Flutter (The Discover Series)

by Andrea, Melissa

  Now it was my turn to feel uncomfortable. I watched my fingers as they traced the edges of my fork. “Dead.” Was all I said.

  He grabbed my hand stopping my idle fingers. I watched him flip my hand around and drew lazy circle across my palm.

  “I’m sorry Sara.”

  I lifted my eyes looking at him. I couldn’t speak, the sensation he was causing inside my palm had me momentarily speechless. I could feel that same old flutter awake and swirling inside my bloodstream, my heartbeat seemed to be tripping over itself causing my breath to catch. I couldn’t focus on anything except Adan’s touch. Just like before his touch was soothing me just as much as it was provoking me. I could feel the adrenaline seeping into my skin under his fingertips

  I felt like there was something deeper behind his words, but I didn’t know if I could trust my intuition when he had me like this.

  “Thank you,” I said, I was still hypnotized by his touch. “It was a really long time ago and I didn’t know them.” I dropped my head to the side, thinking. “Do you think it’s possible to miss someone you didn’t even know?”

  “Ha! Yes. I think it’s very possible.” He was watching our hands too and I wondered if he could feel it too.

  “Do you feel that too?” I suddenly felt brave enough to ask.

  “Yes.” He whispered, his eyes meeting mine, and we stared at each other.

  I realized that I needed to ask him now, while I was presently feeling fearless.

  “Where were you before you came to Flagstaff?

  Baby steps, I told myself. I needed to lead up to it.

  He smiled. “Are we skipping over the ‘what’s your favorite’ questions? No what’s your favorite color? Favorite food?” He asked shoving a French fry into his mouth.

  “Okay,” I said pushing away my plate with my other hand so I could lean on the table, “what’s your favorite color? Favorite food?”

  He laughed. “I was traveling.”

  I made a face at him, my heart was starting to speed up, but it was for his answer this time. I tried not to jump at the question right away, so I played perplexed. “I’m confused, is that your favorite color or food?”

  He grinned popping another fry into his mouth. “Would I sound totally cheesy if I said every single shade of green inside your green eyes?”

  I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help the blush. “The cheesiest.”

  “Oh well. It’s true just the same.”

  “Thank you. Favorite food?”

  “Let’s just say I’m a meat person all the way.” He answered with a smirk.

  “What am I missing?” I swallowed hard.

  His finger trailed a path from my palm and up to my wrist, finding the spot where my pulse was beating wildly. He swept his finger back and forth, teasing.

  “You’re not missing a thing.” He assured me.

  I nodded, still feeling like I was. “Where were you going?”

  He lifted his eyes away from my wrist, looking at me.

  “You said you were traveling. Where were you going?” I was determined not to be distracted.

  He continued his sweet torture. “Right,” he nodded, “traveling. I was actually all over the place.”

  “Any particular reason for this traveling?”

  “Yes.” He looked at me. “A very important reason.”

  I waited, but he said nothing more.

  “Care to elaborate?”

  “I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. Not yet.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I know and I’m sorry.” I pulled my hand away trying not to feel frustrated. “Don’t be upset. Please.” He begged, leaning forward in his seat.

  “I’m trying not to be.”

  “I promise, I will tell you. I just can’t…yet.” He was pleading with me to understand.

  “Okay,” I said giving in.

  “Thank you. Can I ask you something?”

  “I guess it’s only fair.”

  He grinned, but his expression turned serious when he asked. “The other night, I kind of got the feeling things weren’t all that great at home.”

  “Is that a question?”

  He laughed. “It was meant to be. Am I right?”

  I sighed. “Unfortunately.”

  “Care to elaborate.”

  “Yes, but I can’t”

  “Sara-”

  “You wouldn’t understand.” I said cutting him off.

  “Try me.”

  “I don’t like being lied too and I don’t like having to lie because I’m being lied too.” I said matter of fact.

  “Who is lying to you?”

  “My uncle. Andres.”

  “And that’s who you live with.”

  “Yes.”

  He nodded, “But you won’t tell me what he is lying to you about because I won’t understand?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Did you get along with him before he started lying to you?”

  “We did. I was very close to him, but lately things are uncomfortable at best.”

  “You know, I bet I could understand, if you wanted to tell me I mean. There is only one way to find out.”

  “I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” I said stubbornly.

  “You know when I find that I don’t know where to begin, I start at the beginning.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “And I find that its not always in my best interest to use sarcasm when I’m trying to get info from someone.”

  He barked a laugh and held up his hand. “I apologize.” He was serious again. “I meant what I said Sara, you can tell me anything. I might be able to handle it more then you think.” His tone was gentle, almost coaxing. Like he knew what I was going to say, he just needed to see if I could trust him enough to actually say it and I wanted to so badly.

  I tilted my head thinking about what he said. “Sometimes I have the feeling you already know.”

  We continued to stare at each other saying nothing at all.

  “Can I get y’all anything else?”

