by Lynsey James
I let out a little gasp of shock. That was basically the movie version of everything that had happened to us!
‘It…sounds amazing,’ I said, trying to contain my surprise. ‘I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.’
Ethan thanked me before launching into the nitty-gritty of the production. The director was someone he’d always wanted to work with, the locations were fantastic and the actress rumoured to be playing the female lead was a good friend of his.
There was no way I could tell him how I felt; not now, not when he was going off to audition for a project he was really excited about. I couldn’t hold him back like that.
He tapered off and gave a nervous chuckle. ‘Of course, I probably won’t get the part. There’s loads of other people in for it and it all comes down to who’s the best on the day. My agent said they seem quite keen though.’
I forced my mouth into a smile, even though I felt like I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. ‘They’d be mad not to want you!’
Ethan paused and rested his chin on steepled fingers. ‘There’s something I want to say before I go, Alice… Not even sure if I can find the words now, but I know if I don’t say it before I get on that plane for LA I’ll kick myself for the rest of my life. I was totally unprepared to meet you, but I think that’s turned out to be a good thing. What is it they say, life’s what happens when you’re making plans? I’m not going to go all clichéd and say you complete me or anything, but in a funny way you do. I thought I was happy going from audition to audition and pining after Sarah, picking up any crumbs she decided to drop my way, but I wasn’t.’
He paused for a second to gather his thoughts, then continued.
‘You turned a total nightmare of a day into a great one just by being you and when I left Fox’s that day, I knew I had to see you again. I didn’t think I would because I had no idea where to find you, but after that whole mess with Sarah, I couldn’t believe my luck when I ended up in Luna Bay and you were here too. I could bang on and on about how much I enjoyed spending time with you, how you came out of nowhere to surprise me and showed me that my life wasn’t actually as perfect as I thought it was, but I won’t. Because you know all that, don’t you? You know how I couldn’t stop smiling when I was with you, how I used every trick in the book to spend time with you and how you completely turned my world on its arse. So all there’s left to say is… I’ve fallen in love with you, Alice.’
My eyes widened and my hands flew to my mouth. Had I just heard that right? Ethan Fox was in love with me!
Don’t screw this up, Alice, whatever you do.
‘Wow,’ I breathed. ‘I wasn’t expecting that!’
‘Neither was I,’ he admitted. ‘I didn’t come to Luna Bay to fall in love with anybody, but I couldn’t help myself. This is going to sound absolutely bonkers after everything I said about the movie, but…if you don’t want me to go to that audition, then I won’t go. I’ll stay right here with you if that’s what you want.’
On the one hand, I didn’t want him to leave and on the other, I couldn’t help picturing his face light up as he talked about the project. Of course there would be other auditions, maybe even better ones than this, but that wasn’t the point. I had a straight choice: do what I wanted or do the right thing.
‘You have to go to that audition, Ethan.’ My heart was heavy and my voice had been reduced to a weird croaking sound, like my body didn’t want the words to hit the air. ‘You’ll regret it if you don’t; you said it yourself, this is going to be a great film.’
He shrugged. ‘There’ll be other films, Alice, but we might not get another chance to be together like this. If you just tell me you feel the same, the audition’s gone.’
I took a sharp intake of breath. He was really prepared to sacrifice a brilliant career opportunity for me. I knew exactly what I had to do. Every fibre of me was screaming for me to tell him I felt the same, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. He had the chance to do amazing things and I didn’t want to be the one to hold him back. So although I’d genuinely fallen for him, I wasn’t going to take my chance to be with him. I didn’t want him to have a list of what-ifs. I wanted him to go and seize his dreams, even though I felt things for him I didn’t think it’d be possible for me to feel again.
‘I don’t feel that way about you. I-I’m sorry…’ I got up and made a mad dash for the door. He caught hold of my arm and stopped me in my tracks.
