The Protector
Page 26
This time he didn’t let go of me. He let me lean against his body as I pushed myself away from him. His grip was not tight, but firm. It both annoyed me and made me feel better that this time he did not push me away. How I managed to get a hold of my senses I wasn’t sure but I did and as gracefully as I could I moved to the bathroom.
By the time I walked out a few minutes later, the door between the two rooms was open. But neither Joed or Noor came in. Jack hardly spoke either. I was right, the silence was worse than the car ride to Vegas. He did say thank you for the burger we had brought back for him. And he ate it quietly at the table still working on the computer. Thankfully, Joed did come in to check on me and bring me a bottle of water and a few aspirin. I was beginning to get a headache but I wasn’t about to ask Jack for anything. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted the silence to continue. I wanted to punish him almost as bad as he wanted to punish me. I managed to mouth a thank you to Joed as he left the room and grabbed the book that was on the table next to the bed and tried to read, but the effort was fruitless.
I sat watching Jack as I pretended to read and occasionally type on his computer. He sat in the chair in deep thought only twice glancing over to see what I was doing. Each time our eyes met, he quickly looked away. It looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t. He continued to keep his thoughts to himself.
I was grateful when the sun went down and the nightfall made our room dark. I put on the night clothes he had bought me in Las Vegas and turned in.
Sleep was something that came easy once again that night, but the nightmares returned with a vengeance. It was the same one, as I had had in the car. It started out with Eric, but soon it was Jack I was losing and the pain in the dream was immense.
I wasn’t sure what woke me up out of the dream, my sobs or the feeling of Jack’s arms around me.
18 The Dreams
I had been teetering on the edge of a deep sleep when her sobs jolted me up. They were short of screams and uncontrollable that continued to grow worse. I even wondered if I left her alone whether or not she would go back to sleep. But with every shudder they grew worse and before too long they were uncontrollable sobs of sorrow. I crawled into bed next to her but she fought me wildly, flailing her hands and arms and pushing me away with amazing strength.
“Alison?” I picked her upper half up out of the bed and sat down to cradle her in my arms. “Sonny.” I whispered again closer to her ear. I had hoped the movement would wake her up but it didn’t. Her sobs continued to get louder and before I had even realized it both Joed and Noor were at the door between our rooms. Joed’s look was one of concern and Noors was one of annoyance.
“Is she ok,” the dark haired man asked quietly.
“Not sure. The dreams are getting worse.” Her sobs were hysterical now and it was all I could do from keeping her from falling to the floor.
“Don’t ,” He whispered walking a little closer so I could hear him. “Hold her and let her dream it out Jack.” I did as he suggested and held her closer and looked to the doorway. Noor was no longer standing there. Different thoughts raced through my mind. I knew this was irritating her to no end. She thought my feelings for Sonny were clouding my judgment. And maybe they were, but I felt this overwhelming need to be by Alison’s side. Finally, after a few minutes, her sobs slowly began to quiet down and her body stopped shaking.
Joed still stood there watching us. “She’s getting better?”
I nodded my head in the pale light that was streaming from the other room. “I think so.” This man who watched intently as I held her seemed to understand her. I think he even understood my need, my urge to be with her. He seemed satisfied as her sobs turned back into soft whimpers. Soon he left the room as quietly as he had come in, leaving me alone to hold her and closing the door behind him.
I shifted to put her next to me but as I did so, her arms tightened around me. I adjusted our bodies so we were laying side by side. Being closer to her, as close as I was, was not safe for either one of us. But as laid on my back, she adjusted to lay her head on my chest. I could feel the beat of her heart against my side and finally as she moved her hand around my chest, calm finally enveloped her and her soft whimpers disappeared. I slowly moved my head down and kissed the top of her head.
So many thoughts raced through my head. It seemed that the last few weeks, the last month, my head was constantly spinning. Noor had been quick to point out that I was too far gone to help Sonny any. According to her, my judgment was severely impaired. I argued with her but it didn’t do any good, Noor was right. My feelings for Alison were causing problems. This could have been over a long time ago. I could have taken her to DC and left her with people who could fix everything. But something in my gut told me she would not have been safe if I had taken that route.
It didn’t matter the reason, what mattered right now was her in my arms safe and sound. Her breathing was calm and steady now and she was still against my body. Noor was right I needed to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Maybe taking her up to Oregon was the right thing. Maybe putting her in a situation with someone else who cared deeply for her, would allow me to pull myself away before she fell too hard. I kept trying to convince myself of that. But right at the moment, I didn’t want this moment to end. Reality sunk in as I remembered Paige’s words to me – ‘everything had an end.’
I drifted back to sleep a little while later and didn’t wake up until I felt Alison shift her body away from mine. I could see the early morning light through the heavily curtained window. Alison quietly tried to get up from the bed, carefully as not to disturb me. I quickly tightened my arms around her to keep her from moving any further away from me. Her warm body next to mine was too perfect to let go of. And I knew it had produced a reaction in the lower half of my body. She snuggled closer to me instead of pulling way.
