by Horn, Marc
‘If I decide to take this on,’ Andre said, ‘then I accept that condition.’
‘Why wouldn’t you take it on? Are you getting scared of Zen?’
‘No, I’m getting tired of your childish attitude. If you grow up and act like an adult then I might think about it.’
She stared into Andre’s grey eyes. ‘What have you done?’
‘I’m forty years old and single. I saw combat in the Falklands and the Gulf. I’ve been a police officer for ten years – joined in ’91.’
‘How many people have you killed?’
‘Including war?’
‘No, I heard the Argentineans were poor soldiers.’
‘I agree, but they outnumbered us by three to one. To answer your question, three.’
‘Are you fit? I can see you’re strong, but Zen’s in shape.’
‘I told you I’m experienced, which means I know what shape I need to be in. I told you I’m motivated to do it. You’ve asked enough questions. I need to know answers.’
‘All right,’ she nodded and looked at John-Paul. ‘I need privacy,’ she told him.
‘I know,’ he responded. He left the room, closing the door behind him.
26
Jenny and Tash browsed the wine aisle in Tesco. It was Friday night and they were purchasing the alcohol as Ben wouldn’t be home from work till seven.
‘What d’you drink?’ Tash asked.
‘I know nothing about wine. White’s served chilled and red isn’t; that’s it.’
‘Ah, no bother.’ Jenny noticed a couple of guys check her out and then Tash. She was used to being stared at, but Tash was getting more attention, probably because of the knee-high boots, fishnets and clingfilm-tight top. Tash caught the eye of one of them and blew a kiss. The bloke smiled back awkwardly and walked away. Jenny was incredulous.
‘Tash, you’re with Geoff!’
‘We have an open relationship.’ She winked at Jenny. ‘He shags other girls.’
‘And you’re happy with that?’
Tash grinned. ‘There’s no such thing as a faithful bloke. I realised that a long time ago. Rather be with him than without. He’s hot in bed.’
Jenny felt a little bit disoriented. Tash held a bottle of Chardonnay in front of her. ‘Think this’ll do?’
‘Erm, yes, I suppose so.’ Surely Ben wouldn’t cheat? ‘I hope Ben won’t do that.’ Her voice was weak.
Tash laughed. ‘Jenny, love, he’s a bloke. You’re gorgeous, but blokes are like kids – they like new toys.’
Jenny stood rigid. ‘I think you’re wrong, Tash.’
Tash looked at her and noticed how upset she looked. She rubbed Jenny’s arm and saw her eyes well up. ‘Ah, I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m a doormat. Ben seems serious about you, so it should be fine.’
‘Has he cheated on me?’
Tash laughed. ‘No, no, no, of course not. Don’t be so worried. Believe me, worry is a waste of time.’
Jenny nodded. ‘He wouldn’t do that to me.’
‘I think you’re right.’ Tash smiled warmly. ‘Let’s load up.’
With Jenny in the passenger seat and Tash in the back, Geoff drove his BMW towards Ben’s. He felt demoralised that this stunning piece of arse next to him was no longer his. He had to make do with the slut in the back. Jenny evidenced Ben’s rise, and his mate’s smug expression imprinted itself on Geoff’s mind.
Though they were mates, they disagreed about everything. Their rivalry was never spoken, but always independently acknowledged. It was obvious Ben felt the same way; whenever Geoff bettered himself in some way, Ben would strive to supersede that standard. Geoff did the same thing when Ben was ahead.
You could excel in almost everything – wealth, looks, humour, popularity – but the guy who gets the girl wins.
Ben was that guy.
He stopped at red lights and glanced at her. ‘Ben’s a nice bloke. You two are well suited.’
‘Thanks, Geoff,’ she said bluntly.
‘Look, you know it’s hard for me. I didn’t want to break up-’
Tash stuck her head between the front seats. ‘Hello? I am here, you know, Geoff. Your missus…’
‘Yeah, cheers, darling.’ Geoff focused on Jenny again. ‘I’m just saying I’m not bitter, I’m happy for you.’
Jenny smiled.
‘Fucking hell,’ Tash said, slumping back into her seat. ‘See what I mean? No sensitivity.’
