by R. E. Blake
He moves near and leans into me. I hold his stare until his lips are only inches above my face, and then shut my eyes as his mouth closes on mine. Suddenly nothing exists except him and me in this room, in this space, locked together as one, saying with our lips and tongues everything we haven’t with words. The first song ends and another begins and we’re still kissing, my breathing shallow as my pulse pounds in my ears. I feel his fingers on my hand, and he lifts my glass and sets it on the dresser before sliding his next to it, the entire time still kissing me.
I’m intoxicated, but it has nothing to do with wine. I can’t get enough of him, and now that I finally have him with me, the dam’s burst and the flood’s started. He’s pressing against me, gently, and I can feel his arousal against my thigh. I’ve fought so long against my desire to have him, but now all I can think about is Derek, his incredible body only inches away, and the ache in me eclipses all reason.
I moan softly as his hands frame my face, and then they’re in my hair and he’s tilting his head and running his teeth lightly down my neck, grazing the skin. I respond with an involuntary shiver when he returns to my face, his lower lip tracing the path of his teeth, and the sensation’s incredible. He gives me a small nip just below my ear. I can feel him panting, his passion obvious, and then we’re kissing again as I shrug out of my jacket, unwilling to break the bond that melds us together. I drop it on the floor and we stagger to the bed. We collapse as one on top of it, still kissing.
I groan as he repeats his exploration of my neck, one hand gently pulling the hair at the back of my head, and it’s all I can do to keep from crying out from the pleasure of the sensations thrumming through my body. I feel like I’m flying – time and space have no meaning as I lose myself in Derek, and he in me.
He gazes into my eyes, and I see tenderness mixed with passion as he blinks his question. I don’t want to talk, don’t want to think, so I close my eyes and nod, and he kisses me again, this time with more urgency, and then we’re pulling at our clothes with numb hands, trying to shed anything between us. We break our connection so he can pull off his T-shirt, and I’m rendered breathless by the sight of his bare chest, mine to touch, to do with as I like. He’s staring down at me with his crooked grin, looking more gorgeous than anybody’s got a right to, and I get my top over my head as he gently unbuttons first my jeans and then his.
I do the rest, impatient now that I’ve worked up the courage to finally act, and hurriedly kick off my shoes and slide my jeans down over my hips. Derek’s watching me, transfixed, and I smile nervously, almost naked in front of him for the first time. He seems to sense my hesitation and quickly stands and moves to the light switch. The room darkens, and the soft glow from the streetlights bathes the bed in an amber hue. I can barely make him out as he returns, but my eyes quickly adjust, and then we’re kissing again, my hands roving over his hard sculpted body as he does the same with mine, every touch like an electric shock of pleasure and stimulation.
My arms encircle him and pull him close. He stops and looks deep into my eyes in the dim light.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I draw him to me and kiss him, taking my time, reveling in the way he tastes, smells, feels. This time when he pulls away and moves to his jeans, I remove my bra while he retrieves his wallet. He returns, a condom in his hand, and takes in my naked breasts without a word, then lies next to me and lowers his head to my chest. I watch as he licks one nipple, so delicately it’s like the flutter of a moth’s wings, and then gently nibbles it before dropping his mouth to it.
I gasp at the thrill that cascades through me, incredible pleasure I’ve never imagined, and my hands go to his hair and hold him there. After a small eternity he lifts his face from my skin and shifts up, and then we’re kissing and I feel him sliding his fingers under the elastic of my panties to slip them down. I do the same to his, marveling at the feel of his body as my hands roam over his butt, the forbidden now mine, and push the waistband down.
Then we’re naked, his body against mine, and I want all of him, as much as I can have, the inferno inside me out of control. His fingers brush me and I feel a gush of moisture and let out a small cry, arching my back to get more of him. His light touch is torture for my building need. He strokes me and my mind’s a whirring blank; my thinking shuts down as I’m consumed by the sensations.