‘Alice, if you’re just saying this to make me go to that audition, then don’t. I meant what I said, I’m in love with you and I don’t care how many opportunities I have to turn down to show you that.’
How I summoned up the strength to reply, I had no idea. It came from some reserve deep inside me, out of determination to do the right thing.
‘Go to the audition, Ethan. You’ll smash it and have a great time making that film. I’ll even go to see it when it comes out in the cinema. But I’m sorry, I don’t love you like you love me. You’ve helped me in ways I’ll probably never be able to tell you and I’ll never forget that but…I-I don’t have those feelings for you.’
His hand dropped away from my arm and his entire body sagged. I could see the hurt in his eyes and it killed me knowing I’d caused it, but I knew he’d thank me in the long run.
‘OK,’ he whispered. ‘I guess this is goodbye then.’
‘Goodbye.’
We walked out of the pub, took a final glance at each other and went our separate ways.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Five hours later, it was almost time for the curtain to go up.
I was backstage, preparing to stuff myself into a donkey costume with an as-yet-unidentified partner and trying not to think about my talk with Ethan. He was probably getting ready to board his plane to LA right now, I thought, and probably couldn’t wait to get away from me.
Mum, Emily and Lucy had all been distraught when I’d told them what had happened.
‘What happened to telling him how you feel?’ Mum had wanted to know.
‘I couldn’t let him throw away a good career opportunity like that,’ I’d explained. ‘He’ll thank me in the long run, especially when the awards start rolling in. He’ll probably have forgotten all about me by then anyway.’
Mum sighed and shook her head. ‘Alice, I’m going to ask you something and I’m only going to do it once. Do you love Ethan?’
I swallowed hard, biting back tears as best I could. ‘Of course I do, but it’s not as simple as that. He has so many things he wants to do and I don’t want to hold him back from any of them. Then there’s Jamie…’
I trailed off before I got really upset. Although he’d faded away from me lately, I hated the thought of forgetting him altogether.
‘Sometimes it is that simple, love. If you two love each other, you should give it a shot. You’d find a way to make it work, whether you went to LA with him or he stayed here. As for Jamie, he wouldn’t have wanted you to stop living your life, would he? You’ve got such a big heart, there’s more than enough room for him and Ethan in there. Loving someone else doesn’t mean you never loved Jamie; it just means you’re building a life after him, and that’s OK.’
I knew in my heart that Mum was right. I wanted to have the courage to let Ethan love me, but I wasn’t quite ready yet. I was standing on the edge of what could be something beautiful, trying to dare myself to make the leap. Would I ever be ready to take a chance? I hoped so.
Lucy had probably been the most disappointed out of everyone. ‘And there was me hoping for a happy ending. When I head home, I’m sticking It’s a Wonderful Life on; I don’t care if Jake says it’s too early!’
As I waited in the wings backstage for my scene, I caught sight of Lauren in the tacky-looking rags Christabel was making her wear for the servant scenes. My blood boiled; Eileen had done a gorgeous set of costumes and nobody would see them thanks to our director’s pig-headedness. I’d already seen Lucy going round in the ridiculous ball gown that passed for the f
airy godmother’s costume. It had awful puffed sleeves and she could barely move in it.
‘Looking forward to going on?’ I asked Lauren.
She turned to look at me. ‘Not really. I’d rather we were doing your version so I could sing all those cool eighties’ songs. Still, maybe next year eh? We’ve all been rehearsing the songs on the sly, just in case Christabel changes her mind and lets us do them.’
She went to stand by the curtain then made her way back over to me. ‘I’ve got a confession to make.’
‘Oh?’ I said.
‘You know that article about you and Ethan that ended up in the paper? It might’ve had something to do with me.’ She shifted from foot to foot and at least had the decency to look sheepish.
I stared at her. ‘What do you mean “might’ve”?’
