The seconds tick by into what feels like hours. I want to run from this room. I want to jump out of the damn window, well if there was a damn window, but there isn’t. I don’t know what the doctor is going to say and any scenario that I come up with scares me to death.
Knock. Knock.
“Hello? Ms. Hayes?” Dr. Ambrose announces her presence and enters the room. She recognizes the fear in my eyes. Apparently she sees this a lot more than I thought. “Ms. Hayes.”
“Abby, please,” I interrupt. The last thing I need is to be Ms. Hayes right now. That is way too formal and that is not going to help my nerves. It’s way too clinical for my taste.
“Abby…What brings you in here today?” she asks as she sits down on the little round stool in front of me. Dr. Ambrose isn’t my usual doctor, but seeing as I needed to be seen right away I was cool with having another doctor today.
“Well, I took a home pregnancy test this morning and it was…Positive,” I announce.
“Ok, well.” She looks down to the file she holds in her hand. “It appears you are indeed pregnant.” She smiles kindly.
I don’t know what emotion to let go of in this second, there are so many that storm the halls of my mind.
“Well…I…have been taking the pill and I…will it hurt the baby?” I spit out once I have the nerve.
She continues to smile and while that is comforting it is also kind of annoying. I don’t know how I feel about all of this and I don’t know if I’m ready for smiles and congratulations just yet, if ever. She writes me a prescription for a prenatal vitamin. Once all of my questions have been answered she announces I will need to come back in a month for my prenatal visit and to make sure that I take the prenatal vitamins every day.
I walk out of the building with an overwhelming feeling. I need to speak with Evan. I need comforting words to flow from his beautiful lips. I need his amazing dimples to shine bright at me and then, and only then, I will know that everything will be ok.
“Abby?” a female voice calls. I turn my body to see a woman standing fifteen feet away. She’s familiar; tall, blonde, full figured, her busty body is holding a helmet, she is setting it down on a red motorcycle.
“Can I help you?” I ask confused.
A horn blares in my ear as I wait for her response. She struts over in her tight jeans and black top.
“Hi Abby, you don’t know me, but I’m friends with Evan.” She holds her hand out and produces a gentle smile.
“I am really worried about Evan, do you think I can join you for a cup of coffee and we can chat?”
I’m so excited to meet one of Evan’s friends. “Oh, yes of course. I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.” I smile and take her hand.
“Monica.” That name sounds so familiar to me, but I don’t remember Evan mentioning a friend named Monica. But he never really talks about his friends.
“Sure, I was just going to run in and grab a cup of tea on my break, but I have a few minutes.” I smile, glancing to my watch. She nods her head and enters in front of me.
Remy’s isn’t busy this time of day and I’m grateful to get my caffeine fix sooner rather than later. Monica and I sit down at a table in the rear corner next to the window. I cross my legs as I sip my tea.
“How do you know Evan?” I’m so curious about his life.
I want to know what he does when he isn’t with me. He’s so secretive about work and rarely mentions his friends; he never talks about it and I’m beginning to realize that it bothers me. I want a peek into the life Evan led before he met me.
Monica is beautiful, her eyes hold impressive lashes. “Abby, you are just as amazing as Evan said.” Her eyes begin to go dark; my gut says something is off, but I try to wave the feeling off with my next breath.
“Thank you, that is very kind,” I say, fully dismissing my concern.
The door dings as someone walks in. Monica turns her head to see who has entered, quickly turning her head back towards me.
“Abby?” Monica glares at me now and the warning pings are back.
Prickles race to my neck. That is my first sign that danger is close. I look up to see a woman with long, black hair walking past our table. She holds a soft smile as her eyes meet mine. There is something protective in the aura she carries. I smile in return.
Where do I know her from?
Monica taps her fingers nervously on her cup, bringing me back to our conversation.
“Yes?” I reply.
She sits straight in her chair, gripping her cup, glancing at the woman that now sits across the room in the armchair.
