by Liz Maccie
Mervin stabbed at another ravioli.
My stomach grumbled, reminding me I was hungry. I got up and headed over to the food line next to the salad bar and stood behind an older male teacher wearing a navy blue sport coat. A menu was hanging on the wall, enclosed in a glass case. It was printed on thick-looking cream paper and it read:
TODAY’S MENU
Chicken Cordon-Bleu
Grilled Atlantic Salmon
Steak Teriyaki
Goat Cheese Ravioli
It all sounded totally nasty. My palate was definitely not used to such cuisine. My family’s idea of “gourmet” was pretty much Chinese takeout on Friday nights. I inched my way forward and listened to the older teacher order a “generous helping of the steak teriyaki, please.”
It was my turn. The lunch lady standing behind the case of unidentifiable food was pretty and well-groomed. She had on a crisp, white uniform with Meadowbrook Academy Established 1904 embroidered across the pocket in purple stitching.
“May I help you?” she sweetly asked.
“Umm…” I scratched my forehead and leaned in a little so nobody else could hear my question. “Could you just give me whatever is the most…normal thing?”
She nodded as if we were part of some covert operation. “I understand,” she whispered back. She took a pair of silver tongs, grabbed a brown, oblong-shaped thing, and put it on a shiny white plate.
“Here you go.” She passed the plate over the top of the glass case.
I thanked her and headed to the salad bar. I had to admit I was impressed by the real plate. I moved the brown thing over to one side with the tip of my finger; it felt warm and mushy. Then I piled a whole bunch of cucumbers, tomatoes, and carrots on the other side of the plate. At least I knew what those things tasted like.
Heading back over to Mervin and Annie, I looked at all the kids sitting together in their respective huddles: cheerleaders at one table, football players at another, geeks at another, artistic types, band types, semipopular, popular, and most popular. There was a clique for every kind of person. With no Christine. With no West Orange High, I wondered where I fit in.
There were also two larger round tables in the middle of the room where all the teachers were sitting. I saw Twiggy at one table, and I wondered where Ms. Dalton was. Did anyone know about the two of them? Maybe they owned a condo and took aerobics together. Maybe the whole school knew and I was just being dramatic because I remembered how upset my second cousin Billy got when my third cousin Theresa spread around the neighborhood that he was gay. Billy was gay. Everyone in the family knew it and so did the entire neighborhood, long before Theresa spread it around. I guess Billy was so hurt because he didn’t know that everyone knew.
I sat back down and grabbed a fork out of a silver canister that was already on the table. I spotted Ms. Dalton walk through the back entrance, and I watched her as she passed by Twiggy and sat down at the other table. She didn’t acknowledge Twiggy, and Twiggy didn’t acknowledge her. I guess that answered my question.
“Roberta!” Mervin shouted, “Hello…Earth to Roberta!”
“Huh, what?” I said as I used my fork to discover that the brown thing on my plate was chicken.
“I said ‘pick a card, any card.’” Mervin shuffled a deck of cards and I picked one.
“Okay,” he said, “now don’t tell me what it is. It’s…three of hearts!”
I looked down at my card.
“Tell me the truth; it’s the only way I’ll get better.”
I shook my head, no.
“Okay…five of diamonds.”
“Sorry.”
“Ace of spades?”
“You’re getting closer—”
He grabbed the card back. “Well, you win some, you lose some. Hey, do you want to come over to Annie’s this weekend? Her family has a pool, and we could go swimming if it’s warm enough. I mean, if that’s okay with you, Annie?”
Wow, a pool. I didn’t know anybody that owned their own pool.
“Uhhh…” Annie got really weird again, just like she had earlier in the hallway.
Our table was awkwardly silent. Maybe Annie didn’t want me to come over. Maybe she thought I would steal something or dirty her nice white furniture. I started to get angry inside. Who was she to judge, just because her family had money? My skin got hot, and I wanted to stand up, throw my chicken in her hair, and tell her that I didn’t need her goddamn pool! I could just as easily go to the YMCA, you stupid, mean, selfish—
Annie looked up. “Whoa, sorry guys, I just totally had a brain fart. I’d love it if you could come over. Do you think you could get a ride, Roberta?”
