The eyes. The defiance. The spark of life. It was as if Terra looked into the face of an older Relm Arrowny.
2: Recaptured Shadows
Terra sat speechless. When he turned his head from her again, she finally asked the question she--and the others--longed to voice. "Does she know?"
Shadow shook his head. "After so many years of hiding the truth from even myself, do you believe I'd have the courage to tell her?" He stood with a sharp motion and began to pace in front of the fireplace. "All I have become was originally done for her. Yet, something went horribly wrong. Even I don't understand what it was. The weakness of my own desire to provide a better life for her. A safer one. Then there was greed and a self-centered desire for power." He jerked off each of his black gloves and tossed them one by one into the fire. A puff of ash from the mask served as the response to each. "Such was the reason she was abandoned. A desire to give her peace was twisted into a lust for power."
"It couldn't have been that bad," Terra observed. Shadow clenched his jaw and she continued to examine his newly uncovered face. It was a strange feeling to be able to actually read the emotions that crashed across his expression like the tides of the ocean during a storm. "Could it?"
Shadow paused for a long moment before turning his eyes from the fire to Terra's face. "Judge for yourself."
"All right." Terra adjusted her position before looking to Shadow again. "Go on."
"Relm's mother's name was Amanda," he began in a strictly controlled tone. "She was a beautiful, fiery woman with a passion for life that attracted every youth to the challenge of winning her heart as their own. She was an artist with an innate talent to capture the very breath of life in her portraits. Her work was in high demand, much as Relm's is now. This talent caught the Empire's attention. All gifted people were seen as new blood for the Empire's gene pool. Amanda was no different. She was taken and forcefully enrolled in experimentation with pre-natal infusion."
Shadow's face twisted with agony and rage. "I'd already taken her as my wife when she was forcefully recruited by the Empire for their greater good. Neither of us knew what was in store for her when the soldiers came. I was a simple man, then. A clerk at the local armory. What did I know of the Empire and it's dark desires? What did either of us know of their intent? The officers came with the promise of glory and a better life. I'd just taken a wife, so how could I resist temptation? They assured me that no harm would come to her, and that she'd be back within a few weeks. So we said our good-byes with the promise to celebrate our good fortune when she returned."
The memories scorched his face, and he turned from Terra's eyes.
"Amanda was with child when she went to the Empire. Neither of us knew. If I had, I'd never have let her go." Shadow struck his fist against the mantle. "Damn! I would never have let her go if I'd known then what I know now," he snarled. "The Empire wanted to know for certain whether or not an embryo would incorporate an infusion received by the mother. How wonderful that would be for them! How delighted they'd be with the discovery of the way to breed those with Magic abilities."
He swore. "They knew of her background. They knew of her ancestry being directly linked to the Blue Magi from the War as well as the power that went with it. It's what they counted on! They wanted to have that added assurance of a special Magic power when they infused her with an Esper's life. "
"That's where Relm's gift came from? From an Esper?"
Shadow ran his hands through his hair. "For the most part. Yes. As did Celes' and thousands of other Magitek Knights. Life after life was enhanced and twisted for an evil purpose, not realizing nor caring that another life was being drained in order to do so. When Amanda discovered this, she left the Empire and returned to Thamasa, enraged with what they'd done. She tried to tell others what she'd discovered, but they didn't care. After all, what did it have to do with their petty lives?"
"Did the Empire just let her leave?"
"Why wouldn't they? She was infused and carrying their experiment to term. They knew she wouldn't kill it, for it was her child. Our child. They dared not press her temper for fear that her precious cargo be damaged!" Shadow's expression grew suddenly distant. "Precious cargo. Yes. That was what she was. When Relm was born it was as if a miracle had been given to me. I could hardly believe it. I had a family such as I never thought possible. . . ."
Terra's heart nearly stopped beating. "What happened?"
