Helluva Luxe

by Essary, Natalie

  “You keep surprising me,” I said.

  “That’s what we’re into around here.”

  She looked up at the clock over the cooler and gathered her things. Then she pulled the register tape and stacked the drawer with her stuff. “I’ll do the books,” she said. “You take the cash in the jars. Rorke isn’t coming back down. She’s whipped. Said she needed a bath. Can you find your way to your room?”

  I tried not to look disappointed. “Uh, sure.”

  She nodded. “Have a good night, Nick.” She smiled and disappeared through the back door.

  I grabbed a bottle of booze and an extra pack of smokes. I dumped all the tip jars into one and tucked them under the bar. I wasn’t about to keep that money. I hung the mats and turned off the lights. Then I kicked back behind the bar and finished my Four Horsemen in the dark before I braved the maze to my apartment. I half expected to get lost and end up sleeping under the painted ladies. No such luck.

  I unlocked my front door without getting winked at, went inside, and closed it behind me. The sudden silence was deafening, so I switched on the little radio in the kitchen and grabbed a tumbler from the cabinet. I was about to sit down on the futon and spark up one of Edgar’s bones, but a hot bath was calling my name. I had a full arsenal of party favors to get my mind off the girl, so I gathered everything up and took it with me into the bathroom.

  And there she was.

  Sitting in my big round marble tub. Soaking under a blanket of bubbles, surrounded by candles with her hair piled on her head. One of her arms was dangling over the rug. She reached up and cracked her whip against the door frame.

  I let a slow smile creep across my face. “Those bubbles are all gonna pop, you know. Eventually.”

  “Not in my bar, they’re not. Get in.”

  I looked her dead in the eye and pulled my shirt over my head. The woman did not back down. She didn’t even blink. She just lay there, daring me by doing nothing. I’d had this fantasy before, about finding a woman in my bathtub. But now that it was happening I realized I hadn’t really thought it through.

  “I’ll close my eyes,” she said. “But you better hurry.”

  I didn’t hurry. I took my time sinking down next to her while she lay there in the hot water with her eyes closed, her head against the side of the tub. I poured us a drink. She shifted her body and draped a calf between my thighs.

  I was not going under that easily.

  “Finish your story,” I said.

  Chapter 32

  “Who’s meeting Lily after the show?” Chance said. “If she gets mobbed off the runway, she’ll vanish like the white rabbit.” He started counting off on one hand. “I’ll be waiting in the Dragon. Z has to get Kendol. Ash can’t do it, she needs to stay in the booth. Rorke’s behind the bar. I’ve already had to pull somebody from the Broad Squad to take my place up front. We need another person we can trust to get Lily from the stage to her room. Somebody that can run interference, if necessary. Who the fuck do we trust? We don’t trust anybody.”

  “You’re scaring me,” I said.

  “I know, right? I’m good at this shit. I had no idea.”

  Ash started laughing. “Do Mama proud,” she said.

  “What about Wolf?” I suggested.

  “Nope. No way. Wolf can’t leave the door,” Chance said. “The crowd’s too big, and they aren’t afraid of anyone but him.”

  “Evilyn.”

  “Good call, bartender. I’m on it.” Ash clicked off.

  “We trust Evilyn?” Chance said. “I thought we just liked her ’cause she’s a bitch.”

  “There’s a fine line there.”

  “I’m afraid she’ll whip my knuckles,” he said.

  “I might let her whip my knuckles.”

  “She’s not your type.”

  “I’ve got more than one type.”

  “Yes, you do. Dicks that aren’t like her. And chicks that aren’t like her.”

  “Don’t make me say it. Chance.”

  He sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll give her a Rorke.” Then he started grinning and nudged me. “You all set for tonight?”

  “I can’t believe you’re excited about this.”

