by Rachel Hanna
"Is that what you want? A cordial relationship that's easy and good? Or do you want a sizzling hot rekindling of your passionate love affair?"
"Well, when you put it that way..."
"Good. It's settled. I'll call Frank tonight and we'll get the ball rolling."
"Exactly what are we doing?"
"Frank will have it covered. You just answer the call," she said rubbing her hands together.
"You should've been a secret agent," Jenna said.
"There's still time..."
The two women parted ways while Jenna went into the house to pack and cook dinner. The next two days were filled with packing, and she didn't really see Kyle. He seemed to be busy working, and she was glad to get a little distance. Their emotional connection had always been strong, and time had done nothing to lessen that.
The most unique part of their relationship had been the one that Jenna never told anyone. When she met Kyle, she was a virgin, and when she broke up with Kyle she was still a virgin. As hard as it was for most people to believe, she'd made a decision very young to stay "pure" until marriage. Kyle, a red blooded American male by every account, had respected her in that. They came close to breaking that pact a few times, but he'd always stopped himself.
Once she asked him why he was agreeing to wait for her to be ready and he'd said, "Don't you know, Jenna? The best things in life are worth waiting for and you're the best thing in my life." She'd almost jumped on him then.
She swore that part of the hurt in his eyes when she'd left was knowing the fact that some other man would have her in his bed. That he'd waited for nothing. It made her sick to her stomach that she'd given herself to Nick, although Kaitlyn had been the one good thing that came from that.
Nick didn't wait for her. But she didn't like to talk about that.
***
Today was the day Kyle had been waiting for. Jenna and Kaitlyn were officially moving in. Thankfully, they were out on break, so Kaitlyn could make a clean transition to her new school after a week long break.
Most of their boxes had been transported to his house, and amazingly they had unpacked the majority of them. His cleaning and rehab crews were going to assess the old house tomorrow.
"Welcome home," Kyle said to Jenna and Kaitlyn as they walked into the house. The little girl hadn't seen it before, and she was mesmerized by all of the glass windows looking out over the beach.
"Can I walk outside?" she asked pressing her hands together and grinning.
"Sure. Just don't get in the water," Jenna said. She and Kyle stood on the deck and watched as Kaitlyn ran all over the beach picking up seashells.
"She's going to love it here," he said.
"Yeah. I just hope..."
"What?"
"That she isn't too devastated when we have to leave."
"Let's not think about that right now," he said knocking his shoulder into hers. "One day at a time."
"Right. One day at a time," she said nodding.
"So, what would you like for dinner?" he asked.
"Hmmm... Whatcha got?"
"Well, I was thinking some steaks on the grill, baked potatoes, salad."
"Yum. That sounds delicious after a long day of moving."
"Great. I'll go start marinating the steaks. Why don't you and Kaitlyn get settled into your rooms?"
Jenna called Kaitlyn up and took her to their rooms. As usual, Kaitlyn was thrilled with her new digs and ran downstairs to tell Kyle all about it.
"Mr. Kyle! Mr. Kyle!" she yelled as she ran downstairs. It occurred to Kyle that he'd never heard a child in his house before.
"Yes, ma'm?" he said picking her up and placing her on the counter.
"I love my room!" she squealed. Jenna came downstairs behind her and smiled at him.
"What?" he asked.
"When did you find time to paint it pink?" she asked with her hands on her hips.
"Yesterday," he admitted. "Surprise."
"It is so pretty! I can't believe how far I can see out my window. When will Snickers come by?"
"Tomorrow. Usually around seven in the morning, so you have to be ready."
"Got it! I'll go set my alarm," she said as she jumped down and ran back upstairs.
"Wow, she's mighty excited," he said laughing as he went back to preparing the baked potatoes.
"Can I help with something?"
"Well, if I remember correctly, you make a mean pitcher of sweet tea, don't you?"
"You remember well," she said.
"Hard to forget."
The words slipped out before he could stop them, and he knew he had to stop doing that. He couldn't lead her to believe they had a future when they didn't.
"Is that your phone ringing?" he asked a moment later as she was pulling tea bags out of the box.
"I think it is," she said as she scurried to her purse and dug her phone from the bottom. "Hello? Oh, hi, Frank! So nice to hear from you again! Lunch tomorrow? Sure, it's a date. How about noon? Great, I'll be ready."
"Big plans tomorrow?"
"First date," she mumbled as she tried not to make eye contact. Rebecca's idea was in full swing, but she was having a hard time keeping a straight face.