Geoff studied her in the rear-view mirror. ‘Been flashing those tits about in Tesco, sweetheart?’
Tash tutted and turned her head so she could look out the window. ‘Arsehole.’
He waited a couple of seconds and then pinched Jenny’s shoulder. ‘Maybe you can help him lose his bitterness.’
‘What’s Ben bitter about?’
‘He hasn’t told you?’ Geoff’s features creased in confusion. ‘Well I’m sure he will. It’s not my place to say.’
She stared at him. ‘I got the impression that his mum and dad were pretty bad to him, but he doesn’t like to talk about it. Why won’t he tell me?’
‘He will,’ Geoff assured her. ‘Just give him time.’ The light changed to green and he pulled away.
While Jenny and Tash were waiting for Ben in his living room, Geoff walked past them, took off his shirt, draped it over the back of a chair and then moved to the patio door. Turning towards them, he said, ‘It’s so hot in here, isn’t it?’ and without waiting for an answer, unlocked the door and stepped outside.
Tash exhaled heavily. ‘Every time I see his body, I just wanna jump on him.’
His back facing them, Geoff stretched his muscles. He had a fantastic physique, Jenny acknowledged - the ‘v’ shape that every bloke craved was clearly visible. Suddenly he spun around and caught her staring at him. Too obvious to look away, she just smiled. He returned the gesture and then continued stretching. With some awkwardness she looked away.
The front door opened and moments later Ben smiled at her and Tash. He bent towards Jenny and kissed her, then noticed Geoff, and went to join him in the garden. After a brief discussion between them - which Jenny could not hear, but could see a few hand gestures she suspected were irate - Geoff stormed indoors, grabbed his shirt, headed for the bathroom and then slammed the door close behind him.
Ben sat down beside Jenny. ‘Sorry about that,’ he whispered.
‘Is he in a temper or something?’
‘No, I mean him taking his shirt off in front of you.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘It won’t happen again.’
‘It’s not a big deal, Ben.’
‘It’s disrespectful. He should have known that.’
Tash was staring at Ben in disbelief. ‘Jenny, love, he’s way into you. Like seriously.’
‘So did you get the wine?’ he asked, ignoring the comment.
‘Yes, six bottles.’
‘Well, I’ve got Chinese for us,’ Ben said, ‘so let’s crack them open.’
‘Leave that to me!’ Geoff, fully clothed and bubbly again made his way to the fridge. He took a bottle from the shelf, grabbed a corkscrew from the worktop, and as he twisted the cork free, Ben wrapped his arm around Jenny.
‘How was work at the school?’ he asked.
‘It’s so fulfilling. The kids are great and seem to love me.’
‘Why wouldn’t they?’
Geoff shook his head. Ben was such a twat! He carried the bottle and glasses to the coffee table in front of them all, and then placed them down. Crouching, he filled their glasses and then backtracked onto the single-seat sofa behind him. ‘There you go,’ he beamed, wanting to break the intimacy between Ben and Jenny. ‘Let’s have a glass before we eat.’
Ben sipped the wine. He was proud of his first home. It was small, terraced, with two bedrooms and a back garden large enough to sit down and drink with friends. He’d bought it off a young married couple and their taste was much the
same as his. He’d felt no desire to strip any of the wallpaper or replace the carpets, and once he’d added his own furniture everything looked cool.
‘How’s the security business, Geoff?’ Jenny asked.
Ben laughed. ‘Yeah, how’s it going, Geoff the businessman? I find it amusing that we both earn so much money. I mean we’re just a pair of pissheads!’
‘Well, we’re in the real world now, Ben.’
Ben’s smile faded. He suspected Geoff was acting formal to impress Jenny, which annoyed him. ‘Yeah, I know we’re in the real world,’ he said. ‘I’ve always known that, but you can still have a laugh.’
Geoff finished his drink and poured himself another. ‘Anyone else?’ he asked. ‘Jenny, d’you want another one?’
‘No, I can’t drink as fast as you three.’
Ben and Tash held their glasses steady while Geoff refilled them.
