I was far too angry to notice at first - declaring defeat stung worse than the ice water that was climbing its way up my neck- but when the voice spoke again, the compelling tone penetrated through the fog around my thoughts.
That strange hum that had lingered inside of me was buzzing with life now. The electric current raging through me was intensified by the ice that was plastered all around me. I was sensitive to everything around me, including the new silky voice that was now talking to me.
Just focus baby girl. I know this is overwhelming, but it will get easier once you focus.
How many voices did I have concealed in here? I wondered.
This is the last one, I promise. The voice said, and I could hear the smile behind the words.
I didn’t feel like asking anymore questions.
Oddly enough I felt safe now, and the possibility that everything would be okay made me sigh in relief.
It will, the new voice insisted.
I took a deep breath, trying to force away the anger that rested in my throat like bile, and then I took one more for good measure.
That a girl. Now, look around, where is most of the ice melting from?
My eyes searched franticly around the confined space, trying to take in everything at once. The water had already pooled from the floor of where the ice stopped at my shoulders, and up around my neck. The water sloshed when I moved my head, splashing my chin and jaw line, and I shivered as the exposed skin stung from the cold. My eyes darted toward the ceiling and I watched water droplets, the size of small gems, trickle down the sides of the walls, and occasionally dropping straight down.
My pulse raced.
There! I all but screamed the word. It’s coming from above me.
How had I not noticed how fast it was melting before?
You’re doing good Sara.
I swooned at the sound of the voice saying my name.
“Okay, now what?” I said out loud, no longer wanting to think the words. It felt too claustrophobic inside my head now.
I realized the water was rising again. I could feel the droplets beading on my lips with each ripple of water. My tongue snuck out to collect the drops, and I moaned with satisfaction. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was. The water tasted good, clean, fresh and cold. I had an idea to buy me some time. Dropping my head forward, I pursed my lips and sucked in, making a slurping sound as I swallowed the water in big gulps. The cold liquid slid down the back of my throat easily, leaving a wintery trail in its place. I dropped my head back allowing the last of the water to go down smoothly, the excess water dribbled down the sides of my mouth.
What are you doing? The voice sounded confused, listening to the sounds I was making.
“I’m drinking the water. I thought maybe that would help. The ice is melting much faster now.” As I explained my actions I tried to keep the tremor from my voice, but failed miserably.
That’s my girl.
Every bit of my body flushed; the heat from his words burned my insides, and I shivered from the effect. It was a good kind of heat, it allowed me to block out the cold, but made focusing difficult.
You have to focus Sara, and so do I.
“You’re making it hard to!” I complained.
I wondered why I was doing this to myself. What was the point in me creating his voice?
I’m sorry, he said.
There were so many emotions behind the simple apology and I tried to make sense of them all; Humor, surprise, regret and joy. I was confused mostly by the last two. Why joy and regret?
You’re so easily distracted.
The laugh that followed the allegation was a caress that made me ache in a strangely delicious way.
It was apparent that if I ever did get out of here, I was going to have to get my head examined.
The beautiful stroke of his laugh came again, and I groaned.
“Can you please stop that?”
I didn’t even need to hear words, to sense the grin I knew would have been there had he been real.
After a few seconds of agonizing silence I panicked, needing to hear his voice again.
“Are you there?” I asked, a slight tremble woven in my voice.
Desperation and fear laced my words and I blushed at my own weakness.
I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and you’re the strongest person I know.
“I created you. It doesn’t count when you say it.” I joked, but it made me feel better anyway.
He laughed and I wanted to wrap myself up in the sound. He was right. I was entirely too easy to distract.
“Now what?”
I need you to focus on your hands.
“I don’t know where my hands are.”
Yes you do, Sara, focus.
His words were firm, but I was shaking my head in denial before I could completely think through his statement.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw it.
The sparkle was magnified by the water, and I leaned forward and squinted to try and make it out. I wanted to squeal in delight, and kick myself for not noticing it sooner. It was my turn to laugh out loud.
I could see my hands!!
It was like one of those illusions, where you thought you saw one thing, but if you looked harder the picture changed to something else.
I had seen nothing in front of me besides solid ice, now when I focused, I could see my hands! My palms faced each other, and my fingers were spread wide apart, as if I was holding a giant ball. My thumbs were bent and I could see a pale, pink, sparkly polished fingernail.
Spitfire, I thought to myself.
What? Confusion laced the question.
“The name of my nail polish, it’s called Spitfire.”
I could remember something as insignificant as my nail polish name, but I couldn’t remember who I was?
Give it time Sara. You can’t control what you remember, so give it time.
Says the voice of reason. I teased. I guess that’s why I created you right? The other Sara was just surly and a pain in my ass. If I could feel my ass, that is.
Other Sara?
Yes. That’s what I named her. She was the ‘voice of attitude’. I smiled at my lame joke.
Well I’m here now.