Shadow actually paled. He lowered his head and clenched fistfuls of his hair. "They came to take her away. My little baby. They wanted to test her. To prod her as if she were an animal bred for their pleasure." He straightened suddenly. "Amanda was incensed. Relm was barely a month old and they came to take her! Amanda and I refused. She told them that if they wanted to perform any tests, they would need to bring the equipment to our home and perform them there, under her watchful eye. They agreed. A few days later the caravan of scientists arrived with their myriad of equipment. They began the tests. Only Relm didn't exhibit any special abilities. No magical powers of any significance. The scientists were disappointed. Their experiment had failed and Amanda was pushing for them to leave. What could they do?"
"Did they?"
"Of course. All too eagerly," he said in a dark tone. "Life seemed to get back to normal, as much as it could with what we'd been through. Then, one day, I returned from a trip to Nikeah and found her gone."
"Relm?"
"Amanda."
"Where did she go?"
Shadow clenched his jaw. "At the time, I didn't know. I was frantic. I searched the surrounding area and found nothing. I asked friends and neighbors if they had seen anything out of the ordinary, but they hadn't. All I knew was that she'd left Relm with her father's friend, Strago, and then left to supposedly visit her sister in Miranda."
"What really happened?"
"The Empire had threatened our daughter's life in order to get Amanda to cooperate with another experiment. When I discovered this, I was furious. I headed out to Vector immediately, barely taking the time to pack suitable supplies. I nearly starved to death on my way, but I didn't care. The Empire had torn my family apart again. It was too much. When I arrived at the Magitek Research Facility, though, it was too heavily guarded.
"So, I waited for the next merchant caravan to arrive and smuggled myself in as an armory merchant. Once inside, it wasn't too difficult to discover where the experiments were performed. That was the central hub of activity." He dropped his hands from his hair and looked over at Terra. "When I found the room, I also found the man responsible for her kidnapping. He was experimenting with the Empire's newest infatuation: mind-control."
"Ledo," Terra whispered.
"Yes. Another demon bred by the Empire's all-consuming desire for power."
"He didn't . . . he didn't operate on her?"
Shadow clenched his jaw. His eyes were dark with misery. "He did more than that. When the inserts in her ears malfunctioned, he left her to die. He decided that her life wasn't worth the time or effort to remove them! Even when the removal would have saved her life!"
Terra choked on a sob, her own memories of the pain and near-death experiences she had suffered at the hand of this same man resurfacing. "Oh, Shadow."
"I found her body," he said in a gruff voice. "Even in death she was vibrant." He cleared his throat and looked away. "Ledo appeared as I was attempting to leave with her. We fought, I lost. I hadn't trained as a soldier. I was a salesman. For some reason he didn't kill me. That would have been a merciful act considering he already killed my reason for living. Instead, he had me taken to a holding cell to await experimentation.
"I don't remember how I escaped. I was so close to death that vague images and running feet are all I remember. I awoke in Thamasa." Shadow shook his head. "I tried to forget her. To raise Relm and go on with a life that now felt only half lived. Each night I would awaken to imagined screams and horrible cries of suffering. After two years I could take it no longer. My conscience dema
nded action."
"You left?"
Shadow nodded. "It was the most difficult decision of my life, but I was determined to make a difference. I was determined to change the world and make it a better place for my daughter to live. So, I left her with Strago."
Silence descended and Terra watched Shadow's face. The memories collided against each other to form guilt and rage almost at the same instant. "What happened, Shadow?" she asked gently. "Why didn't you come back?"
"I knew that what I desired for her would take time. Training was what I needed. I studied with whomever would have me. Each instructor warned me of the same failing, my rage. They urged me to bury it deep. To kill it in order to better focus on the goal I had taken. At first, I believed it was an impossible order. Then, as my training increased in difficulty and my talent improved, it became easier. The memories faded. The pain subsided. The numbness I felt was a release from the torture I endured for years and months."
"But why didn't you come back?" Terra pressed.
He turned on her, eyes flashing. "I couldn't, don't you understand? As long as the Empire ruled in force, she wasn't safe! I couldn't return a failure. I had to accomplish what I set out to do."
