Putting my hand on his arm, I leaned over and kissed his cheek, hoping to draw his attention away from Adan. When he finally turned to look at me, he didn’t look angry or upset, just…
He gave me a sad smile and winked at me. “Happy Birthday, Sara.”
I returned his smile, feeling uneasy about the change I could feel in him. “Thank you Scott. For everything. It was a perfect surprise.”
“Your welcome. I’m going to take this over there so they can cut it up. I’ll be back.” Taking the cake fully from Eli, he turned away.
“You okay?” Eli asked, slipping her arm through mine and bringing my attention to her.
“Yes I’m fine. Just a little tired. Everything was amazing Eli, thank you so much!”
“I’m glad you’re having a good time.”
“Me too. I’m going to go outside for a minute to get some fresh air, save me a piece of cake please?”
“Of course! It looks so yummy!”
I laughed at her enthusiasm for the cake. “I’ll be right back.” I said, heading toward the outside patio.
I took a deep breath the minute I stepped outside, inhaling the sweet scent that seems to linger in the air from the trees that surround the town. The air was a bit chilly, but my body easily adjusted to the temperature as I was always a bit on the warm side.
An iron railing with vertical bars lined and enclosed the patio and the waist high cocktail tables and stools. Big black umbrella’s covered every other table, protecting customers from the sun during daytime hours. Glancing around, I noted that I had the oversized patio to myself; everyone had gone in for the cake cutting. Picking one of the tables without an umbrella, I sat down and stared up into the cloudless sky. On nights like this, it was almost impossible not to be able to count every star that was highlighted by the cloak of darkness in the background.
I was starting to feel the nights events take their toll on the pathetic excuse of my now eighteen year old body, . Usually people didn’t feel any different when they turned another year older, it was just another day, but I felt like I had gone from seventeen to eighty. I know they say once you hit a certain age it’s all down hill from there, but I hadn’t expected seventeen to be the focal point of my youth. I realized I was being highly dramatic, but I also didn’t like feeling borderline elderly either.
I was drawling random shapes on the tables and contemplating asking Eli to take me home so I didn’t have to fight anymore with Scott tonight, but I knew that would only make the situation worse, so I threw out that idea. Seeing the look on his face when he caught me basically transfixed on Adan had left me with an odd feeling in my stomach. It felt like something had just been finalized, but I didn’t know what that was, and as much as I wanted this night to end, I wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day I planned on ending it with Scott, and I was feeling so many emotions that I didn’t know how to separate them. I knew I was feeling sad and a sense of loss, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Scott deserved someone that was going to see all the amazing qualities he had and appreciate them more then I should have.
“What do you call a birthday party without the birthday girl?”
I wasn’t caught off guard when I heard the deep rumble of Adan’s voice behind me. Even though his approach had been very silent and deadly ninja like, I had felt the spike in the flutter minutes before he spoke. It was like the minute he decided to do something where I was concerned; my Adan radar went off, warning me of his actions.
“I don’t know. What?” I asked, continuing to stare at the stars.
I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him or ramble off the list of reasons why we shouldn’t be alone together. I was starting to annoy myself with how much I was beginning to sound like a broken record.
He didn’t say anything, so I turned to look at him over my shoulder, wondering if he was still there. He stood there with his hands in his jeans and his eyebrows pulled together.
Finally he spoke. “I’ve got nothing.” He said, flaunting a smile at me that I found too irresistible to deny.
“You came unprepared without a punch line for your own joke?”
“In my defense, I didn’t actually expect to get this far.”
“And by that you mean you put no thought into this conversation before coming out here?”
“I expected a fight.”
“I fail to see the appeal in starting a conversation on such expectation.”
He moved to stand next to me, close to me. The carved muscles of his chest pressed against my arm, my hip was tucked into the hard curves of his stomach, and the outside of my thigh aligned with his waist. I swallowed hard, feeling the heat of his body melting into mine, warming my bones. His scent was everywhere, and it seemed to swirl around me until my head was spinning so badly that I had to grip the edge of the table to steady myself. I was drawn to his eyes and the blue sparks that were exploding inside his irises.
“The appeal? You must not know how exciting it is to fight with you.”
I looked down at my hand when I felt the soft brush of his thumb over the back of my hand. At some point he had moved his arm so it curved around mine on top of the table. I realized how beautifully the color of our skin matched. We had the same bronze tone, and the only thing missing on his was the light shimmer.
“Sara?”
I jumped at the sound of Elizabeth’s voice, and turned my chair in and away from Adan. I tried not to look too guilty. It had become my first reaction whenever I was caught talking to Adan, and the look on Eli’s face told me I wasn’t doing a very good job. She stood in the middle of the doorway, and her eyes were so wide her eyebrows were nearly touching her hair line. She was holding two plates, each with a piece of cake, and looking just as guilty as I’m sure I did. She had been so quiet coming out here that I didn’t know how much she had heard.
