Through the foggy haze orbiting my head, I felt Kieran smooth the damp flannel up my arms, cleaning the dirt away as he went. He scrubbed and cleansed while I stayed still and incomprehensive. I knew I shouldn’t have just sat there, but what else could I have done? I was a killer now, and nothing could ever change that.
Somehow I was back under my bed sheets. I felt as if this was a dream, like I was watching it happen from far away and I couldn’t do anything about it. I just sat there while Kieran came and shuffled in next to me; pulling me closer to his secure warmth, wrapping his arms around me.
I didn’t want anyone to know what I’d done. I felt so ashamed.
Momentarily, I may have drifted off to sleep. But when my eyes opened again, it seemed like time had passed. Looking up, I realised that Kieran was still there, watching me. I felt a bit calmer than I had before. I could smell smoke on him, his pupils were dilated and there was a slight dimness in his eyes; he’d taken some more of that drug.
“Hey,” he smiled sweetly, making my bones crumble. He was so relaxed, it was nice. I didn’t even care that it took drugs to make him like this. A small part of my brain remained stubborn though, reminding me that this wasn’t the real Kieran. This was someone that drug had created; nicer though he maybe.
“Hi,” I said quietly. “Thanks, by the way,” I knew he understood what I meant. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Kieran nodded smoothly, it was a good thing I could see in the darkness, my eyes adjusted already. “You were in shock.”
I shook my head, my heart falling. “I’m a killer, Kieran. I murdered up there,” I told him, trying to keep my voice down.
He looked down at me with a peculiar expression distorting his marvellous, shadowed features, “No Ruby, if you hadn’t had fought back; then it would have been murder. Those guards would have been ordered to kill on sight. The stakes were too high in that place.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I’ve now killed.” I disagreed.
Kieran moved his other hand a fraction, the one that was draped over my shoulder, so that one of his fingers could lift my chin; forcing me look into his gorgeous emerald eyes. They were impossible to decipher; too many ambiguous emotions in there. It was like looking into a mirror.
“Do you think I’m bad?” he questioned emotionlessly.
I gazed at him carefully. “I think you’re complicated, sometimes too complicated for me to understand.”
Kieran continued indifferently, “I have killed people, a lot more than you’d think and a lot more than you’d want to,” he shook his head. “Blood, death, destruction, it’s what haunts and motivates us all.”
I struggled now. Kieran wasn’t a murderer, I knew that. But everything he said made sense. When I didn’t answer for a while, he explained, “I don’t kill for pleasure, I don’t enjoy it. It was my job,” he stated certainly. “I’ve done things I regret, but for the majority I don’t have regrets. There have been times when I’ve had to kill in numbers to protect my friends, my family; it is slaughter then, cold hard massacre. That surely makes me bad?”
I shook my head, “No, Kieran” I sighed finally, “I refuse to think you are bad; if it’s to protect others.”
“But that’s not always been the case,” he reminded me. “It was my job, still is really. Jayson’s too. It’s what we’re good at. That’s why we do it.”
I struggled, thinking. “I don’t know; I guess it’s just something you’ve always known. I know it’s a different world here too. Death follows us here.”
“But it doesn’t need to,” he said. “It doesn’t have to. I chose this life, I chose to be trained and I chose to kill. What I am now is because of what I’ve done.”
He looked away from me then, his face uncertain. The seconds ticked by.
“It’s not really that though that bothers me,” I whispered eventually, “It’s knowing I’m no better than my father.”
Kieran turned towards me sharply in shock and anger, staring fiercely into my eyes. “Don’t ever say that,” he ordered. “You are nothing like him.”
“I am though,” I murmured sadly. “You know what he did to that girl, the way he forced the information out of her? I can do that too.”
He shook his head wildly, backing away so he was sat up about a foot away.
“Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you’re going to.” He snapped, his eyes blatantly telling me I was being ridiculous. “I can take away pain and give it, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to. Your voice is powerful, and it can do horrible things, but it’s also a gift.”