"But you didn't," Terra went on. "You forgot about her."
"I didn't forget," Shadow insisted in a dangerously low voice. "How could I forget a life that had once been the epitome of happiness? That pressed me on. It moved me forward to increase in power so that I would be able to undermine all the Empire attempted to do. It urged me to discover more--"
"You forgot," Terra interrupted. "Admit it, Shadow. Don't keep lying to yourself. You can't get your life back if you lie to yourself."
Jaw clenched, Shadow stood with a harsh motion. He strode to the window and glared out to the desert scenery. His hands balled into fists. "I didn't forget. I chose not to remember. It's different."
"Was it because you hadn't done what you wanted? Did you think Relm wouldn't want her father back just because of that?"
He turned sharply. "A father? Was I ever a father? Would a father have--" Shadow cut off and once more shifted his gaze outward.
"See? You felt guilty about all the failures, so you stayed away instead of facing them." Terra came to stand beside him. "What are you going to do now? Are you going to let your pride keep you away from her still? I'm sure she'll be angry, but don't you think you deserve a little of that? You've had all this time to tell her who you are and you haven't. She's not exactly going to feel very wanted."
"I don't deserve to have a family again. Shadow never had a daughter."
"Is that going to be your excuse then?" Terra frowned when he didn't answer. "Why did you even come here if you had no intention of admitting who you are to her?"
He leaned forward suddenly, pressing his palms against the window as his chin lowered to his chest. "I don't know! I told you once I killed the emotions within me. It was a warning to never do the same. Now they rage within with a force that would stagger your imagination. How can I admit to her who I am when I fear I will lose control."
"Life isn't about control!" She turned him with a grip on his arm, ignoring the warning spark in his eyes. "Life is about learning. Loving. Helping others. Be honest with yourself, Shadow! You never felt so alive and so real as when you were helping us help others." She shook him when he didn't say a word. "Admit it!"
He pushed her away. "Don't try my patience."
"Then don't come in here and try mine. You came here for help. Fine. I'm trying to help you. What you're doing doesn't help anyone. Just a few minutes ago you were admitting that you made the wrong decision, now I don't know what you're admitting. Don't go back and forth between decisions. Make up your mind and stick to it!"
Shadow clenched and unclenched his jaw as he glared at her. "Tell me what to do, Terra," he said after a long moment of silence. "Tell me what to do."
Terra shook her head. Her throat tightened on the tears when she saw the clear expression of confusion in Shadow's eyes. "I can't tell you what to do. You know I can't."
He stared down at her for another long moment before turning and moving for the door without a sound. Shadow paused a moment before opening it, but said nothing as he closed it behind him. Terra stared after him as the tears ran freely down her face. Then she turned to gaze out the window with unseeing eyes, desperately hoping she said the right things.
3: Rescues and Readiness
"Terra?"
King Edgar of Figaro stepped into the receiving chamber set aside for his bride of six months as he searched for her slight frame and pale green hair. The room was dark, but the slight glistening of a candle directed him to the far side. A collection of rugs and cushions served as her hiding place.
"Terra?" he asked again. Edgar knelt when she still didn't answer. Terra lie on her side, dress and hair disheveled, face streaked with tears as she held an embroidered pillow close against her. Edgar brushed some hair from her face as he pulled the pillow from her grasp. "What is it, my sweet?" he asked gently. "What has upset you?"
"I think I said everything wrong, Edgar," she choked out as he helped her sit up. "I think I hurt him more than help him, and now I don't know what to do," she sobbed.
Edgar gently pulled her toward him, enveloping her in his arms to rock her back and forth. "Whom have you hurt? Soul light, what has happened?"
"Shadow came. He came and told me so many things about who he was and what he'd done . . . I couldn't tell him what to do. It had to be his choice."
Edgar's confusion grew as he stroked her hair and caressed the back of her neck in an effort to soothe her tears. "There now." He kissed her hair and then the skin of her temple. "What did he tell you? What did he ask of you?"
