by Horn, Marc
Jen shook her head. ‘He’s taken your sanity, hasn’t he? You used to be a policeman, and now look at you.’
‘Everyone has a guardian angel. Ryan’s mine and I have to stand by him.’
She looked away from him.
‘How about you stop criticising me and move on?’ Dave advised. ‘I’ve given you a lifeline, an opportunity to put this behind you. Don’t you want peace? Aren’t you even appreciative of what I’ve done?’
Jen sighed tiredly. It was a way out, and however absurd his story sounded, it made sense.
Because Zen was a psychopath.
Psychos were abnormal and never conformed to any notion of order. All previous attempts to end this had failed - he kept coming back more menacing and terrifying than before. She deserved to put this behind her, and more importantly to have the safety of her friends and family assured. Look at her boyfriend, beautiful John-Paul – he was being pushed around in a wheelchair. Her poor mother had lost her husband. Two other people had died - two professional killers. Justice wouldn’t come. A short while ago she had been prepared to kill herself to end this. It was irrational to expect more than what was offered. This way her loved ones would be safe, without having to suffer her death. She managed to smile. She could see the end. Hope returned and she wasn’t afraid of it. Maybe this would work. Maybe everyone could return to normality.
‘We want peace more than anything, and we’ll do it,’ she said firmly.
‘I cannot emphasise enough the importance of changing your identity. And that applies to everyone else close to you, too. Anyone who knows what you’ve done must keep silent.’
‘I know what to do.’ Jen stood up and walked towards the car park. Without looking back she said, ‘Enjoy your life with Ryan.’
It was meant as an insult, but Dave smiled. As she merged with the darkness, he laughed, muffling it with his hand. Cloaked in the comforting, glorious, night sky, his giggles reached a crescendo, and he removed his hand, filling the woods with his joy. Maybe he was insane. Maybe circumstances had eaten away at his sanity, and maybe he belonged in a nuthouse. But he had Ryan, and they were free to spend the rest of their lives together. If that was madness, he would wholeheartedly embrace it.
48
Late next morning, Dave stormed into Ryan’s bedsit.
‘You have to get out of here.’
Ryan lay still on his bed. ‘I’ve just moved in,’ he responded, nonchalantly.
Dave’s fingers vigorously bounced off each other, as if each one was charged. ‘Both of us have committed murder. We need to get out of the area. I suggest we head for Cornwall today.’
Ryan dug his elbows into the mattress and pushed himself up. ‘Oh, do you? Well, before I do anything, I need an explanation. I’m blind here.’
Dave noticed red marks on Ryan’s neck. ‘Who did that to your throat?’
‘I’ve been wondering that myself. Probably the same cunt who broke my ribs.’
‘Your ribs are broken? Have you had them checked?’
‘No. They’ll heal.’
Dave sighed, took a folded piece of paper from his pocket and then passed it to Ryan. ‘This is the first I knew about it.’
Ryan opened the newspaper article, noted that it was almost one week old, and then began to read the story.
Dave watched him closely. ‘It will bring back memories.’
‘Ben Salks,’ Ryan announced.
‘That’s who you were when you were sick, over ten years ago.’
‘Jen Edmunds-’
‘She was Ben’s - your - girlfriend. She slept with your friend-’
‘Geoff!’ Ryan interrupted.
‘Yes. You paralysed him. Shortly after, he killed himself.’
Ryan looked up, nodded. ‘It’s like tiny drips in the deep recesses of my memory. I’m reading this, hearing you, and they’re congealing drop by drop.’
‘You buried it, Ryan. Only Zen could access it.’
Ryan held his gaze for a moment then re-focused on the print. Soon after, he whispered, ‘Zen,’ and sniggered.
‘He possessed you for ten years, channelling your mental and physical energy into punishing her.’
As Ryan progressed further through the article, he started to chuckle. He looked at Dave. ‘It’s incredible that I could do this and not know.’
‘You created him to avoid detection. Zen only manifested to torture her. He held a unique, vital role. It cut you up really badly when she did that to you.’
