by Jade Waltz
If being permanently bonded to her was everything Xylo and Odelm said, it would be worth it in the end. Consistently handling the Destiny’s thread network was tiring, even with V’dim co-managing it with him.
What worried him was the state of their clan dynamic after they solved the problems with their nestqueen. Until then, he wouldn’t start to entertain how it would be when he got the chance to settle down—both as crew and clan.
“What will become of us?” Z’fir asked, glancing at his lifelong partner.
“Do you believe sharing Selena as our nestqueen will affect our relationship?” V’dim replied, meeting his gaze. “Look how close Xylo and Odelm have become since becoming nestbrothers. They were barely acquaintances before joining with Selena.”
Z’fir knew those two had formed an intimate connection together as nestbrothers, similar to the one he shared with V’dim. It made them a strong united front in taking care of Selena, taking the personal sacrifice in allowing another, outside of your nestqueen, to roam shallow parts of your mind freely.
“Do you think they would want to form a nestbrother bond with us?”
Traces of V’dim’s thoughts flooded through him as he tried to come up with a reply. Z’fir smiled as V’dim tried to sense their new nestbrothers current mental status as they waited for their lift access.
“Xylo may,” V’dim hesitated. “But Odelm is battling some hostile emotions coursing through him.”
They stepped onto the lift and V’dim grabbed his arm, sensing what he was about to do.
Z’fir closed his eyes and focused on the mental net that surrounded both V’dim and himself. V’dim’s turquoise shield hugged his emerald one, wrapped tightly together by their intertwined thread. Together, they shared the same sworn threads that branched out to each crew member. Their sworn threads were faint compared to those of their Queens, but worked well enough to command their ship.
Each sworn thread to a nestqueen allowed them to instantly connect to their clan, for each nestqueen had a similar setup with their clan. This was how they had known when Xylo formed a courting bond with Selena and how they felt a faint ripple from her through both Xylo and Odelm at times when they focused on them.
If the princes didn’t focus on any crewmember—or vice versa—they would hear a continuous chatter and overall flood of a variety of emotions. It took a lot of energy from both of them to constantly shield the sworn crew’s net in order to try to go through the day with little disturbance.
Z’fir’s new court bond connection with Selena was faint and muted by the Chamber Master, making it harder for him to use that connection to scan Odelm. Once—or if—Selena decided to become permanently bonded, his nestqueen thread with her would allow him to have stronger connections to his nestbrothers, using her as their clan’s central hub.
Z’fir traveled along his sworn connection with Odelm and was instantly assaulted by the thoughts and strong feelings attached to them.
Anger. Disappointment. Jealousy. Shame.
Odelm’s thoughts were full of disappointment that he had followed Zirene’s plan and anger that he didn’t push for them to tell Selena about the trial and what waited for her on her moon. He was ashamed he’d failed Selena—so much so, he felt like she was punishing him by not gracing him with siring her next offspring. Jealously raged at both princes for being publicly granted permission to be the clan’s next fathers.
Odelm felt inadequate.
The intensity of Odelm’s thoughts and emotions jerked Z’fir’s gaze away from him. Z’fir swayed, disoriented from the sudden ejection, combined with the jolt of the lift coming to a stop.
Z’fir leaned his head onto V’dim’s shoulder, clinging to his arm as V’dim held him. He glanced around the cabin and saw no one noticed his current position.
“Odelm has dark thoughts on the current situation. He will need a lot of self-healing and stability in the clan before we can even entertain joining with him,” Z’fir explained.
“Will this be worth it?”
He pondered the question, weighing the pros and cons of their new predicament.
Z’fir raised his head from V’dim’s shoulder. They released each other and stepped off the lift, following the others to the Royal Aldawi Commons.
“I don’t believe Selena would sever our courting bond. She is too honorable and genuinely seems to care for us. We should also receive aid in our shielding if her connections with us are like our nestbrothers’. We are going from refusing to be used as political gain, to commanders of the separatist's colony ship, to clan members of one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy. I don’t think she has fully acknowledged what her connection with Zirene has made her, with everything going on. Even if she ends up not wanting anything to do with Zirene, her Seedbearer status to him still outranks most. Will this be worth it? If anything, our self-sacrifice will give our crew a new home.”
Silence filled the room as everyone settled, reflecting on the day’s events.
“What if she wants nothing to do with me after this?” Zirene whispered, standing in front of the sitting group.
“Then you will have to continue ruling your star system and treat Selena as a true Seedbearer,” Royak replied, watching his brother with hardened eyes.
“But she is my Nova… I will always be connected to her.”
“And so are we,” Xylo countered. “You aren’t the only one who has an unbreakable connection with her. While nestmates have issues surviving when they are far away from their nestqueens for long periods—or after death—you don’t. Your actions not only affect her but us as well.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Zirene growled, pinning Xylo with his gaze. “I only want the best for her… but I can’t back away from what we built over these past years. I have spent almost nine years dedicated to her and only her. You know Aldawi don’t do that.”
“That may be, but it doesn’t change the fact that you kept secrets from her, after we warned you not to,” Odelm added.
