by Miranda Rush
“Why do you want me to fuck you?”
At that, unable to withstand any more torture, she laid her hands on his butt cheeks and with all her might pulled him into her, while raising her hips to receive him.
Once started, she couldn’t stop. Pushing upward while she pulled him inward, her lust became unequaled. Her upward straining matched his inward exertions. In and out. It had become a monster inside her, growing torrid, slick and feverish. He was punishing her with love, and in the cramped space of the van, she put her legs around him to hug him in tighter as she clinched her velvety muscles around him.
Fast and furious was his bucking, punching her firmly and sweetly with every stroke. She lay transfixing him with her knees and reached around her bottom to the point where they joined. Laying her fingers against the tightly muscled rings of her pussy and the amazing hardness of his spear, she felt him slipping into her and sliding out. It was hard, and febrile, and very saturated with her juices. Bringing her hand back up, she put those fingers to his lips, which he took in his mouth and sucked hard. She felt the blistering of him inside her and it sent her over the edge.
“Uhhhh—” she began.
Firmly, Nick clamped down on her mouth with one hand while placing his other hand under her bottom and holding her firmly in place while jerking wildly inside her. She continued her muffled howls as the rush came, taking her away entirely, devoid of all sensibility, only aware of him as he finished his shuddering and lay with arms around her, barely daring to breathe.
“You scared me,” he panted. “I thought that I had lost you.”
She hugged him tighter. “Never.”
He kissed her on the throat, the chin, and then the mouth. “Promise.”
“I promise you.”
“I want to take you away right now, tonight.”
“Not tonight, not yet.”
He kissed her again, sensual and narcotic.
“When?” he asked in between surges of his lips and tongue.
“Soon.”
“Tomorrow. Which is today in a few hours.”
“I don’t know.”
“The next day,” he said, sweeping her up in another smoldering kiss.
“Maybe.”
“I’ll come see you. The day after tomorrow, which is really tomorrow.”
His erection stirred to life again on her thigh. This time he had time to put on the plastic before she enveloped him. She liked the feeling of him bare inside her better, she decided.
She spread her legs as far as possible in order to accommodate him, being rewarded by feeling him ram to the center of her core. She hung on to his biceps, clinging to him as he rode her again, deftly working his fingers in a circle around her clit in time to his thrusts, sending off charges of heat and current through her body with each one.
Without breaking stride, he bent down to embed a long soulful kiss, stealing her breath. It was thrilling and mesmerizing at the same time. Rebekah’s entire mound ached for release, screamed for deliverance. Her hips moved in tune with his, arching up to meet his glorious cock and withdrawing to feel the head graze the underside of her clit. As he accelerated his pace, she pushed as hard as she could back, finally able to hold back no more as her body sought emancipation from sweet torture and fractured into a million pieces from his impassioned pounding. His second coming was sharply emotional as he cried out, leaving droplets of tears upon her shoulders.
She held him tenderly with him still inside her, rocking him as if he were a babe until moonlight gave way to the soft gray before dawn. Milking time would be soon. After kissing him one last time, she got up to leave.
“I will see you tomorrow,” he promised as she exited the van.
She blew him a kiss and moved stealthily into the house. Soon they wouldn’t have to sneak around to see each other. Soon, they could be together forever.
Chapter 16
It was tomorrow and she was late. Oh dear God, she was late. Not late to dinner, not late to work, not even late to Church. She was late.
Rebecca worried her lip, thinking fast while at the same time making change for a customer. She was normally like a clock but not now.
She should have been bleeding about the time she and Nick met in the Best Western. That was two weeks ago. She had never been off as much as two days before, let alone two weeks. The entirety of the two weeks her breasts had felt tender as if she would start at any time. Something had radically changed in her body. There could be no doubt.
Even though her whole life she knew that it would be her inevitability that she would be a wife and mother she felt little prepared to deal with what she knew was occurring deep within her.
A baby. Nick’s baby. It had to have come from Nick. As unsophisticated in her understanding as Rebekah was, after the realization occurred to her that she was indubitably pregnant, there could be little to wonder as to exactly what made her that way.
What will he say? He hadn’t seemed to want to get her pregnant. The fact that she was able to get pregnant without being wed was a revelation. She thought back to his proposal. Would he still want her if she were pregnant?