‘It’s doing well now,’ Geoff told Jenny. ‘I’m on forty thousand already.’
‘That’s a lot of money,’ Tash said.
‘It’s more than I earn,’ Ben admitted.
Geoff looked up, satisfied with his friend’s admission. ‘I thought you earned the same, Ben. What are you on?’
Ben fidgeted. His salary didn’t embarrass him, but it was something he hadn’t discussed with Jenny and it was quite a confidential thing to disclose. Now she was going to find out more about him courtesy of Geoff. He wanted to share everything with her. He worried she might feel hurt that he was so secretive about his family, but he would tell her soon. They were close to a bond where he’d feel comfortable unfolding that information. Comfortable, because he wouldn’t fear that it’d frighten her off. He couldn’t lose her - she was perfect. For now, he wanted to tell her everything about himself bar his parents, but instead Geoff was teaching her new things. He felt guilty.
‘I earn thirty thousand,’ he said.
‘Is that all?’ Geoff looked surprised. ‘I thought you were on much more.’
Jenny excused herself to use the toilet. Once Ben heard her lock the door, he walked over to Geoff and whispered in his ear, ‘What’s your fucking problem, Geoff?’
‘What’re you talking about?’
‘Look at me and my big fucking salary!’ Ben sneered. ‘I couldn’t give a shit that you earn more than me. All I care about is how we must seem like two kids to Jenny, arguing about who’s better and it’s embarrassing. We’re supposed to be mates.’
Tash slapped Ben’s thigh. ‘You seem a little bit obsessed to me.’
‘You’re the one who’s changed,’ hissed Geoff. ‘We used to have a laugh, but now you’re totally paranoid about Jenny. Everything that’s said is somehow offensive or disrespectful to her. That’s what’s embarrassing - how desperate you appear.’
Tash refilled her glass. Ben looked at his feet, realising then that he’d become so wrapped up in Jenny that he’d shut out his friend. Geoff was a good mate and it had initially puzzled him how they’d managed to drift apart. He knew it had something to do with Jenny, and concluded that it was jealousy.
Geoff was a friend he didn’t want to lose. It was natural to be obsessed with Jenny, but that obsession should not absorb him so that everyone else important to him became irrelevant. Ben prided himself on being a good, loyal friend and if he lost that quality, he’d lose a part of himself. He was not a desperate person.
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘I’ve never been in love before, and I’ve let myself become sheltered. Sorry, mate.’ He held out his hand.
Geoff shook it. ‘It’s okay.’
Tash rolled her eyes. ‘You guys need tissues? Or you gonna swallow?’ She giggled to herself.
Ben heard the toilet flush and returned to his seat. Moments later Jenny sat down beside him.
‘I’ll dish up the Chinese,’ Geoff said, but as he pushed himself up from his chair, Jenny told him to sit back down as she had something she wanted to tell them all. They looked at her attentively.
‘I’ve got an uncle who lives in America,’ she said. ‘He’s going on holiday to Australia in three months, in June, and I’ve been invited to use his place to stay.’ She looked at them expectantly. ‘Every year I take girlfriends there for a holiday. Well this year things will change.’ She smiled at Ben and held his hand. ‘My girlfriends are going to have to miss out, because I want you three to come with me.’
They stared at her in disbelief.
‘America! That’s fucking awesome!’ Geoff exclaimed and then slapped his hand onto his mouth.
Ben felt warm inside that Jenny had chosen him over her girlfriends, but disappointed that she’d invited Geoff and Tash too, as the prospect of a holiday for just the two of them would have been a dream come true. Then he remembered what his friendship with Geoff stood for and pushed aside his childish attitude.
‘Jenny, that’s a top idea,’ he said. ‘Thanks for inviting us.’ He kissed her on the cheek.
‘Colorado’s a beautiful state. It’ll be a nice break for us.’
Tash was fidgeting. ‘I’m gonna get a whole new wardrobe for this.’
‘What can we do there? White-water rafting?’ asked Geoff.
‘There’s an amazing route there, along the Arkansas River.’
‘Oh yes!’ Ben laughed and Geoff joined in.
‘We can go horse riding in the mountains, and beer’s half the price you pay here,’ Jenny added.