“I don’t see how it’s a gift,” I argued doubtfully. “I can control people’s minds. I can control their actions, their words, even their thoughts. How can that be good?”
“You’re being stupid. If a man was walking across a road and you saw a car coming which he didn’t, you could make him move out of the way before it hit him; saving his life.”
“There aren’t any cars in Kariak.”
“Stop trying to be clever, you know what I mean,” he huffed irritably.
I sat in silence for a while, digesting his words. Kieran was right. My voice was a gift if I used it for good. Neglecting it would not help anyone, but using it properly might.
“What’s a Metovah key?” I asked.
He didn’t look at me as he answered, “A Metovah key is one of five keys that unlock the top of the gem towers. As well as being the wards that protects the island, we keep sacred objects in the very top of the towers.”
“So what’s the Eternal Light?”
“The Original Mother captured what we call ‘pure elements’ and gave them to her four children. The Eternal Light was the gift she gave her Fire child. It’s a hollowed out diamond about the size of a football, inside is a glowing light that never burns out, or at least hasn’t for six thousand years.”
“I remember somebody mentioning pure elements,” I realised, “I can’t remember where from though.”
Kieran nodded, “It’s held in Ephizon, the Fire City, but I guess Lynk is going to try and get his hands on it.” He added, and then frowned, “I don’t know why he’s giving it to those men; nobody can open it. Either he knows something we don’t or he’s actually a moron.”
“Nobody can open it?” I repeated questionably.
Kieran shrugged. “No. And nobody knows what it does–except blind people when they stare at it for too long.”
“Why would Lynk want that? If he wanted to blind people it’d be easier just to take out their eyes.” I shuddered at the thought; remembering the woman.
“I don’t know.” Kieran answered.
“What about the rest of the pure elements? What do they do?” I wondered.
He glanced warily around my room for a second, “The Eternal Light is the only pure element we have. The rest were lost over the centuries.”
I grimaced.
“I think Lynk must want the rest of them,” Kieran told me; “I bet he’s trying to find them, like every other person on this Goddamned island. He’ll never find them, nobody has, nobody will.”
I stared down at my hands for a moment, thinking that through.
“Lynk wants too much,” I sighed eventually, and I could tell that Kieran realised he’d gotten through to me.
“He wants what all men want,” Kieran said, “what they can’t have.”
I looked up at him, surprised.
“Do you want what you can’t have?” I asked, wondering what the hell Kieran would want. He had absolutely everything.
He smiled softly, carefully reaching forwards to gently trail a finger down my cheek. My skin burned and tickled where he touched me. I trembled, and tried not to think about how much this contact would hurt me tomorrow.
“Every day,” he answered.
Then he pulled his hand back, his eyes going strangely blank as he stepped towards the balcony, ostensibly ready to leave.
“Are you sure it’s safe?” I asked a
nxiously.
Kieran frowned, “Of course it’s not safe. That’s what makes it interesting.”
I rolled my eyes, “Don’t you worry about the guards? Lynk would have put more guards out now as well.”
He snorted quietly, “No guards can get past me. I hold the record for the fastest air dive in Kariak.”
“Really?” I asked, raising my eyebrows dubiously.
“I do, actually,” he answered sincerely, “I even beat your little girlfriend Jayson; what a shame. Nobody thought the sun shone out of his ass that day,” he added sarcastically, a mean twist in his lovely lips.
“It’s probably because of your enormous head,” I told him. “Its weight is bound to make you fall faster.”
“No, because if that’s true, Jayson would have definitely beaten me.” He soundlessly slid open the glass door and the cool night air whipped at my face. He turned, pulling off his jacket to prepare for the Change.
“Can’t you just Change down there where I can’t see you?” I grunted antagonistically, knowing what he was going to do.
Kieran grinned disobediently, flashing those white teeth. “I was just giving you something nice to dream about,” he answered innocently as he tugged his shirt over his head. My skin fluttered as I saw his lovely, lovely body. Damn that boy was hot. I felt the blood gush to my face.
