“The Azores? You mean the Islands off of Portugal?”
He nodded his head. “We could live there happily in a small little house on the coast. No one would know the difference - new identities, new lives together. Sure they would look for us for a little bit. But the trail would be soon convoluted, they wouldn’t find us and they would give up. They would have what they wanted anyway.” He grew more and more serious with each word. And the excitement grew in his voice.
“The Azores,” I asked again.
He shrugged his shoulders as I shifted away from him. His arms were no longer circled tightly around me. I sat with my legs crossed facing him so I could see his expressions first hand.
“I thought of Ireland, get lost in some small village. My accent comes back fairly quickly.” It was then that I did notice the Irish draw in his voice. It sent shivers down my spine. His voice was sweet, but it was even sweeter with the accent. “But, that hits too close to home for me. They would think to look there.”
I sat there in amazement. “You are dead serious aren’t you?” I could tell by the look on his face he was totally serious with me. And I could also register the disappointment in his face when he realized I wasn’t seriously considering this option.
“Yeah,” he said nodding his head. “Why not?”
“Leave everything and everyone?”
Again he nodded. “Everyone but me,” he whispered.
J
She sat there in silence for a few minutes. She ran her fingers through her hair and shifted her body so she could put her legs folded to her side. I was serious. I wanted her to run away with me. I selfishly wanted her to myself, to live with her on an island, a beach view, small house, maybe even raise a family. The Azores seemed like the perfect location. We could get lost in the middle of the Atlantic so to speak.
I was asking a lot of her. I was asking her to leave everyone and everything she ever knew and loved to be with me a man she barely knew. Unlike her, I had nothing to lose. My family, my mom, I rarely saw. I had no other family except for the few relatives I had back in Ireland. And I had not seen any of them in years. She on the other hand, had parents, a job, a life she would be leaving. A life she could never go back to if it didn’t work out between us. She would either be stuck with me or on her own.
As she sat there contemplating my idea, I saw the sadness well up in her eyes. I knew this wasn’t something she was ready to do and it didn’t surprise me but it hurt just the same.
“I,” she stopped mid-sentence and looked at me with her beautiful green eyes. “I,” again she stopped and this time she took a deep breath and stood up from where she sat. I followed suit and grabbed her hands. I had decided downstairs as I sat watched her interact with Eric that I was going to give her this option. It had pained me, a pain I had never felt before, to watch her with him. I was jealous of the man, because he had the chance of a life with her. A chance until now I didn’t think I had. And that until now was fading as fast as the sun had earlier this evening. I wanted a life with her and this was the only way I saw us having one.
Alison took her hands from mine and turned her back to me. She folded her arms against her chest and began to pace the length of the room. I watched her carefully as she walked back and forth. I could tell by the intense thought in her face she was thinking seriously about my offer. But I could tell the reality of it all was sinking in with her. And it was slowly sinking in with me. I was asking her to do something she wasn’t ready to do.
I had enough as she made her eighth pass at the room. I grabbed her arms and forced her to stop and look at me. She kept her arms folded as she raised her lowered head to look at me. “Sonny?”
“Jack, I,” she still couldn’t complete the sentence. I couldn’t read her mind, but I could see it all registering. I had to let her off the hook.
“Sonny?” I once again wrapped my arms around her and gently kissed her head. “I know the reality Sonny. It’s ok.” I hugged her tightly to my chest. I didn’t want her to see the disappointment in my eyes.
“I can’t Jack.” The three words stung to the very core, but I knew they were coming. “I’m sorry.” She tried to adjust so she could lift her head to look at me. But I held her tightly and she couldn’t look at me. I did not want to see the look on her face as much as I didn’t want her to see the disappointment in mine.
“I know,” I whispered and kissed her head once again. “I know.” I continued to kiss her head and moved down to her cheek and her neck and finally to her lips. The kiss filled my lungs and it was like being hit with a warm rush of air on an extremely cold day. Every part of my body warmed to her touch. She kissed back and wrapped her arms around my neck and moved them through my hair and back down to my shoulders. I let the kiss slowly end and our lips finally parted.
Her face was flushed and her lips were swollen. She took a few steps backwards and then a few more until she was at the bathroom. Her eyes never left mine and I didn’t blink. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted her to know that I wanted her and I needed to know she wanted me. But, the words were not going to be spoken.
That night, we weren’t interrupted and she slept soundly in my arms. I hadn’t noticed before but a few of Alison’s belongings were in my room and Joed’s were missing. The door between our rooms remained shut. I heard the game on in the next room, and I knew Noor was back. But neither one disturbed us. And once I again, I felt I owed my new Middle Eastern friend a thank you.
We melded into one, fully clothed and content just to be in each other’s arms. I didn’t sleep much. The worry of the next few days haunted my every thought. I was worried about not being here and someone finding out where she was. I also worried about Eric and him winning her over once again. I didn’t want him to take her away from me. Suddenly the possessive nature I never thought I had, enveloped every sense of me. Subconsciously I knew that possessive monster had been there the moment I caught Joed talking with her in Tel Aviv. But now I was truly a green eyes monster.