“Where do you think you are going young lady?” I quietly whispered in her ear. The door between our two rooms was shut and I could tell there was no movement yet.
“To take a shower,” she answered in the same quiet whisper. “I am awake. Go back to sleep you need your rest.” She didn’t move.
I wanted her to stay wrapped in my arms, but if she didn’t move I wasn’t sure I could control the overwhelming urge strip her and have my way with her. “Stay for a few minutes.” I hadn’t found the strength to let her go just yet.
“Are you sure that is wise?” She had a valid point and I knew what she was referring to.
“Probably not,” but I still did not let go. I held her close to my body. It was true, she did intoxicate me. She said nothing more as we lay together nestled in each other’s arms. I had moved my arm over her body and nestled it between her two breasts on top of the t shirt she wore. I kissed the top of her head, breathing in the very scent of her. My reaction to her grew stronger and my need only intensified.
“You know you are worse than a woman. One minute you push me away and ignore me and the next you are pulling me closer to you. What is it that you want from me?” she whispered.
I hesitated for a minute trying to think of the right words to say, but nothing logical was going to come. “I just can’t seem to stay away from you. Every time I push myself away, you drag me back.” It was true, every time I tried to push her away, I found myself wanting to be near her even more. I was instinctively drawn to her.
“I don’t see you kicking and screaming when I drag you back theoretically of course?” Her hand traced my fingers as she said this. And I could tell by the tone of her voice she had a smile on her face. Her touch was soft yet electrifying.
“I think it’s good for you to be around another man.” I finally managed to spit out. She stopped her finger mid trace and shifted her body around so she was lying face to face with me. My body tensed as she looked me with intense burning eyes.
“How can you say that?” Her face filled with confusion and hurt. “You know I don’t like this. I feel like I am leading him
on.”
I took my hand and gently rubbed her cheek with my index finger. “I know but us, like this, isn’t good.” Once again I did nothing to move away from her and she didn’t try to change positions. The closeness was almost unbearable, but I knew this would probably be the last and only time we could be like this.
“Why, because you are supposed to be protecting me?” He voice was barely audible. But every word sunk in with a sharp stab of guilt.
I nodded. “You do inhibit my abilities to concentrate.” A smile pursed her lips. I wanted desperately to lean over and kiss her. But I resisted the urge. “You know it’s not all that uncommon for people in our position to become close.”
“How does this relate to you wanting me to be around Eric?” The sound of his name stung. I knew this is what had to happen but I wasn’t entirely thrilled about another man coming into the picture.
“For someone who has a master’s degree, you sure aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed at times.” The smile she had faded as she moved to hit me on the arm. I laughed and the smile quickly returned to her face. “ouch!” I rubbed my arm and scowled as if she had seriously hurt me. I met her gaze once again and the fire that burned in her eyes was intense.
“I don’t want to be with him.” I knew her words were true, and I could read what she wanted to say. But she didn’t say it. She just continued to stare into my eyes. We laid there entranced, not caring about the world around us. I wanted desperately to lean in and kiss her but I knew that would lead to a place I wanted but wasn’t ready to go. I wouldn’t do that to her, take a piece of her and leave her when this was all over. I didn’t want to hurt her. She needed to be with another, so she could see her feelings for me were a passing thing.
It wasn’t until I heard movement and the shower start in the next room that I decided it was best that I get up. I slowly leaned in and kissed her lips gently. “I need to get up before we are rudely interrupted.” Alison turned onto her back her hair swirling softly on the pillow. It was almost too much to take in and I swiftly moved in on top of her and crushed her lips with mine. Her arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer as she opened her mouth to let me in. It was a kiss with so much intensity and feeling it almost swept away reality. All the bent up urges exploded through our lips. I took the invitation and kissed her with the intensity I had been feeling for days, for weeks being next to her. Her hands traveled from my back to my hair.
I needed desperately to pull away from her. But my need for her was too great. I was being pulled in both directions, my needs as a man and what was right for her. Finally sensibility took over as I could hear the shower in the next room stop. I braced my arms on the sides of her body and pulled myself off of her. This time I was the one to groan. She didn’t say a word as she watched me move from the bed and head straight to the bathroom. She was still trying to catch her breath as I walked away.
19 Oregon or bust!
Within an hour we were on the road back tracking to Reno to return the rental car of Joed and Noor’s. Sonny had mentioned that Joed enjoyed driving my car so I feigned being tired and let him drive out of town. She wasn’t kidding about his excitement at driving the car. I sat in the backseat with Sonny, much to the annoyance of Noor. Sonny had not said much since our encounter earlier in the morning. And I didn’t push her to talk. I knew she was nervous about heading up to Oregon. I would have put money on the fact she was nervous not about any group trying to kill her but instead by having to face Eric.