‘That sounds superb,’ Geoff said. ‘Thank you, Jenny.’
‘We’ll have a right good laugh,’ Ben said.
27
Ryan knocked on the door, holding the roses in front of him. He believed he’d approached unseen, which was important for two reasons. First, who knew what might happen between them? And second, he’d be ridiculed as the bloke who’d bought the minging pig flowers.
Stacey opened the door. Standing on the worn, green carpet she said nothing, just stared at him. Ryan studied her proud but fake expression, intended to portray her comfort in being her natural self – there was no make-up, her skin was flushed, her eyes dry and cold, and her hair brittle and frizzy. Black leggings hugged her thighs and calves, and a white T-shirt struggled to follow the contours of her body. He thought he’d pictured Stacey at her worst. Now he knew he was mistaken - she was even more hideous than that. This time though, it would be harder to overcome his disgust with humour, because he didn’t have a mask to hide behind.
He smiled. ‘These are for you.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, trying to conceal her excitement as she took hold of the flowers. ‘Come in, Col.’
He stepped inside and she closed the door.
‘Call me Ryan. It’s my real name.’
‘Pardon?’
‘Call me Ryan.’
‘Why did you refer to yourself as Col?’ she asked, looking puzzled. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t understand.’
This incited further resentment inside him. He knew Fay had told her, and pretending otherwise was irritating. Stupid bitch.
‘Can I sit down first?’ he asked.
‘Of course.’ She held out her arm, inviting him into the living room. He walked through the doorway and sat on a brand-new, three-seat sofa, which he guessed was the most expensive item in the house. The other sofa didn’t match, fags had singed the carpet, and the walls were unpapered and dirty. A few cheap, tasteless ornaments lined the shelves, clearly there to divert attention from the state of the room, but succeeding only in emphasising it. His assessment made him smirk.
‘It’s not ideal, but it’s mine,’ she said, as if reading his mind. She was well aware that during his last visit he had only seen her bedroom.
In truth, she hated the place. She longed for a spotlessly clean, glamorous home, full of space and light.
‘There’s potential.’
‘I’ve never asked where you live.’
‘Lambeth,’ he lied.
‘Oh. I heard it’s not very nice there. I’ve never been. It’s just what I’ve heard.’
‘I wasn’t aware you had financial problems.’
‘I don’t. I’m just not ready to buy a place yet and until I do I’d rather rent a shit-hole for peanuts.’
She smiled. ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘You got any beer?’
‘I have some imported beer. It’s about five percent strength.’
‘That’ll do. Thanks.’
He imagined the ground shake as she made her way to the kitchen. When she returned she sat next to him and passed him the beer. He took a swig from the bottle.
‘Why did you use the name Col?’
Should he tell her that he might have ripped her head off? It was still a possible outcome, but ever since Dave had become so deluded by fat Fay, an unlikely one. Love could turn a man inside out – Dave had defied him and revealed Ryan’s identity, so it was not improbable that despite the strength of their friendship, Dave’s loyalties would waver again. If he killed the bitch, could he rely on Dave to disappear with him? That was the problem with this game - there were four players. Two was ideal – prey and predator – but in this circumstance, there was Dave and his bitch to consider. That exposed him and created leads.
For a split-second, he thought how much easier it had been when he was Col. But he quickly came to his senses, recalling the alarm he’d felt when he’d realised - after Dave had left two nights ago - the danger that plan had presented. Under a separate identity, he’d felt invisible and therefore safe, because he’d thought no one knew who he really was. But of course Dave did. And taken in by that fantasy, Ryan might have gone on to kill the soppy slut, believing he was untraceable. Dave had a point – it was a self-destruct formula, but not because it would’ve driven him mad, but because it could have led to his capture. It would have been too risky, under the circumstances, to expect his best friend to turn a blind eye to murder, and that was the only way it could’ve worked, because Ryan would only have detached himself once he’d neutralised the mine. Up until then he would’ve believed Ryan was non-existent and therefore safe. Dave could’ve fucked him, not because of a refusal to live with the crippling burden of harbouring murder, but because of his obsession with Fay.