“Hey Eli, Adan was just telling me-”
“How exciting it is to fight with you?” she offered, answering my question. “Yeah, I don’t agree.” She said with a small smile. “but then again, you and I probably don’t fight the same way.”
Adan laughed and I blushed.
“Was there anymore of that left?” Adan asked, nodding in the direction of the cake in Eli’s hands. “It looks good.”
“Yeah, but I would hurry. I don’t know how much longer it will last. Your party seems to have picked up a few randoms” She said, referring to the upsized guest list.
“I guess I should hurry then.” Adan turned toward me, his eyes saying how much he regretted what he was about to say. “I’ll see you later then.”
“I’m actually going to be leaving soon. I’m a little partied out, but I’m glad you and Jasmine could make it.” I said, reminding him who he came with. It wasn’t something I had forgotten.
His eyes narrowed at me, and he looked as if he was ready to argue with me, but he threw a quick glance in Eli’s direction before turning back to look at me. I smiled at him as a parting goodbye, but I knew there was a hint of smugness in there that I got in the last word.
“Goodnight Sara.” He said simply, and with a smile at Eli, walked past her. His figure disappeared, slipping past the doorway and into the darkened room. I could hear the music again and knew they had turned down the lights for a night club ambiance.
Eli had turned to watch him leave, too. “Are you checking him out?” I teased behind a smirk.
Turning back, she had flushed a deep shade of red. She opened her mouth, but no sound escaped. Frowning at the loss of a denial, she snapped her mouth closed.
“I brought your cake.” She said, ignoring my question, and set it down in front of me before sliding into the seat next to me.
She had been holding two plastic forks, and after handing me one she slid the pointed teeth into the edge of the cake, and it slipped onto her fork with zero effort. I watched her as she brought the piece up to her mouth and closed her lips around it. It slid away with the smear of frosting along each poi
nted pick, and she looked at me, her frosting stained lips turning up in a smile.
“This is really good.” She said, around a mouth full of cake.
Her fork went back for seconds and I laughed.
“Yeah, you have a little bit of…”
I pointed to the corner of my mouth with my finger, and her lips tilted down for a brief second, before scooping up the forgotten sugar coated crème and sucking it off her finger. Folding my arms, I tilted my head and waited, but she continued to eat away at the cake.
She looked at me, shaking her head. “What?” She asked. “Did I not get it?” her tongue darted out searching for more frosting around her lips.
“Oh, I was just wondering how much longer you were going to wait before your curiosity got the best of you and you exploded!” I said, my voice going a note higher on that last word.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She said on another bite.
“Eli!” I complained.
She laughed, throwing down her fork and pushing away her half eaten cake. She turned toward me. Grabbing my shoulders, she turned me to face her too, and stared at me like the crazy person she was.
“Okay spill, what is going on with you and the -I’m too sexy for everything- boy?” she waited earnestly for me to confess.
I sighed. “I honestly don’t know Eli. I’m so confused right now.”
“What’s there to be confused about? He obviously likes you, and you, without a doubt, like him too.” She seemed genuinely confused as she made it sound so simple.
“I’m confused about my feelings for him. Yes I do like him, but it’s more then that. There is just something about him that I seemed drawn too, like even if I wanted to stay away from him, I can’t for the life of me find the self-control to do it. He has not only invaded my life, and at the worst possible time, or maybe the best, I’m still unsure about that too. He has also done nothing, but occupy my mind, my thoughts, and my ability to function. When I’m close to him it’s like he is a part of me, I can feel him inside of me.”
I had been so caught up in my admission I hadn’t paid attention to Eli’s reaction, and now that I focused in on her face, the starry eyed look in her eyes and the sappy expression on her face made me laugh.
“That is the most…I don’t even have words for it, but I will insert a sigh here for dramatic purposes” And her chest rose and fell as a soft sigh escaped.
I smiled and rolled my eyes at her.
“I knew you had a thing for him, but I didn’t know it was this bad. It almost sounds like you’re-“ She cut off, throwing me a sidelong glance.
“What?” I said, grabbing her arm to look at me again.
“Well…” She had picked up her fork again and was currently rocking back and forth a piece of cake crumb on her plate with the sharp ends. “You kind of sound like you’re in love with him.”
I pulled back, my face twisting. “What?! You’re officially insane. Welcome to the club.”
“I’m serious Sara!”
“Smitten maybe, I’d even take fascinated, but love? I haven’t even known him that long! Plus were not twelve anymore, where it’s expected and okay to fall in love after only a few weeks.” I rested my chin on my fist, slouching over the table.
“Well it sounds like there are forces far greater then you think at work here. You realize though, sooner or later, something’s got to give.”
“I know.” I chewed on the inside of my bottom lip.
“So,” she said drawling out the ‘o’, “what about Scott?”
“What about Scott?”
Elizabeth and I both jumped and turned toward the sound of Scott’s voice, where he stood just outside the patio. I looked at Eli, my eyes wide, and I wondered how much he had heard. My heart was pounding and I slipped off my stool, rubbing my suddenly moist palms together while putting on a shaky smile. Eli stood too, grabbing her plate and placing my uneaten cake on top of her empty one.