Her hands kept going to her belly, as if somehow mere touch could tell her all she now found she had to know.
Nick’s baby. Would it be a little boy with Nick’s broodily soft brown eyes and his saucy smile or would it be a little girl with Nick’s thick silken chocolate curls? That the child may look like her never occurred to her at all. Nick was the man she loved, the love she craved. Of course their child would look, would be, exactly like him.
That their love could create a new life within her was utterly mysterious, completely staggering, touching on the Divine.
What do I do now?
So, I’m asking you to come away with me and be with me. Those had been his words.
Her fingers kept feeling the circle of gold he had bestowed on her the other night, too large for her finger, wrapped in a handkerchief and pinned inside her apron pocket. Now the question wasn’t just about leaving her family and the only way of life she’d ever known to be with Nick. There was another person involved, a child.
Our child. A child needed family and would grow up needing to know his or her mother and father. Of course she had to be with Nick. There was no question. It didn’t make the decision to become an outcast to her family and her Community any easier. It only lent clarity to the answer. She could not stay among her people and be pregnant with Nick’s child. She and the child would be shunned their entire lives.
So, it was with an exhilarating mixture of excitement and anxiety that Rebekah awaited Nick’s arrival to share with him the news and tell him of her choice.
She found herself realizing that, nearly from the beginning, the route of their connection had offered few destinations. The only other choice she would have had would have been to not speak to the man with the kind eyes at all, an option she wasn’t prepared to deal with the consequences of. She might be losing her parents and Leah, but she was also avoiding the harsh realities of life with Ezekiel, his children, Polly, and Mother Yoder.
Her real sorrow was leaving Leah, her best friend, her confidante. They had always shared secrets, happiness, and worked to ease each other’s burdens. She would miss out on holding Leah’s newborn due within a month and being mothers together. She imagined all the calm, sage words of advice Leah would have been able to share. She had looked forward to a life of their friendship, growing old and watching their grandchildren grow about them. All the hopes and tender feelings Rebekah would have had for sharing family and a marriage partner, she had transferred to her relationship with her sister. She couldn’t have imagined sharing any of them with Ezekiel. Now, she must transfer those feelings to where they needed to be: the man that would be her love, her husband, and the father of their child, Nick.
Rebekah was guided by Naomi in the book of Ruth, “Wherever you goest, I shall go . . .Your people shall be my people and your God, my God.” Knowing this scripture
comforted her as she felt the hand of her God in her love for Nick.
She didn’t have to wait long to see him. He walked into the store just as the last patron was leaving.
“Hi, Beautiful!”
His calling her that never failed to turn her rosy.
“So have you thought about what we talked about? I mean, what I gave you? You coming with me—”
“Nick, I’m late,” she started off with an explanation for her decision.
“Late? Late for what?” He furrowed his brow, uncomprehending, at first before insight took over. His eyes flew open wide. “Like, for your period?”
“Two weeks. I’m never late. I know I’m preg—”
“Before we get all worked up about this, let’s find out.”
Worked up? Who was worked up?
“I’ll get you a pregnancy test. It’s real easy. You can do it here by yourself.”
“Okay, but it’s alright. . .” She searched his eyes. It is alright, isn’t it? You still want me, don’t you?
He kissed her then, softly, but preoccupied.
“Of course, but we should know for sure, right?”
She nodded, shining again. She already knew. She was never late.
***
Leah’s clear blues eyes were fixed on her, hurt.
“So you are . . . leaving?”
“Leah, I have to go with him. He is the father of my child.”
“But I will never see you again!” She was mournful.
Rebekah, sensing that in some circumstances words fell deficient, simply reached out where they sat alone in the garden and took her sister’s hand, pressing it to her own cheek, now streaming wet.
“I just don’t understand. How can you choose this English, this outsider over your family and Community?”
“Leah, I love him—”
“More than your family? More than me?” She withdrew her hand.
Rebekah hesitated. “It’s a different kind of love.”
“And you with his child. Rebekah, it is an abomination! A sin! It is evil and corrupt—”
“I don’t believe that.” She surprised herself with how calm she sounded.
“Scriptures—”
“Scripture also says that ‘God is love’ and that we are to forgive each other and help each other. I love Nick. He loves me. There is no sin in love.”
