“It’s going to rain and we need to get into our wagon.”
“Can’t I stay here and play with Joe and Springer?”
“Joe will be getting in his own wagon. Now come on.”
She put her arms across her chest. “I don’t want to.”
“Listen to your mama, Becky,” Cord’s voice came from the edge of the clearing.
“Oh, Daddy. Tell Mama to let me stay here.”
Ulla glanced at Cord, but didn’t say anything.
He gave her a half smile, then turned toward his daughter. “No, Becky. Your Mama said to come to the wagon. Now, mind her.”
Joe looked at her. “My mama’s telling me to come inside our wagon, Becky. When I go, you’ll be alone.”
Becky stuck her mouth out and said, “I’d be with Springer.”
“If it rains hard, Mama will let me take Springer in the wagon. You’ll be by yourself then.”
Becky didn’t look happy, but she headed to her wagon without further arguing.
The rain was coming down a little harder when Ulla watched Cord lift her into the back of the wagon. He then turned and reached for Will and sat him over the tailgate. “Watch him, Becky, until I get Mama inside.”
“I can climb in,” Ulla muttered.
“I know, but I don’t mind helping you.” He put his hands on her waist and lifted her into the wagon.
She was angry with herself for being excited by his touch. To keep him from knowing, she moved next to the children. A crack of thunder followed by lightning made both of them jump into her arms.
“I’m scared,” Becky whispered into her neck.
Will began to cry.
Cord climbed in the wagon and dropped beside them. “Don’t be afraid, Becky. I’m here and I’ll protect all of you.”
She moved into her father’s arms. “I’m glad you’re here, Daddy, but I’m scared. Are you scared, Mama?”
Ulla wasn’t sure what to say, so she nodded and mumbled, “A little.” She then tried to calm Will with soft words. “It’s going to be fine, Will. Nothing is going to hurt you.”
She kissed the top of his head, but he continued to cry.
“I won’t cry, Daddy,” Becky said and snuggled in Cord’s arm. “I know you won’t let anything happen to us, but I’m a little afraid.”
“Don’t be, sweetheart. We’re all safe here.”
Thunder boomed again. Will clung to Ulla and wailed.
Cord’s voice was harsh when he said, “Hush up, Will. You’ll be fine.”
Ulla glared at him because she couldn’t understand how he could he be so comforting to Becky and fuss at his little son for being afraid. It wasn’t right for him to use his severe voice to Will and be so sweet and calming with Becky. It made it obvious to her that he preferred one offspring over the other. She didn’t understand it, but it was something she was going to confront him about as soon as they were alone. Now was not the time, so for the moment she hugged Will to her breast and began singing a soothing lullaby.
~ * ~
Cord knew he’d messed up again as he watched Ulla turn her accusing eyes from him to Will. He knew he shouldn’t have yelled at the boy, but it was damn hard to control his temper when every time he looked at Will, he remembered that Yankee in Lisa’s bed and the fact the enemy could very well be Will’s father.
Would Ulla be more understanding and accepting if he explained about the child to her and the facts behind his feelings? Would she agree that it was hard for him to show Will the same love and care he showed Becky? Or would she say he was an adult and he should accept Will as his own and forget about the lieutenant. If so, he knew he just couldn’t do that. He’d tried and it hadn’t worked. In fact, he’d wished more than once that he’d left Will in Atlanta. But if he had, there would have always been the question—is the boy of my seed? A question that could never be answered. Only Lisa knew the truth.
Ulla’s song turned into a soft hum and he glanced at her. Her eyes were looking down upon the baby in her arms. And he had to admit that in many ways, Will was still a baby. One not responsible for his conception, but one who would never question his parentage as long as Cord called him his son. One who would only know Ulla as his mother and would have no feeling for the woman who had given him birth. Nor would he have any feeling for the Yankee soldier who may have been the man whose seed he evolved from. A man who the child would never know existed.