‘This is fucking great! What a top persona!’
Dave’s tone was serious. ‘Ryan, you killed her father and crippled her boyfriend.’
‘So fucking what? She deserved it, the cheating bitch. I was in love with her! I thought she was some sort of saviour and look what she did to me!’ He continued reading. ‘All this, and I only actually took one life. Oh, and two dogs’.’
‘Yeah, but the police would have you down for two attempted murders on her boyfriend, too. That carries the same sentence as the full crime. And they’d pin any number of smaller charges on you - you ridiculed them; you killed an Edmunds while they were under police protection. That’s created public insecurity and disrespect for them.’
Ryan looked up, irritated. ‘You wouldn’t be too popular either - you killed Jenny, the damsel in distress.’ He recalled Dave’s shock confession to him in the woods.
Dave looked down at the floor. ‘I know,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m not proud of myself. But at least this is over. We can move on, but we have to do it now to get away with it.’
Ryan scanned the last few lines and then dropped the paper on the floor. ‘All you’ve preached to me over the years, disapproving of everything I do or want to do, and look at you now - you’re just the same, you hypocrite.’
Dave shook his head. ‘Ryan, look at the bigger picture. Not everyone functions through self-interest like you. Some of us, and I’m talking about myself, value others more than ourselves. I don’t give a shit if you think it’s weak. I did it for you, because I care about you.’
‘You were prepared to do that?’
Dave nodded. ‘I told you before, you’re all I have. Desperation can change a person.’
Ryan blinked. ‘You certainly changed!’
Dave gazed out the window. The stubborn bastard wouldn’t open up and show appreciation. Ryan believed Dave had killed her, yet there was no compassion. Jesus, what a character! He faced him again. ‘We both need new identities and beginnings. We have to move.’
‘I’ve got stuff to do here.’
Dave frowned at him. ‘Your face is pasted all over her town. It’s in papers and on televisions nationwide. Don’t you think it’s sensible to keep a low profile? For fuck’s sake, anything keeping you here is totally irrelevant!’ He prayed he’d get through to him. More important than being identified by someone was the threat that Ryan might uncover the truth – Jenny was still alive.
Dave expected her to take his advice, but there was a small chance that she might defy him and relay the information she’d learnt to the police. If she did that, it would all be over. The act of faking Jenny’s death made Dave arrestable, since he’d done it to prevent Ryan’s arrest.
But only if Jenny told the police what he’d done in the woods.
If she did defy him, he would never give Ryan away once he was arrested, which would create public outrage, and Dave would end up labelled the country’s most-hated man. Far more distressing than that would be the fact Ryan would disown him.
And Zen would return.
That was, although the worst-case scenario, something he had to consider. To end the nightmare, Jenny had been prepared to commit suicide. The way things stood, there was a good chance that Zen had gone forever, and she’d not risk sacrificing that. She said she would go along with it.
The media presented more feasible threats. The story was terrifying and entertaining, and the public were closely following it. Zen was torturing a girl for two-timing him and had beate
n the police. Thousands of people could have qualified as the victim. Progress reports were regular. The fact that Jenny’s family would decline further police assistance and then suddenly move away would prompt journalists to sniff for the truth. Jenny would have to remain hidden during all of this, and that would encourage them further. Ryan didn’t watch television or listen to the radio, but he did read the paper. If someone happened to notice Jenny it would appear in print, and if Ryan read about it the consequences were obvious. Dave would have to pay constant attention to any updates and then keep his friend from reading them.
The other threat was that Ryan’s surreal imagination would uncover the truth. Dave promptly concluded there was no chance of that – Zen had been so convinced Jenny had died that he’d faded away. Zen had been the strongest part of Ryan, and if he hadn’t suspected it was stage-managed then it wasn’t a threat. Additionally, Ryan had believed it too.
‘I can’t go yet,’ Ryan said.
Dave stared at him for a few moments. ‘Why not?’
‘Because I have a mine to neutralise.’
