Helluva Luxe

by Essary, Natalie

  “I noticed that one,” I said. “It’s newer than the others. I thought you replaced it when Zayzl left.”

  Madder snorted and bobbed her head.

  Ash snorted, too.

  “It was never for Zayzl. Ash sold her house and bought this part of the building after he was gone,” Rorke said. She was pouring fresh drinks and passing them down the bar. She handed me mine, and our eyes locked. “That seat’s always been for you.”

  I looked down the bar at the rest of them. My new family. Lily was still on Ash’s lap, and they were whispering to each other and smiling at me as Chance set plates in front of each place, one for Madder next to mine.

  “Madder has her own table,” Chance said. “It’s there under the bar by your feet.”

  “What about the bird?” I said.

  Lily’s lips twitched, and she shifted her gaze toward Ash.

  “No shit? You, Ash?”

  Lily grinned at me. “That’s not all she can do.”

  Chance waggled his eyebrows.

  Ash just sat there with her arm around Lily and a beer in her hand, looking mildly amused.

  “Ash’s gifts are a mystery,” Rorke said. “I think she’s got several, but Batman here doesn’t like to talk about it.”

  “Ash was the first one who knew the truth about Madder,” Chance offered.

  “You were?” I looked at Ash.

  “Yeah,” she said. “But Lily’s the one who actually sees Mofet.”

  “Only in mirrors,” Lily said. “And what difference does it make. She’s all one in the same.”

  The tiger snuffed.

  “See,” Lily said.

  “What about the rest of you?” I asked. “If one of you is a cockroach or a rat, you probably ought to tell me now.”

  Lily giggled. She was watching Rorke.

  “Oh, Jesus. Fess up, bartender.”

  Rorke wouldn’t look at me. Neither would Chance.

  “They’re not ready to tell you. But I’ll tell you, Nick.” Lily looked so pleased with herself. “I’m a spider.”

  “But Ash is—”

  “I’m a bird-eating spider.” She winked at me. “An ornamental one.”

  “She’s terrifying,” Ash mumbled.

  “Lily, I love you, but you would never…”

  “Jump out at you? Sure she would.” That was Chance. “If you find a web in your shoe, don’t stick your foot in there.”

  Lily cocked her head at me. “Did you see how easy that was for him?”

  “Oh for crying out loud.” Ash took a drink. “I tell you all the time, Lily.”

  “Yes, but I had to eat a bullet first.”

  Rorke rolled her eyes. “Little brother, you wanna do the honors?”

  He beamed at her, so she set the serving platter in front of him and pulled a knife from under the bar. It was a black Santoku with a tiger etched into the handle and engraving on the blade. Chance sliced down the middle of that Chateau like one of the Merry Men. He put half on Madder’s plate and nodded toward her table, so I set the steak in front of her. She nuzzled my arm and then settled on the floor before her meal. She was still watching me lazily.

  Chance set the other half of the steak in front of me.

  “Creuser dans, Salem. Dig in.”

  “Under the Milkyway” kicked on, and the tiger didn’t complain. Everyone started carving into their steaks and chugging their drinks. It was a meal like I never had in my previous family, that’s for sure.

  “Nick, could you pass me the potatoes, please?”

  “The what?”

  Lily nodded to my right.

  “Where the hell did those come from?”

  “The ground.” Ash grinned.

  Rorke gave her a point and handed Lily the potatoes.

  “How’s the bone, kid?” Ash said. “Raw enough for ya?”

  “Aye. The single guy always gets the bone.” Chance made a creative gesture with his fork.

  “I don’t know why we can’t get through a meal without that comment. The both of you. I swear.” Lily shook her head.

  “Because they’ve said it so many times, it’s like the Lord’s Prayer,” Rorke said.

  Lily rolled her eyes and passed me a small tray stacked with pins.

  “Is this the, uh…stuff that was in my room?” I asked.

  “Mmm hm. My favorite.”

  “Dude,” Chance said. “Don’t smoke the ones with the fairies on the wrapper. Seriously. You’re gonna wake up one morning with ears like hers.”

  “Too late,” I said. “Speaking of, Poe.” I looked at Rorke. “Whose number was in that matchbook.”

  Rorke cocked her head at me. She didn’t know what I was talking about. “What matchbook?”

  “Paige’s,” Lily said plainly.

  We all stopped chewing and stared at her.

  “The matchbook she gave me the night I met her? I threw that out.”

  “In my room,” Lily said. “And I kept it. There’s intent within it. I had to see who it was meant for. Obviously not you, Rorke. And not Nick, either, apparently.” Lily looked at Chance.

  “Lily, what that fuck?” Chance said.

  “Thanks, kid. Exactly. What the fuck, Lily?” I eyed her.