‘Well when I saw you two kissing I was angry because I fancied him and he hadn’t even noticed me. There were a few journalists sniffing round Luna Bay anyway because they knew he was here, so I spoke to one of them on the phone. I didn’t tell her anything about your boyfriend dying; they must’ve found that out for themselves. I did say some pretty mean things though. I’m really sorry, Alice, I’ve felt awful about it ever since! If I could go back and not speak to that journalist, I would.’
I let out a grunt of frustration and looked round for something to kick. Unfortunately, there was nothing unless I fancied breaking my foot on the props crate.
‘Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused? I blamed Ethan for that when I saw it! They used a fake quote from him and that caused our massive fall-out.’
Lauren covered her face and for a second, I thought she was going to burst into tears. I hoped she wouldn’t; Christabel would kill me if Lauren’s make-up got smudged.
‘I know, I know and I’m really sorry! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?’
‘Just…stay out of my way for a bit and we’ll think of something,’ I replied, desperately trying to rein my anger in. ‘You’ve caused a lot of damage, Lauren.’
Christabel’s grand entrance backstage cut our argument short. She motioned for everyone to gather round her in a huddle.
‘There’s only thirty minutes until curtain up. Please do your best not to embarrass me, although that’s probably asking too much. Just remember, it’s your reputations on the line as well as mine! If you look stupid, I do too.’
Some pep talk, I thought. There came a listless drone from the gathered cast and they quickly dispersed before she could make them feel any worse.
‘Is it too late to switch to Alice’s version?’ Lauren asked. ‘It’s way better than the crap we’re about to perform.’
I slapped a hand to my forehead. Mount Christabel was about to erupt.
Or was it?
I looked over at her and she didn’t look angry or like she was about to launch into a huge tirade. She looked defeated and tears were running down her face.
‘Lauren, why don’t you go and gargle some water before you go on?’ I suggested. ‘You want the audience to hear you at the back, don’t you?’
She did as she was told and I made a cautious approach to Christabel.
‘Everything OK?’ I asked.
She looked up at me and sighed. ‘Not really. Lauren’s right; the show you put together was much better than the one we’re about to do. I was just too pig-headed to admit it. I haven’t exactly been the most approachable director, have I?’
‘Well I wouldn’t go that far—’
She put a hand up to stop me, wiping her eyes with the other. ‘Don’t try and make me feel better, Alice. I’ve been a nightmare; I know I have. It’s taken me till now, half an hour before we go on, to see what a mess I’ve made of things. The costumes are awful, the actors look as if they’d rather be having root canal and the show’s going to be a total disaster like it normally is.’
She bent her head low to cry and I put a hand on her shoulder. ‘You don’t know that,’ I soothed. ‘It might turn out really well.’
She sniffled and let out a hollow laugh. ‘Yeah, and pigs might fly!’
A sudden image of Ethan winging his way to LA on a flying pig popped into my mind.
‘Your show had that extra sparkle I’ve never quite been able to manage,’ she admitted, running a hand across her face. ‘You seem to have a way of bringing out the best in people; I don’t know how you do it, but the cast seemed to respond to you. I know I’m not very good at showing it, Alice, but this pantomime means a lot to me for lots of reasons.’
I waited with bated breath while she wiped her nose. This was going to be fascinating: an inside track into the mind of Christabel Grant.
‘It’s because of my husband,’ she sniffed. ‘Or was. He died about ten years ago. He loved going to the panto; it was his favourite thing to do every Christmas. When he died, I wanted to feel close to him so on the first Christmas without him, I took over directing it. And I’ve been making a right bloody mess of it ever since! It’s my way of trying to make him proud, I suppose. Silly eh?’
She blew her nose and I looked around helplessly for a box of tissues.
‘That’s not silly,’ I replied. ‘In fact, I totally understand that. We all want to be close to the people who can’t be here any more. But, Christabel, you need help with the directing. It’s too much for anyone to manage on their own and if you’re stressed, you can’t get the best out of people.’
