“And then what happens next?”
She opened her eyes.
“I told you. I need more than that.”
She held up her hands in frustration. “I don’t get what you want from me, Chase. I mean, you live on the other side of the country. What do you expect should happen between us?” She glanced away, her eyes stinging.
He placed his hands on her arms and her watery gaze went to his eyes. “I want… wherever this could go. I just want the reassurance of knowing that it doesn’t end tonight. No promises, but no conclusions, either.”
She hung her head and he tipped up her chin.
“Can you give that to me?” he asked.
Her lips quivered, her clouded eyes searching his. As they did, she realized she wanted nothing more than to give that to him. For the first time, she did. For the first time, she was no longer scared by the possibility and he did that to her. He was the first one to ever do that to her. That’s when she knew… she wanted more.
Chapter Fourteen
Tarrah slid her arms around Chase’s neck until her fingers were encased in his hair, then leaned her forehead against his. “Yes,” was all she said.
He put his hands on her hips. “Yes? Yes, you can give that to me? Yes, you want that, too?”
She nodded. “All of the above, Chase. I want that, too. No conclusions.”
He let out a breath. “You want that, too,” he whispered against her lips, closing his eyes. “You want that, too.” He slid his hands up her body and to her cheeks, his mouth taking hers.
The passion behind his kiss was explosive. Tarrah could tell he’d been holding back his feelings and emotions all day. She could feel his relief through the intensity of his kiss. How was it that someone she just met made her feel so cared about? So special? This really was what she wanted. She wanted this so much that it hurt and she wouldn’t hold back from it.
She placed her hands on his chest and he brought his hands down her arms, his kiss so powerful against her lips. He turned her around and kissed into her neck from behind, locking her up against the dresser. She gasped and grabbed his hand as it made its way down her body. She brought his fingers to the zipper on the side of her dress and together they guided it down, the material falling to the floor.
He slid his hands along the sides of her bra and she grasped them in hers, making them cup her breasts. They worked on them together, her hands on his and his hands on her body. He let out a groan and she opened her eyes, noticing hers had closed, and also noticing that the dresser held a mirror. She watched his hands caress her breasts, squeezing them and tweaking her nipples as his mouth worked on her neck.
She could only watch for so long before the sensations became too much for her and she threw her head back. He pushed himself into her backside through his jeans, her body shuddering.
“Chase,” she breathed out and as she did, his hands left her breasts and moved to her lace panties. She gazed at him again through the mirror. The material of her lace was pulled down her thighs right in front of her.
He kissed his way up her back, then pushed into her again from behind. She guided his hands in front of her, bringing them to her body once again. She ached so badly for him, and his fingers laced with hers, touching and running between her thighs.
His touch made her feel breathless, and her legs were about to give out from under her at the onslaught of his touch. She wavered a bit and he turned her around, crushing his mouth on hers.
He guided them to the bed. With one hand, he lay her on its surface. She hit the cushions so delicately she could have sworn he actually did make her fly this time. He resumed his kiss and when his body leaned into hers she fought herself from peaking.
His lips left her just for a moment for her to remove his shirt. She really could confirm his body was dusted in freckles now and she loved every bit of it. He was so beautiful in the soft light of the hotel room, his skin so perfect. And he tasted just as wonderful when her kiss hit his chest. He groaned and closed his eyes as her tongued swirled around his nipple. He clenched his hands into the bedding while she tasted him, waiting patiently until she had her fill of him. She couldn’t stop though and continued. His groans grew deeper as she unzipped his jeans and slipped her hand inside.
He yanked them down his hips, then off, giving her easier access to him. She closed her eyes as she touched him, imagining what he would feel like inside her. The anticipation grew to be too much for her. She gripped his boxers and at the same time he brought his hand around her back, his fingers at the clasp of her bra.
He looked down at her and smiled, his expression so warm, and together they removed the final pieces of clothing. He lay his forehead against hers, his heated breaths against her lips, as he braced her lower back and slowly pushed himself inside her.
She sucked in a breath and he gave her a single kiss as their rhythms steadily grew in sync. They worked so perfectly together and Tarrah couldn’t believe how much of a connection she felt with him. It had never felt like this before; not with Swanson, not with anyone. Chase had been right about casual sex. What he said was exactly right. When there was deliberately no attachment it didn’t feel the same. It was just sex. This felt different. This felt wonderful and she never wanted to give it up. She wanted this feeling forever.
Chapter Fifteen
Tarrah ran her hand across Chase’s chest as he slept. It wasn’t quite Christmas yet. The alarm clock on the dresser read 11:05 p.m. Chase had her snuggled up tight to his side, under his arm, even in his dreams not wanting to let her go. She smiled while she watched him. He was so cute while he slept and there were a few things she already learned about him in their short time together. One thing was that he liked to cuddle while he slept, just like she did; another was that he talked in his sleep. She would giggle every time he let out a word or phrase. It wasn’t annoying or anything, just cute. He would always say things from his schoolwork. She could tell, because it was science or math terminology. He was a huge dork like her and she thought that was awesome. She wondered if finding out more things like this about him was what she got to look forward to if she and Chase did decide that they eventually wanted a committed relationship. She was excited by the prospect.