And then again, maybe I was wrong. Thank God I hadn’t opened my big fat mouth. I quickly thought about the fact that my one mode of transportation had broken down and that there was no chance in hell I’d be going anywhere after my mother punished me for getting a detention. But I decided to ignore these obvious obstacles and said instead, “Sounds like fun.” I took a small bite of the chicken, and it actually tasted pretty good. “Where do you guys live?”
“Suck-me-harder,” Annie said.
“Suck-me-what?” I giggled.
“It’s actually Susquehanna, but I call it Suck-me-harder because it’s so freakin’ boring. I guess that doesn’t really make any sense, does it?” Annie went on and made up a little song, “Suck-me-harder…suck-me-harder, I’ve got a penis in my farter!”
We all started laughing; crude humor is always a crowd pleaser.
Annie lowered her voice and got very serious. “I have to ask you guys a question. Actually, I guess just you, Roberta.”
“Okay,” I said, chomping on a piece of cucumber.
“It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”
“Go for it.” I threw a carrot into my mouth.
Two boys carrying instrument cases sat down at the table next to us.
Annie glared at them a moment and then leaned in so only Mervin and I could hear. “Have you ever given a blow job?”
“Oh my God, Annie,” Mervin dropped his fork. “Honestly!”
The two band kids looked over at Mervin and then went back to their lunches.
“What? It’s a legitimate question. I’m curious. Have you?” Annie pressed.
I finished swallowing the piece of carrot. There was this one experience I had a few months ago when I was out with Christine, but I never told anyone about it…not even Christine.
Annie blinked impatiently. “Well?”
“No,” I said.
Annie’s eyes narrowed in on me. “I think you’re lying.”
My hands got crazy sweaty and my ears grew hot. Annie and Mervin just stared at me. I had never told anyone about my “experience,” and I wasn’t planning on telling two people I had just met. But the more they looked at me, the more nervous I got.
“Maybe,” I finally blurted out.
Annie smiled. “Now we’re talking.” She pushed her tray away. “You either have or you haven’t, so which is it?”
I uncomfortably shifted in my seat. “I don’t know…” Beads of sweat were forming across my forehead. “I guess…I guess I had one in my mouth once, but I don’t think that counts.”
“I’m going to throw up.”
“Oh, Mervin, don’t be so dramatic. Go ahead, Roberta. You had one in your mouth once and…?”
“And that’s really it.” I ate another carrot, hoping the subject would change, but it didn’t.
“Where were you?” Annie asked.
I swallowed the carrot. “At the Florham Park Skating Rink.”
“Oh yeah, that place is a meat market. So what happened? And don’t leave out any details.”
Mervin sighed and rolled his eyes.
“You’re not chained to that chair, Mervin. Leave if you want to—”
“No, I’ll stay. For Roberta.”
I could tell that Mervin was actually just as interested in my story as Annie was.
&nb
sp; “Oh God.” I rubbed my eyes, still trying to wiggle out of telling them the truth. “Okay…our mechanic’s son, this guy Frank, was there at the roller rink with his friends, and he started talking to me. It was 80s night.”
“Cool. Very retro. Go.” Annie was like an interrogator on a mission.
“We skated to ‘Purple Rain,’ and he bought me a rainbow snow cone. Then he asked me to go outside with him. So I took off my skates and followed him behind the rink, where the dumpsters are, at the far end of the parking lot…and he kind of pushed my shoulders down and told me to get on my knees. Then he took it out and put it in my mouth.”
“Ewww. Near the dumpsters?” Mervin asked.
“Yeah, it reeked of garbage,” I said.
Annie leaned in even closer. “What did you do? After he put it in your mouth?”
