by Amy Isan
I was surprised to hear that, but I didn’t want to interrupt him. Besides, at this point, I was so confused by my feelings, I felt a mixture of anxiety and helplessness filling my chest. My fingers tightened into fists, shaking slightly.
“I asked her out, and found out she was a year older than me. She never thought she’d be with a younger man.” I clenched my eyes shut. “...And the next thing I knew, we were engaged. It was junior year of college, and right after she graduated with her degree, we got married.”
He sniffed, his voice returning back to normal, no longer threatening to break. “I was happy. I graduated soon after her, and started working for Silver Energy. They had hired me on from my previous summer internship. Then that Thanksgiving, we had the accident.”
“Hugh...” I sat up, trying to catch his eyes. He only briefly looked at me. He was still rubbing his wedding band.
“That’s why I still wear my wedding band, because I still think about her, I still think about it. I wish I didn’t have to, I wish I could stop — but I can’t.” He finally looked at me, and his pain was deep. He looked scorched.
“I’d understand if you wanted to go home. You probably don’t feel right being with me anymore.”
I nodded slightly. I caught a glimpse of that darkness that was in him and it frightened me. Maybe I thought that he would be a glimmer of hope in my life. But he was just as messed up as I was...
“I don’t know Hugh, I don’t know if I should stay. It’s hard...”
“I know. I know...” He leaned into me, his hair sweeping up against my chest. I twisted my fingers through his hair, while I stared at the far bedroom wall.
After a moment, he spoke again, his voice vibrating through me. “I’ll get the plane ready for you tomorrow morning. I’m sorry I brought you here, Cay. I guess I don’t really know myself.”
I looked away, toward the kitchen. “Now I feel like you’re making me go. I didn’t say I wanted to.”
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “It feels like that’s what you want to do. Sleep on it if you want.”
I perked up a little, lifting him off me for a moment. “Maybe we both could use some sleep. Do you want me to get you anything? Do you have any junk food?”
“Junk food?” He sat up and gave me a funny look.
“Maybe not with a body like that...” I murmured.
“No, I was saying that sounds great. I have some rocky road in the freezer.”
I was already halfway through the kitchen as the words left his mouth. I found the half-empty tub of ice cream and carved out two small bowls for us. When I came back to the bedroom, he was already passed out, his face smashed up against the pillow. I guess he was more drained than I thought.
I slipped his legs under the covers and joined him, hoping the morning would bring us both some peace.
***
I kept my eyes shut after I woke up. I could feel the heat and bright light from the sun, but I wanted to savor the last few moments of my rest. I still felt a little mixed up about the whole event, dead wives and grief.
I finally opened my eyes and squinted at the sunlight. The light was scattered in bright lines, dust danced in the beams.
My pillow was wet. Tears? I must’ve been crying.
I could hear Hugh as he clamored around the kitchen, opening drawers and cupboards in a hurry. The fridge cracked open several times. He must’ve started cooking, because a sizzling smell wafted into the bedroom.
I couldn’t remember if we decided I was leaving or not. I wanted to stay, as ridiculous as it sounded. The worst part was I knew better. I knew he couldn’t let me into his life if he was still grieving over his wife. Maybe I thought I could help him? Help bring him around?
I felt heartless and heartbroken at the same time.
Hugh pushed the bedroom door open and moved to my side of the bed. His hand was on my shoulder, his touch exceedingly gentle. “Cay, do you want some breakfast? I made us some grub.”
That was all I needed to hear. I threw the sheets off myself and sat up a little too fast. I squinted against the bright sunlight pouring into the room. I leaned over to grab the ice cream bowls, but they were already gone.
“Did you take the ice cream this morning?”
He laughed. “I actually ate a bowl. Well, I should say drank.” He seemed to be in a lot better mood, which cheered me up too.
“That’s good, I almost decided to eat them myself.” He grabbed my hand and helped me up. His touch was still reassuring and gentle.