As morning dawned, I knew my time with her was fading. In a few hours Joed and I would be on a plane to DC. I didn’t know what the future held, but as she nestled even closer to me, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I couldn’t have.
A
As I watched both men get ready to leave, a painful ache appeared at the base of my throat. There was a tightening in my chest I had only felt a few times before in my life and each time it was associated with Jack.
Jack and Joed left before noon. Their plane was scheduled to leave from Eugene later in the afternoon. I hugged Joed as he said goodbye to me. He had been in my life less than 48 hours but he was someone I could have as a friend for a lifetime. As Jack busied himself getting his things ready, I knew I wasn’t ready to say goodbye and I had made up my mind during the night as I had laid next to him that I wasn’t going to say good bye. I was going to say good luck and I would see him soon.
It didn’t quite go as I had planned, tears came streaming down my face as he kissed me softly on the lips. I looked up into his eyes and he looked apologetic. It was something that had to happen. Something deep inside me though, told me he wasn’t apologetic for leaving but for something else and I couldn’t put my finger on it. He did not say a word to me; he only smiled and held me closer to him. His grip was tight as he kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath in. Finally, he separated our bodies and he turned to walk out, not looking back and for that I was grateful. It was at that point it felt like all the wind had been knocked out of my lungs.
I was so attracted to him and pulled in by who he was. The question was, who was he to me? How was he going to play into my life once this was all over. I didn’t know the answer. I couldn’t tell the future and neither could he. It was one of those wait and see situations I absolutely hated.
I hadn’t heard Noor come into the room. I could feel a knot form in the middle of my stomach as I imagined all the things she could say to me. Every possible combination of rudeness swirle
d in my head. And I readied myself for the venom she would his and the venom I would strike back with.
“You gonna live?” Much to my surprise her voice was not full of the venom I had readied myself for. I looked up as she took a seat next to me.
I could only nod my head as I didn’t know how to answer her question, which seemed so ironic to me. I was sure she thought I would fall apart, but I was proud and wasn’t going to let her see me upset over a man I barely knew. She had commented enough and her antagonism was something I did not want or need.
“So what now,” I asked unsure.
“Aren’t you supposed to meet that cop of yours sometime today?”
She was right; I was supposed to meet him later in the afternoon when he got off of work. But that was still a few hours away and I was not in the mood to stay cooped up in the hotel room. “Later. Want to do something?”
I was sure she wasn’t happy about the prospect of doing something with me. Matter of fact, she was probably loathing the idea of spending any time with me but right now she was all I had and I had decided that I needed to make the best of the situation at hand. And spending anytime in the room with her alone was not something I was looking forward to.
“How about some lunch and shopping,” she said looking at me with a satisfied smile on her face. I was taken aback by her behavior and her suggestion. “Shopping?”
“Sure, no one said we had to buy anything we could just window shop.” She shrugged as she looked at me. Her eyes were friendly almost sympathetic I thought, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.
I wasn’t sure if the look on my face matched the feelings I was having. I was utterly and completely shocked by her suggestion. I think what shocked me the most was her tone. She was not condescending or rude. She was pleasant and she had a huge smile on her face.
“What,” her tone was almost humorous.
“I, I, uh?” I couldn’t complete the sentence. I didn’t want to ruin her perfectly good mood nor be on the receiving end of her rampage if one should occur.
“Well?”
I shook my head in amazement. “Sure, let’s go?” My tone was still full of surprise and that brought an even bigger grin to the red head’s face. I grabbed my purse and walked toward the door of my room.
“I am not as bitchy as you think Alison.” She simply stated as she shut the door behind us.
I still found that hard to believe but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
We spent the rest of the morning window shopping, exploring all the places Grants Pass and the surrounding areas had to offer, which wasn’t much compared to what she was used to. I had to admit I did enjoy her company. She didn’t make any snide or rude comments about Jack. Matter of fact, his name did not come up at all through the morning. And for this I was grateful. Although the pain I had felt earlier when Jack left was still there it dull, a numb feeling now.
Time seemed to pass quickly as we kept busy. It wasn’t until after noon that we decided we were hungry enough to get something to eat. Noor let me choose the place to eat and I chose the only restaurant I was guaranteed not to see Eric at. He despised Chinese food. We sat quietly in a booth in the far back of the dark restaurant. The décor was similar to many Chinese restaurants I had been to, red burgundy booths, with lanterns hanging all over the restaurant and pictures of all things Asian. It seemed busy which was promising. I watched as Noor glanced over the menu and quickly closed it.
“What are you having?” She asked with a huge grin on her face. I was still taken aback by her sudden behavior and politeness to me.
“Cashew chicken, why?”
I could see the excitement in her eyes as she looked impatiently for the waitress. “Because I want to order in Chinese.”
Again, I looked at her in total disbelief. “You speak Chinese?”
