“Wait…” Had Gregory told Lux to go buy a bunch of rings? “Exactly what is your duty, and what does it have to do with jewelry?”
Lux sighed, as if I were the most obtuse individual he’d ever met. “I am the keeper of rings. Sacred responsibility to keep the rings safe.”
Keeper of the rings? “So you’re a fucking hobbit now? Or that Gollum dude?” I asked.
Lux shuddered. He hadn’t been a big fan of the movies. Seems there was a lot to frighten a little angel in Lord of the Rings.
“Who made you keeper of the rings?” I asked, wondering if this was something he’d picked up from the movie. If so, we were going to have an absolute blast tossing these things into an active volcano.
“Irix and Amber.” He grinned. “Nyalla says I look cute in the tuxedo.”
Fuck.
“Irix and Amber asked you to be the ring bearer for the wedding.” It had been all the little angel could talk about for the last week.
Lux nodded.
“Did either Irix or Amber explain to you exactly what that job entailed?” Probably not. Amber hadn’t been all that detailed in what my bridesmaid job entailed either.
Lux nodded again. “Keeper of the rings. Sacred responsibility to keep them safe.”
I took a deep breath. “Um, Lux? Irix meant his and Amber’s rings. Not every ring in the fucking universe. This is…this is too many rings. Where did you get them all?”
The little angel frowned. Then his bottom lip quivered. “Everywhere.”
He was going to cry. He was going to cry and then I would break into a million pieces. If disappointing Nyalla was like being stabbed repeatedly in the gut, Lux crying was even worse.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. Don’t cry.” I looked around, frantically trying to figure out what to do. No one needed to know about this. That was the best thing about being a demon—we were good at covering shit up. All I needed to do was sweep this all under the rug, pretend it never happened, then Lux and I could go on our merry way.
Under the rug.
I lifted up the corner of the huge Oriental carpet and began to kick the rings under it. “We won’t tell anyone, okay? You keep Irix and Amber’s rings safe, and no one needs to know about all these. I’m sure there’s insurance or something on them.”
“Sam?”
I spun around, moving quickly to stand in front of the huge lump in the carpet. “Nyalla! Hi! How wonderful to see you!”
She shot me a quizzical look. “You dropped me off at Wyatt’s fifteen minutes ago. I’m wondering why there’s a dead rat on the porch out front.”
Crap, I’d hoped the thing would have been gone by now. “I was just about to go out back and get a shovel to dispose of it.”
“Did Boomer kill it?” She walked toward us.
“He says no. I think it just died there. Probably poison or something.”
“Is Lux behind you?” She came closer, trying to peer around me.
“Yes, but he’s busy. Let’s go, uh, get coffee or something and catch up.”
“We just got back from coffee.” Nyalla frowned. “What’s the big lump in the carpet?”
“Rings!” Lux shouted.
Traitor. Hadn’t I just said we weren’t going to tell anyone?
“Play rings,” I said. “We’re hiding them. Now, let’s go get a beer. Or pizza. Or how about I buy you a new car?”
“Rings?” Nyalla scooted around me.
“Rings,” Lux repeated, holding up a particularly gaudy one I’d somehow not managed to get under the carpet. “Lux is a bad angel. Not keeper of stolen rings. Hide them and not tell anyone.”
Oh for fuck’s sake, this angel couldn’t keep his mouth shut if duct taped it. We needed to have a serious talk about when to fess up—pretty much never—and when to pretend absolute and complete innocence of any wrongdoing.
Nyalla took the ring from Lux and gasped. “Where did you get this?”
“Hong Kong.” His bottom lip trembled again. “If I hide the ring, I be good?”
“Oh, sweetie.” Nyalla dropped the ring and scooped Lux up in her arms, cuddling him. The angel snuggled his face against her breasts and sighed happily. “You’re always good,” she crooned. “But even good angels do bad things sometimes. You have to make it right, to fix it. That’s what good angels do.”
