by Geri Krotow
“That feels...wonderful.” Her muscles relaxed into his hands, and the satisfaction at comforting her was almost as good as if she’d given him the green light to make love to her again. Almost.
“Go on.” He dropped his arms and kept his hand from playfully swatting her bottom. It was a lovely ass, and he knew instinctively that if he ever wanted to touch it again, skin on skin, it had to be on Trina’s time.
“We’ll be in Jake’s room in about twenty minutes.” She handed him the soapy sponge, and they stood like that for a second.
“Take your time.” He started to rinse plates and load them into a dishwasher that looked like it was on its last cycle.
“Okay, well. Thank you, Rob.” She leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she disappeared up the stairs.
Rob whistled as he did the dishes, a sense of serenity he’d never experienced washing over him. A shoulder massage, a kiss on the cheek, all friendly gestures that could lead to more. Maybe. It was wait-and-see.
For the first time in forever, Rob was willing to wait as long as it took for something he wanted. For what was most worthwhile.
* * *
Rob loved reading to Jake and getting to be there again to watch Trina tuck him in. He stayed back near the door of Jake’s bedroom, not wanting to come on too strong.
“’Night, Rob.” Jake waved from his race car bed, and Rob winked at him.
“’Night, champ.”
He went down the stairs and waited for Trina to meet him. He kept expecting a rush of anxiety at the weight of becoming a parent to hit him, but all he felt was joy. Pure exhilaration at knowing he had a son. And he’d been given a second chance to know him. It was easy to think he had a second chance with Trina, too.
But was it smart?
“Hey.” Trina’s bare feet hadn’t made a sound until the last two steps.
“Hey, yourself.” He drew her into his arms, grateful that she didn’t stiffen or pull back. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Hmm?” Her cheek felt so good against his chest.
“I would like to see more of Jake. Regularly.”
She lifted her head, her expression wary. “Do you mean like custody?”
“Yes. No. No! Of course I want to take care of all of his financial needs, but I’d like a chance to spend time with him so that he gets used to me.”
“I am totally capable of providing for his financial needs. Isn’t time like tonight what you’re talking about? Coming over, getting to know him?”
“I want to do more than be your dinner guest, Trina.” Her eyes flared with heat at his words, and the energy went straight to his dick, already invested in the conversation as it was. He was going to need a long, cold shower tonight.
“That’s—that’s mutual.” She chewed her lower lip, and frustration made him place his hands on her shoulders, his forehead to hers. It had been their signature move in the desert all those years ago, and while this was a new beginning for them, he wanted her to know he meant what he said.
“Babe, I want you so bad I could take you up against this wall. But we’re going to go slow, so that we both know it’s for the right reasons.”
“What, no more frantic coupling in the middle of a family campsite?” She tried to be jovial, but he heard the pain that threaded through her question.
“That wasn’t frantic, it was pure instinct. Existential. We’ll talk about it for years to come.” He rubbed the insides of her wrists with his thumb. “Whether we’re able to make a go of it this time or not, it’s important that Jake know we’re here for him. I won’t have him be part of a family with two parents who don’t get along or worse, fight in front of him.”
“Rob, you’re not a bad parent. You’ve only been one as far as you knew for what, a week? Give this time.”
“Exactly. Will you let me help you? Can I be the other parent Jake never had until now?”
“I don’t think you’re giving me any other choice, are you?”
“You have every right to say no.”
“That’s not how I roll, Rob.” Her voice was husky with emotion, and he thrilled at the jolts of awareness that hopped across his chest and down to his very hard, very focused dick. He sighed before he could stop it.
“What?”
He gently stepped back and let go of her. “I’ve got to say goodbye now or risk permanent blue balls.”
* * *
The next morning she stared at the daisies Rob had given her as she drank her first cup of coffee. Jake would come barreling down the stairs at any minute, and she appreciated the quiet before the day started.
A rap at her back door startled her. Her mother was two hours north in Williamsport, and Nolan hadn’t texted he’d be by. Heart hammering, she stood up and walked to the door. Relief was followed by curiosity as she opened the door.
“Good morning!” Rob held out a potted flower.
“Come on in.” She accepted the plant, its ceramic container a beautiful work of blues, greens and golds that swirled tighter into a heart on the side. “Thank you. At this rate, I’m going to be able to open my own florist’s shop.”
“I noticed you’re in need of plants and flowers for the house. Where’s Jake?”
“He’s upstairs brushing his teeth. I don’t want to be rude, but I thought we’d agreed to meet at TH?”
“We did, and I changed my mind. Being a part of my son’s life isn’t the same as borrowing a library book. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression I was only interested in seeing him in short spurts. I want it all, Trina.”
“That’s fair.”
“And I want my brother to know him. Jeremy is Jake’s only uncle on my side, and it’s important to me.”
She was touched by how much Rob had thought this out. “I don’t have a problem with that. Where does your brother live?”
“Believe it or not, less than two hours from here. He works at a resort as their head chef.” Pride laced his words. Trina loved how Rob might only have one relative but he made the most of it, never complained about losing his family of origin so young.
“He sounds a lot different than you.”