Z’fir watched Zirene pace the floor, his tail jerking and swaying in frustration. Zirene paused and looked over at the group.
“What should I do?”
“Grovel,” Xylo remarked.
The veil lifted from his nestqueen’s connection, sending a shiver down his spine, his vines tightening from the sensation. Instantly, he reached for his nestqueen, his body needing to confirm she was well.
“Selena!”
She tugged his golden bond thread and combined it with his nestbrothers, addressing them as a clan.
“There is a lot to be discussed, but at the moment I need Xylo to check my injuries and I want to see my cubs.”
“If I were you, Zirene, I would leave,” Xylo said to the troubled male. “Selena is on her way back, and by her thoughts, it would be better if you weren’t around and gave her time to cool off.”
Zirene huffed in defeat. “I hope you are right.”
“Come on, brother. Let’s go,” Royak said. “You have done enough damage already.”
Chapter Seventeen
Selena
“Hold on tight,” Kaede directed, gripping me tightly. His cape wrapped around me tightly as his hand dug into my side. In a blink of an eye, we went from his dark bedroom to the middle of the Aldawi Royal Commons. A wave of nausea passed through me as popping sounded in my ears once again.
Bright lights assaulted my vision as a series of gasps filled the room. I placed a hand over my eyes, squinting as they adjusted. My nestmates—both new and old—surrounded me with their appendages fully extended and ready to strike.
“Stand down!” Kaede barked. “Your nestqueen needs medical attention and wanted to return to get aid.”
Xylo instantly went into scholar mode, his teal eyes focusing on mine as he made his way to me, wrapping his vines around his torso. The others slowly followed.
“What is the matter?” he asked urgently, his voice laced with concern.
Kaede carefully unwrapp
ed his cloak from me and stepped away as I held out my arms to Xylo to inspect.
“It seems that Zirene—accidentally or not—injured my arm as he tried to prevent me from leaving. His nails ripped my coat’s sleeve and dug into my arm. When I slapped him, my hand was injured. I believe it’s only bruised, but I still would like you to look at it. If you would, please?”
His eyes softened. “You don’t need to ask, Selena.”
His cool hands lightly grabbed my arm as he examined them. The others hovered nearby, ready to assist when needed.
“I will go get your cubs for you, Selena, and bring them here.” Kaede glanced at me, his eyes covered once more. “I assume that you will feel better once you are surrounded by your clan.”
I nodded. “Thanks, Kaede, I would appreciate that, but that doesn’t mean you will get away from answering my questions.”
“Of course not,” he chuckled with a smirk before leaving.
“I told Chyox that Kaede was coming to bring the cubs back here.” Xylo turned to Odelm. “Can you gather my med kit and scanner from our room? I want to make sure, even though nothing looks serious, and they should heal fairly quickly.”
“Is it possible for us to go there instead?” I asked, staring at my shredded outfit. “I would feel better if I could take a quick shower, change into a fresh set of clothes, and perhaps have dinner since the trial went on for so long.” I looked at Xylo for confirmation. “I mean, if you believe that is okay.”
He glanced at the other three Circuli before returning his gaze to mine.
“Let us take care of you, Selena. You have been through enough.” He released my arms. “Odelm will help you get undressed and shower. Let me get my equipment ready and prep your bed. V’dim and Z’fir will get food ordered to our room and help Kaede with the cubs when he arrives.”
My heart swelled at how they were already working together. Yet in the small dark corner of my mind, there was a part of me that wondered if they were like this because their biology told them to—because they needed to—and not because they wanted to. Had I doomed them to become biological slaves with me as their master?
Had I become what I ran from?
How could they keep secrets from me, knowing it would upset me?
A gentle kiss pressed against my forehead, its coolness bringing me to the present as my worries drifted away,
“Don’t think such dark thoughts,” Xylo said as his teal eyes drilled into mine. “If I were a slave, I would want you as my master. Never compare yourself to the Yaarkins.” He stepped away and led me to Odelm. “Enjoy yourself as you freshen up, and we will explain everything over dinner.”
Odelm carefully wrapped an arm around me as he nodded at Xylo. I glanced at my princes and noticed they were watching me. I halted and turned to them, needing to address the sudden sour feeling in my gut.
“I am sorry our court bonding was in front of an audience… and Stars, now I think about it, probably recorded and cast galaxy-wide. I don’t know how Circuli nestqueens traditionally do it, but I wanted to apologize anyhow. I just wanted to help… and make sure both you and your crew got a new home. I understand how it feels to be severed, but if either of you doesn’t want me as a nestqueen and want someone else, I wouldn't have any hard feelings. Just let me know before we arrive on my moon, so you both can start leading with no major changes.”
Shocked expressions filled their faces. V’dim glanced at Z’fir.
“We are both honored to have you as our nestqueen and do not wish to sever our bond with you,” Z’fir replied.
V’dim nodded and faced me, his face full of confusion.
“We are honored we were chosen to be a part of your clan, but we don’t understand why you are comparing yourself to Circuli standards when clearly you are not Circuli. While we understand there will be challenges ahead, we know to aid you as our nestqueen in a place to call home will be worth it.”