  “I was talking about your date,” he said. “But since you brought it up, yes, I am excited about this. All of it. I’m glad Ash didn’t leave us in the dark and try to save the day on her own. If Lily gets on that plane, we’re all screwed. Do you want another seven months like the last seven? Because I don’t. If Ash leaves again, I’m gonna fucking lose it. It sucks when they’re not together. The whole world sucks. So my participation in this shindig is not up for discussion. Now is not the time for you to go all mommish on me… Is that Chant?”

  “Yes, it’s Chant.” I sighed. “Are you sure you didn’t tap into that bullet? I’m not mommish. I know Kendol. And I don’t want to see you on the ten o’clock news, kid. Can’t you feel crazy radiating off him?”

  “Right now, all I can feel is drums. Jesus, look at that guy go,” he said.

  “You’ve seen him a dozen times.”

  “I know, and he always amazes the hell out of me. Look at all those drum kits. He’s everywhere.”

  “Chance…”

  “Okay, fine. Fine. I’m sorry. Please stop worrying. You know Ash would never let me get hurt, right?”

  I gave in on that one. “Yeah, I know she wouldn’t. Just get what you need and get the hell out of there, okay? You got the cuffs?”

  “Ash hooked me up. They’re lined with pink fur. And they smell like ladies. I bet she’s got a wicked stash.”

  “Easy, stud.”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “I don’t need to hear what you’re saying right now. Did she give you the camera?”

  He patted his pocket. “Dude, stop. Seriously. If something goes wrong, I’ll just kick Kendol’s ass.”

  “Where’s the envelope from Z?” I said.

  “In the Dragon. It burns my hand every time I try to touch it.”

  “Try to open it, you mean?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  I made eyes like he was in trouble.

  “Oh please, woman. You know you want to see what’s in that envelope just as much as I do.”

  “I’ll buy you steaks for a week if you bring it to me before you give it back to Ash.”

  “Deal,” he said. We shook.

  So everything was in place, and all we had to do was ride out the rest of the night. Half a badass band and five more models, including Lily.

  “Where the hell is Zayzl?” Chance said, looking around. Then he clapped his hand over his mouth.

  “If you summoned him, you owe me the steaks. No, the whole cow. Just ride it on up to the bar and park it by the cooler.”

  “I didn’t mean to say it out loud. Is he still out front?”

  “Yes. He Who Cannot Be Maimed is at the door with Wolf. It’s glorious. He’s been there since we opened.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s terrified he’ll miss somebody famous.”

  Chance reached around me and picked up my radio. Then he punched in Zayzl’s number.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Insuring he doesn’t have a reason to come back in.” He winked at me.

  Zayzl’s voice came over the radio. “What do you need, Rorke?”

  “It’s Chance.”

  Silence.

  “I just got a call from the bar up the road. Trent Reznor is coming in for the finale. He’s with four models, all heavily disguised. Thought you might want to know.”

  “Holy shit. Okay. Ten-four.” Zayzl clicked off.

  “Trent Reznor?” I said.

  “Actually, there’s a drag troupe coming in. The lead is a friend of mine. You oughta hear her do ‘Mr. Self Destruct.’ It’ll take Zayzl a while to figure it out.”

  “You mean?”

  “Yep. The four models are dudes. Reznor’s a chick.”

  “Wanna pop corn tomorrow and watch
the security tape?”

  He nodded. “It’s a date.”

  Chant wrapped up his second encore, and Ash opened the mic to thank everyone again. Then she introduced the final designer, who also came on the mic and thanked everyone, and talked about the charity, and how excited she was to design for the show. She’s really hot and kinda insane, so people cheered at whatever she said. I was a wreck inside, and I couldn’t shake it off.

  Then I heard the singing in my head again. But this time I recognized Lily’s voice. “Stoke the fire for me, kid. I need to check on something.”

  “Will do. Hey, you okay?”

  “Yeah. But I don’t think Lily is.” I didn’t have time to explain I might be growing ESP, so I ducked under the bar and took off up the stairs.

  From the landing I could see everything going on behind the curtain. The stage was sectioned off with drapes, so the models and bands could have private dressing areas. They were clearly taking advantage. I saw a lot of bare ass, a lot of nervous fussing, two dancers doing blow off the back of a tampon case, and Kendol clearly arguing with someone on his cell phone while his poor assistant tried to fix his hair.