‘You seemed to manage it no problem,’ she huffed.
‘I’ve been performing on stage for as long as I can remember,’ I reasoned, ‘and I’ve seen a lot of good and bad directors in my time. Plus, I think I got lucky with the cast. They’re an amazing bunch. Tell you what, how about I help you direct the panto next Christmas?’
Christabel smiled and shook my hand. ‘Deal! What are we going to do about this one though? It’s curtain up in twenty minutes and it’s going to be a nightmare!’
I tapped my chin for a moment. ‘I think I’ve got an idea.’
*
Twenty minutes later, it was time for the curtain to go up. I waited in the wings as Christabel walked out onto the stage to introduce us all.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming here tonight. It’s lovely to see so many familiar faces in the audience; we’ll be roping you in for next year’s pantomime, don’t you worry!’
A low chuckle travelled through the audience; from the sounds of it, they’d heard horror stories about her tyrannical directing style. After our chat, however, I was sure we’d seen the last of it.
‘It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you Cinderella the Musical!’ She lifted her hand as she walked off the stage to a round of applause. The curtain rose and it was time to begin.
The first few scenes went perfectly. Lauren nailed Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and I Wanna Dance With Somebody, while Angie and Helen knocked the audience’s socks off with their rendition of Material Girl. Eileen absolutely knocked Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) out of the park, despite only having twenty minutes to go over the words. Luckily she’d bopped the night away to it a fair few times in her younger days.
It was almost time for me to go on as the donkey whilst Cinderella underwent her makeover from the fairy godmother. My heart leapt into my mouth at the prospect of facing everyone, even though I was hidden behind a donkey costume. Poor Angie had been crammed in at the back as Ethan’s replacement.
‘Are you OK back there?’ I whispered. ‘There’s not much room is there?’
‘I’m going to kill Christabel for this!’ Angie grumbled.
I heard our cue to go on, took a deep breath and made my way onto the stage. As Lauren wept because her dress had been ruined, Lucy’s brilliantly kooky fairy godmother came on to the rescue. I could just imagine her in the beautiful floaty dress Eileen had designed. Thank God she’d brought the trunk of finished costumes to the theatre. I listened to her deliver her lines, although it was hard to hear through the costume. All of a sudden, a loud clu
nking noise cut through the room. It sounded like the auditorium door being opened. Footsteps followed and it sounded like they were getting closer and closer. The rest of the room was deathly quiet; even Lucy had stopped talking.
Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
‘Someone’s here to see you,’ she whispered.
I stupidly tried to look up, even though I could hardly see a thing in this awful costume. I heard someone ascend the staircase to my right and join me on the stage. A figure crouched down beside me, casting a shadow over my limited field of vision.
‘Hello, you.’
That voice was unmistakeable: it was Ethan.
Oh. My God.
‘Ethan? What are you doing here?’ I asked, before realising he probably couldn’t hear me.
I immediately sprang up from where I’d been lying on the floor, dragging Angie up with me. The movement was so sharp that it almost toppled us back over. Luckily, a pair of strong arms saved me just before I fell. Angie wasn’t so lucky and went tumbling to the ground, falling out of the costume and exposing my legs.
Ethan took my half off and threw it down on the floor. ‘I bet you weren’t expecting this, were you?’
‘What are you doing here?’ I repeated, flicking some hair out of my face and hoping I wasn’t too flushed.
‘Well I was at the airport, about to catch my plane to LA and I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl who helped me when I walked into a revolving door. I know you said you don’t love me, Alice, but I can’t help feeling like there might still be a chance for us. I’m not going back to LA any more; I’ve cancelled the audition because I want to stay here and fight for you. You’ll probably try and convince me to go, but I’m not going anywhere, Alice. I should never have asked you to tell me whether or not I should cancel it; of course you were going to tell me to go because that’s the kind of person you are. I want to be with you more than anything… If you’ll have me, that is.’