"Ah, I see. Good luck," he said all the while feeling like a dagger was jabbing through his skull. "And Kaitlyn?"
"Oh, I can take her to stay with Rebecca in the morning."
"Nah. No need. I'll be glad to keep her. I was planning to take her kite flying on the beach tomorrow anyway."
"Great. I just don't want you to ever feel like I'm using you as a babysitter or anything..."
"I can't always keep her, of course, but when I can I don't mind. She's a great kid."
"That she is," Jenna said as she poured hot water from the microwave over the tea bags. "So, do you date much these days?"
The tension floating through the air could have been cut with one of his dullest kitchen knives.
"Not lately, but I have dated in the past, of course."
"Of course. Anyone special?" she asked nonchalantly.
"Do we really want to go there, Jenna?"
"I'd just like to know you were okay, Kyle."
"What does that mean?"
"That you were okay without me."
"I was never okay without you," he said without thinking as he rolled the potatoes in aluminum foil. "I mean..."
"What?" she asked as she slid closer to him and turned to look at his face.
"I don't know what I mean. Can we just stop talking about all of this? It's in the past, for God's sake!" he said slamming the roll of foil on the counter and storming out onto the deck. Running his fingers through his dark hair, he wondered how a woman could be so incredibly tempting and aggravating at the same time.
"Kyle..." she said softly as she followed him outside.
"Please, just give me a moment okay?" he said without turning around.
"Okay. I'll just finish up the tea."
"No, wait." Why couldn't he make up his mind? He turned around, and Jenna stood there waiting for an answer. "This is hard."
"I know it is."
"I don't know how to act around you. One part of me wants to swoop you into my arms and kiss you like you've never been kissed before. The other part of me wants to pick you up and throw you into that ocean over there for leaving me."
"Which part will win?" she asked smiling slightly.
"Neither. The part in the middle, the tiny logical part of my mind, is saying to be your friend. That's what I'm trying desperately to do."
"And do you think we can do that? I mean really?" she asked quietly as she walked toward him.
"I don't know..." he started to say before Kaitlyn came running outside.
"I think I see a sailboat!" she yelled as she ran toward the water.
"Moment broken," he said with a nervous laugh. "Better get back to those potatoes."
As he walked inside, leaving Jenna to tend to Kaitlyn, he wished he could take a cold shower.
***
The moment was over, and Kaitlyn monopolized the next few hours as children normally did. They ate dinner, laughed at her silly jokes and had ice cream on the beach. By nine o'clock, Kaitlyn was fast asleep on the sofa.
"She's all tuckered out, huh?" Kyle said as he walked into the living room where Jenna was pinned under Kaitlyn's legs.
"Yes. She played hard today for sure."
"Let me carry her up."
"You don't have to do that..." she said but Kyle had already scooped her up like a baby and started toward the stairs. Watching him walk her up to her room and tuck her into bed like he was her father almost brought Jenna to tears. How she had longed for a family with Kyle, and now he was tucking in another man's child. She should have been his.
They tiptoed out of the room and back downstairs.
"Care for some wine?" he asked. She was starting to feel like she was on an extended date.
"Sure. But you know you don't have to entertain me every night while I'm here. I don't want to interfere with whatever you'd normally be doing."
"Hmmm... Interfering with my nightly television watching and scratching myself?"
Jenna started laughing and almost dropped the glass of wine he'd handed her. "I forgot how funny you are, Kyle Parker."
"Let's sit outside. It's a beautiful night," he said as they walked onto the deck. Jenna took a seat in one of the lounge chairs as Kyle scooted his next to hers. They both stared out at the waves crashing to shore in the distance.
"Kyle, I need to say something. Get something off my chest."
"Uh oh. That doesn't sound good."
"It's been bothering me for years..."
"Okay, out with it."
"You know how I was when we dated..."
"How you were?"
"A virgin," she whispered as if someone was eavesdropping on their conversation.
"Yes, I vaguely remember that," he said with a sly grin.
"I need to apologize about that. You waited for me for five long years, and then I ran off with a guy who had no intentions of waiting. I feel like I gave something away that wasn't mine to give."
"What? Of course it was yours to give, Jenna. I wasn't entitled to your virginity," he said looking at her.
"I think you deserved it, though. Nick didn't."
"Did you sleep with him before you got married?"
"Yes. About two weeks after I met him, actually."
"What?" Kyle asked with a hint of anger in his voice.
