by Ryan Casey
He’d done some bad things. He’d been forced to do some bad things.
But he was making amends.
He was exorcising his demons.
He was getting his revenge.
He was close to reaching the village when he heard footsteps crumple through the autumn leaves behind him.
He froze. He didn’t want to look because he didn’t want to accept what he was going to see.
He turned around, gun in hand, and faced up to his fears.
There was a man standing over him.
Danny.
Andy lifted his gun and went to pull the trigger.
Someone else booted it out of his hand.
Danny pushed him down. Pressed him right into the damp grass.
And as the setting sun cast a dark silhouette over Danny, he looked right into Andy’s eyes, satisfied smile on his face.
“Hello again, Andy,” he said, licking his lips like he was examining a piece of juicy steak. “Now. Where were we?”
Chapter Thirty-One
I peeked into the room where my daughter was sleeping and felt awful about what I was about to do.
It was dark. First thing in the morning. The sun hadn’t risen yet, and it wouldn’t for a while. That was part of the plan. We were going to get to Danny’s village early, spend the day scouting it, then attack when darkness fell again. Maybe there’d be a little sunrise when we arrived. Maybe there’d be light to greet me alongside Kerry.
Whatever was waiting, I had to be ready for what I was going to do.
And part of being ready was saying goodbye to Olivia. To Bouncer. Because they weren’t coming with me.
It wasn’t safe for them.
I crept closer to Olivia’s bedside, being careful not to wake her. I used to do this when we lived back at home. I liked to wake up nice and early to get started writing ahead of time. I liked the peace and the serenity of first thing in the morning. And I liked having everything done by the afternoon, too. Gave me more time to doss, more time to prepare for whatever game Olivia and I were going to play that night.
Things had changed, of course. But even though so many things were different now, even though Olivia was in different surroundings, even though she’d been through hell, both by my side and away from me, she could still sleep through the night.
I stopped by her side. I could feel my throat wobbling already. Ideally, I would’ve liked to have left without saying goodbye. I wasn’t good at goodbyes. Never had been. That’s part of why I was saying goodbye right now, while she was still sleeping, I suppose. Made it easier that way. Easier for me. But also for her, too.
I was going to war, whether it was with the numbers or not.
I was taking the fight to Danny. Helping Alec rescue his people. Or at least, find out the fate of so many of them.
I leaned in closer to Olivia. There were so many things I wanted to say. So many words I wanted to tell her. I wanted to apologise. I wanted to tell her I’d be back. I wanted to tell her not to worry, because this world was improving, and that good would ultimately conquer over bad.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t, because I wasn’t sure if that was true.
So I just leaned in close.
So close that I could smell the slight fruitiness of her hair. That same smell that was always there, no matter how greasy or grimy it got.
“I’ll be back for you,” I whispered, as lightly as I could. “I promise I’ll be back. And Mum’ll be by my side.”
I felt bad making that promise right away. Because it wasn’t a promise I could make.
But shit. If I couldn’t keep that promise, I’d go down in a blaze.
I wouldn’t come back.
It was all or nothing, now.
I felt warm tears trickling down my face, tasted their saltiness on my lips. I wiped them away, sniffed up and stood, my knees cracking as I rose. I turned away. Walked towards the door. I couldn’t look back. I couldn’t let myself.
But I had to.
This was my daughter, and I had to say goodbye.
I looked around and saw her eyes were open.
She was looking right at me, in the dim light. I could see the concern in her eyes. The fear. The misunderstanding.
“Where you going, Dad?”
When she asked that question, I wanted to rewind. I wanted to go back and not come in this room at all. Because I didn’t want to face up to having to tell Olivia I was leaving her, to her face. I wasn’t sure if I could put her through that.
“You—you go to sleep, Olivia.”
She jumped out of bed and started walking towards me. “You said you’d be back. Where you going?”
I wanted a hole to open in the ground and swallow me up. This was it. This was reality. The reality I’d been trying to run away from. And now I had to face it.
I crouched down opposite Olivia. I took her hands in mine.
“You’re crying,” she said.
I forced a smile, but I couldn’t hold it. “I’m just—”
“You can’t leave me here. I’m not letting you go anywhere without me.”
“Olivia—”
“No!” she shouted. It was loud enough to wake more people in this barracks up.
“Be quiet.”
“I won’t be quiet ’cause you’re running away. You’re leaving me. You can’t leave me. Please.”
I heard the desperation and the pain in her voice and it broke my heart. I couldn’t do this to her. But I couldn’t take her with me, either. Both options were off the table.
“Where I have to go,” I said. “After Mum. And after the people who’ve got Alec’s wife. It’s not safe for—”
“Nowhere’s safe,” Olivia spat. “You told me that. Something bad could happen here while you’re gone.”
I shook my head. “That’s not going to happen, Olivia.”
“How do you know?”
The truth was, Olivia’s question had me stumped. She was right. How could I know something bad wouldn’t happen while I was gone? Wasn’t Olivia safer by my side?
