act of kindness.

  “Thank you. I’m sorry. I—”

  “If you tell me you’re sorry again, we gon’ have a problem.” His voice was serious, but he was wearing a wary smile. “You’re a strong woman, but you’re also fragile. I get why you’re defensive. You gotta protect yourself, but not from me. Just let yourself go, Ma. I ain’t gon’ do nothin’ to hurt you. That’s my good word. I’ll never lie or mislead you. I’ll always keep it one hundred wit’ you. Trust me.”

  He stood up and pulled me to him for a tight bear hug. I felt my body melt against his. Damn, he was so damn solid, and his chest was hard and chiseled. When he pulled away, he stared down at me with those damn eyes.

  “Now, I want you to choose something to wear. Preferably the short black Prada dress,” he said. “I’m ’bout to go get dressed. We’ve already wasted enough time wit’ your nonsense.”

  I laughed it off, but he was right. A bitch was tripping. Enjoy the man, I told myself.

  “Okay,” I replied. I smiled at him right before he leaned over to give me a sweet kiss.

  Once he was out of the bedroom, I tore into those bags like a kid on Christmas morning. Who the fuck was I fooling? All women liked nice, expensive shit. Especially when somebody else bought it.

  *

  Dinner at Chops, a top-notch steak house, was amazing. Pistol had pulled out all the stops and had made reservations for us in a secluded private room. It was set up all romantic, with low lights, candles, champagne on chill, and a violinist. Who would’ve ever thought? And Pistol had gone all out in terms of his clothing and was decked out in a charcoal-gray Italian suit, with a tie and nice leather dress shoes. I was impressed that he’d dressed all up and shit. I didn’t even think a street-ass nigga like him owned a suit.

  The food was good as hell. My ass was full as hell after I ate a super-tender filet mignon that melted in my mouth like butter. It was so delicious. The steak, grilled asparagus, and creamed potatoes were enough for me. There was no room in my belly for dessert. However, Pistol ordered cheesecake and some caramel sauce on the side, and I kicked off my leopard-print Jimmy Choo stiletto-heel pumps so that he could put some caramel on my toes and then lick it off. Oh, that shit felt good.

  “You’re such a freak,” I teased him when he went back to eating his cheesecake.

  “Well, you got pretty-ass toes, so I figured, Why not? I mean, shit, we can do anything we want to in here. Look around. Nobody’s here but us.”

  The violinist had left us alone, and I was sure that our server wasn’t going to return anytime soon. I picked up the small dish full of caramel and got down on my knees.

  Pistol’s mouth fell open in surprise. “What you doin’, Ma?” He laughed. “I ain’t lettin’ you suck my toes.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Nah. I got somethin’ else in mind that I wanna suck.”

  His eyes narrowed as he put another forkful of cheesecake in his mouth. “I ain’t gon’ stop you, Ma. Do what you feel like doing. I told our server to leave us alone for a while, anyway.”

  “Perfect,” I purred, then unzipped his pants and fished inside the slit of his boxers.

  Once I found his hardness, I pulled it out and poured some of the caramel down the shaft. He shivered from the chill, but I was going to warm him up in no time. Teasing the head, I had him squirming and staring down at me with sultry eyes.

  “Mmm,” I moaned, taking him deeper into my mouth.

  Soon I was deep throating that shit all sloppy like, and he was loving it.

  “Oh … fuck …” He shook his head. “My fuckin’ toes are curlin’ right now.”

  I smiled up at him, although my mouth was full of dick. My eyes were seductive as I continued to please him orally. His hands were on the top of my head, and his eyes were starting to look vulnerable as hell. All clues that he was about to bust. Damn, I wasn’t one to swallow nut, but damn, there wasn’t anywhere for me to spit it out.

  We were in a five-star restaurant, so there was no way I’d feel right spitting that shit in my water glass or on a cloth napkin. Fuck! I guessed I would have to take one for the team. Besides, the man had saved me and had spoiled me more in a couple of days than the man I’d been with had over the course of years.