“Because he’s not LEA? He was in the Navy as a cook, for a short time. He used his GI bill to go to culinary school. It sounds different, cooking versus bringing down bad guys, but they both require a level of focus and attention to detail.”
She thought about how Rob’s attention to detail, crucial in a successful mission, translated to the bedroom. What was she going to do with her feelings for this man? They were discussing Jake’s custody and parenting, something that could become so contentious. And yet, even knowing they might not make it as a couple, she wanted him. Needed him.
“Rob, I’ve been thinking, too. I can’t, I won’t let Jake think we’re all going to be together when the chance is so slim.”
His gaze met hers and she saw his understanding. But there was more. A simmering heat that she knew was reflected in her eyes, too.
“Is it, Trina? A slim chance?”
Desire exploded between them, and Trina’s body reacted as it always did to Rob. From the exquisite friction as her nipples rubbed up against her sundress to the heat that pooled between her legs and made said limbs wobbly, she was a goner.
He moved in, his lips meeting hers with no other touch involved. The kiss was hot, expert on both their parts. But it wasn’t the sexual arousal that made Trina’s insides melt, that tugged at the walls around her soul. It was their connection. Her physical compatibility with Rob was due to this enigmatic link they’d shared since he’d climbed aboard her P-8 in Iraq.
“Mom! Are you okay?”
Trina and Rob jerked apart, and to her extreme dismay, Jake stood right next to them, toothpaste on his mouth.
“I’m fine, honey bunny.” She let out breath and knelt to his level. “
Rob and I are very good friends.”
He shrugged. “I know, Mom. Hey, Rob!” He hugged Rob’s leg tightly, and another brick in her wall crumbled. What was she doing? It was one thing if she had to face the reality of not making a lifetime with Rob because of her own trust issues. But to ever have to see Jake grieve over the loss of a father—unthinkable.
“Mom, we have to get to camp. We’re collecting bugs with exoskeletons today.” Jake had lost interest in the kiss once he knew his mom was okay. And he soaked up Rob’s friendly attention like a dry sponge.
“Okay, let’s go. Rob, you can come with us since we’re going to work together today. Jake, Rob and I work together at our job.”
“You told me that, Mom. So Rob, you’re a marshal like Mommy?”
“Ah, yes. In a way.”
They got out of the house, and as she buckled Jake into his booster seat she felt Rob’s gaze and met his eyes. They’d shifted from lovers to parents as if it was a natural progression. As if she could somehow overcome her fear that he’d disappear again.
* * *
They dropped Jake at his day camp with little fanfare, as he was still pooped from last night’s excitement. Other than family, Trina explained to Rob that she didn’t have a lot of folks over for dinner during the week, and he was the first person they’d had to dinner in the new house, period.
“Bye, Mom.” Rob watched Jake hug Trina on the sidewalk with his big-boy persona. A surge of delight hit him when Jake looked over Trina’s shoulder and waved at him. He waved back, smiling in spite of his churning gut. Dread filled every corner of Rob’s being as he watched the quintessentially familial scene. He couldn’t tamp down the pure love he felt for his son, the incredible sense of ownership he had as Jake jogged away from the car at the drop-off point and joined the group of children sitting in a circle.
“Bye, honey.” Trina waved, her dress swaying about her sexy body.
“He really likes you.” Trina slid her sunglasses back onto her nose and drove away from the school building.
“Does it ever get easier?” He spoke around the huge lump in his throat.
“What?” She shot him a quick once-over. “Dang, I forgot that all of this is brand-new for you. You’re upset at having to watch him go off to a group of strangers, right?”
Yes, that was part of what was bothering him.
“Yeah.”
“It gets easier. I remind myself that it’s healthy for him to have a break from me, and vice versa. Plus kids need other trusted adults to be authority figures. And of course the bottom line has always been that I have to work, so it’s part of our life.”
“You’d never be a stay-at-home mom, not full time. I don’t see you doing that.”
“It’s easy to think that, I get it, but when he was very tiny I wanted out of the Navy so badly, wanted to be able to spend every moment with him. Reality set in at about six months. I’m a much better mom when I’ve taken care of myself first, and yes, for me that means my career.”
“Have you thought of a safer one?”
“As I’ve said before, I’m called to this profession, in one form or another. You of all people understand that. And consider—would you ask a man the same thing?”
“I wouldn’t question any other man’s choice. Or woman’s. But you’re my son’s mother.” A mental scene flashed in front of him. What if Jake had a full-time dad? What if Trina didn’t have to worry about childcare, after-school care, who’d drive Jake to his sporting events?
“Don’t go there, Rob.”
“Where?”
“You’re thinking you could be his full-time parent, right? Trust me, I’ve put myself through all the scenarios. It’s tough no matter what job you leave for in the morning. You’ll figure it out. Give yourself time.”
* * *
As Trina continued to train with Trail Hikers over the next month, she and Rob fell into a routine with Jake. Rob asked to split up the schedule as far as drop-off and pickup, and they went to his summer soccer league games together.