“I want nice dreams,” I retorted, “not nightmares.” And ignoring my lesser judgement I turned over under my covers, the material muffling his reply.
I didn’t see him fly off, but I felt it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Reluctantly I dragged myself from my nice warm bed. My little maids were watching me moan and swear as I stretched; my muscles felt as tight as stretched elastic. Note to self: never fight anyone again.
Ellie shook her head, frowning, “I have never heard anyone swear quite as much as you do in the morning, Ruby.”
I laughed, glad she was finally talking to me like an actual person rather than a Lady; Trixy wasn’t as easily persuaded. “Sorry,” I grinned.
“Jayson’s here, by the way,” she announced. “You slept in.”
My eyes widened as I bit into my toast and jam. “Oh crap,” I muttered through a mouthful of bread. “Has he been here long?”
“Five minutes,” Ellie answered, “He wishes to take you out flying.”
“Can I go?” I asked, “Is Lynk in?”
“He’s out for the day but you have to be back by four; Evelyn says no later,” Trixy said, packing my golden wing brace with training gear and attaching a blunted blade onto one of the straps. “If you are out after that we’d all get in trouble, Lady,” she continued. “You must take your Protector though,” she added.
I grumbled, but reluctantly agreed. At least they were covering for me.
“Where is he?” I wondered.
“Waiting in the gardens with Kian,” Ellie smiled.
“Right,” I said, taking one last bite of my breakfast.
I stripped naked except for a silky cloth that I wrapped around me, and then hauled on my ridiculously heavy brace. I loosely tugged it over my shoulders, my back arching painfully from the weight. On my balcony, I welcomed the fiery energy that cascaded down my back as I Changed, the silky material pooling to the ground underneath me. The pain was sudden and excruciating, but it soon wore off. I was getting accustomed to it now. I took off into the air, discovering Jayson by the fountain, waiting with my big terrifying protector.
Ready? He asked and when I nodded we took off into the air. I followed him with effort, my muscles weak and strained. He noticed this, Are you okay?
Kian stayed quite a distance behind us and was obviously blocking out our thoughts for privacy, but I still kept my mindvoice down.
Yeah, I guess, just tired. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in a long time.
His neck twisted as he hitched his head to the side, Why not last night?
Well he knew everything else; I might as well tell him what had happened. I explained quickly and his eyes were focussed and calculating. He agreed that something really wrong was happening, but didn’t know what to do. When I mentioned seeing Kieran there he frowned in puzzlement.
I’m surprised he went; to be honest, it’s not like him.
I think he knew I was going to go, to be honest, I admitted.
We were heading to a large field. Positioned in the middle of it was what looked like an obstacle course, only in the air. As we landed I prepared myself for a long morning.
I was breathing heavily, sweat clung to my feathers and my heart was racing. The past hour and a half had been more vigorously exerting than anything I’d ever done in my life. I felt like I’d been thrown in a washing machine and been left to tumble.
I didn’t like Jayson anymore; I think he’d tried to indirectly kill me.
Forced against my will, I’d been dragged to the training yard and deceitfully persuaded to fly through hoops, dodge between pointy stick things -which should go die-and practice immense dives from phenomenal heights over and over again until I got what classified as a ‘decent’ time. I had to try and be fast enough to catch weights when Jayson threw them from a hundred metres away, ten foot off the ground; which he assured me wasn’t impossible; all the time wearing my million ton wing brace.
I learnt how to make my dives faster, to change direction in a split second, and practiced accelerating and gliding.
My wings hurt. I hurt. I was still bricking it about the monsters that were living –and plotting with my evil father-above my bedroom. I needed to find out what Chara, Nik and everyone had told Kieran. And I’d spent all morning tackling ridiculously-difficult, exhausting obstacles like I was a bloody Peregrine falcon.
Well I wasn’t a bloody Peregrine falcon. I was a Phoenix. And not only am I a Phoenix, I am also English. And the English are good at two things: queuing and complaining; and I was going to do the latter.