The heat he produced inside me seemed never ending, and I relished in the warmth that was spreading. I wanted to indulge in the sensation, lose myself in the warmth, and forget where I was. I wanted to wrap myself in his words and pretend he was real.
He seemed uncomfortable at my thoughts.
You know if I weren’t neck deep in ice, and about to drown, I would find it funny that you’re embarrassed by my thoughts.
Embarrassed? Hardly the fact Spitfire. The use of the nickname surprised me, sending a rush of pleasure through me.
I just think someday you might regret your thoughts. And you’re NOT going to die. Don’t say that again.
I would have questioned the regretting part, but I was starting to choke on the water.
Dammit. He hissed. Try drinking more of the water.
I was already on the task.
I pulled as much water into my mouth as I could. Drinking until small drops escaped past my lips, making a cool trail down the sides of my mouth. I tilted my head again, letting it glide down my throat, until I felt it hit my stomach. I repeated the process until I was no longer strangled by the water when I talked.
“That will work for now, but I can’t drink it all.”
I know, now focus on your hands again.
“What good will that do? I can’t melt the ice away-“
You’d be surprised-
I wasn’t about to try and figure out anymore of his cryptic remarks, and I kept on talking over him. “I can’t even move my hands enough to try and break the ice around them.”
You can do this Sara
“Do what?!” I didn’t understand what he wanted me to do.
You’re running out of time Spitfire! Come on! He urged.
As
if on cue, I could feel the water splashing against my bottom lip; it was rising faster. Fear caused a whimper to escape my trembling lips, and brought tears to my eyes.
No, Sara, focus! Listen to me, focus on my voice!
Yes, I whimpered again, and bit my lip to keep from doing it once more.
Close your eyes.
My eye lids fluttered closed at his persuasive command.
Focus all of your energy on the spot between your hands.
I tried to focus, but I still didn’t understand what I was supposed to be doing.
Just feel the energy Sara, he explained. Your body will do the rest, I promise.
I’m so scared, I breathed.
I’m right here with you spitfire. I’m not going anywhere. Can you feel anything?
I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. After a few minutes I still couldn’t feel anything, but the water began to seep into my mouth. I focused harder and waited.
Sara
I wanted something to happen, but all I could feel was renewed warmth that erupted inside of my chest at the sound of my name. The warmth seeped through my entire body. Suddenly I could feel my legs, and my feet, and then my toes.
Say my name again, I gasped.
Sara
At the sound of his voice, I could feel my arms, my wrists, and then my fingers. The heat became overwhelming, and sensations I couldn’t describe filled my pores. There was suddenly a bright light in front of my closed eyelids, I ignored it, trying to concentrate.
Hold on to it Sara. I’m almost there.
I opened my eyes, making the mistake of frowning; and water flooded my mouth, threatening to choke me. I coughed so hard some of the water tripped down my throat, burning it in the process
The water had risen higher, and there was nothing I could do about it. I tilted my head back, inhaling as much air as I could, before I was submerged by the icy water. I closed my eyes against the sting of the water, and my eyelids were lit by a golden glow. I wanted to open them, but I was afraid of what the light meant.
I heard him calling my name, but it was too late. I felt the water covering my face again, pulling me under, with no time to inhale another breath.
SARA! Open your eyes please! Open your eyes damn it! The scream was frantic and angry.
I wanted to tell him it was okay, that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. That having him here with me made the situation, made death, less frightening.
I would die with no regrets.
Everything that had happened to me had led me to this point, here with him. I couldn’t explain what I meant by that, but the connection I felt to the voice was strangely satisfying. I wanted him to be real so badly, that I ached from the unfairness of it all. I wanted him to be physically here with me, not just a voice I had made up inside my head.
My body felt free. I was no longer encaged in the solid walls of ice that had trapped my arms and legs just seconds ago. I felt myself floating, my body finally adjusting to the deadly temperature of the water, and I felt my muscles stiffen in objection to the cold. I kicked my legs against the water, trying to push myself to the surface; but the abyss seemed endless and no matter how hard I fought to reach air, I came up empty. My lungs had gone far too long without the requisite breath of air, and my chest filled with an aching burn.
I could feel the water filling my lungs now.
I’m here. Please open your eyes!! He begged. Hold on Spitfire, fight it!! I’m almost there!!
His orders were frantic, and louder; like he was right there above me calling down to me. I could feel his pain as well as I could hear it echoing through my head.
My feelings for the voice were so intense that leaving him hurt worse than the actual dying part.
You’re not dying!! Stop saying that!!
He sounded so scared I wanted to reassure him. As I opened my eyes, I hoped that my mind would produce some kind of image to go along with the voice it had made up.
The glare of light was so harsh I had to squint. A silhouette suddenly blocked out the light just as the ice water began to burn my eyes, and I was forced to shut them.
My name was Sara and I was dying before having ever found love.
That much I knew.
These feelings I had for the phantom in my head could not be feelings mirrored from recollected memories. No, nobody could forget something this strong.
I heard my name being called out one last time and then…
Death took me.