He had breakfast sitting out for us on the breakfast bar: steaming sausage patties and scrambled eggs. A little fork sat next to each plate, which were waiting for us on the island in the kitchen.
He pulled a stool out and waited for me to sit. “It should be good, it’s always been my home remedy after drinking the night before, no matter how little. Sausages always help. I think it’s the spiciness.”
“Mmm, sausages. The grease is what does it for me,” I said. I dug in, my fork scraping against the plate. I was completely shocked by how hungry I actually was. The sausages were spicy, a little searing flavor to them that made me have to keep dancing them around in my mouth.
“Scrambled eggs are your favorite right? I couldn’t quite remember...” He sat down next to me and started eating.
I answered him with my mouth full, “They are.”
I looked around the kitchen again, the seashell backsplash, the red paint. The decorations and ornaments. All her, still in his life. The wedding band still on his finger. I swallowed hard.
“Are all these decorations hers then?”
“Oh no, I helped pick some of them out...” He grew a bit distant for a moment, and I regretted saying anything. He came back with a smile. “I’m surprise you’re being so calm about this whole thing.”
I touched his hand and he lowered his fork. “I don’t know what else I can do. I feel torn inside, but I’m doing my best.” He looked at me softly.
He paused. “I don’t even know what I need, Cay. But I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. I don’t want you to go.”
“Then I won’t. I don’t want to go either.” I finished my meal, swallowing the last bit of sausage and eggs.
He smiled. He finished his meal in four more bites. I carried our dishes to the sink to wash them, it was the least I could do since he had been feeding me. As I finished up, I heard him slip out of the kitchen and vanish into his bedroom.
***
When I went into the bedroom it was empty. The shower was running. I knelt over my still-packed luggage and pulled out some fresh clothes to wear. Some jeans and a light shirt would do fine, considering how hot it looked outside.
I went out onto the balcony, and checked the grill. He had cleaned it, I couldn’t believe it.
Did he only grill for himself, or did he ever have friends over to cook for? I leaned over the railing, staring down from the top floor of his condo.
The building was on the edge of a small hill, so it looked a lot higher up than ground level. Barreling down into sage and tumbleweeds. Purple and yellow specked the landscape, barely giving a hint that the desert was filled with life.
Of course, if the balcony was on the far side of the building, I’d be able to see the manicured and freshly cut lawns surrounding the neighboring buildings. All the water wasted on keeping up appearances. Wasn’t Nevada just grand?
I was so lost in thought, I didn’t notice when Hugh came up behind me.
He slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me against him.
“Caitlin...” he whispered in my ear, his minty breath tickling my skin. I slid my hand over his arms, feeling a bit tingly from his touch. “I’m glad you’re staying.”
He hung his head over my shoulder, brushing his face against mine. His clean hair hung over his eyes. “I have to run into work this morning, Scott wanted to see me.”
I nodded, and he stepped back into the house. He was already dressed in a sharp blue-grey sui
t. I followed him back inside, to the front door. He had a look in his eyes, a kind of determination. Or was it that I was finally peeking at the real Hugh? Not the super arrogant man who licked salt right off my glass when we met again?
***
The drive back to the other side of Reno was quick and painless. I’m sure the black leather interior would have been baked in the heat, but Hugh wasn’t the kind of person to leave his car in the elements like that. He was pretty quiet during the ride, so I just kept myself occupied with the passing world. I still couldn’t decide if what I was seeing should be admired or rejected. Implanted tree after implanted tree. What was the point?
We parked in his marked space in the garage tucked under the Silver Energy skyscraper. He said he had to stop real quick, should I wait in the car? After watching him walk about a hundred feet, I groaned. I climbed out of his car, and hurried. He acknowledged me with the beeping of his car locking.
***
We exited the elevator on the Silver Energy floor, and I awkwardly let him go first. I followed him, watching him and wondering if it was my imagination that he was being cold. As we moved into the main cubicle office area, Hugh smiled at no one in particular.
