by Sumida, Amy
“If that’s what you think, then you weren’t listening,” I shook my head. We'd gone through this all already. I apologized, he tried to kill me, and I let him. What else did he want? “I told you why I needed to see inside you. I believed you but I knew the Squad wouldn’t. I needed proof or they would have just accused me of being too soft where you’re concerned.”
“Are you?” His eyes traveled over my face.
“Am I what?”
“Too soft where I’m concerned?”
“Don’t,” I covered my face with my hands, to block him out for a second. “Don’t do this here… now. The way I feel about you is a little irrelevant at the moment.” I held the ring up and it caught the light with merry determination, like a little evil star foretelling doom.
“I could have you from this place in a second,” he whispered.
“It wouldn’t matter,” I stared back to the sea. “I’ve been scarred by Death’s blade. The cold would spread again and he would simply call me back. Then it would be even worse. At least this way I’ve been able to assure that Trevor will live.”
“I’m so sorry, little witch,” he looked down at his feet.
“If you can forgive me, I can forgive you, Blue,” I patted his shoulder and he met my eyes again. “I've mourned the loss of your friendship and the one bright spot in this evening will be the return of it. Thank you for that. Now go enjoy the party. There’s no sense in you moping out here with me.”
“Misery doesn’t like to be alone,” he said solemnly.
“Misery loves company, is the phrase,” I smiled, “but close enough. This misery actually wants to be alone for a little while. I can’t stand for you to see me like this, please just go back inside. I’ll be back in when I’ve composed myself better.”
“Of course,” he stood and gave me a half bow. Blue was always such a gentleman.
I wasn’t meant to be alone though. As Blue headed in, Ma’at came out.
“Wine?” Ma’at held out a champagne flute filled with red liquid. “I thought you might find champagne offensive.”
“You thought right,” I took the glass and drunk down half of it. It wasn’t as sweet as Duat wine but it was good enough to numb the pain.
“He’s here,” she said softly and those two words brought me straight to my feet.
“Trevor?”
“Yes,” Ma’at gestured inside and I suddenly noticed that the laughter had stopped.
The guests were gathered in a circle around something… someone. I rushed in and pushed them aside, shoving a few into each other in my haste. Trevor sat on the floor, glaring up at the gods but unable to fight in his weakened and bound state. I dropped down beside him and his face went slack with relief.
“Minn Elska,” he started to cry. “I thought I’d never…”
“I know, Honey-Eyes,” I kissed him, pulled him tight to me, uncaring that I had an avid audience. “I love you so much,” I whispered as I felt the wolf in me reaching out to him as well.
“I love you too,” he pulled at the ropes holding him. “What's happened? Tell me how to get you...”
“Shhh,” I stroked his face. “We don’t have much time.”
“What the hell is going on?” He spared a quick glance for the others.
“Anubis took me to Duat,” I looked up but Anubis wasn’t there. Re was though, and he looked over his shoulder quickly before giving me a grim nod. “I agreed to make oath to him if he let me see you once a month, so you’ll live.”
“What are you talking about?” Trevor’s eyes started to glow. “Are you saying you’re going to marry him?”
“I’m saying I don’t have a choice.”
“No,” he growled, “no. If you marry him, I’m dead anyway. Just stick a blade through me now, Vervain.”
“Trevor,” I cried, my misery and desperation pouring out of my eyes. “Please don’t. The only thing keeping me going is the thought of you alive. I can’t bear it, if this is for nothing.”
“Minn Elska,” he moaned.
“Where there’s life, there’s hope,” I whispered in his ear. “Live for me, baby. Give me the hope that I’ll be with you again.”
“Vervain, I love you.”
“I should have married you,” the tears were scalding my cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“Enough,” Anubis was suddenly there, pulling him away from me and handing him to a couple of werejackals. They started to drag him away, Trevor fighting back as much as he could. It was comforting to see him regaining his strength already but when the jackals started to manhandle him in response, fear gripped me once more.