Her enthusiasm was unmistakable as she nodded once again. “I love to surprise the hell out of the wait people. Watch,” she said as the waitress came up. She quickly ordered her food. Her words were so fast and so fluid, I could only trust her in what she was ordering. I had to admit I was totally amazed. I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me considering her line of work. But it did. The waitress was even more surprised at Noor’s language skills and pleasantly asked her questions in return. Once she took our order she slowly walked away, smiling. Satisfaction filled Noor’s face.
“Impressive huh?”
I could only nod. I took a sip of the soda the waitress had brought me and looked away from the woman who sat across from me.
Noor’s face suddenly went sullen. “I am not as bitchy as I appear Alison.”
“You’ve already told me that Noor.” My eyes turned to look back at her. “You have not given me reason to think otherwise,” I paused, “until this morning.”
“I know and I’m sorry I have been that way. It’s not you.” She looked down into her drink and did not continue.
“Jack?”
Noor took a deep breath and sat back in her seat. Her eyes were dark and I suddenly wondered why she felt this way. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
Suddenly it all made sense. She was jealous. A crooked smile appeared on my face and I had to look down as I didn’t want her to see my face. Suddenly I was full of confidence. I had something she did not – Jack’s attention.
Noor did notice and she laughed, “You think I am jealous of you?”
I shrugged my shoulders and took another drink of the soda. A feeling of satisfaction crossed my face. I had been intimidated by her and afraid of her, and the whole time she was just simply jealous of the way Jack paid attention to me. “Well?”
This time it was her who shook her head in disbelief. “No, you misunderstand.” Suddenly she was serious and she leaned forward in her seat. She laid her hands on the table. “Alison, Jack is not supposed to get involved like he is. It’s dangerous for you and it’s dangerous for him. “
“Attachments aren’t good in your line of work? Yeah, I know. I am not as dumb as I appear Noor.” I knew the truth to this statement as much as both Jack and Noor did. It had crossed my mind several times over the last few weeks.
“No.” As she said those words, the waitress brought us soup. I waited patiently for her to leave before I focused back on our conversation.
I didn’t let her continue her thought and spoke first. “Then maybe it is good that I am here with Eric and Jack is gone for a few days.”
“Alison. He is not who you think he is?” I caught something in the tone of her voice that suddenly frightened me. What the hell could she mean, he was not who I thought he was.
I could feel the heat rise in my face as I looked at her. Anger pulsed through every vein. “Then who is he,” I retorted. I looked her in the eyes, I wanted answers. I wasn’t entirely convinced that she just wasn’t jealous. But then, who was I? I was someone who had made a stupid mistake and how could I think anyone like Jack would want me. Did he want me? Was all of this a game to him. I was now questioning everything and a wave of embarrassment washed away the anger.
Suddenly, Noor’s eyes were filled with regret as if she said something she shouldn’t have. “Alison?”
I put my hand up to stop her from talking any further. Suddenly my appetite was gone and I wanted to get up and run. I wanted to run away from everyone and everything, from her, from Eric and from Jack. I could feel my heart beat slow to a doldrum and the tears well in my eyes. The ache in my chest multiplied by a thousand and the pain was almost unbearable. I had barely taken a sip of my soup when the waitress brought our food. As she set it down in front of my stomach turned. Noor said something in Chinese, I could only guess it was a thank you and looked at me.
I couldn’t read her expression. I couldn’t tell if it was sadness or frustration. To me they looked the same. “Alison, his feelings for you are sincere. That man is so helplessly in love with you. I’ve never seen him like this. It’s just, I don’t think….” She hesitated before
she finished. “I just don’t think this will end good that is all. You will get hurt and Jack will become an even bigger ass than he already is.” She smiled as she finished her sentence. Her attempt at humor was for my benefit.
I smiled dryly and subconsciously moved my food around my plate.
“Look Alison, you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Embrace it. Get married, have kids. Go places because you can, not because you have to. “ Her voice was now filled with regret and longing. I wondered if these were things she secretly longed for.
I stared at her as she took several bites of food. My mind began to swirl with questions. But as I watched her I knew now was not the time to ask. I decided that eating was my only option as our conversation had come to an abrupt end. I only ate a small portion of the food that was set in front of me. Noor did the same. Finally, as the waitress took our food and brought back to go containers filled with our uneaten food, her tone changed.
“What time are you supposed to meet the man?” She smiled at me as she said this trying to win my trust back.
I glanced down at my watched and my eyes grew big in dismay. I was going to be late. “Ugh,” I cringed. If I didn’t get to the house to meet him, he was going to send out the Calvary. I rose quickly and grabbed at the bill. But I wasn’t fast enough.
“I owe you lunch,” Noor smiled and I let go. “I didn’t mean to upset you Alison. I just want you to understand you are just too good for him. He doesn’t deserve you.”
I stood there speechless as she stood up and walked toward the door. “Are you coming?”
Too good for him. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that or anything else she had told me today. The only thing I was sure of was that my desire to be with Jack and not to be with Eric had not changed. The ache dulled again as I followed Noor out the door.
23 Capital Problems
The plane ride back to DC was a quiet one. I hardly spoke as I processed everything that had happened the last few weeks and everything that I thought would happen.
The Protector Page 30