Scott saw us and grinned. Meeting him for the second time, my impression of him was pretty much solidified. He had the kind of air that made you want to impress him. Were he to give you his approval, you’d feel satisfied. I felt like I had a sense why Hugh liked him.
“Hugh and Caitlin, it’s nice to see you two again.” He took both our hands and held them together. He turned to Hugh, “Would you like to join me in my office?” He added as he turned to me, “you can join us too if you’d like. No company trade secrets here.” He crossed his hand over his heart.
I chuckled a little, forgetting my bad mood for a moment. “That’d be nice actually, see what the big boys talk about.
“Great,” Scott said. He smacked Hugh on the shoulder and they walked to Scott’s office. I followed behind them. Hugh hadn’t even protested with a look, he seemed fine with me joining him.
Scott’s door has his name etched into it too.
Inside, his office had the signs of being well used. Lived in. A stark contrast to Hugh’s blank canvas of an office.
Framed photos of his family were facing toward Scott. I managed to sneak a peek and saw a red haired woman and two brunette daughters. They made up the majority of the decoration.
The years on his diplomas betrayed his age; he was in his fifties, but he looked a lot younger.
An expansive desk separated him from Hugh and I. He had a blue folder sitting open, which had numbers and graphs on loose paper. Is this about Hugh’s job?
After we had settled in, Scott began: “Hugh, I’ve been looking at your past performance and dedication to the job. You’ve been with us for a really short time, but I’ve never seen anyone do as much or climb as fast as you do. You secured new locations for nuclear power plants, hydro-dams, and, while I shouldn’t be giving you all the credit, converted 40% of Nevada’s energy users to us. When I started this program 5 years ago, I noticed a sickening gap in energy competition, a gap I wanted to fill. Thanks to you,” he looked up from the folder, and closed it with a flick of his wrist: "We've accomplished more than I ever hoped we would in twenty years. I’m promoting you to VP of Silver Energy.”
“Vice President?” Hugh stammered, “What about Randal?”
“Forget Randal. He’s old news, he didn’t have the spark I see in you. I kicked his ass to the curb. All I had to do what this old trick: open his folder, and open your folder next to it. The choice could not have been more clear cut.” He pushed himself away from the desk. Hugh stood to shake his hand. “Congratulations Hugh, I couldn’t be more proud.”
“T-thank you, sir, I couldn’t have done any of it if you hadn’t let me intern here.”
“I know it, no regrets.” He laughed, holding his stomach. “Your salary will raise immediately,” he glanced at me, as if he was hoping to gauge my reaction, “from two-hundred-and-fifty grand to five-hundred grand. Of course, after stock options... you’re looking more like two million.”
Hugh sat back down in his chair, complete astonishment on his face. “...I don’t know what to say.” It wasn’t even for me, but my heart was pounding in my ears. My knuckles were white from clutching my knees.
“Say thank you. And go on a vacation, you obviously deserve it. Why don’t you take Caitlin with you? She seems like a nice enough gal." Scott winked at me, and I blushed. I wonder what he would have said he knew I was leaving to go to Maine.
“I might do that, I just might,” Hugh said. He stood up and straightened his jacket, almost as if he were a new man.
“Yes, now get outta here.” Scott waved us away, a smile crossing his face.
***
On our way back down to the garage, Hugh seemed to regain his composure. He still had a sense of excitability in his voice.
“What do you think, about what Scott said?”
I made eye contact with him. “About going on a vacation with you? I thought you were just saying that to appease him. I wouldn't want to be a burden."
“You’re not a burden, Caitlin.” He rubbed his chin, lost in thought.
“Did you know you were getting promoted?” I asked. “You were being kind of quiet on the drive over.”
“I didn’t, I just knew Scott wanted to talk to me about my work. I thought I was getting fired honestly... he always fucks with me like that.”