Decided, I did the flying equivalent of marching over to Jayson. I hovered in the air, moving my wings persistently to make sure I didn’t lose altitude. I stared sternly at him.
He was perched atop a large stone column and was apparently recording something by scratching his sharp talons into the stone; which I was sure he wasn’t allowed to do as this was a public place.
Jayson, I began fiercely, preparing to tell him that there was no way in hell I was catching any more weights, but he interrupted me.
You’re all done Ruby, he said, finally looking up. You can go now if you want.
I’m done? I asked hopefully, hearing the relief in my voice. No more hoops?
There was laughter in his eyes; I take it that you don’t like agility drills?
I shook my feathery head; It’s too much like hard work.
It is hard work. He chuckled in my head.
That’s the point. I grumbled tiredly. I need to go over to the Ashaiks. I don’t know if you want to come. I need to talk about last night.
He thought for a moment, deliberating whether it was important enough to put up with seeing the Ashaik brothers again: eventually he surrendered.
It didn’t take long to arrive at Ebony’s. I was grateful that I actually had clothes to dress into this time. Kian followed silently behind us. Once suitably clothed, we made our way over to the small training courtyard where Kieran was hauling out another hunk of ice. When he saw me, he smirked, “So, is this going to be a regular thing now?”
I went closer and as he noticed Jayson behind me his face went blank and impenetrable. Then he saw my huge fierce protector and frowned. Kian stood at the other end of the courtyard by the exit, waiting patiently. Plonking down onto the floor exhaustedly, I wrapped my arms inside my clothes for warmth against the icy floor.
“Yes,” I said, feeling provoked.
“You just want to watch me work.” Kieran stated arrogantly.
“Kieran, grow up,” I told him, irritated. Jayson stood awkwardly next to me.
“I can’t,” he told me p
etulantly; “It’s not my birthday.”
I rolled my eyes at his immaturity, “What did everyone say about yesterday?”
“To leave it,” he answered seriously, turning so I couldn’t see his expression, beginning to examine the glacier ice with his sharp eyes.
“Leave it,” I repeated incredulous, utterly shocked. It was the last thing I had expected Kieran to say. “What do you mean, leave it?”
“I mean, don’t do anything,” he answered moodily. “There is nothing we can do. My mother was there when I got back yesterday; she knew everything already. You remember how my father was in that little group? Well, he’s not very good at hiding it, apparently.”
“Oh,” was all I could say. Kieran persevered.
“My mother said that there are special networks that are also suspicious of Lynk. They know how he is controlling the Council and are looking into what he’s up to. We have to leave them to do their jobs.”
“So that’s it?” Jayson spoke up, questioning bitterly, “We’re just going to give up and let Lynk do what he likes?”
“No, we’re going to let the people who are supposed to stop him, stop him.” He snapped, bitingly harsh.
“But you’re an Ashaik! You’re a warrior.” I protested, feeling almost betrayed. “How can you just say that?”
He turned to look at me, but his eyes were unreadable, “I have no choice.”
“There are always choices,” I argued frantically, “Always. You saw it Kieran. You saw what Lynk did to that woman, you know about those…things, and you know what he did to me.” I pointed at the bruises that still covered my face. “He can do much worse. And you’re just going to let him get on with it?”
“You don’t understand, Ruby, I can’t do anything. My mother made us swear the Sacred Oath.” Even though he was harsh and defensive, I knew he was hoping I’d understand. “I can’t break it. It’s impossible.”
Jayson looked horrified when he realised Kieran was telling the truth. “Why would she…?” Jayson murmured, trailing off.
I didn’t know what the Sacred Oath was, but I could hazard a guess that it was unescapable once sworn.
I looked down at Kieran’s hands; they were clenched into tight fists as he glared viciously at Jayson, “Because Lynk has already taken her husband from her. She doesn’t want him to take her children too.”
Ashes (The Firebird Trilogy Book 1) Page 29