He lifts his head and takes in my naked body. “You’re perfect,” he says in a quiet voice, his tone reverential, and then kisses me again.
I whisper in his ear, my words raw and hoarse. “Now.” He rolls onto his side, tears the condom package open with his teeth and slips it on, and then he’s back, mouth locked on mine. Our breathing is ragged and urgent.
I’m slick with moisture and swollen with desire as I feel him slide slowly into me. My sharp intake of breath when a spike of pain shoots through me stops him, and I feel pressure. I feel another stab of pain and I wince – Melody’s warned me what to expect, and I want him to keep going, but he pulls his lips away from mine.
“Are you okay? Should I stop?” he asks, a concerned look on his face.
“No. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod and pull him to me, urging him on.
There’s more pressure and a tearing pain and then he’s all the way inside, straining against me. The pain dims as our bodies find a rhythm, but he’s still worried.
“Too hard?” he asks.
“It’s great,” I say, and it is, or rather it’s starting to be. He keeps moving, his thrusts slow and measured, an expression of tenderness and concern on his face.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says, and I shake my head.
“Just kiss me and keep doing what you’re doing,” I say, and he does. He slides deep into me as he showers me with kisses, and I gasp as a starburst of pleasure explodes from deep inside. I have no words to describe the feeling. I’ve never felt so connected as we slowly move together, he rigid in me, my hips meeting his thrusts. The earlier discomfort is now a fleeting memory, and I feel like both laughing and crying as I finally surrender to him, give myself over to him, share my most precious gift with Derek. I’m overcome with emotion, and it feels so right I never want it to end.
Our pace intensifies as our heat builds. His torso has a light sheen of sweat, as does mine. I’m kissing him, drawing him into me, my body responding to his touch without hesitation, my passion driving me on as my hands clutch him. I feel a tension building, a quiver mounting in me as he thrusts deeper and deeper…and then my world explodes in a kaleidoscope of color and I’m spasming again and again, moaning and crying out as I do. He can’t take the intensity and he stiffens as he climaxes, and then we’re both panting, gasping, spent.
I reach over and slip my fingers through his hair. My entire being is tingling and pulsing, and all I can think about is how amazing our lovemaking was, how much Derek means to me, and how much I crave what we just shared. I could stay in bed for the next four days – and I will, if I have any say. He rolls toward me and stares at me with a look of complete devotion.
“You’re amazing, Sage,” he says, his voice quiet.
“I’ve been dreaming about this moment. But it was better than anything I imagined.” I don’t tell him it was my first time. I can see from his expression I don’t have to.
He brushes my bangs out of my eyes, and we both smile at the familiar gesture.
“I never want to lose you, Sage.”
“Then don’t.” I lean over and kiss him on the lips. I don’t have any words for what I’m feeling, and I want to process everything before talking any more. The kiss says it all.
“I…” He chokes up, and I shush him. There’s no need to say anything. I know what he’s feeling, because I’m feeling it too.
I close my eyes as he lightly strokes my forehead, his touch as soft as a kitten, and I’m smiling as everything fades to nothingness. The last thing I register as the m
usic ends is the quiet sound of his measured breathing and the feel of his head resting on my hand.
Chapter 34
I start awake. Bright light shines through the sheer curtains; it’s morning. Derek’s not next to me, but I can hear him in the bathroom. I roll away from the window and pull the sheet over my nakedness. The memory of Derek, the feel of his skin on mine, of his touch, is as vivid as though he was still beside me.
My mind’s a jumble of conflicting thoughts and emotions as I replay the prior night, but by the time Derek emerges from the bathroom, wearing only his jeans, I’ve chased any negativity away. There’s no room for it with the happiness that’s welling up inside me. He grins as he approaches, and when he kisses me, he tastes like toothpaste.
He sits beside me and caresses my face, and I close my eyes again. I’m lying naked in bed with my dream man. If I’m still asleep and dreaming, I see no reason to wake up. He clears his throat, and I crack one eye open expectantly.