“How’s your sister…? Addie?” she asks in a honeyed voice.
What the hell is she talking about?
“Is this a joke?” I say with a blank stare, knowing that he has made his arrival. The prince of darkness has come to take it all away.
Monica laughs. “Oh Abby, I know she’s dead and I know who killed her.”
I can’t believe what this woman is saying to me. My heart drops; this isn’t really happening. I can’t speak, I only sag in my chair as this stranger devours my soul in the coffee shop. I grip the cup in an attempt to warm the cold hands my blood has abandoned. I can’t feel my feet and I’m sure the rest of my body has also abandoned me as well, leaving me wide open for the taking.
She laughs again as she watches the pain take over at the admission she’s’ made.
“That’s a beautiful necklace you have there Abby. Did Evan give that to you?”
I reach up instinctively, grabbing the angel pendant he gave me for my birthday a month ago. I need to speak now; she’s getting a little too personal for a casual coffee. I take a deep breath and speak.
“What is it that you know about my sister?” I feel weak, but I need to stay strong now.
My phone buzzes in my bag; I want to grab it and excuse myself from this conversation.
“How well do you know Evan? He has a lot of secrets. Me for example. Did he tell you how he used to fuck me? Or how I fuck him?” The latter part of her question is in present tense. Is she telling me she’s still having sex with him? Once again I’m speechless.
“Everything that you know about Evan is a lie Abby. Only I know the truth.” She sits back in her chair with her lip curling up in a smile. “Evan has been lying to you. His father is the person who killed your sister. Evan knows and didn’t care enough about you to tell you. I’m sure that is the only reason he shares your bed. Face it, he feels sorry for you. You’re pathetic Abby. I love him, he loves me and we will be together.”
The room is fading into the darkness; the edge of my sanity is there at my feet. I hear a bang. I jolt my head up to see Evan standing there as he meets my eyes, the eyes that are filled with tears. I recognize the darkness in his face, it’s the same darkness that lingers with me now. It only takes him six long strides to reach the table where the storm has invaded.
Monica jumps in her chair when she sees Evan. Fear is what I see in her eyes. I look to Evan and it’s me he watches.
“Abby?” His voice is kind and a little above a whisper. I can’t stay and listen to any more lies or truths. He reaches his hand out to take mine and I jump, taking my hand back. I want to scream for help; I see him as a predator.
I need to run as far away as my feet will take me. Evan’s face shows signs of stress and worry. A moment of concern washes over me. His father killed my sister, I recall. Standing from my chair I grab my bag and head for the door.
Evan grabs my arm. “Where are you going? Let me take you home.”
“Evan, your fuck buddy over there has informed me your father is responsible for my sister’s accident.” I throw my hands in the air using air quotes around fuck buddies. His face falls into the depths of hell; darkness, sadness, guilt, and disgust is all I can see.
“Tell me she’s lying!” I scream. I want to vomit everywhere. His shoulders hang low and defeated, he doesn’t answer. “Tell me, Evan.” My voice is a low whisper meant for on
ly him. I don’t want anyone to hear the plea behind the words I speak. He’s mine and I am his. There wasn’t a soul that would be able to come in between us, until now.
“I’m…so sorry.” He reaches for me again but my body takes a step back to avoid the hold and his touch.
I can’t believe the nerve he has. I outstretch my right hand from my stomach making contact with his cheek, producing a loud thwack. Evan grabs the hand that is now a pulsing throb from the piercing contact.
“Abby, please listen to me.” He pulls me close to him.
I can never resist him when he does this, the hold he has over me is paralyzing, but today…today I will break through the hold.
“Let me go or I’ll scream,” I hiss. I hold my eyes to his so that he knows I’m serious.
A tear falls from his eye as he drops my arm with his head following suit. I glance to the table where I learned who my sister’s killer is, information that the love of my life has hidden from me. Monica foams at the mouth, with horror swimming in her eyes, as she watches Evan beg me to listen.