“Which means hiding these rings and not telling anyone.” I picked up the ring Nyalla had dropped and shoved it under the carpet with the others, trying to tamp down the lump with my feet.
“He has to give them back,” Nyalla said, that stern gleam in her eye.
“Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not the one that stole hundreds of rings.”
Nyalla frowned. “You’re the one who’s trying to hide them all under the carpet, though.”
Damn it. First Lux was on the edge of tears, and now Nyalla was disappointed in me. There was no way I was getting out of this one alive.
“Look, it’s ridiculous to insist Lux return all these rings. First, he probably doesn’t even remember where he got them all.”
“I remember!” the angel announced proudly.
Great. “Secondly, there’s insurance for this kind of thing. Let those bastards pay out for once. People can go buy new rings, and everyone will be happy.”
“What if they didn’t have insurance?” Nyalla asked. “What if the ring was a family heirloom with sentimental value? What if it was a museum piece? Sam, he has to return them. If he were a human and he’d shoplifted a candy bar from the store, you’d make him take it back and apologize.”
Like hell I would. “Are you kidding me? I’d eat the candy bar and tell the human kid to not let anyone know.”
“Part of learning about right and wrong is putting in the effort to make things right when you’ve done wrong,” Nyalla insisted.
I wasn’t going to win this argument. I was never going to win this argument. Usually I’d agree with whatever Nyalla wanted, then just not do it, but I was feeling feisty.
“Okay. You win. If Lux steals a candy bar, I’ll make him return it and apologize. But these rings”—I tapped the bulge in the carpet with my foot—“are staying right here. End of discussion.”
* * *
“He’s returning the rings.” Gregory scowled.
So much for trying to hide them all under the rug. Gregory had seen right through my lies. Either that, or Lux had told him. Or maybe Nyalla had told him. Or Nyalla had told Gabe who told him. The end result was that he knew, and my happy family time and later sexy-times were in jeopardy over these damned things.
“Nobody wants these rings back. They’re ugly.” I held up a particularly hideous one. “See? People would rather have the insurance money than this stupid thing.”
“That’s not the point,” Gregory said. “He has stolen, taken that which doesn’t belong to him. As an Angel of Order, he must atone.”
Fuck that.
“He’s just a little guy,” I argued. “He knows what he did was wrong. It wasn’t like he was overcome with the sin of greed or anything, he only misunderstood his duties as ringbearer in Irix and Amber’s wedding.”
“I’m not blaming him. It was an honest mistake, but an angel is never too young to learn that mistakes have consequences, and that it’s his duty to mitigate the impact of his actions.”
Like Gregory had done after the disaster with the mythical tenth choir. Although there was no putting that genie back in the bottle. Once the humans had been given the angelic gifts, they were off and running. And no archangel, no matter how powerful, could manage to guide these crazy humans onto the straight and narrow.
It’s what I loved about humans. They were like us—full of chaos. And there was Gregory and his angels, trying to herd seven billion cats, with no awareness at all about the futility of their efforts.
“Fine.” I knew I’d lost this battle. “But maybe he should only return the museum pieces and the family heirlooms? Because there are a lot of rings under my rug.
”
Gregory pulled back the rug and blinked. “That is…that is a lot of jewelry.”
“Lux takes his duties very seriously.” I bit back a laugh at the expression on my angel’s face.
“I’m concerned that the owners of these rings might not understand Lux’s innocent intentions,” Gregory mused. “He is very young, and I don’t want him to have to deal with physical or emotional attack by humans at his tender age.”
“Good point.” I tried to kick some of the rings further under the rug. “So he should only return the museum pieces.”
“No, he needs to return them all, but perhaps you should accompany him.”
I stopped kicking the rug. “Me?”
There were hundreds of these things. I had other shit to do besides zipping all over the world returning cheap diamond solitaires to Chad and Karen. And damnit, why was this sort of thing always my job? Yes, Lux was technically my responsibility, but Gregory had signed on for half this parenting-an-angel thing as well.