“Don’t you dare hurt him!” I screamed. “Re! Please, help him!”
Re gave me another quick nod and ran after the departing pack of jackals and my mate. I saw a burst of light and then heard a high-pitched scream. I sagged in relief, thanking Re silently in my head. Till the day I died, I would never forget his kindness.
“He lives,” Anubis pulled me to my feet. “Re will see him home, I'm sure. It seems he'll do anything to appear the hero in your eyes,” he grimaced.
“Vervain!” Trevor roared from the courtyard. “Anubis, you bastard dog of Hell! Let her go, she’ll never love you, all you’ll have is a shell! Vervain, I love you! I love you and I’ll find you! I’ll get you back!”
“Trevor!” I screamed and ran after him but Anubis caught me up and filled me with his heat, turning my limbs to water and forcing me to collapse against him. I cried into his chest as he picked me up and carried me into the master bedroom. The door shut behind us with an quiet click.
In the other room, the party picked up again as if nothing horrifying had just happened, as if my life hadn’t been destroyed. My tears ran out and I was left empty. I flopped on the bed Anubis placed me on, staring at the ceiling in a daze. There just comes a point where your body can't process anymore grief. It kind of shuts itself off and goes numb. I had just flipped my off switch.
“Miw-sher,” Anubis’ face came into view. I wanted to claw at it, tear him to shreds like my heart had been. “It will get easier. When you love me, you’ll forget him.”
I didn’t say anything. I’d bargained for Trevor’s life and I’d do what I had to do to keep him alive but I was done playing games with Anubis. It would be exactly as my mate predicted. Anubis would have a shell. I vowed it in my heart, nothing more than this empty husk. No more fighting, no more games, no more twisted romance. He'd have only what he could take from me.
“Miw-sher?” He pulled me against him, cradling my body like a child. “Please speak to me.”
“What shall I say?” My voice was as empty as I felt.
“Tell me what I can do, what I can give you to make you smile at me.” He stroked the hair from my face.
“The head of John the Baptist,” I made a bitter sound that was supposed to be a laugh.
“I’ve hurt you,” he swallowed hard and began to rock me. “I can’t seem to do anything but. I’ve chained you and humiliated you, I’ve torn you away from those you love and the life you’ve made. I know all of this and none of my reasons, my loneliness, my deep need of you, excuse what I’ve done. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry for every minute I’ve made you suffer but I’m not sorry for keeping you. I won’t apologize for fighting with everything I have to hold onto you.”
I finally looked up at him. He was pouring all his emotions into me, opening his mind and soul up for my scrutiny, and I found myself floundering through his darkness. I shook under the weight of his despair, I’d only glimpsed the surface before. His life was centuries upon centuries of longing, waiting, and wanting something to fill it, fill him with purpose and the will to go on.
I closed my eyes tight. I didn’t want to feel anything for him but hatred. I didn’t want to sympathize with him or sense the attraction between us flaring again. I didn’t want to see his side of it… but I did.
“Wanting where its spite to try, Has made me live to let me
die,” I whispered.
He tried to kiss me then but I turned my head away and I heard him make a low sound of despair. Understanding him, pitying him, did not change what he'd done to me and Trevor. I couldn't fully hate Anubis but I couldn't love him either.
“I can’t do this now,” I said to his stricken face. “Please Anubis, just leave me alone for a little while.”
He rested his forehead on mine and sighed. “Alright, Miw-sher, but please make an appearance tonight. I want the others to see my strong Godhunter. Don’t let that scene be the last thing they remember.”
“Anubis,” I pulled out of his arms and glared at him. The spark of anger driving some of my numbness away. “I couldn't care less what your friends think of me.”