Dave felt stung. ‘Your mines, Ryan, are the lowest priority in your life right now. If you don’t get out of here now, you’ll never be able to defuse another one. Unless of course your mine requires you to be convicted of murder, in which case I recommend you stay where you are.’
Ryan spoke seriously. ‘It’s the final mine. It’s where I’m meant to be.’ He closed his eyes, exhaled deeply. ‘Finally, I’ve found my place, my vocation, and if you think I’m going to abandon it because I’m wanted for murder, you’re mistaken.’
Dave massaged his temples with his fingers. ‘And what mine is this that’s so incredibly important?’
‘Love.’
‘What?’
‘Fate requires me to be with Stacey.’
Dave’s jaw hung open. ‘Erm, d’you realise what happened the last time you were in love?’
‘Yeah, it caused me a lot of hassle.’
‘A lot of hassle? Ryan, it took over your life, ended another’s, and crippled two people!’
‘Exactly - a lot of fucking hassle.’
‘Not just for you!’
Ryan glanced at him. ‘Yeah, I know. I appreciate what you did.’
‘What if she sleeps with someone else?’
Ryan shrugged. ‘You tell me.’
‘You might embark on a blood hunt again!’
Ryan shook his head. ‘No.’
‘No?’
‘It’s my fate. I’ve been guided towards her.’
‘Ah, but weren’t you fated to be with Jenny forever, too?’
‘I was sick.’
Dave sighed.
‘At first, I didn’t know it was there. But it kept growing and growing. I thought it was impeding me, until it stared me in the face, and then I knew it was the truth. After all I’ve done, I know it’s ironic.’
‘Have you spoken to Stacey about this?’
‘I’ve not spoken to her since we were at her house.’
‘So you can’t be wrong?’ Dave asked. ‘I mean, you haven’t even tried it yet.’
‘It’s the process of elimination – it’s the only mine left.’
‘But what if none of them were meant for you? What if you weren’t meant to have a “place” and had to keep on floating?’
‘No. Love has been constant. I’ve tried my hardest to resist it, but it won’t go away. It’s meant for me, and I can’t run or hide, and I don’t want to. Stacey was created for me, and I have to respect that.’
‘I should think so!’ Dave piped. ‘I mean, how reasonable has God been?’
‘Don’t take the piss, Dave. My journey released you, too. You found out you were a closet.’
‘Yeah, thanks for that. Have you thought how Stacey will react to this sudden burst of humanity? You subjected her to a heartless ordeal, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted nothing more to do with you.’
‘All of it was necessary. It was the path I’d been given to find the answer. It makes it more difficult, but it’s meant to be, and I simply have to persevere to make it happen.’
‘You’re asking a lot of her. What if she doesn’t want to play?’
‘Are you deaf?’ Ryan asked, annoyed. ‘We’re meant to be together. She knew this and tried her best to enlighten me, but I kept ignoring her. Now I know she was right, and she’s always known that understanding would come. She reads me like a book. She knew I was blocking out the truth, and each time I felt it, I cursed myself and willed it away, but it wouldn’t go for good, because it was genuine. And now it consumes me.’
Dave closed his eyes. ‘You’re not just asking her to forgive you for what you did to her, but also to forgive you for Zen, too.’
Ryan stared at him.
‘She’ll know, Ryan. She knows you’re capable of it - you’ve already shown her a different persona, an indifference to love, and a taste for violence. She knows how physically robust you are, and with all the coverage and photos she’d have to be very dense not to figure it out.’
‘It’s an obstacle, but it won’t hold.’
‘I hope you’re right, because if you’re not she’ll…turn…you…in…’
Ryan shook his head.
‘Shit, Ryan! There’s been no contact between you two since you murdered Nathan Edmunds… Oh my God!’
‘Chill out. There’s no threat. She’s my lover, not a prosecution witness.’
Dave could hardly breathe. ‘Pack your stuff, Ryan, now! I’m gonna do the same. We have to get the fuck out of here!’
49
Dave made his way to Stacey’s. Right now she’d be battling with her conscience, debating whether or not to call the police.