“It’s more like pee wee or bumblebee soccer.” They stood at edge of a small soccer field. Rob spoke from the side of his mouth, his gaze riveted on Jake in the early-evening light. Trina stifled a giggle.
“It’s not the World Cup, but the kids seem to really enjoy it.” Jake got the ball and started to dribble it stiltedly up the field for a few steps before he was swarmed by a half dozen other players, all no more than three feet tall. It was pure American little-kid soccer, and she loved it.
“He’s a natural. Look at how he’s able to maneuver it out of that group.” Rob sounded as though Jake was performing brain surgery instead of making his earliest attempts at playing the game.
“I have to admit that if this turns out to be his favorite sport it’s from your genes. I never wanted anything to do with running. I was a tree climber.”
Rob turned to her, his attention rapt. She still hadn’t gotten used to his intensity in a civilian, downright family setting.
“You’re still pretty good at climbing.”
“Hey, keep it G-rated, mister.” She slapped lightly at his upper arm, aware of the other parents checking them out. She was usually the lone single mother out here, with Nolan or one of her parents with her. Rob’s good looks and graceful physicality drew attention wherever he went, and in Silver Valley word traveled quickly. She wasn’t ready to explain exactly who Rob was in her life and what he meant to Jake. Not until Jake knew Rob was his father. Although their behavior lent itself well to the op, as an engaged couple.
“Relax. You care more than anyone else.” To prove his point he nuzzled her shoulder, bared by her tank top. The summer heat did nothing to her compared to Rob’s lips against her skin. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, waiting for her to let go and trust the moment.
They hadn’t made love again, but their kisses were becoming more frantic as the weeks wore on. Part of her wished Jake already knew Rob was his father, and that maybe, just maybe, she and Rob could agree to give their relationship a fighting chance.
She leaned back so that he’d hear her as the parents around them cheered on their little tykes. “I’ll let you get away with it this time. I trust you not to do anything too blatant.”
Trust. The illusive criterion for her to even begin to consider a serious relationship with Rob, beyond sharing parenthood. In his arms under the softly falling twilight, with fireflies sparking and cicadas singing, it seemed possible.
Chapter 12
The day finally arrived for Trina and Rob to show up at Silver Valley Community Church for the Community Hands Up committee meeting, scheduled for ten in the morning. Even her mother didn’t know she was doing this, and unless Carmen heard about it through the grapevine, Trina didn’t see a need to tell her or her father. There would be too many questions, and her mother would get those three lines across her forehead that were mom-speak for “Trina’s getting overextended again.”
It was different for her to dress as a suburban fiancée. Conservative enough to appear responsible but with enough flair to not be boring. Because of the summer heat she decided on a floral sundress with a short-sleeved white cardigan and her favorite multicolored beaded sandals. She’d sent Jake up to her parents in Williamsport, safely out of reach of what could become a dangerous mission in Silver Valley.
She and Rob had agreed to meet at TH headquarters first to read over any new intel reports before they headed out together to begin their first civilian mission. It was actually their second, but she didn’t count the ROC chaos in the Poconos as it hadn’t been planned.
Once at the headquarters building she made it inside, through several security devices that were biometric-as well as human-guarded, without trouble.
Rob stood in the middle of the entry foyer, looking as if he’d chosen his clothing with the same tho
ughts as her.
“Nice polo shirt.”
Rob feigned hurt. “Hey, this is my favorite color.” The rich butter yellow brought out his eyes, and she felt the familiar zip of sexual attraction. Familiar in that she associated this pounding heat with Rob. No other man had ever turned her on this easily, this effortlessly.
“It looks good on you. I’m only teasing.”
“That’s all right. You, by the way, look like a slice of heaven.”
She looked around to see who could overhear his compliment, but the receptionist appeared engrossed in something on her computer screen and no one else was in hearing distance.
“Relax. We’re supposed to be a couple, remember? I’m just getting prepped for it.”
“Should we go to one of our offices to go over what we’ll say?”
“Yes. Let’s get some coffee first, if you don’t mind. After you.” He followed her and they went to the lavish kitchen area that looked like it belonged in an issue of Architectural Digest. While the office building itself was all straight lines and contemporary design, the break area looked like a French country kitchen. Claudia was heating up something in the microwave and smiled warmly as she recognized them.
“Hey you two. Good luck today.”
“Thank you.”
“Thanks, Claudia.”
They spoke in unison, and Trina helped herself to the fresh brew, adding a good dollop of half-and-half to the black mug that had the Trail Hikers logo, a single pine tree with two hiking poles crossed over it, emblazoned in gold. Very subtle. No one would suspect they were anything but some kind of tourist agency related to the Appalachian Trail, which ran through Silver Valley.
“I look forward to your report.” The microwave dinged and she took out a bowl of oatmeal, her hands protected by a kitchen towel.
“I’m surprised her assistant doesn’t do that for her.” Trina wouldn’t have expected to see a former two-star general so at ease in the company break room.
“I’m not. She’s very down-to-earth and practical. She wouldn’t hesitate to ask her assistant to bring it to her if she were in the middle of an op or important meeting. But when she isn’t, she fends for herself. With Claudia, the mission always comes first. Well, that and her employees.”