“If Lux needs someone to accompany him, it should be you,” I told him. “The big archangel with all the calming blue shit who can make humans non-violent. Not me, who is liable to get shot, stabbed, or arrested.”
Yeah, getting shot, stabbed, or arrested wasn’t a big deal for me, but it didn’t mean I enjoyed it. I expected an argument from Gregory, some bullshit about how he was busy and didn’t have time for this. I hadn’t expected him to look…tired.
“You’re right.” He knelt down and scooped up a handful of rings, picking through them as if he were looking for something.
“What’s going on?” I suddenly felt worried. This wasn’t like him at all. Where was my arrogant asshole of an angel? Where was the fiery-hot Gregory who would shove me against the wall and snarl at me? Who would demand I do this?
Whew. I got hot and bothered just thinking about it. I’d expected, maybe even wanted, an argument, not this easy capitulation and agreement.
He kept sorting through the rings. “Nothing is going on. I’ve realized that I’ve been relying on you to shoulder all the responsibility for when Lux does something…something impish.”
“It’s probably my fault that he’s impish,” I admitted. It was totally my fault. I was a terrible influence on a young Angel of Order.
Gregory smiled up at me, and my internal organs did a little jumpy thing. “A mere decade ago I would have found that a grave sin in an Angel of Order, but now I find it incredibly endearing when Lux does something that reminds me of you.”
Yep. Internal organs jumping everywhere. “Oh.” It was a stupid response, but all I could manage right now.
“He’ll be a better angel because of you. He’ll be more like we used to be, before the war, before we became so divided. It’s important that he embraces the moments of chaos in his order, that he learns to appreciate and love that which is different.”
“Oh.” Yep. Still speechless.
“I’m a better angel because of you. You don’t just point out my flaws, my sins, my hypocrisy, you smash them right in my face. You force me to see situations differently, to experience things that I’ve steadfastly refused to even consider doing for billions of years.”
“And that makes you a better angel?” It didn’t sound all that positive to me, but he was pretty fucking weird. All the angels were weird, but mine was the weirdest of all.
“Yes, it does. Life is unpredictable and terrifying with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You, my Cockroach, brought me back to life and gave me everything I never knew I needed.”
“Does this mean I’m getting laid tonight? I mean, laid-laid. Dipping the wick? Hiding the sausage? Bumping uglies? Riding the flagpole? Because I love angel-sex, but whoo-boy, when you combine it with some balls-deep action, I’m pretty fucking close to worshiping your sexy ass.”
His smile broadened and he extended a particularly garish ring toward me. “Beloved Cockroach, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”
I laughed, not sure where he was going with this. “With a stolen ring?”
“With a stolen ring. Which I will, of course, create a duplicate for the true owners,” he said solemnly
“Of course.” He couldn’t be serious. Angels didn’t do these human traditions. But he had been eating chips and drinking coffee. He occasionally manifested sexual organs. It wasn’t too much of a stretch to think that he’d want to partake in certain human traditions especially since the angels were locked out of Aaru for the foreseeable future.
“Rings!” Lux squealed, his little wings flapping with excitement. “Love forever.” He looked like one of those adorable cherubs on the Valentine’s day cards. All he needed was a miniature archery set and he could be Cupid.
“You mean it?” I asked.
“I mean it.” He was still kneeling, holding the ring out to me.
“Do we have to do the whole church thing?” I asked.
“Not if you don’t want to. I have heard some humans exchange vows while outside in nature, or even at a city with the sins of gambling, excessive alcohol indulgence, and meaningless sexual contact.”
“Vegas.” I grinned. It was totally my style. “Yes, I want to get married in Vegas. Ooo, can I force my friends to wear ugly gowns in unflattering colors?”
“Absolutely.”
“Can I have a bachelorette party with strippers and a cake made of actual penises? With gambling, excessive alcohol consumption, and meaningless sex?”
“I draw the line at meaningless sex, Cockroach.”
That growly sound in his voice was making my insides all quivery again.
“Okay, I’ll forego the meaningless sex, but our wedding needs to be officiated by Elvis.”