  I jumped at the sound of the waitress’s voice, breaking the haze around Adan and I. I had been so wrapped up in Adan’s stare that I hadn’t seen her approaching.

  Adan answered for us. “No I think were good here. Sara?” his eyes never wavered from my face.

  I shook my head. “No I’m good.”

  “You two have a good night then.” She placed the check down and walked away. I could have sworn I heard her let out a small breath of relief and I half expected her to wipe her forehead as she walked away.

  Poor girl indeed.

  Adan had slid out from his side of the booth and stood there with his hand held out for me. It was more then an offering to help me out of my seat, I could see it in his eyes. I slid out to the edge of my seat and placed my hand in Adan’s. The lights inside the diner twitched irritably, flashing a few times. Both, Adan and I lifted our eyes toward the ceiling looking around.

  “Seems to be happening a lot tonight.” He said referring to the incident at the book store.

  “Weird.” I said looking at him.

  He pulled me out of my seat, bringing me up against him and I sucked in a deep breath. The fingers of my free hand gripped the edge of the table for support behind me. I thought I had seen the small table lamp on our table flicker, but Adan was drawing my complete attention back to him.

  “Do you mind if we go for a walk before I take you back?”

  “Take me back?” I asked, “I brought you here, remember?”

  His smile was slow and lazy, “I’d like you to myself just a little bit longer before I’m forced to bring you back to reality.”

  I should say no.

  He smiled wide knowing I wasn’t going too.

  Even with the sign of a possible storm coming, it was a nice night.

  Or maybe it was just being alone with Adan that had me feeling all warm and bubbly inside, despite the chilly air. Whenever I was around him he seemed to create
this perfect little enclosure around us and I was without a doubt consumed by only him.

  We walked side by side through downtown Flagstaff, we weren’t really going in any particular direction, and we were both content just being in each others company. The streets were deserted and most of the shops had been closed for a while now, it was like we were the only two people left. Every now and then, I would point out a shop or restaurant that I liked or wanted to try. I was worried that I might have been talking too much, but he never acted like I was bothering him.

  It continued to surprise me at how much he genuinely seemed to like me, no matter how fast I thought it was. There a strange connection between us, it was strong and intense and most of the time I didn’t understand what was going on between the two of us. Adan seemed to be less curious about it, he simply went with things. He also didn’t know what it was like to wake up having been frozen alive. No, I was special like that.

  He may not have known what it was like to be frozen, but he might know what it was like to save someone who had been frozen alive and that was the million dollar question I had yet to work up the courage to ask. I didn’t know what I was more afraid of: it being true or him running away because I was in fact crazysauce.

  He snorted.

  Startled, I glanced at him. “What?”

  “What?”

  “You made a noise.”

  “Did I? Hmm.”

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  “You’re distracted again.”

  “Am I? You seem to be an expert on what I’m thinking and feeling.”

  He laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. “Hardly.”

  “I was thinking how nice it was out tonight.” That wasn’t a complete lie. “I love how gorgeous the sky can be at night. Did you know you can see the Milky Way from the right part of town?” I asked him.

  “I did not.”

  “Would you like too?” I offered. “It’s amazing if you’ve never seen it before.”

  “Amazing huh? More amazing then this?” He joked trying to balance on the edge of the curb while walking backwards in front of me.

  I laughed, “I don’t know, I think it’s a close call.”

  “I knew you’d be impressed. Lead the way.” He said motioning for me to walk ahead.

  I started to walk ahead, but stopped when I noticed he wasn’t following. Looking over my shoulder, I asked. “You coming?”

  He shook his head, “Sorry,” his grin was goofy as he caught up with me, “it was my turn to be amazed.”

  I made a face at him, bumping my shoulder into his. “Good grief.” I exasperated, making him laugh out loud.

  It took us ten minutes to reach the perfect spot in town to see the Milky Way perfectly. I found this spot during my first few days back in Flagstaff. I had been exploring one night and happened to come across it. It had become my favorite ‘alone’ spot, a place for me to come and think or not to think. I hadn’t wanted to share it with anyone else until now.

  “What do you think?” I asked eyeing the dimly lit sky.

  “This is amazing.”

  He was standing next to me, close enough that I could feel his warmth even inside his jacket and I let out a small sigh.

  “There has to be a million stars up there.” The swirl of colors making up the Milky Way was surrounded by millions of clusters of stars. The sky was surprisingly clear considering the storm coming in.

  “See those lights over there?” I asked him pointing straight ahead of us.

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s Phoenix. It’s about 150 miles from here, but the light pollution from the city is so bright you can see it all the way from here. We have little to no light pollution, which is why we can see this.”

  I was so busy admiring the lights that it took me a minute to realize that he hadn’t said anything. When I finally looked at him he was staring at me intently. “What? Don’t you know it’s not polite to stare?” I said self-consciously.