  She shrugged. “Oh, come on, Nick. I almost gave you a concussion, and you’re worried about a silly phone number?”

  “It’s a little more than that, Lily,” Chance said. “You just said so, yourself.”

  “So Paige isn’t part of the family?” I asked.

  I got a resounding no from everyone. Even the tiger.

  “She was using the gray room you’re staying in,” Lily said. “That’s it. She’s not family, but I can’t figure out what her purpose is, other than leading you home. Now that the Luxe is bigger, all of the employees can keep a room in the main hall. It’s a perk of working here. But only family has access to the rest of the house. We each have rooms in the main hall, as well, but they’re for show. So the employees won’t know this area exists.”

  “That’s why you made the office look like a stage set.”

  Lily beamed at me and nodded. “The part of the house we’re in now is divided into four sections. Rorke has this one, of course, with Madder. It’s the largest. Ash and I are connected to the left. Chance is connected to the right. The fourth quarter is empty.”

  “But the entrance is through Paige’s laundry,” I said.

  “Not all the time it isn’t.” Rorke winked at me.

  “I’m sorry I put you in there, Nick. But I had to find out if you still wanted her. We don’t know if she’ll return. And Chance…”

  “Would like to change the subject, please,” he said.

  “Why did Evil lock me in the office then?”

  “She panicked. You getting your ass knocked out wasn’t part of the plan, and she was afraid you were hurt. She didn’t want to try and walk you all the way to the gray room,” Ash said. “The office was closer. And more fun for Lily, evidently.”

  Lily giggled. “I took good care of you.”

  “So whose room is the office supposed to be?” I said.

  “For the record? It’s supposed to be where I sleep,” Ash said. “But all four of us use it. You can, too. And Rorke will show you the rest of the dummy rooms.”

  “So those red letters were yours,” I said. “The ones in the notebook.”

  “You weren’t supposed to find those.” Lily blushed.

  “Sure he was,” Chance said. “Those letters are hot.”

  “Are you talking about the journal you kept for Ash when she took off?” Rorke said.

  Ash nodded slowly, trying not to smile.

  “Yeah, those are pretty hot,” Rorke said. “Lily couldn’t mail them, of course. So there’s, what, eight months worth?”

  Lily looked like she wanted to stab somebody with her fork, but she couldn’t decide who. “More than that, actually.”

  “If it weren’t for those letters, things would’ve gone a lot differently
. They helped me put some pieces together. Among other things.”

  Lily nuzzled her neck.

  “Did you know Lily was going to die when you left?”

  “No,” she said. “I didn’t. I thought something much worse was going to happen to her.”

  “What about the pictures hidden in the lining?” I asked.

  Lily cocked her head at Ash.

  Ash pressed her lips together and laced her fingers through Lily’s. Then she sighed. “There’s a picture of you and Kendol at Rorke’s bar. Z took it the night you died. And there’s one of you and me on the back stage after the show. You’ve got wings.”

  Lily smiled. “I didn’t know you had those.”

  “There were three,” I said.

  Now Ash was the one who looked like she wanted to stab somebody.

  “What was the third one, Nick?” Lily said. “Oh, come on, the both of you. It’s just a picture. Someone fess up.”

  “Around here, it’s never just a picture.” That was Chance.

  “I shot it,” Ash said carefully. “On the roof at the bar up the road.”

  The significance of this statement took about a second to register with Lily. Then her eyes filled up with tears.

  “You were watching me. You weren’t gone. You were watching me the whole time. I knew I felt you. I thought I was losing my mind. And Mofet tried to tell me…” She trailed off and shook her head. The tiger snuffed. “Show me the picture.”

  Ash reached in the pocket of her jacket and pulled out all three. She gave me a reassuring look and mouthed, It’s okay. She saw this coming, or she wouldn’t be carrying them around.

  Lily studied the pictures one at a time. When she got to the one of the two of them together, her face lit up, and she smiled at Ash. “I remember what you whispered.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  “Me, too,” Rorke mumbled.

  Ash pointed a finger. “Shh. Eat your steak, bartender.”

  “What else was in the book, Nick?” Lily said.

  “A piece of Ash’s lighter.”

  Lily’s fingers went to her lips. “May I please?” she said to Ash. But Ash had already taken the piece from her pocket and put it in Lily’s hand. I heard a tiny gasp of breath, and Lily was mesmerized.

  Wind rustled through the kitchen again.

  “Can I ask you something, Lily?” I said. She looked up at me, smiling with tears streaked down her pale cheeks. “If you were able to come back like you are now, then why is Mofet a cat?”

  Rorke tapped her plaque with her fork. Comme vous le voyez.

  “Mofet always claimed to be a cat stuck in a woman’s body,” Ash said.