Then there was Becky, his beautiful daughter who was young enough to start forgetting much about her birth mother. Eventually the memories she did have would become sketchy and she would come to love and depend on Ulla as her only mother, too.
The four of them would be a family. That was, unless Ulla decided she didn’t want to build a future with him. He knew she would have no trouble relating to and loving the children, but would she ever care enough about him to become a real wife? At first he thought she would, but now he wondered. He couldn’t help recalling the way she’d reacted to him in the last few days. Oh, she had been pleasant enough, but she seemed to try not to be alone with him and she dodged talking about anything personal if they ended up close together. In fact, she’d avoided all conversations with him unless it had something to do with the children, or the trip, or what needed to be done during the day.
And here they sat in the back of the wagon with a storm raging around them and she wouldn’t even look at him, much less, talk to him. Instead she sang to the children. Well, to Will anyway. It just so happened her soft voice carried over to Becky’s ears. Not only that, Will had not only quit crying, but he’d gone to sleep. And Becky had curled up on the mattress beside him as she fell into sleep, too.
Damn if her voice isn’t so sweet, I’m getting drowsy myself.
He watched as Ulla gently placed Will down beside her, then glanced up. When their eyes met, she whispered, “Why, Cord?”
He frowned. “Why what, Ulla?”
“Why do you make such a difference between your children?”
Damn, she got to the point, didn’t she? What should he say? Should he tell her why it was impossible for him to relate to Will as he did Becky? Would she understand? He had a feeling she probably would not.
He decided the best thing he could do was lie. “I don’t know what you mean, Ulla.”
“Then, Cord, you’re not the man I thought you were when I agreed to marry you.” She turned from him and cuddled down beside Will.
Though she kept her voice low, he couldn’t help hearing her whisper in Will’s ear, “Don’t worry, my precious. Someday your father will realize what a wonderful little boy you are. I just hope it’s not too late when he does.”
~ * ~
The next day was strained between them, though neither said anything short or hateful to the other. It was as if they were afraid to say anything.
While the men were taking care of the livestock at the nooning, Ivy walked up to Ulla. “Are you all right, my friend?”
Ulla forced a smile. “Of course. Why do you ask?”
“I can’t help noticing how you and Cord are side-stepping each other. Have you had your first fight?”
Ulla shook her head. “No. Nothing is wrong.”
Ivy persisted. “Don’t be ashamed if you’ve had words. It happens to all couples. When Pete came home, he and I often had little arguments.”
“I never hear you arguing.”
“We seldom do now, but it was difficult then. Pete was moody and resentful of the way he was treated by the people in Independence. He felt he’d paid for his mistake and he thought people should realize that. I had expected him to come home and be the same man he was when he was sent away and in ways he was, but in others he wasn’t. Prison had made him unsure of who he could trust and who he couldn’t. He even felt that about me at times. If it hadn’t been for Joe, I’m not sure we would’ve made it.”
“But you seem so happy, Ivy.”
“We are now, but it took a few months for us to find our meeting ground. We
’ve been married a little over a year and I can tell you without reserve that we’re a very happy couple. I can’t imagine life without him and I’m positive he feels the same about me.”
“I can only wish that will happen for us.”
“It will, Ulla. All you have to do is sit together and talk it out. First tell him exactly what you’re thinking and feeling, then ask him to tell you what he thinks. I know it’s hard for a man to tell you about his feelings, but if you persist, he’ll do it.”
Ulla was thoughtful for a minute, then she turned to Ivy. “Maybe I shouldn’t have married Cord so quickly.”
“Don’t think like that. Cord is a good man and you and he are wonderful together. You just have to get over these little bumps in the marriage.”
Again Ulla was quiet a minute. Finally she asked, “I can’t understand why Cord makes such a difference in the way he treats his children. He’s always sweet and kind to Becky, but he acts as if he doesn’t even love Will. Even Becky told me she thought her father loved her better than he did her brother.”