  He smiled. “I can’t help it. I don’t think I will ever get use to how beautiful you are. Just when I think I have, you leave me stunned again. Thank you for showing me this, for bringing me here.” He gestured around us.

  “You’re welcome.” I whispered.

  Adan moved until he was standing in front of me. He pulled on the edges of his jacket until he could fit them together at the bottom. I could feel him fiddling with the zipper before he pulled it up, sealing me inside his warmth.

  “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like your still surprised at how outrageously gorgeous I think you are.”

  “You shouldn’t say things like that to me.” I told him.

  “Why, because of Scott?”

  I was confused, “Of course. Is there another reason?”

  He seemed to think about that for what seemed like forever. He took a step back and I could feel the loss.

  I was aware right then that I never thought to ask if Adan might have someone waiting for him. It hit me that there was still so much that I didn’t know about him. All my questions earlier had gotten me know where near close to getting to know him better.

  “Is there another reason? Are you- Do you-” I couldn’t form the words. He turned away from me. “Adan?” I grabbed his arm stopping him short and bringing him back around to face me. “Do you have a girlfriend?” I finally got out loudly.

  I could feel my heart sinking and I wondered if this is what he felt like when he thought of Scott and me together.

  He made a frustrated sound and roughly covered his face with his hands before sliding them through his hair and turning away from me again. I couldn’t say anything just yet while I tried to let what I was learning sink in. It never occurred to me that Adan could be someone else’s and the truth of that made a knot of agony form inside my stomach.

  When I finally found my voice, I was talking to his back. “It’s hard enough continuing to see you after Scott asked me not too any-”

  “Woah, wait a minute, he told you not to see me anymore.”

  “I said he asked me not too.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “What do you mean what did I say?”

  “Exactly what I said Sara, what did you say?”

  “I told him he could trust me.” I felt guilty all over again and it was only added to when I thought I could now be hurting someone else too. “You didn’t answer me Adan. I can’t stand to think I could be-”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend Sara.” He said softly, cutting me off.

  My heart skipped a beat with relief. “You don’t?”

  He turned around finally and took a step closer, closing the distance between us. “There is no one else Sara.”

  I searched his eyes. “I believe you.”

  He looked torn and I wanted to ask him why, but he was walking away from me.

  “Where are you going?”

  “We should get back. I don’t want your uncle to worry about you.”

  He was right, Andres was probably freaking out by now and I had left my cell in my car, but I didn’t want to leave things like this. When I didn’t move to follow him, he turned around, giving me one of his adorable smiles.

  “Are you waiting to be carried?”

  I took a deep breath, pretending to think it over. Covering a yawn, I said. “I am a little tired.”

  He closed the distance between us. He reminded me of a dangerous jungle cat. “You’re aware that it’s dangerous to joke with me when it comes to having you in my arms.”

  To prove his point he had me swept up in his arms before I could blink. I let out a small squeal when I know longer felt the ground beneath my feet. I was being cradled in the safety of his arms and once again I was hit hard with the memory. How could something this strongly familiar be something I was imagining?

  I looked up into his face, wanting him to confirm it, but he just stared back at me.

  “You know, sometimes I have the stran
gest feeling that we have met before and it drives me crazy that I can’t figure out why.”

  “Is that a line?” He joked.

  I couldn’t help, but laugh out loud. “I’m serious. Don’t you feel it?” I asked him seriously.

  “Once upon a dream maybe.”

  “I don’t dream about you.” Nightmares where you’re being swallowed by black fog yes. I quickly pushed away the memory. I didn’t want to think about that right now, but ignoring it was going to be a little harder. I could feel the crawling sensation around my ankle.

  He had an intense look of concentration on his face and I was curious to know what had caused it.

  “Adan? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He shook his head pulling himself back. “What were we talking about? Oh right, you dreaming about me. Care to share any details?”

  I ignored his question. “It was something. That was some pretty serious focusing you had going on.”

  “I was just wondering how you’ve been sleeping lately?”

  “Is that your polite way of saying I look tired?”

  “It’s my way of saying I’m worried about you.”

  I shrugged. “Andres has me working out harder these days. I think it’s just catching up to me.” I hated lying, but the truth about my sleepless nights was so much worse.

  I was actually enjoying the kickboxing. The exhilaration from our workout was intoxicating and I looked forward to them now. I had started doing them on my own on the mornings I didn’t workout with Andres. I was surprised at how well my body was adapting to the moves.

  “Why does he have you kickboxing?”

  I frowned. “Did I say kickboxing?” I couldn’t remember…

  He didn’t skip a beat. “I thought so. I guess I just assumed.”

  “That’s so weird, I was just…”

  “What?”

  “I was just thinking about the kickboxing lessons. Andres has me learning some kind of Thai training.”

  “Muay Thai?”

  “Yep, you’ve heard of it?”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty extreme. How are you doing in that?” He sounded a little skeptical of my ability to pull off the complex training.

  “I’m not sure I like the way you asked that.” I said with an arch of my brow.