“I’m going to go throw these away.” She said, and walked back inside.
Scott watched her walk away the same way Eli had watched Adan leave, minus the ‘checking out’ part.
He turned to look back at me. “So, what about me?” He asked again.
Eli was going to take me home, if you didn’t mind. I loved my party, but I am all tired out.”
He had that same look on his face as he had earlier. “I can take you home.” The tone of his voice was flat.
“I didn’t want to make you leave if you were having fun.” I took a step closer.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair and for some reason my stomach knotted, and I suddenly felt nervous, and…sad.
“I don’t mind.” He said, not looking at me. “As long as you get home safely, I don’t mind who takes you home.”
The knots twisted further as I realized exactly what he was saying. Taking another step closer, I wanted him to look at me, but he didn’t, and I couldn’t blame him.
“Scott, I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t scoff at my apology or get angry with my decision. Just like Maggie had said, he accepted it.
“It is what it is, right? I can’t make you want to be with me, and getting upset just to make you feel guilty isn’t going to change that. Of course I wanted you to pick me, but things don’t always go the way you want.”
“I never wanted to hurt you. I hope you know that.”
He smiled at me, but it wasn’t a real smile. “I know, and I don’t want to hurt you either. That’s why I’m going to take it like a man.”
I laughed and looked down at my hands that were still twisting away. “I’m not sure I deserve that.” I said, but wished I hadn’t.
I didn’t want him to reassure me, and knowing Scott that’s exactly what he was going to do.
“You tried, Sara. At least you tried.”
I could feel the tears coming, and the sensation stung my nose. “Thank you for my party.”
“You’re welcome.” He said.
I took the last few steps until I was standing in front of him. “I know this might be selfish of me to ask, but…can I give you a hug?” I whispered.
Again his smile was empty. “I was hoping you would ask.”
The tears fell before I had the chance to take the one step I needed to close the distance between us. I reached up on my tip toes and slipped my arms around him. Fists closed, my arms overlapped each other and rested behind his neck. His arms were around my waist and he pulled me up hard against him, almost crushing me with the strength of his hug, but I didn’t protest. This would be the last time I hugged Scott, for a while anyway, and I wanted to enjoy it. The tears continued to fall, soaking into the fibers of his shirt, but he didn’t say anything.
His grip on me finally loosened, and we both pulled away from each other while I wiped at my eyes and sniffled. When I looked up at him, his eyes looked red too, but he wasn’t crying.
“Are you sure you don’t need me to take you home?” He asked quietly.
“No Eli will.” He asked one more time.
I didn’t want him to think I was going to run straight into Adan’s arms minutes after we had broken up. That would be a major slap in the face on my part, and he definitely deserved way better then that. He took a deep breath and nodded, looking at me one last time.
“Okay then, well, I’m going to get back inside.”
He pointed over his shoulder - in the direction of the party - with his thumb, and I don’t know why I was surprised to find that life was still continuing even through our break up.
“Okay. Goodnight.”
He went to turn to go inside, but stopped, thinking for a moment before turning back toward me. I didn’t know what he was doing, and I wasn’t expecting it, so when he leaned over to press his lips against mine, I made a sound of surprise. His hands came up and cupped my chin between his palms, pulling me closer to him. He didn’t try to deepen the kiss, we just stood there for a few more seconds with our lips togeth
er.
When he lifted his head, I opened my eyes and smiled at him, and he returned it.
“Sorry,” he said, “but I couldn’t walk away without getting to do that one last time.”
“It’s okay.” I told him.
“I’m really going to miss you, ya know?”
“Just because we’re not together like that anymore doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I know that sounds like a cliché, but in our case it’s true.”
“Maybe not at first, but someday, I would really like that.”
I nodded. “Me too.”
He dropped his hands from my face. “Bye. For real this time.” He added and laughed, turning away, and just like the others, he was swallowed by the darkness.
I took a deep and shaky breath, I felt numb and I don’t think the realization of what just happened had fully sunk in yet. I expected to be sad, after all I still cared about Scott and I didn’t want to hurt him anymore, but even though I felt somewhat relieved that it was over, the urge to go home and cry lingered on the surface. I just wanted to find Eli to inform her that, 1. She unknowingly was going to be the one to take me home tonight, and 2. I was ready to go home.
The conversation had gone better than I thought. As far as break up’s go, I thought ours was as good as breaks ups could be. Scott had been understanding and very mature, and I was impressed by that.
I frowned when the chanting coming from inside of the venue penetrated my thoughts, and taking a step closer I tried to decipher exactly what they were repeating over and over. Taking another step closer, my eyes grew wide when I finally made out the single word, and I didn’t hesitate a second longer. I rushed inside the room, praying that I was wrong and it just sounded like the same word.
What other phrase sounded like fight, fight, fight?
Eighteen
& I’ll cry if I want too
I had to squeeze my way through the chanting idiots.
Flutter (The Discover Series) Page 41