Ivy frowned. “I have to admit, I’ve noticed him be a little harsher with Will. He may not even be aware of it himself, but sometimes men will be nicer to a girl child because they feel the boy is a threat for some reason.”
“Oh, Ivy, how could anyone think of sweet little Will as a threat?”
“That’s a question you need to discuss with Cord.”
“I suppose you’re right. But the way he treats Will is only one thing I didn’t know about Cord before I married him.”
“He isn’t mean to you, is he?”
“Oh, no. He’s been nothing but kind to me.”
“Then…here the men come. Just think about what I said. Try talking to him.”
Ulla nodded. “If I can work up the courage, I’ll try.”
“Hello, ladies,” Pete said. “Hope the coffee is hot.”
“It is.” Ivy moved to the campfire. “Want a cup, Cord?”
“I sure do. We’ve had a rough time with a couple of ornery oxen. For a while there I thought we were going to have to put them down, but they finally settled.”
Ulla felt a sudden fear. “Nobody was hurt, were they?”
Cord shook his head. “Everyone is like Pete and me, just tired from tussling with the beast.”
“What happened?” Ivy asked as she handed the men cups of coffee.
“Thank you, honey, and to answer your question…an ox turned on its owner and then on the other animals. It wasn’t long until all the oxen seemed to be in on it. It took a while to calm them down.”
“Thank you, Ivy.” Cord turned to Ulla. “Where is…” he hesitated, then said, “where are the children?”
Ulla knew he’d purposely corrected himself. She was sure that at first he was going to ask where Becky was. He must have thought she’d be even more distant to him if he didn’t include both children. She decided to ignore it this time. “Becky and Joe have gone to play with the Maloney children and Will’s asleep.”
“It’s time for the children to come back. Come with me, Pete. Let’s go get them.”
Pete gave Ivy a puzzled look and started to say something.
She didn’t give him a chance. “It’s been a while since we took a walk together. I want you to come along and hold my hand.”
Pete drained his coffee cup, set it aside and took his wife’s hand. “I can’t turn down an offer like that. We’ll be back soon.”
Ulla glanced at Cord and muttered, “They couldn’t have been more obvious, could they?”
“I’m sure they still think of us as newlyweds that would like to have their time alone together.”
After a minute, Ulla said, “Ivy noticed that we have been a little standoffish with each other. She asked me if we’d had our first fight.”
“Have we, Ulla?”
“No, Cord. The last thing I want to do is fight with you. I just want to know what you’re thinking at times and why you do things that are so contradictory to the good man I know you are.”
“You’re talking about the way I relate to the children, aren’t you?”
“That’s one thing.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What else could you have on your mind?”
“We’ll discuss that later. I think the most pressing things on my mind are Will and the way you treat him. From what I can see, in his little boy way, he loves you dearly and for the life of me I don’t understand how can you not be as attentive to that sweet little boy as you are to Becky?”
She glanced at Cord and noticed how his jaw had begun to work as if he were gritting his teeth. After waiting a few minutes of silence, she thought he wasn’t going to give her an answer and wondered if she should press him for one.
He finally broke the silence. “I don’t know if you’ll understand even if I try to explain it to you.”
Ulla reached over and touched his arm. “Please try, Cord.”
He nodded. “Let me get another cup of coffee and I’ll try. Would you like one?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
When he returned, he handed her a cup of coffee and pulled his chair closer to her. “I’m not sure where to begin.”
“It doesn’t matter where you start, Cord. Just beginning is the important thing.”
“Then I’m going to tell you straight out. I have good reason to believe Will was sired by another man. I know for a fact that Becky is my daughter, but I don’t know whether or not Will is truly my son.”
Ulla was stunned. Of all the things Cord could have told her, this was something that had never entered her mind. For a few seconds she was lost for words. She then muttered, “I’m sorry, Cord, but you do know Will can’t help that.”
“I know he can’t, Ulla. I also know I’m the only father he’ll ever know. That’s why I feel guilty every time I snap at him, but I can’t seem to help myself. Every time I look at him, I think of that damn Yankee.”
