Even flying, by the time they stumbled into his house, it was late. Toby was asleep, and Dillon knew Colleen had to be tired, but…
“This is totally amazing, Dillon,” she said, wide-eyed. “I don’t know who you hired or how they worked so fast, but whoever he or she was, they knew what they were doing. This place is furnished so beautifully.” She ran her hand over the honeyed wood of a table.
“And the forest-green and gold against all the hardwood floors makes everything look cozy and warm and inviting. And all those windows…the lights of the city are like a million fireflies. Toby will love it here when he gets old enough to notice the details. Or when he wakes up,” she said, kissing Toby’s soft baby curls. “I guess we’d better get him right to bed.”
But no sooner had they located the nursery and gotten Toby off to sleep than Dillon’s telephone started ringing.
He excused himself, took the call and immediately got another one. By the time the tenth phone call had come through, Dillon had had enough. He recorded a new message, begging off until the morning, telling all callers that he and his son were going to sleep and then he turned the ringer down on the phone.
“Looks as though your admiring public has found you,” Colleen said softly. “You’re home. Or maybe it was business and…I’m sorry, none of this is my affair.”
“Jace thought it would be a good idea to broadcast the fact that I was returning to town with Toby, that I had a new house and was putting down deep roots. Most of the calls were old friends and acquaintances wishing me well.”
“But not all?”
“One was work. And one was Lisa telling me that she would be over to see Toby first thing tomorrow.”
The two of them stared at each other. “We’d better make sure we’re on the same page, then,” Colleen whispered. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing and make a mistake that might cost you everything.” She looked genuinely worried.
“You couldn’t. Just be yourself and tell the truth. You’re here to help me hire a nanny and get settled in with Toby, because Toby is used to you and you know what he likes.”
Colleen bit her lip, but she nodded. She took on that serious, determined look that made him want to hold her and promise her that the world couldn’t harm her anymore, that he wouldn’t let that happen, even though he knew he wouldn’t be around to fulfill that promise. “I do know what he likes. I am here to help you,” she said. “Not trying to lie makes it easier. I’m not a good liar, although…”
He tilted his head as she hesitated.
“I would lie through my teeth if I thought it would help the two of you.”
And just like that, every good intention he had about keeping his distance flew away on firefly wings. He framed his hands around her face and kissed her. Gently. Once. Twice. More times than he cared to count, because once he started kissing Colleen, his mind turned fuzzy and warm. He was dazed, confused, uncaring of anything except staying with her softness, keeping his mouth against her skin, holding her heat against his body. Giving in. Giving up. He wrapped himself around her, curled her body into his.
And all the time he was doing that, she was stretching forward, tugging him closer, kissing him back. Turning him into a mindless madman, a collection of desires and not an intelligent thought in his head.
“Kiss me again,” she told him. “I love it when you kiss me.”
He kissed her, and she moaned. She settled against him.
He slid his hand down her side, over her curves. Learning her. Memorizing her. Knowing that he had to memorize her, because soon memory would be all he had. This was…this was insane and he didn’t engage in insane gestures. He didn’t like things to slip out of his control. He didn’t want to want what he could never have. He’d done that already. He’d regretted that too many times, and yet…
“Colleen,” he whispered. “You’re fire, you’re magic. Touching you is like a dream and…”
He felt her shudder and then still beneath his hands. “You’re right,” she said. “This isn’t real. It isn’t right or logical or practical or…we both know that this…you and I have a purpose. That’s what we both wanted, what we came together for. We’re both nervous, fearful of what’s going to happen in the next few days or weeks and that’s why we’re doing this. We have to stop.”
Dillon stopped. She was wrong. He hoped she was wrong. He wasn’t just using her to avoid facing the uncertainty of tomorrow. She wasn’t just a crutch like the cane he had used when he first came to her house. And yet…what was she? She wasn’t his, and she…
“You’re probably feeling out of place. I know this is the first time you’ve even been out of Montana,” he said. “I shouldn’t have taken advantage of that out-of-kilter feeling. Come here. Come with me.”
She was shaking a little and he wanted to soothe her, to warm her, but he was afraid of what would happen if he touched her again, so he simply wrapped a throw from the arm of the sofa around her shoulders. He led her to the computer that had been set up in a nearby room, sat her down and clicked on some keys. “Montana’s an hour later than we are here,” he said. “Everyone will still be awake.”
Within seconds, Millie came on the screen and then the other women of the Applegate appeared. Colleen blinked. She turned to Dillon.
“Gretchen and I set it up before you left. They need you to be within reach, and I didn’t want you to be homesick. Being able to see them makes it easier, I hope.”
She blinked hard a couple of times. “You’re making it very hard for me.”
“In what way?” Dillon said.
“Before you came to the Applegate, I was happy believing that men were necessary to the world but not people I wanted to let into my world. Now, because of you, I’ve had to change my mind about men. Some of them are worth getting to know.”
But as Dillon left the room and left Colleen to her conversation, he wondered why her words didn’t make him happy. Of course, he knew the answer to that. Now that Colleen had opened her doors to men, she might meet one she would allow into her heart forever. Some good-looking cowboy might win her someday. He’d help her with her horses, he’d sleep with her in the bed Dillon had never even seen.