It was obvious that she was very fond of Ryan. When he was about have sex with Fay, she had urged him not to, clearly prepared to forgive him even at that stage. And she had gone down on Dave at Ryan’s request. But, after that night, would she still feel as obsessed with him? The last thing she’d said to Ryan was that he and Fay deserved each other, which suggested that she had come to her senses. Dave hoped she hadn’t. If she still wanted Ryan, then he was safe.
Thirty minutes later he knocked on her door. She took over a minute to answer and asked who it was before opening it. Dave identified himself and the door creaked open.
‘Friend’s plea?’ she asked him.
‘Yes,’ he replied. She looked terrible. Her skin was pasty and her eyes tired. At midday, she still wore a pink nightdress. ‘Heavy night?’
She looked at him without amusement. ‘Heavy few days.’
‘I need to talk to you.’
‘I know.’ Stacey invited him in.
‘How did you know?’ he asked, sitting in an armchair opposite her.
‘I watch the news.’
‘Have you kept it to yourself?’
She let the question hover agonisingly before answering it. ‘Yes.’
Dave felt enormous relief and didn’t know what to say.
‘So far,’ she added.
He stared fearfully at her. ‘Why would you give him up?’
‘Why? Have you lost your mind?’
‘Maybe.’ Dave slumped back against the seat.
‘I knew something had happened,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I knew it couldn’t be his parents alone. He was so scared, so vulnerable, and I wanted to help him, but he pretended he didn’t care. It didn’t surprise me much when I heard.’
‘He’s in a lot of trouble.’
‘He brought it on himself,’ she snapped.
‘No he didn’t. Jenny cheated on him. It broke his heart.’
‘I know that. So now he must do it to everyone else.’
‘No, just to her, Jenny.’
‘So where do I fit in? Why have I been punished?’
Dave leaned towards her. ‘You haven’t been, really. He punished himself. He didn’t fancy Fay. It’s not what he wanted - he was just lost.’
‘Lost?’
‘Yes, lost. He’s been searching for happiness for a long time. I know that sounds absurd - how could happiness be found in voyeurism? It just shows how desperate he was. He had to try everything to know what felt right, because nothing in particular appealed to him; he had no idea where peace would be. But now he knows.’
‘Well, I’m so glad he’s finally found it.’ She stared to the left, unable to look at him.
‘Now he realises he’s punished himself, because by having sex with Fay, he’s compromised what he knows he truly needs…Love.’
She looked at him again. ‘He loves me now?’
‘Yes.’
‘I knew it would happen,’ she said quietly.
‘Aren’t you happy?’ Dave asked, and then cringed at his lack of empathy. ‘Well, at least it should make you feel a little better.’
‘Not really. I expected it.’
‘So it doesn’t change anything?’ he asked, exasperated.
She locked onto his eyes. ‘Do you have any idea what he’s put me through?’
‘He’s done the same to me.’
‘No he hasn’t. He’s treated me with complete disrespect. I’m a decent, self-respecting person, and the things he made me do, the things he subjected me to… I didn’t deserve that, I didn’t!’ She started to cry.
Dave closed his eyes. ‘It wasn’t going to be a fairytale.’
‘Oh, you don’t say!’
‘But he loves you, Stacey, and he’s certain you’ll be together.’
‘So, if I don’t give him what he wants, should I expect to be tortured, too?’ she cried.
‘No, you’ve done nothing wrong.’
‘I know I haven’t! So why did this happen to me? Why did I have to be in that pub? Why did he have to approach me?’
Dave sighed. ‘Because he was lucky enough to find the girl he wanted.’
‘The girl he wanted to ridicule, more like, to hurt, and whose self-esteem he wanted to destroy.’
Dave ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn’t helping matters. She felt disgusted with herself and he couldn’t see an opening. He began to tremble. Who knows what she might do while she was so unstable? What could he do? Nothing he’d said had comforted her, and, in all honesty, could he blame her? It was a tall order to expect someone to forgive and forget after what Ryan had done.