  Sure enough, Lily was sitting at her vanity alone, wearing half her outfit and talking to herself in the mirror. It looked so creepy it made me feel like somebody was standing behind me. I hauled it back down the stairs and behind the curtain. When I drew her drape aside she cocked her head at me in the mirror.

  “Honey, were you singing?”

  “How many stars did you eat, Rorke?”

  I went inside, closed her drape behind me, and walked over to her. I put my hands on her shoulders and smiled back at her in the mirror. She was cold as ice. “I didn’t eat any stars.”

  “Oh yes, you did. You’ve got the tiger in you.” She reached up and patted my hand. “I can hear you glowing, bartender.”

  A chill shot up the back of my neck. I prayed Ash was listening. I was in way over my head if Lily was gonna crack up right before the show.

  But Ash didn’t say a word in my ear. I was alone.

  So I reminded myself that this was Lily. The Lily I love and not my worthless mother. That just because I couldn’t handle schizo as a kid didn’t mean I couldn’t take it on now. So yeah, I grew a pair, as you put it.

  “I think you should wear your hair down,” I told her. “A little wilder than usual. Want me to show you?”

  She nodded, and I started pulling out pins. So many pins. Then I took her hair in my hands and shook it out. “See what I mean? Doesn’t that feel better?” She nodded again, so I got an eye pencil off her vanity. “I know you’re not a fan of this color, but watch what this does to your eyes. And I’ll put some here over your lip gloss. That’ll pull the look together. See there? Just like a pixie.”

  She leaned forward and examined herself. Then she smiled at me, and it almost broke my heart. “You’re right,” she said. “Thank you, Rorke.”

  I noticed her earrings on the vanity and wondered if they were what started the whole meltdown in the first place. I picked them up. ”Didn’t Ash give you these?”

  She nodded and looked down at her chipped nails.

  “That’s a nice touch, by the way,” I said. I reached for her hand.

  “Thank you.” She giggled. “I had fun chewing off the polish. I never get to do that.”

  I put the earrings in her hand. “These are so beautiful on you,” I said. “You know that’s why she picked them out, right? She loves your eyes, Lily. She’s always giving you things this color.”

  “Loves my eyes. Loves my body. Loves my hair.”

  “You need to hear she loves you?”

  “I don’t want to wear these,” she said. But she didn’t put them down. I took one from her hand and fastened it on.

  “Does this have something to do with Z?”

  She nodded slowly.

  “There’s nothing going on with Z.”

  “I saw them in the booth. Twice.”

  “I know what you saw.”

  “And you don’t think—”

  “No. I don’t,” I said. She let me fasten the second earring. I reached around her and took the top of the garment from her lap. She leaned forward, and I laced her up. Then I knelt down in front of her and buckled her boots. “But I’ll tell you what I do think, gorgeous. I think I’m going to help you put this last thing on.” I leaned around her and slid a choker off the counter. “Mofet’s?”

  She nodded and smiled. “Her favorite was always the Swarovski.”

  “You know what Mofet would say. Don’t you, Lily?”

  She turned her head from the mirror. She was fighting tears all the sudden. “She’d kill me if she could. She’s really mad.”

  “No, honey. I don’t think she’d be mad at you. Maybe a little disappointed because you’re causing yourself so much pain.”

  She didn’t answer.

  The truth was, if Mofet were still alive none of the nonsense would be happening in the first place. Mofet wouldn’t stand for it. She’d have kicked all our asses. She always said to leave the drama to the regulars. No head games allowed in the family. Ever.

  “Stand up. Look at this knockout.” I made her face the mirror again. “You’re lucky the DJ’s staked her claim, or I might be tempted to show you what goes in a Horny Bartender.”

  “Rorke, you’re so full of shit.” She put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes at me. And just like that my Lily was back. The relief was better than any drug I ever tried.

  “You go tear down that runway. Show your girl what you’ve got.”