And you should be happy for her, he told himself as he tromped up the stairs to his own lonely room.
Instead, he wanted to go downstairs, talk Colleen into sharing his bed tonight and being the first man to tame her and win her. It was a selfish thought, he told himself.
But when the morning came, he hadn’t slept it off. Her name was the first thing he thought of when he woke up.
Colleen woke up disoriented. The first thing she remembered was kissing Dillon and wanting him to never stop kissing her. She wanted him to make love with her, and that wasn’t something she’d really wanted with any man before.
Which made it a very bad idea, because that meant that he was starting to mean far too much to her. And her time with him was limited.
Besides, today Lisa was coming. Perfect Lisa. Maybe perfect Lisa would want Dillon back. And had Colleen ever met a man who could say no to the woman?
She squinted her eyes closed, trying to block the thought, then got up, got dressed and went looking for Toby. He wasn’t in his room.
Barefooted, she padded downstairs. Still no Toby and no Dillon.
“Look who I see.” Dillon’s deep voice rippled through her body. Toby’s coo fanned across her heart. She let herself out onto the deck where the two of them were sitting in the early morning pale light. And stopped.
“Dillon…” she drawled.
“What?”
“Why did you do this? When did you do this?”
He didn’t pretend not to know what she was talking about. “Hey, I love your sculptures,” he said, turning toward the huge yard where several specimens of her work were prominently displayed. There was one in the shadow and dappled light beneath the large branches of a tree and two in full sun flanking a walkway that led to a gazebo. And at the entrance of
the gazebo, multiple wind chimes waved and softly chimed in the slight breeze.
“Dillon, I can go months without a single order.”
“That’s because you don’t promote yourself. Your work is never seen. I guarantee people will see these. And they’ll love them.”
“Are you trying to help me without seeming as if you’re helping me?” Of course he was.
“Are you accusing me of not knowing great art when I see it? This,” he told his son, “is beautiful and unique, just like the woman who made it. And you and I are lucky we got in on the ground floor before everyone finds out about her and wants a piece of the action.”
Toby gurgled.
“Yes, that’s what I thought,” Dillon said. “He thinks I made a great decision,” Dillon told her.
She laughed and shook her head. “Well, far be it from me to demand that someone send back something of mine.”
“As if they would. So…are you ready to see the town this afternoon?”
“We’re sightseeing?”
“We’re being seen. I have it on excellent authority that if we show up in the right places—the zoo, Lincoln Park, the butterfly haven at the nature museum—we’ll run in to friends and acquaintances who will, of course, remember later that Toby was getting the best of attention. They might even mention to the local gossip columnist that a well-known businessman has returned to town after a long absence with his very happy, very well cared for child in tow.”
She smiled. “Isn’t that a bit manipulative?”
“Totally. Ask me if I care. This is my son we’re talking about.”
“Good point.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“And so will I,” she said decisively.
But when the doorbell rang several hours later, just as they had finally decided that Lisa wasn’t coming, Colleen felt less certain of herself.
“Dillon!” Lisa said, rising on her toes and kissing Dillon on the cheek. “You’re looking as delicious as ever.” She swept past him into the room, all long dark hair, violet eyes and petite beauty.
“Hi, Colleen. Where’s my baby?” As if Colleen had been hiding him in a cave somewhere for the past few months.
“Hello, Lisa,” Colleen said, but she didn’t answer the question. That was for Dillon to do.
“He’s still napping,” Dillon said.
“Well, wake him up. I can’t wait to see him. You won’t mind, will you? I’m sure he’ll fall right back asleep.”
Which wasn’t true at all, and Dillon knew it. He’d grown to know a lot about babies during the past couple of weeks and about this baby in particular. Toby was fretful and cranky when he was pulled out of sleep early and it took him a while to adjust. In fact, Colleen could see that Dillon was ready to say no, and she wondered what Lisa would do with that denial. Tell people he hadn’t allowed her to see their child?
“Dillon, you’re angry with me and who could blame you? I was a failure at being a military wife, wasn’t I? I was so lonely when you were gone and…what can I say? I panicked, I filed for divorce. But now I have this pretty baby, and I’m his mother.”
No word at all about the fact that she had clearly cheated on Dillon and had abandoned her child in order to enjoy herself in Europe with a parade of men.
Still, Dillon didn’t answer. “You’re not going to let me see him, are you?” Lisa finally asked. She blinked those big violet eyes as if she were going to cry.
Colleen wanted to tell her to stop it, that Dillon wasn’t like other men. He didn’t fall for those tricks, but he had married her and—
“Lisa,” Dillon said, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but let’s at least not play games with each other.”
Lisa froze. “What—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He scowled. “You threw him away as if he meant nothing to you.”
“That’s not true! Colleen, tell him how it was.”