I didn’t quite understand her feelings of fear for the man. Why did she want to avoid him and why hadn’t she just told him no from the beginning? From all that she had said, he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. I was in fact jealous of the man who could possibly give her the life her and I would never have.
Occasionally I would catch her glance and smile at her in reassurance. Noor was full of questions about things while we were up there, Sonny never answered, leaving me to do all the talking. Her head laid back against the head rest her eyes looking out the window at the green mountain landscape that surrounded us. Noor finally stopped asking her questions when she came to terms with the fact I wasn’t going to provide her with the answers she wanted and Alison wasn’t going to talk to her. I too, laid my head back against the headrest as Alison had done. I reached across the seat and grabbed her hand hoping neither Noor or Joed would notice. But that was not the case as I looked up and saw Joed smiling in the rearview mirror. He was in tuned to my thoughts. Sonny did not turn her head when I grazed her hand with mine. She only squeezed my hand in return. I turned my head and gazed out the driver’s side window and eventually closed my eyes.
The drive went faster than I wanted it to and a little after noon we drove into the town where my nightmare would begin. Alison was obviously nervous as she couldn’t keep still. And I could honestly admit my nerves were shot as well. The pit of my stomach filled with anxiety and there was an ache in my chest that I couldn’t decipher. We had decided to get some lunch and then head to our hotel to check in.
Noor had been more than insistent on the way that her and Alison would be sharing a room and Joed and I would be doing the same. “After all it wouldn’t be right for Alison to be here seeing her boyfriend and alone in a room with you Jack.” Her words had rang true and Alison had even agreed this was the best route. And putting ourselves back into the situation we had been in earlier in the day was not wise.
A
My stomach was in knots by the time we reached the hotel we were staying in. I still had not gathered enough courage to call Eric and let him know I was in town to see him. And every time we passed a Grants Pass Police Officer my heart raced in fear of being noticed, even though it was highly doubtful in the car we were in. I was beginning to think that coming face to face with the group that wanted me dead was easier than facing Eric and his million and one questions, especially the one I dreaded the most.
Jack could read my face and knew deep down I was not into doing this. I wasn’t sure it was the best idea or course of action. I was well protected by Jack, Noor and Joed now, why bring someone else into the picture by deception. I wanted to talk to Jack alone, but I wasn’t sure Noor was going to let that happen. She was clearly upset with the room situation last night and she thought Jack’s take on the situation was clouded by his feelings for me. And if that was the case, then my judgment was severely impaired because of feelings I was developing for him. I had also realized that I could not marry Eric when my feelings for Jack were as strong as they were. The fact was I had feelings for another man when I was supposed to be in love with Eric. Truth of the matter, I was not IN love with Eric.
Our hotel room window looked out over the Rogue River. It flowed faster and it appeared to be higher than the last time I had visited. Although it had been less than a year, it seemed like a lifetime to me. Time was put in a whole new context for me now that all this was going on.
Our room was nicer than the ones we had been staying in before. If Grants Pass had a luxury hotel I guess this would qualify as it. Our room had two beds and a couch and a flat screen tv. The room had a balcony, which overlooked the river. I heard the door between our two rooms open and I was thankful that Jack had insisted on the adjoining rooms. I knew Jack was there close by me.
Joed came in and sat next to me on the couch. “You ok Alison?”
“Why does everyone have to ask me that. I am not some weak little girl!” My voice was full of venom as the words came out of my mouth. The tone did not seem to surprise Joed, he only smiled back at me and suddenly a wave of guilt washed over me. He had been nothing but nice to me and here I was trying to bite his head off simply because he was concerned.
“Ok now that we have established you are not a little girl, How are you?”
“Ok, I think,” I paused waiting for him to say something more, but he didn’t. “What do you want me to say that I am happy to be here to see the love of my life. Not happy at all.”
“Sure.” I wondered what he could possibly ask me that I hadn’t already contemplated.
“What were your plans with this Eric if what happened in Tel Aviv hadn’t of happened? Would you still be avoiding him?”
Ok he had actually given me a question I had not really pondered and that was by choice. I had been avoiding Eric for the past two months, since he had revealed his plans for our future. I had even been relieved when Tom had asked me to go to Tel Aviv, because it meant being out of cell phone range. I sat there and considered his question. Time seemed to pass slowly and I avoided Joed’s eyes.
“Well? You going to answer me sometime today?”
“Um, I guess.” I paused for a moment before I actually answered his question. “It has been easier to avoid him. I think I would still be avoiding if everything had not happened in Tel Aviv.”
Joed’s eyes were understanding but he pressed the subject much to my annoyance. “Why not just tell him you don’t want the same things he wants. Wouldn’t that be better? Then you can both move on?”
I shook my head and opened my mouth but the words didn’t come out right away. “Why are you so curious?” I didn’t understand his interest in the whole thing. It seemed odd. He had been sent to retrieve the processor not analyze my love life.
“I don’t know, I guess it’s the curiosity.” He looked away from me and smiled. “I guess you are giving me the opportunity to understand the fickleness of women.”