  “I’m cumin’. Oh … shit!” He held on to my head and literally fucked my throat.

  His nut spewed into my mouth, and I quickly took it down like a champ. That nigga looked at me like he was shocked out of his mind. I reached up, grabbed my water glass, and gulped down the water. Oh well. I’d read that the protein in sperm was good for you.

  “Wow …” He stared at me as he put his dick back into his pants.

  “Wow what?” I asked, suddenly feeling bashful after getting all freaky deaky on that nigga.

  “That was … damn … that shit was fuckin’ stupendous. Shit, I want some of that pussy now. Where the fuck the server at?” He looked around, all anxious and shit.

  “Well, you did tell him to give us some private time.” I looked up at him and licked my lips enticingly.

  “Mmm …” He stood up and opened the partition that separated us from the rest of the restaurant’s patrons. “I’ll be back. I’m ’bout to go find that mu’fucka.”

  I waited for him, with a smile on my face. After the way I’d sucked his dick, I knew that he was about to rock my fucking world.

  *

  The date that Pistol had taken me on at Chops was just the beginning. After that dinner date, we enjoyed a few days of blissful peace and tender lovemaking. I was pampered, and I wasn’t complaining. I’d never felt the way Pistol made me feel in my life. It was actually scary. However, I knew that shit wasn’t going to last. We were going to have to leave our hideaway soon.

  That meant that Pistol was going to put his life in jeopardy by going after Rae. In a way I didn’t want him to risk it. I wanted him to run away with me. Maybe we could go on the run together and take his mother and brothers with us. He had plenty of money to make it happen, but I didn’t want to push the issue. I was just in a fantasy world. He’d already told me once that he couldn’t go anywhere. His mom was sick. Besides, having so many of us with him was a risky proposition.

  “We’re going back to the city tomorrow,” Pistol told me as we sat by the pool, buck ass naked.

  We’d just pleased one another for probably the hundredth time in the past few days. I was getting used to living and eating well, with no worries. Going back to the real world wasn’t something I was looking forward to.

  “So, does that mean you’ll be going after Rae soon?” I needed to be prepared mentally.

  “Yeah. My cousins said ain’t shit happened, so I don’t think that nigga know shit. He must not have recognized me.”

  “Well, that gives you an advantage, right?” I was hopeful that it did. I didn’t want anything to happen to him, and especially because of me.

  “Mmm-hmm.” His fingers were creeping up my thigh, toward my wetness.

  “Do you ever get enough?” I shook my head as he teased my clit.

  “Nope, and I probably never will.” He leaned over and took my nipples into his mouth.

  As good as what he was doing to me felt, I just couldn’t enjoy it like I wanted to. In the back of my mind, I knew that there was a chance
that something so good would be taken away from me. To be honest, from the outside looking in, I knew that it was too good to be true. The man whom I was falling for was going to risk his life to kill my crazy-ass ex, and he was running from the Feds. Damn. How much more could a potential couple have against them?

  “You okay?” Pistol’s voice cut through my thoughts like a knife.

  “Honestly … no. I’m … I’m afraid that this … us … is just too good to be true. I don’t believe in luck, ’cause I don’t have any. Never have. So, why would I think we’ll just be runnin’ off into the sunset together? Why get used to this when I know in my heart that some force beyond our control is goin’ to ruin it?” Tears filled my eyes, but I willed them away. Please don’t cry, bitch, I said to myself.

  Pistol stopped the sexual stuff and pulled me to him. As he cuddled with me, he said, “The other night at Chops was the first time I’ve ever planned a romantic date. A lot of what we’re going through is a first for me too. I know that we ain’t made this official yet, but … I know it’s coming. The future seems dim for us, Daisha, but I don’t think we met for nothing. We ain’t goin’ through what we’re goin’ through for nothing.”

  His eyes met mine, and it was clear to us both that the chemistry between us was like a wildfire. It had just happened out of nowhere and couldn’t be contained. The passion was just spreading all over us, like nothing we’d ever experienced in our lives.