“Of course,” he nodded as he got to his feet. “That was selfish of me. Take all the time you need.” He walked out quickly, as if afraid to say something even more stupid.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Another day, another present. I stared at the long velvet box on the foot of the bed. Everyday since the engagement party, I’d found presents lying in wait for me. Sometimes they would be waiting on my plate at breakfast, sometimes on the table in the library, sometimes in the bedroom.
I picked it up, casting a glance at the intricately carved, stone jewelry box that sat on a table beside the bed. It had been his first gift, with a note which read that he intended to fill it to overflowing. It was going to take a lot to fill the four wide drawers and deep trench on its top but Anubis already had a pretty good start.
Inside it was a collection of jewelry I’d never dreamed of owning. Each piece was a work of art, a one of a kind, and most had magical symbols hidden in them. They weren’t just expensive, they were thoughtful and priceless. If they'd been from Trevor, I'd have delighted in each and every one. From Anubis, they just annoyed me.
I opened the latest box and inside was a gorgeous opal necklace. The opals had the blue cast I loved, gleaming and shimmering in their depths. There must have been twenty of them, all the size of my thumbnail, set in gold filigree with the three phases of the moon displayed at the center. It was breathtaking. I picked up the parchment that was resting beside it.
Sitting on the bed, I casually closed the box and tossed it on the jewelry case, opening the note to scan. It was a poem. I lifted a brow, vaguely amused. The God of Death wrote me poetry.
The Lady Lion is fierce and fair,
I’ve seen forever in her stare,
And so I stalked her by moonlight.
But though I caught her in my snare,
And chained her to my side, beware,
For the Lady, she still doth bite.
There is solace in her silky hair,
But I should’ve known to have a care,
For now what’s mine, is hers by right.
I’d thought to hold a prize so rare,
But as payment for what I dared,
She locked my heart and soul up tight.
I fell back into the bed, holding the poem to me. None of my lovers had ever given me poetry. The only poem I'd ever received was from Finn and honestly, it was pretty horrid. This wasn't so bad. It was much harder to find annoying than the jewelry.
If only he hadn't made a crucial mistake. He’d referenced my lioness. My cat was lost to me in Duat. I’d never lead my men, they’d most likely go wild without me, and there was a chance I’d never shift into my lion form again. I’d never run on four legs into battle or hunt my prey. What had originally seemed to be a romantic poem was taking on darker connotations.
“Did you like the poem?” Anubis stood in the doorway, looking at me warily.
“Why bother? I’m already yours,” I sat up and tossed the poem on the bed. “You don’t have to woo me.”
“Is this your revenge then?” He came into the room and sat on the foot of the bed. “I treated you horribly and now you treat me the same.”
“I agreed to stay here, to bind myself to you,” I edged away from him but he caught my hand and pulled me into his lap. I stiffened but my blood sped through my veins in an uncontrollable reaction to his nearness. “I never said I’d be kind to you.”
“I can make you wet and writhing but I can’t make you look at me like you look at him,” his arms tightened around me. “You started to give in to me before, what changed? Why do you fight me now?”
“What changed?” Was he really that obtuse? “You forced me to be with you in order to save the life of the man I love. I started to feel something for you, I don’t deny it. You could look into my head and see it if you wanted to. I understand your pain, your loneliness, and I was attracted to your honor but what you’ve done to me has no honor in it and I can’t respect that. I can’t respect you.”
“You’re right,” he fingered the thick curls of hair at my back. “I have no honor when it comes to you. You’ve brought me that low. I can’t think past my desire, how you feel pressed up against me, what it's like to be inside you. I can’t think past your eyes, the defiance in them, the courage you always show no matter how afraid you are. Or the way you give compassion to everyone, including your enemies… including me. I’ve made you mine but it’s a two edged sword. You’re in my arms but you ache for another. I’m more happy than I’ve ever been but seeing you like this tears at me. I don’t know what to do to make you love me. How do I make you love me?”