“I didn’t do anything. I just left it there. His thing tasted weird, kind of like how a penny would taste if you put one in your mouth. The whole thing was just stupid. It made me gag, so I stopped and stood up. And then I saw my dad’s car pull into the parking lot.”
Annie gasped. “He didn’t see you, did he?”
“No! I would have died!”
“What did you do?” Mervin asked.
“Frank walked me over to my dad’s car.”
“Oh my God, the nerve,” Mervin said.
“They talked about the Yankees for a few minutes—I mean, he was our mechanic’s son—but when we were driving away, my dad asked me why I had dirt on my jeans around my knees.”
“What did you say?” Annie asked.
“I said…” And a tinge of sadness came over me. “I said I had fallen while I was roller skating.”
“Intense,” Mervin said.
“Yeah, the funny thing is, I’ve never even kissed anybody. I guess it’s just kind of weird, you know?”
I saw a flicker of something sad in Annie’s eyes as she nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “Sometimes life doesn’t feel very fair.”
A few minutes went by, and I found myself not wanting to eat anymore. We all went to throw out our trash. Annie chucked her stuff into the garbage chute and then watched me and Mervin as we scraped our plates and put away our trays.
“Do you want to do something fun?” she asked us, breaking the silence.
“Fun, how?” Mervin took one last sip of juice before he threw his cup away. “Like ha-ha fun or oh-boy-wasn’t-that fun?”
“I don’t know which category of fun it is, Mervin. It’s just fun.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“I had this awesome idea. I mean, I think it’s the best idea I’ve ever had.” Annie used the tip of her foot to draw circles on the ground. “Just think about it, okay? Don’t shoot it down right away.”
“My time is precious, Annie, and now you’re wasting it,” Mervin said.
“Promise you’ll think about it first?”
“Okay. I’ll think about it first,” he said mechanically.
“Sure,” I chimed in. “Me too.” To be honest, outside of Christine, no one my age ever asked me to do anything, so the prospect of something fun on any level sounded fantastic to me.
Three kids dressed all in black moved toward us. We scooted over to let them throw out their garbage.
In a secretive tone, Annie said, “I think it would be really amazing to break into the reservoir today, after school.”
“Are you insane?” Mervin backed away, practically screeching.
Annie very calmly crossed her arms. “No, I’m not insane.”
I watched the two of them like a tennis match.
“Well, why in the hell would you want to go and do something like that unless you were insane?” Mervin was all kinds of flustered.
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because I want to see where Warren Schrimmer died.”
Without saying another word, Mervin started to walk away, but Annie grabbed hold of his backpack, which stopped him. “You promised you would think about it—”
“Yes, I would think about partaking in something that was normal, but this is not normal; this is totally morbid and weird.”
“You’re being unreasonable.” Annie turned and looked at me. “What about you, Roberta? What do you think?”
I had to admit, although I didn’t know why, that there was a part of me, a big part of me, that was intrigued. “Well, what would we do? Just break in and leave?”
Annie’s face lit up. “No, see, this is the best part: we can raft across it! This weekend, I saw inflatable rafts at the toy store across the street at the mall. They can hold up to four people, and it even comes with oars. We can raft across the reservoir. How great is that?”
The bell rang, ending lunch.
“Don’t decide now…think about it and tell me later.”
“I’ve already decided,” Mervin huffed. “And it’s absolutely no!”
Annie leaned in and kissed Mervin’s cheek. “A promise is a promise. Live a little, Mervin. You might actually like it.” She smiled and ran off.
A bunch of kids and teachers walked past us, out the cafeteria doors.
Mervin rubbed his head like he had a migraine. “She’s certifiably crazy.”
“You know her better than I do.”
“Just crazy,” he repeated.
The Football Table
11:43 a.m.
On our way out of the cafeteria, Mervin and I passed by what seemed to be the “football table.” The “football players” were finishing the obscene amounts of food that were still on their trays.
I heard one of the guys, with a mouth full of ravioli, say, “I swear I would…I’d go down on that.”
I glanced over at them and saw a big, beefy boy with no neck say, “Dude, she’s like totally a dike, but who cares? I’d bang her.”