  Pistol went on. “So, regardless of what happens, there’s a reason behind it all. I’m just glad to know that I’m actually capable of feeling something other than a good nut. I knew you were going to change my life the moment I laid eyes on you. Take it for what it is, baby girl—whether it be temporary or something that will last a lifetime. Only time will tell.”

  “But what do you want?” I stared into his eyes as I asked this question. “This … thing between us is movin’ along in dog years. It’s like there are too many feelings too soon, and I don’t know what to do with them. I mean, I’m lovin’ this … probably too damn much.”

  Pistol caressed my cheek. “What’s gonna happen is gonna happen, Ma. We ain’t got no control over the future. All we can do is take advantage of what’s in front of us right now.” There was a sly grin on his face. “’Cause I sure do wanna take advantage of you.”

  I shook my head. “You’re a mess.”

  One thing I could tell about Pistol was he had an uncanny ability to live in the moment. I, on the other hand, was more cautious and anxious about the future. Maybe I could take a lesson from him. Like he’d said, it was best to just take advantage of what we had right now and enjoy it. When I thought then about what had happened with Niya, it only reminded me of what a gamble life really was.

  Chapter 12

  Pistol

  Daisha had given me Rae’s baby mama’s address, and it was only a matter of time before I decided to make my move. I would do it tonight, and I wasn’t going to take my cousins with me. That shit was something I wanted to do on my own. The thing was, I was sure a nigga like him would slip up. Daisha wasn’t around to give him the pussy, so I was sure he’d be on the late-night creep later on.

  “I’m goin’ wit’ you,” Daisha insisted as we sat on the sofa in the living room. The fear in her eyes was evident, but I was sure it was only for my safety. Not hers.

  “No. I don’t wanna put you in danger.”

  “But you said you needed my help… .”

  “To find him. Not to kill him,” I told her.

  “Okay, but let me be there so I can have your back.”

  “No!”

  She literally jumped when I said that, and she then looked at me like she didn’t know who I was. The fact was, she really didn’t. I’d never gotten an attitude toward her before, so she hadn’t seen that side of me. I needed to know if she could handle the intensity that I often displayed.

  “You did what you did the other day because you felt you had no choice,” I explained. “In this situation, I’m makin’ all the choices. I don’t want you there. You had my back before, but I don’t want to put you in that position again.”

  Daisha shook her head. “It’s not fair that you get to make all the decisions. If something happens to you, where does that leave me? I’d have to live with that shit. You wanna go do that shit alone? Why? At least take Mike and Dank with you.”

  “Nah, I don’t need them to kill one man. I got this. That’s why I’m goin’ after him at his bitch’s crib and not on the streets. I wasn’t prepared for Niya, but I’m prepared for him. Nothing’s gonna happen to me. I’m gon’ pop that nigga, and then it’ll be done. Then you can get yourself together and not have to worry ’bout him.”

  She nodded. “Okay. You’re right about one thing. I can get myself together and not worry about him. Just know that I will get myself together. I’m going to find a good job and go back to school to finish my degree.”

  “Good. I want you to do what you want, Ma.”

  She just stared at me for a minute. “Maybe … uh … I think … we’re movin’ too fast. It was the whole thing with Niya. I was feeling like life is too short, so why not just do whatever? The thing is, I don’t think I’m ready for anything right now other than a friendship. Which means the sexual side of this has to stop. It’s good—don’t get me wrong—but I don’t wanna be confused right now. Once Rae is gone, I’m gonna get a boarding room somewhere, get that job I’ve been wanting, and learn to live for me. You understand that, right?”

  “I can deal wit’ the no-sex part, but what is there for you to be confused about? I’m curious.” I turned to look at her.

  She leaned back on the sofa and sighed. “My feelings. I care for you, and we have this crazy bond that came out of nowhere. It’s just that I lose myself in relationships, whether they be real or sexual. I have to work on me, Pistol. Then you have yourself and your family to worry about. You don’t need me being a burden on you too.”