She nuzzled into him, gripping him tight as she closed her eyes to go into Christmas morning with him, but her cell phone ringing from her purse caused her eyes to shoot open.
Shit. She didn’t want her phone to wake him up. He looked so peaceful and she didn’t want to disturb that.
She carefully lifted his arm and slid free. She then leaped from the bed and to her purse. Fumbling with it, she finally turned it off.
She let out a breath, then bounced on her legs when she realized she really had to go to the restroom. Placing her phone back in her purse, she hurried to do the deed. She wanted to be back in Chase’s arms as soon as possible. When she was done, she stepped back toward the bed, but paused. She realized she hadn’t even checked to see who was on the phone. She knew it couldn’t be Georgia, since her friend knew where she was and would never disturb their time together. Tarrah grew anxious all the sudden. No one really called her but Georgia… and her parents.
Returning to her bag, she fumbled inside and retrieved the phone. She let out a breath of relief when she found it was only a text message from her Mom. If it was a phone call that would have been bad. Long distance charges were horrible through their carrier. She really needed to think about switching the text message tone to a short chirp, so she could know the difference between a text message and a phone call, but dammit did she love her Gaga Christmas tune. It was the holidays though, so she supposed it could stay that way for a little while longer.
Thumbing through the phone, she found the message and displayed it across the screen.
HEY, HUN, IT’S MOMMY AND DAD TXTING FROM CAIRO! THOUGH YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNEW THAT BECAUSE MY NUMBER AND MY SILLY FACE APPEARED ON YOUR PHONE WITH THIS MESSAGE. ^.^
Tarrah shook her head. He
r mother and her emoticons. Tarrah should have never told her about that “smiley” application.
ANYWHO, HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE AND MERRY CHRISTMAS EARLY FOR YOU! I CAN’T REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT TIME IT IS THERE, BUT I’M SURE IT HASN’T HAPPENED FOR YOU YET. :D
Tarrah smirked. God Mom lay off the “smileys.”
SORRY WE COULDN’T SEE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS AGAIN THIS YEAR, BUT YOU SHOULD BE GETTING THE GIFTS WE SENT TO YOU ANY DAY NOW!
Tarrah had and saying she loved her new iPad was an understatement. She had squealed like a little girl for almost five minutes straight.
UM, SO OKAY, THE REAL REASON I’M SENDING YOU THIS MESSAGE…
Tarrah’s heart leaped.
WE’RE NOT COMING TO VISIT YOU FOR NEW YEAR’S, WE—
The phone slipped from Tarrah’s hand before she could read the rest of the message. Without another thought, she got her clothes on, then left the hotel room in a daze. She couldn’t be there any longer. And she made her way home, she couldn’t help but wonder: what was I thinking?
Chapter Sixteen
The time was 11:35 p.m., and Tarrah now shook with anxiety under the sheets of her dorm bed. She felt so stupid. How could she have even thought to commit to Chase? She couldn’t be with him. He lived across the freakin’ country. He would leave her and she would be alone. She felt like such an idiot for growing attached to him, because now she hurt. Her heart hurt so badly she could scream. This wasn’t how Christmas Eve was supposed to turn out. She was supposed to have her fling. She was supposed to be happy. No attachment, no emotions. It was just supposed to be raw feelings, physical and nothing more. Physical felt good and physical didn’t hurt when it was gone, but emotions did. If there were emotions, feelings always got hurt, every time.
Her tears soaked her pillow as her clock radio switched to Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song.”
Douche.
If she didn’t already feel bad before, the damn DJ managed to do it.
She didn’t mean to hurt Chase and the minute he woke up, she knew he’d be hurt. She hated that she did this to him, but she was such a coward. She couldn’t mend this. She just wanted it over and done with. Why hadn’t she just slept with Swanson? If she had, Chase would have wanted nothing to do with her and whatever they had would have been over. Now she was hurt and Chase would soon feel the same when he realized she was gone. She was such an idiot.
She sniffed and slid her hand into the pocket of the red dress she hadn’t even bothered taking off before hopping in bed. It was still there…his card.
Chase Stewart, it read.
She wondered if she would have looked at the card earlier and seen Chase’s last name, would she have realized he was a part of the Stewart family. Of course she would have. He looked just like them, and if she had realized the family resemblance, she wouldn’t have gone to the Stewart’s holiday weekend, thereby avoiding this whole mess she’d gotten herself into with Chase. She wished she would have read the card.
She scanned down the card and read his email. Pushing herself up, she rubbed her eyes. She at least owed him that.
She grabbed her laptop from under her bed and booted it up. After quickly pulling up her student email account, she typed:
I’m so sorry, Chase. – Tarrah
She hit send. She was such a coward. She was such a horrible person, but she was willing to be selfish to make the pain stop. Her eyes flickered when she received a new message.
She gasped. It was from Chase.
You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you? – Chase
Knock, knock, knock.