“Olivia, I don’t want you to have to see the things that you’re going to see.”
“I’ve seen bad things anyway.”
I shook my head and stroked her face. “Not like what’s coming. There’s going to be… there’s going to be a lot of violence. A lot of blood. And Dad can’t promise he won’t do some bad things either.”
Olivia put her hand on the back of mine. “Then me and Bouncer should be with you. To make sure you stay big and tough.”
She smiled at me. And I couldn’t help but smile back. Smile, and laugh. Olivia was right. I needed her by my side just as much as she needed me. Hell, maybe I needed her even more than she needed me.
I stood up. Then I opened my arms.
Olivia stood still. Tilted her head. “So can I come?”
I smiled. Let the tears flow freely down my face. Then I nodded. “Sure you can.”
She smiled, then she threw herself into my arms, and we cried together.
I wasn’t letting Olivia let go.
I wasn’t ever letting anything come between us, not ever again.
I didn’t realise it at that point, but I might just have made the biggest mistake of my life.
Chapter Thirty-Two
We set off on what felt like a march to death an hour later.
The sun still hadn’t risen, although there were signs that daylight was fast approaching. That light blue tint to the sky that reminded me of the late nights I’d spend awake when Kerry decided we weren’t going to work as a couple anymore.
I say “reminded.” There wasn’t a lot I remembered from those times. Too drunk to remember much, in all truth. But at least I’d kicked that habit now. At least I didn’t have to fall back on alcohol or artificial stimulants to keep me with some semblance of happiness and confidence.
Because I had my daughter by my side. I had my dog by my side.
And soon, I was going to have
my wife by my side.
“Cool morning, huh?” Alec said.
I smirked, which was really a product of the nerves more than anything. Alec’s ability to strike up the most inane small talk in the most tense of situations amazed me. “Something like that.”
“How you doing, Olivia? You not feeling too cold?”
Olivia smiled at Alec. “All okay.”
“You’re a tough lady. That’s why.”
“I’m a tough person. Not just a tough lady. That’s what Mum always told me to say at school.”
Alec laughed. “Your mum sounds a very intelligent lady… I mean, person.”
“She is,” I said. “How far to go?”
Alec stopped. There were two other people with us. We were all armed with various kinds of guns, all of us but Olivia, who had been trusted with a Swiss army knife. I’d told her expressly not to use it unless she got caught up in a serious emergency. And I meant it. I had a handgun in my hand and a hunting rifle over my shoulder. Two different weapons for different types of combat.
“Not too far,” Alec said. “Should get eyes on the village the other side of these woods.”
“Alec,” I said. “The guy I told you about. Andy. He… he said he had a camp in Carlisle. Have you…”
I wanted to ask him if he thought there was any trace of it, having lived much closer to it for a while than I had. Mostly because I wanted to believe that Kerry really could just be in that camp of Andy’s. That she wasn’t with Danny’s people.
Alec looked at me and sighed. “Look. I can’t know for definite. I’m sure there’s plenty of places where people could be shacked up.”
“But that doesn’t answer what I asked. Do you think there’s really a camp in Carlisle where my wife could be?”
Alec didn’t answer. He just glanced at Olivia uneasily, then looked back at me. He didn’t have to continue. He didn’t say anything else. His expression said it all.
He did carry on speaking, though. “Look. I just say we get there. See what we come across. Then take things from that point on. Right?”
It wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. But it was what I needed to hear. Alec didn’t know. He couldn’t know. And he didn’t want to create any false hope, either.
“You’re right,” I said. “We make our way through the woods then we see what happens.”
Alec nodded. “Keep that lad on a short leash, though,” he said, gesturing towards Bouncer. “Don’t want him to go running off into the middle of their camp. They prefer eating people, sure, but they won’t hesitate to chow on a chow, either.”
I heeded Alec’s warning and gripped Bouncer’s lead tighter.
We got closer to the woods. And as we got closer, the nerves built up. The reality of what we were doing. The inevitability, the proximity, of what was sure to be a fight was growing.
I thought about Kesha, back recovering in Dumfries. I hadn’t said goodbye to her because I couldn’t bring myself to. She was with good people, though. Took a lot for me to reach that judgement. To decide that Alec was a good man and that his people could be trusted.
It was out of my comfort zone. But it was something I’d had to do.
I felt Bouncer tugging harder on his lead the further we got into the woods. It was like he was on the scent of something.
“Hold off, boy.”
But he was still pulling.
And the fact that he was pulling gave me the shivers.
“He gonna be a problem?”
“No, I—”
It happened so quickly.
I heard the footsteps over on the right.
I turned to look.
But Bouncer didn’t turn with me.
Not for the first time in recent days, he went bounding off into the distance, into the unknown.
“Bouncer!”
I ran after him. Alec lifted a hand to stop me.
“Will, you can’t—”
“I have to go!” I said.
“Dad,” Olivia said. “Watch—”
“Bouncer!”