“What?” I ask.
“About last night…”
I nod and raise an eyebrow.
He smiles. “Do you want to talk about it?”
My eyes move to his chest, taking in the pectoral muscles so defined they could be cut from marble, rippling under his tanned skin when he moves, and the series of ridges formed by his abs…and something shifts in me. My gaze moves to his eyes.
“Kiss me again.”
He leans into me, and this time the kiss is longer, deeper, more satisfying. I begin to drift into the Neverland where I spent last night, and it feels better than good. I stir under the sheet and flush as the feeling I used to think I’d never have floods me again, and I reach to pull him on top of me.
We don’t leave the apartment for two more hours – two of the happiest hours of my life.
Over a late breakfast, Derek tells me about the problems he’s been having with the label. The uncertainty of his tour is one of his biggest concerns, along with his rep’s constant reminders that they’re taking a big gamble on him. We finish up our breakfast and coffee, and he’s just staring at me, like he’s distracted and can’t remember what I said a few minutes earlier.
“What?” I ask.
“You’re beautiful. Amazingly beautiful.”
“Is it Melody’s baseball hat or my styling Made In China shades?”
“Seriously. I can’t get enough of you.”
Which is exactly how I feel about him. Our second round of lovemaking was more relaxed, lasted longer, and if anything was more pleasurable than our first. I like the trend. We seem to fit together perfectly, and it’s magical when he’s inside me.
“Only three more days. Better make the best of it,” I say.
“I’m serious.”
I think about all the things we could do today, the places we could go, the sights we could see, and realize there’s only one place I really want to be – and that’s back in the apartment with Derek, savoring every precious hour. Jeremy’s staying with a friend for the weekend, so we have the place to ourselves. I see no reason not to take full advantage of the privacy.
I look deep into Derek’s eyes and reach across the table to take his hand. “So am I.”
Chapter 35
Monday arrives far too soon, and with it comes Jeremy. Derek and I have spent almost every second together, most of them naked, and my newfound sexual awakening suits me, I know. I wonder if everyone has this kind of secret life, every person walking down the street I see, and I realize how oblivious I’ve been to an entire world of possibility.
Now I completely understand Melody’s fascination with boys, although I can’t imagine being with anyone but Derek. He’s so incredible, so conscientious and thoughtful and in sync with me it’s like we were made for each other. Every time I catch myself staring at him, I’m in awe that all this is really happening – that it’s not some fantasy I’m going to wake up from. This is my life. A life with the hottest guy on the planet in my bed, a hit record in the can, and a future of limitless possibility.
We straighten the apartment up so it’s tidy by the time Jeremy arrives, and when he floats in wearing neon red pants and a Banana Republic sweater, all that’s left for him to do is hug me, give Derek the inevitable up and down eyeing that’s his way of saying hello to anything male, and plop down on the couch to pepper me with questions.
“So, dahling, you look positively mahvelous. Glowing. What’s your secret?” he asks, his voice filled with innuendo. Derek excuses himself and makes for the bathroom, leaving me no cover.
“Pure thoughts and the love of the Lord,” I say with a perky smile.
“Ooh, good answer. I’ll have to remember that.” He pauses. “Did they have a big sale on happy today? Because I want to buy some.”
“It’s been a great weekend, Jeremy. Thanks for letting us have the place to ourselves.”
He waves my gratitude away. “It’s the least I can do, considering you’re paying rent for it all month and only use it a day here and there. Which reminds me. When are you returning to the real world from Hollywood?”
I pout. “Not soon enough. I have to stay in L.A. until the band’s ready to go on tour, and it sounds like this is the only time I’ll be back until I’m done with the first leg.”
“I should just rent your room to someone else.”
“No! I still want it.”
He smirks. “I meant and not tell you. Twice the walking-around money. You’d never find out!”
I give him a skeptical glare. “You working on Wall Street now?”