He blinked. “Do you know of a necromancer who can perform the resurrection? Because I’m afraid that request is beyond my abilities.”
Damn. “I’ll settle for an Elvis impersonator then.” I knelt down in front of him. “I accept your proposal. Yes, I will marry you, Asshole.”
He slid the ring onto the appropriate finger, shrinking it to fit. The band was some strange metal covered with engraving that had mostly worn off. Instead of a big-ass diamond, it had three gray-colored stones. I had no idea why Lux had decided this ring was worth stealing. I had no idea why Gregory had picked it out of the pile. It was the most hideously ugly thing I’d ever seen, which made it perfect.
I adored it. I adored him.
“Love!” Lux flung himself forward, smacking me in the face with a wing. Gregory’s arms came around the pair of us, squashing us in a tight embrace.
“I’ll help Lux return the rings,” I said when he’d finally let go enough that I could breathe again. “You’re in charge of the wedding stuff. Get Rafi to help you, because Gabe is gonna fuck it all up and I don’t want a wedding with a two-hour monologue and kale.”
“We have a deal.” He kissed my forehead. “If you and Lux need help with the rings, let me know.”
I nodded, but I wouldn’t need help. It was a bunch of rings. What could go wrong?
“Oh, and Cockroach? There’s a dead rat on your front porch.”
Fuck.
Chapter 4
After popping open some celebratory champagne, the three of us talked wedding plans and decided what we were going to do for dinner tonight. That’s when Gregory got a phone call which evidently was serious enough that he needed to run out to take care of emergency angel business. With dinner postponed and our champagne half-drunk, I figured it would be a good time to take care of the dead rat.
The sun was just starting to go down. I made sure the horses had hay in their feeder, checked the water trough, then poured some kibble in Boomer’s bowl. The hellhound was perfectly able to scavenge his own dinner, but he still enjoyed regular dog food and I preferred that he didn’t dig up half the cemeteries in the county looking for something to eat.
Then I grabbed a shovel and headed around to the front of my house. The rat was still on the porch, although it look
ed as if he’d dragged himself a foot closer to the door before dying. It was probably a good thing Boomer hadn’t eaten him. The thing had probably gotten into poison and crawled here, taking an inordinately long time to die.
I scraped the carcass onto the shovel, walked over to the tree line on the other side of my driveway, and tossed it into the woods. That’s when I noticed the other dead rat.
I was seriously going to have to have a talk with my neighbors. I didn’t mind rodent control, but if all the poisoned animals were going to end up on my porch and driveway, then they were going to have to think of something else.
Just as I was about to scoop it onto the shovel, it jumped up and lunged toward me.
I screamed.
Yep. Me, an imp, a demon, an Angel of Chaos, the Iblis, screamed at an attacking rat. Then I jumped back, frantically trying to whack the thing with the shovel. It dodged my first few attempts before I finally managed to squash it. To ensure it was truly dead, I smacked it a few more times, then scooped it up and tossed it into the woods with its rodent brother.
Just in case there were any other dead rats laying around, I did a quick tour of my driveway, looped around my house, and walked around the patio by the pool. I didn’t see anything, but wanting to be prepared, so I propped the shovel up by the front door then went inside to get Lux some dinner.
Gregory hadn’t returned by the time I’d pulled the chicken nuggets and fries out of the oven, so Lux and I ate by ourselves, debating whether fries were best with ketchup, vinegar, or a combination of the two.
“Rings?” Lux asked, eyeing the lump in the carpet.
“That can wait for tomorrow,” I assured him. Ugh, I was not looking forward to doing this. Accompanying Lux to hundreds of homes, museums, and jewelry stores so he could sneak in and deposit stolen jewelry back where it came from wasn’t my idea of a good time.
It got me to thinking.
“Do you need me to go with you for every single ring return?” I asked. “I mean, you stole them all yourself, so some of them won’t be too dangerous for you to take back, right?”
With This Ring: Imp Series, Book 11 Page 3