I ran into the woods. I wasn’t letting Bouncer go. I wasn’t leaving him. I didn’t care what Alec said about letting him go if he ran. I didn’t care about what I might run into myself.
I just wanted Bouncer back.
I just wanted…
I stopped.
Bouncer was right in front of me.
Feasting on meat.
I heard the footsteps of Alec and the others getting closer.
“You can’t just go doing that,” Alec said. “You can’t just…”
He stopped.
He stopped, because he saw what Bouncer was feasting on, too.
Dangling from the tree in front of us, there was a body.
Or at least there was a sack of skin, and bloodied bones.
The body had been gutted. The meat had been stripped from the bones.
But the skull—the head—was intact.
The fear in their eyes was clear to see.
“Shit,” Alec said. He turned around, covered his mouth and heaved.
It was a man. Bouncer was feasting on the remains of the man’s skin, trying to tear it away like it was nothing but a chew.
Except it wasn’t just any man.
“It’s Andy,” Olivia said.
Chapter Thirty-Three
I dragged Bouncer away from Andy’s remains and I tried not to puke.
It was hard work though, the whole not puking thing. Andy was a mess. It looked like as much flesh as possible had been torn from his body, but there was still an outer coating of skin dangling down on his bones, like they were some kind of morbid coat hanger. His eyes were bloodshot. Permanently bloodshot, now he was dead. I could only imagine what kind of agony he must’ve been through, and it disturbed me deeply.
More than that, it made me want to get my revenge even more.
“You know this guy?” Alec asked.
I put my hand on Olivia’s back and nodded, making sure I had tight hold of Bouncer. I wasn’t letting him loose, not again. I’d already let him loose twice in recent days, there wasn’t going to be a third time. Not where I was so lucky as to get him back without a hitch, anyway. “We knew him,” I said. “He’s the one who told me about his camp in Carlisle. About… about my wife. And he’s the one who ran away and left us.”
Alec tilted his head and managed another glance of Andy’s morbid remains. “Doesn’t look like he got to Carlisle.”
“Or maybe he did,” I said.
Alec gave me that glance. That glance that basically said yes, it’s possible. It’s possible Andy made it to Carlisle, and that’s what this was. And that it was possible my wife had suffered a similar fate to Andy.
But he wouldn’t say it aloud. Because he saw what the code was here.
I had to see the truth for myself.
“Come on,” Alec said. “We’d better keep moving.”
We carried on walking through the woods. The memory of seeing Andy dangling there in such pain kept coming back and haunting me. I watched my step wherever I walked, and made sure Olivia and Bouncer did the same. After the leg trap Kesha had stood in, rendering her unable to make this journey, we couldn’t afford any more injuries.
Besides, we were in enemy territory now.
It really felt like it, too. Like Andy’s hanging remains were a warning to stay away.
I wanted to avoid this route. I wanted to get past this village where Danny and his people were and divert to Carlisle.
I couldn’t put Olivia in any danger.
“Alec,” I said.
He turned and walked towards me. The other two people that were with us stopped and sighed. “What’s up?”
I shook my head. “This. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But this mission. It’s… it’s not something I can put my daughter through.”
I saw Alec’s cheeks flush. “We told you to leave your daughter behind.”
“I wasn’t going to just leave my daughter behind. W
e stick together, now.”
“You don’t get to just walk away when we’re just a few miles away. Not now.”
“It’s not your choice.”
Alec lowered his head. He looked like he was holding something back.
I stepped up to him. Offered him back his gun. “I appreciate all your help. All your guidance. Really. But this fight, it isn’t ours. Not anymore.”
“Would it be your fight if we told you the truth about Carlisle?”
It was the man called Steve who spoke. He’d barely said a word to me this whole trip.
“Steve,” Alec said.
“No,” Steve said. “No, I’m not lying anymore. I’m not covering up. It’s not fair.”
“Covering up what?” I asked.
“Steve, don’t,” Alec said.
Steve stepped right up to me. “The truth about Carlisle. About what we found there.”
“Steve!”
“About the burned bodies there.”
I heard the words and a dark new reality dawned on me. Of course. This group had been to Carlisle. They’d already been there and they’d already discovered something there.
They’d discovered that Carlisle was in ruins.
“Is this true?” It was all I could ask Alec. All I could say to him.
Alec glanced up into my eyes. “I didn’t want to say.”
“So it’s true.”
“I didn’t want to ruin your hope.”
“No, that’s not what this is about. This is about you seeing an opportunity to go after Danny. This is about you using me, just like Andy used me.”
“It’s about making the world a safer place.”
“Well, isn’t that just nice and convenient.”
Alec squared up to me. “You might think you’re the only goddamned person in this world who’s lost things. But you’re not. So don’t for a second pretend you are. Now you came with me on the slim hope that your wife’s still alive out there. I didn’t want to tell you about Carlisle ’cause I didn’t want to kill your hope. But Danny’s people already took Carlisle. They took it a long time ago. They burned some bodies while they were there, and no doubt they took some people away. You know what that means.”