"It's not what you think, Kyle. I didn't want to."
"He forced you?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes. We were at a party at college, alcohol was involved. He knew I was waiting, and that I had waited the whole time I dated you. He only waited until I was too drunk to say no and then he took his chance."
"Oh, my God..." Kyle stood up and gripped the deck railing. She could tell he was ready to snap it in half.
"It's okay..."
"No, it's not okay! No one was supposed to treat you that way. You were like a prize to me, Jenna. A breakable, beautiful vase that was worth sitting on the shelf and staring at. You were worth the wait, and I would have waited an eternity for you if that was what it took. If that idiot was here right now..."
"Kyle, I still married him. I forgave him at the time, but looking back on it makes me sick every time I think about it. I felt guilty for making you wait..."
"You didn't make me wait, Jenna. I chose to wait."
"The point I'm getting at is that the reason I asked you earlier tonight if you had been okay after we broke up is that I've often wondered if another woman..."
"Fulfilled my needs you mean?"
"Well, in a manner of speaking, yes."
"What do you hope the answer is, Jenna?"
"I'm not sure. On the one hand, I kind of wish that you never wanted another woman and pined for me, but I know that's not realistic. On the other hand, I've prayed all these years that you would be happy. And I know a person, a man especially, needs that physical part of a relationship. I guess I was just asking whether you've been fulfilled all these years because I would ever want you to be lonely..." she trailed off. Kyle smiled at her.
"I don't think you really want to know the answer to this question, Jenna. You're treading on dangerous waters here."
"I definitely don't want details," she said shaking her head. "I just want to know you've been okay."
"I've been okay."
"Good."
"Just okay, though. And that will never be good enough."
"What do you mean?"
"Like I told you before, there was no one before you and there hasn't been anyone after you. No one could ever measure up to the Jenna standard," he said waving his hand in front of her.
"Then why won't you consider..."
"Getting back together? No way. Can't do it. As much as all of my male testosterone might want that, I just can't put myself through it all again," he said standing up and leaning against the railing facing the ocean. She stood to meet him.
"How long are you going to do this?" she asked softly.
"Do what?"
"Put this wall up?"
"I have to."
"No, you don't," she said touching his arm. "It's me."
"That's why the wall is up, because it's you."
"I know, but give me a chance, Kyle."
He turned and looked at her with a heat in his eyes that couldn't be tamed. It sent shivers up her spine, but before she could think much more, his mouth was covering hers. The warmth of his full lips brought back memories of a time long ago when she felt enveloped in his love every moment of every day. It was real, it was young and it was a lasting love that many people never get to feel.
As his tongue parted her lips and explored her mouth, her legs almost gave way. She'd kissed him hundreds of times, but this was like the first time on that rock just a few feet away. She pulled his mouth closer to hers, interlacing her fingers behind his head. Suddenly, he pulled back and stepped a few feet away trying to catch his breath.
"What's wrong?" she said taking a step closer. He held up his hand.
"I said I couldn't do that," he said looking up at the sky.
"But you did. Didn't you enjoy it?"
"More than you will ever understand, but it can't happen again. I'll never get that image out of my mind of you leaving me for another man, Jenna. I know it was a long time ago, but to me it was yesterday. When I used to look into your eyes, I saw this never-ending love but now I see someone who abandoned me and didn't want me as much as she thought she did."
"That's not true!" she argued. Again, he held up his hand.
"It's okay, Jenna. I'm not trying to start an argument or make you feel bad. I just want you to understand. That was a momentary mistake on my part, and it won't happen again." With that, he picked up the empty wine glasses and walked back into the kitchen.
She walked in behind him and finally spoke before going upstairs to bed. "Kyle, I need to correct one thing," she said softly. "I've always wanted you, and I always will. I think if you really studied these eyes of mine, you might just see that."
Chapter 10
Jenna opened the door to her bedroom and closed it quietly behind her. That moment with Kyle had told her one thing for sure - he still loved her and she still loved him. That was all she needed to know.
Locking her door, she ran across the room and grabbed her cell phone. She quickly dialed Rebecca's number only to realize how late it was.
"Hello?" she said groggily.
"Oh, crap, sorry it's so late," Jenna said.
"Who is this?"
"Jenna, silly. Listen, I need some help."
"What's wrong?" Rebecca said suddenly very alert and worried.
"I'm okay, it's nothing like that." Jenna recapped the evening's events f
or Rebecca, feeling like she was back in high school gushing about a crush.