I run out the door heading away from the building of Page Six. I can’t go back there, not today. There is no way I can face the human population with the tears that spill from this heady tragedy that has transpired from a cup of tea with a psychopath. I cross the busy street in a hurry as the drivers honk their horns in frustration. As I reach my car, leaning against the door, I clutch my stomach.
I quickly fumble to get in and start the engine. No one’s going to save me. I have to be brave. I feel sick as the vomit that I’d pushed down earlier makes its way to the surface. I sink into the leather comfort of my car. The flood gates open up, I flip the visor down, seeing what I already know is there. Wet, red, swollen eyes. Is this really happening, what’s going on? Maybe she lied to me. Maybe if she’s his friend he told her about Addyson. The confession of the sex they had, that is a whole different ball game and I’m not ready for those thoughts, not now.
The Bluetooth in the car rings and rings. I’m sure it’s Evan. I’m not up for that conversation right now. I lean back into the buttery feel of the seats and close my eyes.
My phone will not stop ringing and whoever it is will not give up. I can’t be bothered with the fucked up shit from someone else’s head right now because I don’t even know what’s going on in my own head right now.
The pain that I saw in his eyes haunts me. Those eyes are my safe haven. I always know everything will be ok when I look into the ocean that waits there. The tears in his eyes say that he’s just as lost as I am. How can I forgive the fact that his father is responsible for the pain and loss my family has endured? I will find his father; maybe slam my car into his. How can someone run from the scene of an accident like that and live with himself?
I caress my stomach again. The tears come harder. Our baby’s grandfather killed his or her aunt. I can’t live with that. Maybe I should go to Evan’s apartment. Maybe for this little one’s sake I should just listen to him. I want to believe that he would tell me the truth, and I want it to be what I need it to be. I squeeze my eyes shut.
My car shifts into drive and my right foot hits the gas, knowing there is no traffic where I parked this morning when my life was still perfect with Evan. My body is overruling my mind now. I need to see him, give him a chance to explain.
I drive the twenty-five minutes it takes to get to Evan’s apartment from Page Six. I dash in and out of traffic smoothly to my surprise. I have to admit I’m excited to hear what he has to say. I’m also a little more than scared. Maybe he didn’t tell me because he was scared I would judge him for something his father had done. I wouldn’t normally judge someone for their parents’ mistakes, but this is my sister we are talking about and he knew how I felt about finding the asshole that hit our car that night.
I sit in my car for a while needing to clear my head and get focused. I love him and I’m ruined for all other men. I know that he’s the only man I want to be with forever. When I finally have the courage to go into the building I take a deep breath.
“Ms. Hayes.” The evening attendant is behind the counter.
“Thomas,” I nod.
“Mr. Young is a popular guy tonight, eh?”
I furrow my brows, not having a clue what he’s talking about.
“Yeah there are two other women that have gone up there in the last hour.”
Oh really? What the fuck! “Yeah he sure is.” I smile and enter the elevator. I push in the code that only a select few should have.
I step out of the elevator and I note quickly that the door is already ajar so my keycard doesn’t open it. I step up to the door as I hear someone screaming.
“What did you say to her?” Evan growls.
His hands are clenched into fists, his knuckles are pale white, the veins in his neck are extended and throbbing, and the blue eyes I have come to love are hidden behind darkness now. He’s yelling at Monica and she shakes violently with fear. She sees it too, and she knows what is coming. She takes flight, losing her balance as Evan grabs her wrist. Her body turns and slams into his chest as he grabs her by the throat, holding her eyes into his.
“Did you think you had a chance to know what my love feels like, you stupid bitch? I can never love a fucking whore, that’s all you are. Abby has never hurt anyone. She’s the only woman I can ever love and no one else. You told her the most hurtful thing you could just because you think you love me.”
Evan’s voice is so deep and dark I shiver in response. He throws her back, releasing the grip he holds. “Get out!” Monica’s lifeless body continues to violently convulse as she stands there.