“I still wanted to apologize for how everything went.” Surveying the others in the room, I sighed. “I am sorry for what happened today as well. I hope to ease any fears and answer questions once I am done. I want some answers of my own.”
“Of course,” Xylo agreed. “But first, go and relax.”
Listening to him, I turned and allowed Odelm to lead me to our shared Royal Apartment. I didn’t see Zirene on my journey to the master bathroom. A weight lifted from my shoulders as I realized I didn’t have to face him. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him—again—when I needed to fix things with my nestmates first.
Odelm walked into the master bathroom beside me in awkward silence. I didn’t know what to say to him or how he felt about today’s events. He was the more sensitive nestmate in the clan.
I watched him as he let go of my waist and backed away. His eyes seemed to dim when his focus fell on my ruined sleeve.
“Odelm?” I whispered.
His pale green eyes looked up at mine before falling onto Zirene’s mark. “Yes, Selena?”
“What is wrong?”
“I don’t know how to answer that,” he murmured.
I sighed and began removing my clothes. If he would not tell me why he was so standoffish, I would not force him. When he found the words to explain what was on his mind, then I could help ease whatever feelings he may have.
I dropped my undershirt onto the pile of clothes on the black tile floor and checked myself in the wall-sized mirror.
My body had returned to its original shape. Either my healing abilities or the medication my team gave me—maybe a combination—was responsible for the rapid changes. Whatever it was, I appreciated being able to skip the struggles of post-postpartum body changes.
I glanced down at my arm and gently scratched the caked blood off one mark, which was pink as if it was days old. Surprised, I checked a few of the deeper ones and was shocked by the same observation. I studied my hand and opened and closed it a few times.
No pain, just a slight stiffness.
I knew I healed fast but not at this speed.
Was that why Xylo wasn’t worried about my injuries?
“Yes, Selena. I saw they were healing at a rapid speed and decided if you were still having problems after your shower, I would give you an examination and some medication. Your body can manage minor injuries on its own.”
“Thank you for the confirmation,” I replied, glancing at Odelm through the mirror’s reflection. “Do you know what’s wrong with Odelm? Why he is acting weird?”
“That is something you two need to discuss on your own,” he replied gently. “Just know he is in a fragile state at the moment and needs you.”
“Thank you, Xylo.”
I turned to Odelm and inspected him. His coloring was off—parts of him were a stressed darkened black, a worried orange, or a nervous yellow. Sighing, I walked over to him as his eyes followed me across the bathroom. I reached him and lightly grabbed his hand, leading him to the shower.
“It’s been a long day. I believe Xylo asked you to help me shower.” I glanced over my shoulder. “That is… if you want to.”
He hesitated as he peered down at our joined hands. “I want to. I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”
Rolling my eyes, I dropped his hand and opened the large, clear shower. I stepped onto the black-tiled floor and studied the options along the wall. It was definitely designed for a group to enjoy themselves together with its benches along the three walls and the multiple showerheads. Stars, I didn’t know any of the variety of soap options available.
How did Zirene know I bathed with both Xylo and Odelm? Did he believe my nestmates would join me as I showered? Or did he hope he would?
A cool violet arm reached above me and pushed some buttons, selecting an option before I could. All the shower jets turned on, the water’s warmth filling the enclosure with steam. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensations. I unconsciously stepped back into Odelm’s hard chest and smiled.
“You are distant
… are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I asked, leaning more into his wet body.
Arms wrapped around my stomach gently, holding me tightly as the warm water poured down between us. His ombre violet anemone hair draped over me as he lowered his chin onto my shoulder.
“I don’t know where to start,” Odelm replied softly.
“If you can’t tell me, how I am supposed to fix things and help ease your mind?”
I felt him exhale as his arms tightened.
“I know I failed you, but I fear…” He released his hold on me and stepped away. “I feel like you may… want to replace me.”
I turned to face him. His head was down as his hair curtained in front of his eyes, blocking them from me. I combed his hair back with both hands, its smoothness easily threading through my fingers, and grabbed his cheeks, pulling his gaze to meet mine. It was filled with sorrow, dimmed of any life.
“Why would you think such things?”
He glanced away, unable to meet my eyes.
“You had Xylo before I joined you… I was—and still am—honored you picked me as a nestmate, even with my past and profession. Even though you said you wouldn’t have any Favored, I still referred to Xylo for guidance, for he was the one who had direct access to all of your thoughts and wielded mental capabilities stronger than most on the Destiny.” He paused and locked his saddened gaze on mine. “But when you took the princes in and offered to try to give them the chance to sire offspring… I felt my world shatter.” He pulled away and stepped back, bumping into the wall bench.
“I keep telling myself you don’t want to declare anyone as your Favored, yet my instincts keep telling me Circuli culture always gives the Favored the first attempts to fertilize their nestqueen. I am no fool. Both princes may be exiled, but they are the leaders on the Destiny and strong mentally. Why wouldn’t you want them to sire your offspring? And Xylo was your first, has a more respectable profession, and is mentally stronger than me, which would leave me last to have a chance if you ever get to me.” He dropped onto the bench and leaned over, placing his head in his hands as the water continued to beat on him.