He rolls his eyes theatrically. “Please. I have some morals. Granted, not many, and certainly nothing that interferes with my fun, but still…” His tone changes to a stage whisper. “I gather you and Big Boy figured out how tab A fits into slot B?”
I redden and look away, and he cackles with glee. “You’re so busted. I knew it! Get out of here with your slutty little self.”
“It’s not like that.”
Jeremy cocks his head. “Girl, if you’re doing it right, it’s always like that. So tell me all. Is his…heart…as big as the great outdoors?”
I swat his arm. “Can we change the subject? How’s your show doing? I want to go see it tonight if I can get tickets.”
“I think it’s safe to say someone might be able to get you in on the guest list.”
“That would be so cool. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“I’m the toast of the town, being paid far too much for my own good, and I work three hours a night. The only ones I know doing better are high-priced call girls and politicians, and I don’t have the stomach to be either.”
Derek returns and thanks Jeremy for his help, and then sits next to me, takes my hand, and pulls me close. Jeremy makes a face, but I can tell it’s all for show.
“Oh, gawd. Am I going to have to watch you two mooning at each other every minute of my day?” he demands.
“Of course not. We’ll be in my room for most of it,” I say and wink.
“Ooh, listen to you.” He purses his lips and eyes Derek. “If you’re trying to make me jealous, it’s working.”
Derek and I laugh. “No. Just be happy for us,” I say.
Jeremy smiles and tosses his hair back as he rises. “I am. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just came by to get changed. I have a lunch date with a to-die-for policeman. I plan to confess how bad I’ve been. I need to be punished. Cuffed.”
“So just your typical Monday afternoon, huh?” I say.
“Exactly.”
I tell Derek about the performance and Jeremy’s offer, and his face clouds. “Crap. I forgot to tell you. I have an appearance this evening at seven. A talk show. I have to do it. Pays the rent…”
“You think you’ll be done in time to make Jeremy’s?”
“Maybe. We can try. But you know how they do the musical guests – usually at the end.”
“That sucks. Oh, well, I suppose we can miss the opening.”
“Won’t kill us,” he agrees. H
e squeezes my hand. “I’m so glad you’re with me, Sage. This feels amazing. And completely right, you know? Like it was meant to be.”
I swallow hard. That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. “Maybe it was.”
“I believe that. In destiny. We belong together. I’ve known that for a long time. I just didn’t feel comfortable saying it.”
“Why not?”
“With everything going on, it just…I don’t know. I suppose I was afraid I’d get hurt. Isn’t that always why we hide the way we feel?”
He’s so right about that. “I should have said something, too. But I was, I don’t know, embarrassed. And I…I was afraid you might not feel the same. So we were both doing the same thing.” I shake my head. “So stupid. So much time wasted for nothing.”
His gaze locks with mine. “Promise me you won’t ever do that again. I won’t.”
My eyes moisten and I whisper, “I promise,” just as Jeremy bursts back into the room wearing white leather pants and a yellow long-sleeved top. He does a twirl for us and grins.
“You like? It’s my Freddy Mercury look.”
Derek laughs. “Now he could really sing.”
Jeremy puts his hand on his hip and cocks it. “Meaning?”
“Nothing. Just that he was brilliant.”
“Well, you’ll see what I can do when you come to the show tonight. Now, gotta run. The hopefully long arm of the law’s waiting for me.”
When Jeremy leaves the apartment it’s suddenly quiet, the air still resonating with his energy. Derek leans into me and strokes the back of my neck. I purr. “Mmm. That feels good.”
We’re both quiet for several minutes, enjoying just being with each other, and then he stops what he’s doing and sits forward. I open my eyes and look at him.
“We have to figure out how to make this work when we’re on tour,” he says. Judging by his scowl, he’s been thinking about it for some time.
“I see a future of lots of airplane tickets and nights in motels.”
“I’m working my booking agent to try to get onto the same tours you are, but you’re kind of in a different league,” he says – no bitterness to it, merely a statement of fact.