"He's Relm's father," she said in a broken voice, "and he wanted to know . . . he wanted to know if he should tell her or not. He didn't want to tell her . . . because he thinks he's failed her. Why doesn't he see that she just wants him to love her. She won't care about all the other stuff. Oh, Edgar, I don't know if I helped him."
Edgar adjusted his arms around her as he once again pressed his lips tenderly against her temple. "So the shadow of night has decided to attempt an unveiling to the morning. You've accomplished another miracle, soul light."
Terra shook her head against him. "I haven't, Edgar. I was mean. I wasn't understanding or kind. I pushed him too hard, and now I don't think Relm will ever know."
Her voice broke on the tears. Edgar tilted her chin up to wipe the wetness from her cheeks with the delicate touch of a finger. He smiled down at her. "You haven't the capacity for anything but kindness. You may believe you were too harsh, but there is an instinct in you that is able to know in which attitude you must speak. I'm certain you spoke justly. Remember, our dear friend Shadow has had a harsh life and respects firmness and forthright views. I'm positive you offered both."
"I'm just so afraid it wasn't enough." She sniffled and wrapped her arms tighter around him as she again rested her cheek against his chest. "I so wanted to help him, Edgar. To help him find the family that I somehow knew he wanted to have."
"Your concern for his life will not be lost on him, soul light. Never before has he been in the presence of such gentleness. Trust in your heart. It will be enough." He carefully lay back within the cushions, drawing her down with him as his arms still held her close. "Now rest here with me. You will forget your troubles soon enough. I assure you that I do the moment I see your smiling eyes."
Terra took in a deep breath and released it slow, snuggling against him. "I love you."
"And I love you." He placed another tender kiss on her head and ran a gentle hand over her long hair before caressing the skin of her neck and upper back. "Rest now, soul light."
Several silent minutes passed before her breathing slowed, deepening with sleep. Edgar smiled as his hand absently caressed the back of her neck. When the Chancellor told him Shadow had forced his way into the castle to await Terra's arrival in her chamber, Edgar had
smiled with relief and quiet happiness. He knew how fervently she searched for him. The fact that she would be relieved at Shadow's safety comforted Edgar. He hated seeing her upset, no matter how slight. Sabin had once titled it disgustingly romantic sentiment, but it was simply how Edgar displayed the deep intensity of his love for her.
This love grew each moment they were together.
Now his heart mourned at the grief she bore. I must do something. But what could he do? He only had a mere hint of what Shadow could have told her. Edgar placed another kiss on Terra's head and pressed his cheek against the softness of her hair with closed eyes. I know enough. I know that he confessed to being Relm's father. That should be confession enough to know the heart of the man. How would I feel if I knew I abandoned a daughter? Guilt. Shame. Rage at my own inability to protect her. Surely he feels the same as these? Is he not human?
Edgar took in a deep breath, and then he carefully manipulated himself from her arms. Unfortunately, he'd become quite adept at doing so without waking her. The life of a king seldom began later than dawn. Although there had been uncountable mornings when he'd escaped her arms to the edge of the bed without waking her only to disturb her when he leaned in to give her a farewell kiss. Her lips were his weakness when her eyes were shielded. Then, upon the touch of his lips on hers, her bright eyes would wake and draw him in again. . . .
Edgar gazed down at her for a long moment, and then his lips drew near in a whisper of a kiss. "I will return, soul light," he promised.
He stood, leaving the chamber in search of Shadow. It amazed him that he never tired of Terra's company or the warmth of her presence beside him. As a bachelor involved with many a village maiden for an indeterminate amount of time, such a newness had never been present. He'd tired of their plastic smiles and shallow beauty after only a few nights. His moments with Terra were never so fake. Never so shallow. Her laughter and smiles warmed him in a way nothing had previously done. How could he not do everything within his power to bring her another smile?
The Chancellor entered the hall. Edgar noticed that he looked tired, frustrated, and extremely insulted. "Chancellor, what has upset you so completely?"
Adventures of Youth & Shadows of the Past Page 3