I want to scream for her to run; he wants to kill her. I know the look on his face when he’s holding back. I’ve seen it before. Maybe I’m ok with that. After all, I was happy with him before she took that away as she watched me writhe in pain. Maybe she should die.
“Evan,” she cries, tears running down her red cheeks. “Get out!” he screams, throwing his arm towards the door. Monica slowly moves towards her bag on the tan sofa and turns back to Evan; his eyes are full of fire. She stands still for another minute and then runs for the door.
I quickly run to the stairwell door, grabbing the handle as I swing it closed behind me. I haven’t realized I’ve been crying. The wall holds my body now, I have no balance, and it’s gone. I let the pain take me, consume me, control me. My body falls to the cold concrete convulsing with fear, sadness, and anger. Every bit of the leftover emotions swim in my tears. Once again my control has walked out the door leaving a fuck you sign for me to find.
I know why she said the things she did. She loves him, but it’s the calculated version. My version is pure. I want to grab her and shake the bullshit out of her dark eyes. She knew what she was doing. She knew I would back away from him with the truth she gave. Truth that wasn’t hers to give.
A part of me is grateful I finally know who it is that will pay for Addie’s death. I will avenge her. She and I shared the same DNA, it would be like avenging my own death. That’s why I was spared; I will be the one to inflict the same traitorous pain onto the person that ran that red light and killed my sister.
Why does it seem like life offers only one way out of desperation? I want to take it. I don’t want to stay in this nightmare to only have my heart crushed every five minutes. I want to walk to the edge I have been backing away from. I want to look to the bottom and see the darkness I’m going to jump into willingly.
Why did he have to walk through my door? His father killed my sister and he knew. He fucking knew this whole time. He didn’t say anything about it when I confessed my need to hang on and how that need was dwindling away all before I met him. He was saving me from the loneliness and now I fucking hate him. My stomach hurts and the pain makes me want to vomit from the lies. I recognize this pain, this pain leaves a metallic taste in my mouth, my breathing is stumbled with each thought that I have had so many times.
This pain is heartache that si
tting in my gut. I tried so hard to move on. I’ve been alone all this time, even after telling me he loved me. It was all a lie, right? His touch told a different story, but the blood is gushing from my heart and these wounds can’t be fixed with a Band-Aid. I can’t breathe anymore. How can I forgive a lie that eats at the depths of my soul?
I sit in the stairwell until my body is drained of the tears. I’m ice cold and numb, but not from the cold concrete. No, this is from the anger in my soul and it’s taking over now. I take in a deep breath, holding it as I count down to one from sixty.
I close my eyes and put my head down. I will not let this ruin me, not today. Tomorrow I can let the crippling pain take over, but today I will not die. My hands grip the stair railing as I pull myself up to my ballet flats.
Today I have to find courage. I dust off my pencil skirt, pop open my bag, apply my fruity gloss and open the stairwell door. The hallway is empty and quiet as I walk to the elevator. I am not a victim; my sister was a victim, but I will be strong for her today, and tomorrow I will jump off of that dark cliff, tomorrow I will be afraid, today I will be strong.
I step off of the elevator, my throat burning from holding back the tears. I pick up my phone. I need to send him a text. I don’t know what to say, but I love him and I just need to say goodbye. If nothing else I owe him that.
I feel drawn back there and I’m so confused. I’m pissed, angry, and I want to break him the same way he broke me. I want to hear him tell me this isn’t the truth and everything Monica said was a lie. The truth is I can’t walk back there, but I can’t walk away either. The love that fills my heart for Evan is paralyzing. It doesn’t know where to go or what to do. Sometimes you have to stop thinking and just go where your heart leads you.
Chapter Seventeen
Evan
This Means War by Avenged Sevenfold is blaring from my Bose speaker system. I don’t give a shit. I need to clear my head and this is about the only way I can do it. Yep, get me a good pump in and jam the fuck out that’s what’s up.
His Angel: The Angel Trilogy Book One Page 19