Ulla was confused, but she didn’t have a chance to question him any further. A scream followed by two rapid gunshots from the wagon in front of them stopped her.
Cord jumped up and ran to the wagon. He grabbed his gun off the peg on the side. “Get inside and I’ll see what’s going on.”
She didn’t argue and let him lift her inside. She wanted to get to Will as soon as she could. She knew Becky was safe with Pete and Ivy.
~ * ~
“What the hell’s going on, Reed?” Cord demanded when he came around the wagon and saw his neighbor standing there with a gun in his hand. Pete ran up behind him.
Sam pointed the rifle toward the area at the edge of the camp ground. “Damn rattlesnake. Scared Beulah so bad I thought she was gonna keel right over on me.”
“Did anyone get bitten?”
“No. Beulah saw it and was far enough away it couldn’t strike her. Trina and Leo had walked up a few wagons to visit with a couple of friends of theirs. Just me and Beulah here.”
Cord holstered his pistol and so did Pete. Pete said, “Glad you got him. I know how afraid of snakes Ivy is and I’d hate for her to see one this close to where we’re sleeping.”
Cord nodded. “Probably the same for Ulla. I bet from now on she’ll insist on all of us sleeping in the wagon instead of the tents.”
“Cord,” Ulla called. “Is everyone all right?”
A panting Beulah walked up. “I’ll go talk to her, Cord. You men get that thing out of my sight before I get back or Leo and Trina decide to come back, too.”
In a matter of minutes a crowd had gathered, but soon dispersed when they found out the excitement was only a dead rattlesnake.
When Cord returned to the wagon, he found Ulla sitting there rocking Will.
“The gunshots woke him and he began crying for me. Ivy tried to quiet him, but he only wanted his mama.”
“You’re very good with him, Ulla. Just like a real mama would be.”
She gave him a hard look. “I am his real mama from now on, Cord. I love him just as much as
if I’d given him birth.”
He wondered if she wanted to ask, ‘Why can’t you do the same?’ He only said, “He’s a lucky guy to be loved so much by you. I better get things ready to start moving again.” He turned and climbed back out of the wagon without saying anything else, or waiting for her to answer.
Chapter Eleven
Nothing much changed in Cord and Ulla’s relationship. They still tried to be polite to each other and she could tell he was trying harder not to be harsh with Will. But to her he wasn’t trying hard enough. She thought he should just forget about the Yankee, whoever he was and whatever he had to do with Will’s birth. Cord hadn’t mentioned the previous conversation and she was trying to work up the courage to bring it up again.
Two days later, the train camped by a good sized creek. Ulla wasn’t sure what the name of it was or even if it had one. She was simply thrilled that at last there was a place to wash their soiled clothes and then take some of the dirt and grime off her body. Naomi told her that Mr. Pruitt said there was a nice pool above the waterfall where the women would have privacy to take a bath and relax.
She and Ivy made plans to go as soon as they put the dried beans that had been soaking all day in the pot to cook, had the children bathed and had their laundry hanging on the makeshift clothesline the men had constructed for them. After gathering clean underclothes and a red and black checked dress, Ulla turned to Cord. “If it’s not too much trouble, will you please watch Will while I’m bathing?”
“Yes, Ulla. I’ll watch him.”
“Becky will be here to help you. She took a bath while I was doing the wash.”
He nodded. “Go and enjoy your bath.”
“Thank you. I won’t be long.”
He nodded.
Ulla sighed and joined Ivy. “I suppose the children will be safe with them.”
Ivy laughed. “Don’t worry, Ulla. They’ll be fine and we need a break. It doesn’t hurt the men to watch them now and again.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
It wasn’t long until they reached the area Mr. Pruitt had told Naomi about. “Oh my,” Ulla’s eyes grew big. It’s lovely here.”
“Yes it is and I’m looking forward to getting this tired old body in water to my neck.”
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