  “A burden?” I shook my head. “Your brain be workin’ overtime, Ma. For real. Who said that my family or you were a burden? I never said that.”

  “I know, but you have enough shit on your plate.”

  “And I want you on my plate too.”

  Damn. Why the hell was she always trying to run away? I mean, I understood why she felt that things were moving too fast, but I didn’t get why she wanted it to stop. We could slow it down, but stop? That shit was fucking with me. It wasn’t even about the sex. I wanted to know for a fact that she’d stick around.

  She sighed. “I don’t know if you’ll be taken away from me, Pistol. I’m just being honest. Whether it be prison or death. Everything is so … unpredictable.”

  “That’s wit’ anybody you’re in a relationship wit’, Daisha. Why did you stay wit’ that fuck nigga for so long, but you can’t get used to the thought of bein’ wit’ me?”

  “’Cause I’m tired of gettin’ hurt. For once, I’m feelin’ like I found the perfect man for me, and look at what the fuck we’re facing. I can’t go through the heartbreak of another failed relationship. It’s like once I put my heart into someone, it ends up ripped right out of my chest. That’s something that I don’t wanna deal with again anytime soon. Don’t you get that?”

  “Why did you let me make love to you, then? Why didn’t you let me just continue bein’ the nigga I was if this was just gon’ be some fuck shit? I did something different because I thought that’s what you wanted.” Now I was confused.

  True, we hadn’t been dealing with each other long, but our circumstances seemed to have made us move along faster than the average. Some people had sex the first night they met, and ended up married and in love. Why the fuck was she overthinking what we had going on? I had noticed that she was trying to make up for the fucked-up decisions she’d made with men in the past. That was no reason to miss out on something that was actually meant to be. My circumstances hadn’t been an issue at first, but now, all of a sudden, they were. I was starting to think that Daish
a was just a little bit bipolar, and I wasn’t trying to be funny.

  “Because I wanted you to, but the fact remains that you have never been in a serious relationship before,” she said. “How do I know that you’re really ready now? How do I know that it’s gonna all be worth it? Why fall in love with someone who can end up in a grave or a prison cell? Why set myself up to love and long for a man that I can’t touch? Huh? I’m not built for that.”

  I shook my head at her. “I told you what was going on already, Ma. I kept it real wit’ you before anything even happened between us. Okay. Fine. I’ll just kill Rae so you can go on wit’ your life. If that’s all you want, that’s what you gon’ get!” With that said, I stood up and walked toward the front door.

  “Wait. That’s not what I meant, Pistol. I’m just sayin’—”

  I turned on my heels. “Fuck it, yo! I get it! The shit I got goin’ on is too much for you. Just know that there is nothing that keeps me from wanting you. Not your drama with that nigga or the fact that you don’t have anybody that you can depend on. None of that shit scared me away, a nigga who ain’t never been serious about a woman. Your feelings for me ain’t as strong as I thought they were, but mine are damn sure strong enough for you.”

  She didn’t even respond to what I’d said. Instead, she stared at me as tears fell down her cheeks, and then she shook her head and walked out of the room.

  It was time for me to put shit in motion so she wouldn’t feel like she was obligated to appease me. Damn, I wanted Daisha bad, but she’d been damaged by men before me and by her mother. Because of that, there was nothing I could do to change her state of mind. All I could do was kill that nigga Rae and give her the freedom she needed to do her. Besides, from my point of view, that was all she really wanted. When I was finally open to love a woman, for once, that shit wasn’t well received. Was that my karma?

  *

  An hour later I was sitting in my car, which I’d parked under a huge oak tree on the street, enveloped by the darkness of the night. That chick Capri lived in a nice house outside of Sandy Springs. So, his baby’s mama was living it up while Daisha struggled. I mean, it was good, if he took care of his seed, but damn. On the outside looking in, Daisha was just old dude’s sidepiece.