Tarrah glanced up. Someone was at the door. Her eyes shifted to her computer screen after she got another message from Chase.
I’m not going to let you go that easy, Tarrah. Please let me in. – Chase
He was at her door. But why? He should be furious with her. She didn’t know if she had the strength to let him in, but he let her back into his life earlier when he was mad at her to hear her out, so she owed him at least that.
Chapter Seventeen
Colbie Caillat’s “Mistletoe” played on the clock radio as Tarrah nervously opened her door.
Chase stood there in the hall, head hung over his cell phone. He looked up from the screen, and she was surprised to see he didn’t look angry. He was actually… smiling.
Tarrah didn’t understand, but figured she would soon enough. She stepped aside in silence and let him into her dark room. He came inside willingly and when she turned after closing the door, the tears of her shame flowed instantly.
He shook his head at her slowly and brought her into his arms without question. “Oh, Tarrah,” he said, running his hands up and down her back.
She gasped, choking on her tears as she clinched his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Chase. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you my fling. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know, Tarrah.”
How does he know? Why isn’t he mad? “I’m sorry, Chase. I just can’t do this. I can’t be with you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I just can’t. I’m so sorry.”
“Shh... It’s okay,” he said, his voice calming.
She glanced up at his blue eyes, sniffing. “Why aren’t you mad at me?”
He let go of her to reach into his pocket. When he lifted his hand up, he had her cell phone. “Because I think everything you said to me earlier this evening is exactly what you want, but you just have a couple of hurdles to get over before you get there.”
She didn’t understand what he said. She told him just now she didn’t want any of that. What did he mean and how did her cell phone tell him those things? The only thing that stupid phone told her was that her parents weren’t coming to see her. The only thing it said was that she was going to be alone again and she was stupid for getting involved with someone, because she would be alone when he left her. “I don’t under….” She shook her head at him in confusion.
He smiled and put his arm around her, leading her to her bed.
The two sat down and he handed her the phone.
She tossed it on the bed without looking at it.
“It took me a minute. I had to get over the initial shock of waking up by myself after you committed to me.”
She glanced up. “Chase—”
He shook his head, giving her a half smile. “But after I got over that, I decided it wasn’t that simple. You leaving wasn’t that simple. You really wanted this. I know you did. I could feel it when I made love to you.”
“But Chase—”
He shook his head again.
Why wouldn’t he understand her? She didn’t want what she said earlier.
“That’s when I found your cell phone. Women never leave their cell phone. But for some reason, that was the only thing you left. After I read the text message on the screen from your parents, I wondered if you leaving had anything to do with that. So, I decided to do some digging by calling Georgia.”
He called Georgia?
“Well, needless to say she almost cried through the phone herself when I told her about the text. She said you had been looking forward to them coming because you haven’t seen them in years and they never come to visit you on the holidays because they live overseas.”
She fumbled restlessly with her hands. “What does them not coming have to do with me leaving you?”
He slipped his hand into her hair and ran his thumb along her cheek. “Everything, Tarrah. Everything.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Have you ever thought about the reason you feel like you have to have a fling every year, Tarrah?”
She shook her head.
He pointed to her phone she’d tossed aside. “Because you don’t want attachment. You don’t want anything permanent because every time you have that you get hurt. Like with your parents letting you down.”
She put her hand to her head. Is that true?
“You want the feeling of love, but you don’t want the emotions that come with it. Because
if there are no emotions you can’t get hurt. And your fling every year is the one time you get to have that.”
She looked up at him, biting her lip.
“Does that sound about right?” He threaded his hand through her hair.
She hung her head. “What can I do?”
He tipped her chin. “Well, you can start by seeing where this goes with us. Maybe talking to your parents wouldn’t hurt, either.”
She averted her eyes from his. “But what if I can’t? What if I’m not strong enough? I’ll hurt you. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to hurt.”
He brought her chin back again. “Tarrah, with relationships there’s always that possibility, and I’m strong enough to handle it.”
Without another thought, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was ready for this. To do this with him. She’d desired solidarity in a real relationship for so long, but always let her fear of being left alone and hurt outweigh the desire. She wasn’t going to do that any longer. She was right to try this with Chase. Even after everything she had put him through that day, he was still willing to take a chance on them and what they could have. If he was willing to take that chance, so was she. She could be just as strong as him. They could be strong together.
He lay them down together, securing the blankets around them, before wrapping Tarrah up in his strong arms.
She sniffed against his shirt, finally ending those tears. And her skin tingled every time he kissed her brow.
“Tarrah?”
Pulling back, she stared into his eyes.
“Merry Christmas.” His eyes shifted toward her clock.
It was finally midnight. 12:05 a.m. to be exact. She had made it through the entire evening with him, the entire Christmas Eve. They were still together and hopefully for quite a while.
“And, Tarrah?”
Her brows quirked up.
He smiled and brought her close. “I’m starting school here in the spring for my last semester of med school. I have some broken fences that have long needed to be mended with my family. So we really do have a chance… us.”
Holiday Fling Page 4