Adan
“Pacing isn’t going to make the Princess get here any faster you know.”
Aaron had been sitting on a giant boulder a few feet from me, and I could feel his eyes bouncing back and forth between the two trees that I had taken to treading through. The ground was coated with a layer of untouched, powdered snow that crunched loudly under my anxious footsteps. The snow that had covered the path I had created was now black and muddy from the earth my shoes had pulled up. My hiking boots were covered in the mixture, and the snow that clung and frosted to the bottom of my jeans was melting enough to soak through the rough material. Not that it mattered; I was far too preoccupied with my scattered thoughts to care.
I growled in frustration. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Aaron jump, shaking his head, as if my trekking back and forth had put him in some kind of trance.
“You’re making me dizzy.” He complained or whined, I couldn’t quite tell the difference, the line between the two was pretty thin.
“Shouldn’t it have happened already?” I roughly scrubbed my palms over my face until I knew it was turning red from the harsh contact. I slid my hands through my unruly black hair.
“I told you that it could take a day or two.”
“No what you said was ‘it could take 24 hours give or a take a few.’” I quoted him. “We are going on almost 48 hours here!”
“So I was off by a few hours,” he said defensively. “I also told you that we were doing this earlier than normal, and the sun isn’t that strong.” He looked toward the sky to validate his point and I followed. “I was just guesstimating.”
The weather hadn’t changed much since yesterday, when Aaron had called on the light. The sun only peeked out every now and then, from behind a slight cover of wispy clouds. They looked liked cotton balls torn apart and plastered across the sky, which had remained a blue-grayish color but was starting to get darker. In the distance I could see big billows of angry clouds pulling in just over the horizon. I didn’t like the looks of the storm, and I was hoping Sara would be out before it hit. I had been able to smell the faint hint of rain and snow last night, and I had hoped the fact that it had been faint, meant that it was going to take its time rolling in. Unfortunately during the middle of the night we had been woken up by the strong winds, making the change in the air obvious.
I snorted at my own thoughts.
Being woken up required the action of actually having been asleep first. We slept a few miles from the shed packed full of supplies that we had found earlier that day. We were far enough away to watch over the shed without being seen by the Princess, but close enough for The Watcher to sense Aaron. We had known instantly that the shed belonged to The Watcher. This vast, winter land was deserted of any and all human life for miles around. So we had made up our small camp and waited for their arrival.
Waiting still, I corrected myself.
I had stopped pacing to study the sky, and could feel Aaron watching me, waiting for me to reply to his explanation. I looked at him and chose my words carefully.
“I know the patterns of the sun for this time of year,” I bit off each word slowly. “In fact, I know the weather patterns for any time of the year, anywhere in the world,” I was too frustrated to sensor myself. “The whole reason I brought you along was because I knew the sun wouldn’t be strong enough, and your powers are the strongest there are to overcome that issue. I shouldn’t have to remind you that this is your Princess, not mine, so I hoped you would take yo
ur job a bit more seriously than just guesstimating her arrival.”
After hearing my own words I had to suppress the urge to wince at them myself. Being around Sara, even this far away, was enough to set my teeth on edge. That magnetic tug, with its effervescent current, was running amuck on my nerves, rebelling against any amount of space that was put between us. I couldn’t stand the uncertainty that was wrapped around her safety. I was about to apologize to him, when I saw his spine straighten and his shoulders square slightly. I was momentarily shocked by his reaction. My recent grouchiness was something he usually just let roll off this shoulders, but it didn’t look like that was going to be the case this time.
“You didn’t bring me,” he corrected. “I volunteered; and I don’t need you, or anyone else, to remind me of what my job is, or whose Princess she is. You need my ability not only because I am strong, but because I know what I am doing. You have only recently become aware of our process, I have been a part of it since birth.” He didn’t pause to take a breath as he continued to lecture me.
“I know who you are, and I know why you’re here, but my loyalty lies with my people. I promised to bring the Princess back and that’s exactly what I intend to do. With the sun so unstable and with this storm coming in unexpectedly, the process will most likely take a little longer than planned. So we, and by we, I mean you, just need to be patient.”
I could feel the corner of my mouth tug up, and I gave Aaron a crooked grin; I knew it didn’t reach my eyes, but the gesture was what mattered. Maybe I had this kid all wrong. He had enough backbone to stand up to me, and that made him deserve a little less attitude from me.
“As you can see I’m not a very patient person or a people’s person these days.” I said in a form of an apology.
“Really?” he mocked sarcastically, and my grin widened. “I hadn’t noticed.” He grinned back and I laughed, all was forgiven.
The tension between us seemed to blow away with the chilly wind, and I went back to my pacing. I could feel my forehead distort with aggravation, but I couldn’t help it. I just wanted her to be out of that ice hole so I could breathe easier; not that I wouldn’t still worry about her, but I could control the worry to a bare minimum by actually being able to see her. Aaron started to speak, and I figured listening to him would be a good diversion.
Flutter (The Discover Series) Page 6