  She threw her arms around me, squeezed, and took off. With about half a second to spare. Kendol was on the mic, introducing the last models. The sound of his voice made me wanna punch something. Once he cleared the stage, Ash kicked on Crux Shadows’ “Return.” I got chills and hauled ass back to my bar so I could watch.

  The first two girls hit the curtain, wearing watercolor lingerie and clutching bouquets of dead flowers to their chests. They did some twisted version of the wedding march down either side of the runway like the bridesmaids of Bathsheba. Ash lowered the bird cages from the ceiling as they approached, and the first two models each stepped into one. The cages were raised back up over the crowd with the models posed inside them.

  It was hot.

  The second two stepped out and went the same way as the first until they got to the end of the walk. Then they were each hoisted by a member of security to the top of a speaker, where they clutched their bouquets and froze tragically.

  Again, very hot.

  Then the light fell. Lily stepped from behind the curtain, channeling broken birds, with her head bent to her big dead bouquet. She began to march along just like the others, hitting the slow heart of a fast song until she reached the middle of the walk, and Ash flipped the beat. Lily stopped, jerked her head up and flashed these wild purple eyes. Then she shredded the hell out of that bouquet, tossed it all over the crowd and kicked on the fiercest walk I have ever seen. My god. I thought she was gonna grow a tail and horns right there on the stage. I’d seen her walk before, but this was something else. This was the Lily I heard up in the booth earlier, the one who had her hand down the DJ’s pants when she thought nobody was listening. This was Ash’s Lily.

  “Holy shit.” Chance said. “Look at our girl go. Who the hell is that? Are you sure that’s Lily?”

  “That’s the Lily I think I like best,” I said. “Where’s Ash?”

  “She was just in the booth.”

  “Well, she split.”

  “I’m over your head, baby.” It was Ash. And not only was she over my head, she was in my head. I looked up at the landing, and she flipped me off. I gave her a creative gesture of my own.

  Chance rolled his eyes. “Ladies. Please stop teasing me. Is anybody running the board?”

  “I am,” Ash said.

  “How? Hold up your gadgets and let me see,” he said.

  Ash squeezed her tits.


  “I shouldn’t have questioned her.” He was shaking his head.

  “No, you really shouldn’t.”

  “Kid, you’re up in ten.” Ash had crossed to the other side of the catwalk and was leaning over the stage, watching everyone behind the curtain. “Z’s got her eye on the prize, and they’re headed out. Wait. Scratch that… Apparently, Kendol thinks he needs to change clothes. Make that twenty minutes. Or more. Jesus.” Ash sighed.

  “No worries,” Chance said. “The Dragon’s at the door.”

  My vision shifted.

  “You okay?” Chance said. He immediately put a hand on my shoulder.

  “Uh, yeah. Déjà vu. Or something. Where’s Evil?”

  “She picked up Lily at the curtain,” Ash said. “They’re headed for the stairs. The front door is locked down.”

  “Wolf knows?” I asked.

  “He knows enough,” Ash said. “Just in case.”

  I wasn’t surprised. Not after meeting Florence the nurse. I wanted to trust Wolf, too. I knew Zayzl hired him to be a toady, but Wolf didn’t seem like the kind of guy who liked to play games that didn’t involve a joystick. And that’s my kind of guy.

  “Aw, shit.” I sighed hard. “Here comes Zayzl.”

  “Give him a reason to leave,” Ash said. “Now.”

  Zayzl walked up and leaned on the bar like he couldn’t decide what to order at Starbucks. He was about to say something, but I cut him off and shoved a shot in his hand.

  “Soooo. I saw you up front with that smokin’ chick. Who was she?” I was talking out my ass. The chick was fiction. I just figured it was a safe bet since he worked the door that he must’ve talked to a girl at some point. “She looked like a model. Was she a model? Do you have a date?”

  He blushed. I was impressed. I didn’t know he was human enough to blush. It made me sad to remember that he was really pretty when he wasn’t trying to destroy the world.