“You can’t,” I sighed. “Love just happens. Even my love magic can only work if there’s the seed of love there. If a heart is barren, nothing can make it bear fruit. There was once a young shoot rising up in my heart for you but you plucked it too soon and tore the roots up with it. Now there’s nothing left.”
“Don’t say that,” his eyes flashed with colors and I felt his heat flare up in my body, forcing my limbs to move around him. “I’ll make you feel that way again.”
His hands pulled at the hem of my dress, sliding it up my thighs, then over my head. I straddled his lap, immobile but strangely calm. I couldn’t fight him, so it didn’t matter. What he did to me was his shame, not mine. I’d survived worse than a little rough sex.
My clothes were in a pile on the floor, joined in moments by his. I stared at the twining fabric and tried to keep my mind off the feelings his hands were stirring. They flowed over me with practiced skill and even though they brought me to passion, I knew I was just an instrument to him, to be played perfectly, to be made to sing.
When he applied his mouth to the task, I crested and my body sang for him but my heart was cold and silent. The desire was meaningless, the pleasure his tongue brought was cold, slipping away quickly. He didn’t seem to notice. He smiled up at me like he’d won and I rolled my eyes. We went through this every night. I wondered how long it’d be before he tired of it.
The thick mattress was beneath me then and I had no idea how I’d got there, I was so distracted with my thoughts. His beautiful face was over me, glassy hair with gold beads clicking, and rainbow eyes highlighting his strong features. Before he could lower his face to mine, I spoke.
“Will you chain me?”
“What?” He stopped, his lips an inch away from mine.
“I want you to chain me,” my toneless voice fell like a bird shot from the sky, once so alive but then suddenly dead, falling, moving, but without life.
“Why would you want that?” His gaze became a little frantic, the colors faltering.
“It just feels right.”
“It feels right?” He drew back and stared hard at me. “You want me to abuse you? Do you think it will make it easier then, easier to hate me?”
I just looked away.
“I’m not going to chain you,” his lips were on the pulse at my neck, tongue licking over its sluggish beat. “I’m going to make love to you until you scream my name, until his is wiped away completely.”
“The iron chain and the silken cord are both equal bonds,” I whispered as he lowered himself to me.
Tingles spread over my skin wherever he to
uched me. I felt his heat swirling within me, demanding my desire, rushing between my legs like a thousand little kisses. My legs began to shake and he raised them to his shoulders, looking down on me in triumph, as he thrust into me and pounded out his frustration.
My body bucked, half curved in on itself from the force of his hips, only my head and shoulders left on the bed. His hands worked at my breasts, pinching and kneading till I was filled only with pleasure. That sweet pressure built again until it was all I knew, all I wanted. Anubis was right, he could make love to me till I went blank of all but desire, and that was fine. I’d take the reprieve. I’d take the pleasure offered because it was only temporary. When the last moans drifted away, my blood would slow and he’d leave me cold again.
I crested, screaming out his name.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Diamonds, I was dripping with diamonds. They were a girl’s best friend, right? I should be grateful I had so many of them. They were pinned throughout my long curls and cascaded down my neck in increasingly larger teardrops till the one at the bottom hung heavy over my chest, dangling, like some mythical beast had cried all over me.
My cleavage was completely covered by the gems, and my rapid breath was making them dance and sparkle. My cream silk gown was cut in a deep V, with long sleeves, a clinging waist, and flowing skirts. On my wrists were more diamonds, rows of bracelets and of course there was my big diamond ring. On my feet were diamond shoes, no really, diamond shoes. They were silk pumps encrusted completely with the gems. I literally looked like a million bucks and I felt as cold as all that ice seemed.
It was my wedding day.
“Whoa,” Ma’at came into the dressing room, clad in simple blue silk and looking ten times as beautiful as I did in all my jewels.
“It weighs a ton,” I poked at the necklace. “Look at me, all dressed up to marry the God of the Dead. I’m the freakin’ Corpse Bride. I should dye my hair blue.”