A tall, kind of lanky boy sitting next to beefcake boy said, “Whatever, dude. Ms. Dalton is nasty. Ten bucks she’s got some kind of STD.”
And then the blond, Adonis-like, football team captain, vision of J.Crew perfection, who I remembered from being up on stage during morning meeting, said with complete and utter arrogance, “I’d screw her straight.”
Everyone at the table burst out laughing.
I was enraged at how horrible and hurtful these assholes were being. I quickly looked over to where Ms. Dalton had been sitting. Thankfully she was already gone, but Twiggy was still sitting at her table, and by the expression on her face, it was obvious she had heard every word. I waited for Twiggy to jump up and punish them, but instead she just sat there completely frozen. And my heart broke for her.
For a split second, I caught Twiggy’s eye. I could see how hurt she was, and I just couldn’t stop myself from what I was about to do. My father always taught me to fight for what was right, even if it meant you were wrong in doing so.
I walked away from Mervin, took a few steps closer to the football table, and said as obnoxiously as I could, “You’re such pathetic losers. Why don’t you all get a life?”
The table instantly fell silent, and all eyes turned toward me. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. Kids had started to pile into the cafeteria for second lunch.
“Adonis” aggressively pushed himself up and walked over to me. There was a certain kind of guy that got off on intimidating girls, and he was definitely one of them. His chest was within inches of my face. He was glaring down at me. I could feel his stank, heavy breath pounding on the top of my head. He was like an angry, misogynistic bull, and I was the red flag.
My heart was racing and I was scared, but I defiantly lifted my head so that I was staring right back up at him. I got ready to kick him in his balls. Anthony taught me that technique. I was ready. This guy had nothing on me.
The second bell rang. Next period had started.
“What did you just say?”
“I said, get a life, asshole.” I spoke slowly and deliberately, like I was speaking to a child.
He laughed at me. “You-dirty-little-piece-of-shit-ugly-dirty-Guinea-Wop,” he said mockingly.
At this point, I guess Twiggy snapped out of whatever trance she was in because she came rushing over and got in between us. “Enough! Stop this behavior immediately!”
Even though Twiggy’s hand was up against Adonis’s chest, he still made a lunging motion forward, trying to intimidate me. He pointed his crappy little finger right at me. “You better watch it, little girl.”
I guffawed at his attempt at assaulting me. And then proceeded to spit a big wad of phlegm right in his face.
Perhaps this wasn’t the smartest thing I could have done, but it was damn well effective. A male teacher must have seen what was going on because he ran right over.
“All right, that’s enough!” Twiggy yelled again. “That’s enough! You will both get detentions, and you will stop this behavior immediately!” Twiggy’s calm, cool exterior was unraveling all over the place.
The male teacher stood between me and my imminent death. Adonis wiped my spit off his cheek and kept his beady eyes locked on me, but I didn’t budge, not one inch. Twiggy pulled out her detention pad and madly scribbled down our detentions. “Here.” She handed us each a folded slip of paper. “Now get to your next class, or you’ll be facing immediate suspension and possible expulsion.”
Adonis crumpled his detention slip and shoved it in his pocket. “You better watch it,” he said again as he pushed past me. His entourage followed close behind, all shooting me evil looks.
Twiggy thanked the male teacher for helping. He told her, “It was no problem,” adjusted his tie, and left. She smoothed out her skirt, bent down to pick up her small, grey purse, and walked away without saying another word to me.
I turned back to look at Mervin, who was frozen in fear. The cafeteria was now completely bustling with the next period lunch.
“Why did you do that?” Mervin stammered. “That was the captain of the football team.”
“I don’t care!” My anger had nowhere to go. I shook my head. “I don’t know, Mervin, they were being mean about someone I like.”
Mervin nodded, but I knew he didn’t understand. How could he? He didn’t know about the secret relationship between Twiggy and Ms. Dalton. And he also had no idea how kind Twiggy was to me earlier.