“Well, where would you want to go?” We made it back to his car. He leaned on the roof, crossing his arms and staring off in deep thought. I mimicked him absentmindedly. He smiled.
“We can go to my dad’s summer home, in Massachusetts. I haven’t been there in years, not since high school. I’m sure he still has the place.”
I remembered him talking about his summer vacations when we first started dating. The glimmering ocean that was more like a lake, and how the trees seemed to stay in bloom all summer long.
***
We headed back to his house to gather our things. We couldn’t just hop on the plane without anything to wear. Well, I couldn’t at least.
“I’ll be right back, I just gotta get my weekend bag together,” he said. He went into the bedroom, and I heard drawers slide open.
While he was rummaging around in there, I decided a toast was in order. I dug through his alcohol cabinet and found a nice bottle of wine.
I gathered two wine-glasses and filled them halfway up, just the right amount. A good toast for a good morning. I felt a little dry anyway.
Hugh just got promoted to vice president of his company. His boss said after stock options, he’d be looking at almost two million a year. Two million?
I couldn’t fathom it. More than a hundred grand a month.
More than I had ever made at any job, even in a year. Of course, I couldn’t expect much from the jobs I've held. Retail hell generally.
Taking the glasses in my hands, I pushed open the bedroom door with my hips. Hugh was just taking some things out of his closet when he saw me. I shot him a coy smile.
“I think a toast is long overdue for you, Mr. Evans.” I pulled his hand and placed a glass in it. Hugh grinned, his eyes sparkling. “To your promotion.”
“To us,” he corrected me. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“to us, then.” I raised my glass and we clinked them together, before I downed mine in two big swallows. He made a face, clearly impressed. He took a long drink of his own glass and set it down.
“I’m going to call James and make sure he can give us a flight out. If he can’t, we might have to wait a couple of hours.”
“Okay.” I set my glass next to his and pushed them together, the crystal letting out a soft clink.
I wandered into the bathroom, making sure I had a toothbrush. When I stepped back into the bedroom, Hugh was already getting off the phone.
“James says he can take us in a couple of hours. He j
ust got in from Seattle and needs to take a break.”
“That’s fine. What do you want to do?”
“We could run into town and grab a movie. We’re not really in a rush. James won’t be leaving without us.”
“Oh man, a movie? I haven’t been out to see one for so long...” He kissed my cheek. Coupled with the wine, I was undoubtably rosy. He smiled at me, searching my eyes.
“Let’s get going,” he said. He gave me a squeeze before we gathered our luggage and climbed into his car.
***
After the movie, we headed down to the airport. Heat lines waved at us as we drove down the highway, wet mirages fading in and out of reach.
“I remember you talked about this place, I hope it doesn’t disappoint,” I said, jabbing him with my arm. He feigned injury and laughed.
“So no doubts about returning to Maine? Instead of a magical vacation to Massachusetts?”
“Honestly, I couldn’t think of a place I’d rather be than with you.” I touched his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze.
“You wouldn’t know it, but the town we’re going to can have quite a night life.”
“Oh yeah?”
“We’ll have to go out, get a nice dress for you, the whole thing.”
“Oh god you can’t get me a dress. You’re already taking me all over the country.” I rubbed his arm, feeling that electricity between us. It sizzled and popped. I felt goose bumps all over.
***
At the airport it felt like we were running through the gates. I didn’t remember him walking that fast since the last time we were together. I didn’t know where to go, so I was just dodging in and out of the throngs of people, trying to keep my eye on Hugh.
Finally, we made it to our gate. Outside in the terminal, James was waiting, looking pleased.
“Hello, Hugh, I’m glad you called when you did. I just got the plane refueled and we’re ready to go. Where to?”
“Cape Cod, Massachusetts, James.”
“Oh? Back to the east coast? What’s the occasion?” James asked.
Hugh gave our bags to one of the airport attendants. He started up the stairway when he answered James’ question. “I just got a promotion, to VP.”