  “Does that mean you’re a bird stuck in a woman’s body?” I asked.

  “Oh, hell no. I definitely belong in woman’s body.”

  Chance choked on his steak, licked the end of his knife and drew a point in the air. Lily blushed bright red.

  “Can you leave the bar?” I asked her.

  “I can go wherever Ash goes,” she said. Her eyes sparkled. “I’m bound to her now. But no one can see me unless I want them to.”

  “Gets us into all sorts of fun,” Chance mumbled through another bite of steak.

  “What about Madder?”

  “She stays here,” Rorke said. “Her choice. She says she’s retired. Plus, you know, there’s a stupid city ordinance about walking giant cats downtown without a leash.”

  Something clicked in my head, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

  “You’re taking Mofet’s place.”

  A slow smile spread across Rorke’s face, and Chance halted a bite mid-air to his mouth.

  “It’s true. Isn’t it? And I’m—” I looked down at my plaque, which was directly across from Rorke’s. “Holy shit.”

  “Bam!” Ash said. “Pay up, kid.”

  “Damn you, Salem,” Chance said. His fork clattered to the bar, and he dug around in his pocket.

  “What did you bet he’d say, Chance?” Lily asked.

  “Nothing. I bet he’d hit the floor first.” He handed Ash a wad of cash.

  My eyes locked with Rorke’s. I wondered if I was about to wake up, maybe set off the smoke alarm again. Then she slowly ducked under the starting gate and straddled me on the bar stool.

  “One of your gifts is me, Salem. The kitty said so. Wanna play King and Queen for a while?” She waved her fork around like a scepter.

  I think the response that came from my throat was closer to a growl than anything else.

  “Cheers to that,” Chance said.

  Rorke leaned in and kissed me. Fire leapt up my spine.

  “Do you think her tips will go down if she’s not single anymore?” Lily said.

  “Nah.” Ash shook her head. “Check out those nips.”

  Chance started choking on the bite he was chewing.

  I leaned my head against Rorke’s chest and took a deep, ragged breath. Lily pushed a shot my way.

  “What’s my other gift?” I said.

  She ran her fingers into the hair at the back of my neck. “The naked truth.”

  I looked her in the eye. “Nobody can lie to me?”

  She nodded.

  “Ah hell, that’s handy. Ha! Come on, you bitches. Ask me something. Anything.”

  “Are you gonna get laid tonight?” Chance said.

  I paused for a minute and tilted my head like a dog just to get a rise out of Rorke. “Oh my god, I am.”

  Ash started whistling like a construction worker.

  Rorke just rolled her eyes at me. “Nobody can comfortably lie to you, Nick. That’s your gift,” she said. “You’ll always know. Even when you lie to yourself.”

  “But you tried. Didn’t you? That’s what was going on right before Lily walked in.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I had to test your gift to make sure, but mine kept kicking in. I could feel you not trusting me. I didn’t actually lie. All I did was leave out part of the truth.”

  “You were trying to let me believe Lily was dead.”

  “It sucked.” Rorke looked startled by it and rolled her tongue around like she had a bad taste in her mouth. “It could just be me, though. Somebody else should try to lie.”

  “I did,” Ash said. “The first night he got here. And I won’t do it again.”

  “Yep. Me, too,” Chance said. “When we were at the bar up the road. I felt like I ate a pound of pork rinds. It was horrible.”

  “What about you, Lily?” Rorke said.

  “Cornnuts,” Lily mumbled.

  I started laughing. “Well, badass.”

  Chance was still carving and chewing. “We’re one fucking formidable family, yo.”

  “No lie,” I said. “So, I’m almost afraid to ask, but who are these other three plaques for?”

  Rorke’s mouth twitched into a smile, and she pulled the knife from her hair. It fell in a crazy mess down her back. She wiped the knife back and forth on her hip, trailed it down the side of my neck and stabbed it into my Chateau.

  “That’s a whole ’nother story, Salem. How much time you got?”

  THE END (kinda)

  acknowledgments

  I must acknowledge my former editor, Steve Berman, for believing in me and my “delicious villains.” And also Steve Boudreault, for teaching me everything I know about being an agent and an editor. The both of you are amazing men to be caught in a contract with.

  About the Author

  Natalie Essary was the house DJ in one of the hottest clubs in Austin’s Red River District for years. She’s also been an advertising copyeditor, a ghostwriter for a Boston theater critic, a literary publicist, and a literary agent. She is now the owner of SpiderLily Publishing.

  Her other works, Love My Ashes: A Guide to Finding YourSELF After Divorce, and Spooky Chicks are available through SpiderLily Publishing.

  For more information about Natalie and her upcoming projects, visit: natalieessary.wix.com/spiderlily

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  Essary, Natalie, Helluva Luxe