Colleen wanted nothing more than to tell Lisa how it was, that Dillon was exactly right, that Lisa hadn’t seemed to care at all, even though she knew she had to be careful here. Push Lisa into a corner and she would bring out the rusty knives and fight dirty. Still, Colleen had to ask one thing. “Why didn’t you even give me any way to locate you? What if something had happened to Toby and I needed your help or at least your signature on medical forms? I can’t even begin to understand that.”
“Didn’t you care anything at all about him?” Dillon demanded.
Lisa’s pretty face crumpled. “Stop it! Please…my baby. I came here because…I just want to see my baby.”
Dillon’s expression was thunderous, but Colleen knew Lisa’s methods well enough to know that this was when she was most dangerous, when she was being deprived of something. The truth was that if Dillon didn’t do as Lisa said, she could claim that he had kept her from Toby.
So, even though it felt completely wrong on many levels, Colleen stepped forward. “We know you want to see Toby. Dillon’s just waiting for him to wake up.”
Dillon’s frown deepened.
“But, of course, we know how difficult it is to wait in a case like this. You and Toby have been apart so long,” Colleen continued, rushing on. “So, we won’t wait any longer. I’ll be right back.” She closed her eyes, crossed her fingers, prayed a little as she moved into the nursery and gently picked up the sleeping baby. He was adorable, he was so sweet, and as usual, he had wet his diaper while he was sleeping. “I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she whispered to Toby, “but I really need your help. You’ll need to wait just a few minutes until I change you.”
Toby woke up and began to blink his eyes and cry in that choking little way that babies do. Ordinarily, Colleen would have sang to him, rocked him. She fully intended to do that, she hated herself for not doing those comforting things for him, and yet—
She walked out of the room to face a fuming Dillon, and Lisa wearing a determined if pale expression. “Here he is,” Colleen said, handing Toby to Lisa. She held her breath. Lisa was small, she was pretty and she smelled of expensive perfume. Maybe Toby would like all that. Maybe he’d be just like every other member of the male population. And…
Colleen could barely bear to move on to the next thought, but…if Lisa truly didn’t mind this wet and crying baby and opened her heart to him, maybe Dillon would eventually have to let Lisa into Toby’s circle. He’d said that he would allow it if Lisa truly wanted it. Did she really want Toby? Had she missed her baby at all? A part of Colleen knew that she should want Lisa to love Toby. For the baby’s sake, she tried to be open-minded, even though in her heart of hearts, it hurt to even try. And she prayed that Dillon would not hate her for having handed his son over to Lisa.
Toby howled. Lisa held him at arm’s length. “You’re very pretty, aren’t you?” she asked.
Those apparently weren’t the words he needed to hear. Her tone was strained. If she’d only pull him in and hug him, rock him the way Dillon had on that first day…
“He’s still tired,” Dillon said angrily, and he started to move forward.
Colleen looked into his eyes. Stop. Not yet, she wanted to say.
Her expression must have told him something. He stopped.
“I probably shouldn’t have been so…so insistent that you wake him from his nap,” Lisa said. “But I was so eager to see him. I’ve missed him so much. We’ll…he and I will get to know each other better when he’s rested. I’ll come back another day. I guarantee it. I so want to be a family with him.” She said all of this to Dillon. She widened her eyes; she softened her voice. And all the time she was doing this, Toby had gotten louder and louder.
That could have been because Colleen was looking at him and standing just out of reach. Maybe. He sounded so pitiful. His tears were breaking Colleen’s heart. I’m so sorry, sweetheart, she wanted to say. And she was.
The louder he got, the stiffer Lisa became. Whether she realized it or not, she was inching him farther away from her body.
> “Mommy will be back when you’re not so sleepy, bunny-kins,” she told Toby. And then without even looking at Colleen, she held him out.
Colleen whisked him into the next room.
“Just a few more seconds,” she whispered to Toby, listening as Lisa’s voice continued to murmur something to Dillon. It wasn’t until Colleen heard the sound of the door clicking shut that Colleen pulled Toby to her.
“I’m never doing that to you again,” she promised, rocking him and cuddling him. “Waking you up from a sound sleep—not even giving you a chance to adjust or get a dry diaper. I would never want to hurt you.”
She kissed him again, she swayed with him and murmured to him.
His tears began to stop and she quickly got him out of the wet diaper and into a dry one, then cuddled him close again. When she turned, Dillon was standing in the doorway, staring at her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I was afraid that with both of us questioning and criticizing her, she might do something drastic, so I had to make sure of her true feelings for Toby. After all, she’s his mother. I know it was wrong to make her look bad to her baby.”
Dillon was shaking his head. “Genetics doesn’t make a person a parent. I know that all too well. My parents were totally ill-prepared to love a child.”
“She might get better at it.”
“I’m sure she could, if she wants to. In spite of the fact that I hated her coming in here and just assuming I would turn him over to her after she’s ignored him for months, I’ll make a place for her in his life if she really wants to try.”
Colleen nodded. “That’s only right. I probably should have warmed him up for her a bit.”
He gave her a funny smile. “She didn’t warm him up for you a bit when she thrust him into your life. Somehow I doubt you complained or ran out the door, saying that you’d be back later when he was behaving more pleasantly.”
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