Her sister’s eyes flared heatedly. “No sin—”
“There is no sin in love, only in the lack of love.”
At that point Leah did something Rebekah had never pictured she was even capable of. She lifted her normally calm, soothing hand and struck her sibling smartly on the cheek.
“You’re only thinking of yourself,” she snapped. With that, she gathered up her cumbersome body and lumbered into the house, leaving Rebekah to sit stunned and alone.
Leah would never understand. She might one day forgive, but comprehension was not part of it and never would be.
***
Rebekah peed on the second stick. Nick had brought her two, so there would be no question as to the results. She sat back on the outhouse seat, inspecting the two blue crosses that brightly displayed in the windows.
Double pregnant. I think this means yes.
It was bittersweet, because she knew that she could not share this joy with those she loved and expect them to join her in the exultation she now felt. So, it was with a mixed spirit that she tucked the sticks into the pocket of her dress to share with Nick when he came by later that morning.
***
It had been a long morning waiting for him to arrive, made longer by the few numbers of customers. While tending to her duties in the store, she had been mentally packing things she would want to take with her: the things from her dowry, of course. She wanted letters written back and forth between her and other family members and friends. Not her clothes, she would wear English clothes from now on. I wonder what that will be like.
She would tell her parents this evening and leave tonight.
She didn’t expect the conversation to go smoothly with her family. She earnestly hoped their last words with each other would not be too bitter, but she knew of her father’s dedication to his position in the Community. Furthermore, she knew that Nick would lose his livelihood, as no Amish would ever hire him to drive for them again. He would be equally shunned, something that she needed to make sure he understood, not that she expected it to sway him from his earlier proposal.
She tried to imagine where and how they would live, what they would do. Learning English ways was going to be a task in itself. Entering into the English world would be exciting, but fearsome. She had been warned since birth about the evil ways of the English. Now she was going to be English. Or was she? Wouldn’t her heart always be Amish? Or was it neither, able to live in either world?
The important thing is that we have each other’s love and that we are good parents to our child. Again, the thought of being married to Nick and having his child filled her with joy. After her tasks were done in the store, she impatiently waited his appearance.
Just before the lunch hour, Nick arrived in high spirits, gathering her into his arms and danced around the store while humming. Rebekah laughed, pulling away after a few steps of stomping on his feet.
“Don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it.”
“I don’t know, it looks complicated.”
“Naw, it’s easy. Like falling off a log. Or,” he moved in to kiss her, “making love.” Their kiss was soft and syrupy, flowing over and through her, energizing her at the same time making her feel like she had spent too long in the sun.
“So what did the test say?”
Rebekah reached into the pocket of her dress to pull out the test sticks, brushing against the weight of the wrapped ring still pinned to her apron pocket. She saw Nick’s pupils dilate slightly, and felt her own pulse quicken from nervous excitement. Things, for just that one moment, were exceedingly bright and clear, sharply in focus. She was aware of the pulsing of Nick’s artery in his neck, curious and beautiful. The fabric of her dress felt almost sticky beneath her sweaty palms.
She opened her mouth to speak just as Hannah burst headlong into the store.
“Come quickly,” she implored them, her chalky face streaky with tears, “Leah is having the baby early and something is terribly wrong!”
Chapter 17
Snick! Snick! Snick! The second hand of the clock on the wall scraped the silence like a blade. Rebekah tried not to breathe in the cold hospital smell of disinfectant and death, as she worried her fingers together in a heap on her lap, useless.
Nick and Rebekah had quickly loaded into the van, along with Rebekah’s three younger sisters and parents and sped off to Hezekiah’s house, where the midwife was explaining that Leah was losing blood at an alarming rate and she couldn’t stop the hemorrhaging. She could still hear the baby’s faint heartbeat but Leah must be transported at once to the hospital in St. Joseph.
Elder Bontrager lifted his second daughter’s nearly unconscious body and took her to Nick’s van, putting her in the second seat. Her mother sat beside her, cradling her head on her shoulder. Hezekiah sat beside the women. Rebekah clambered in with the rest of the family, the children sitting on laps as needed to accompany Leah to the hospital.
They lingered in the family surgery waiting room, with the television turned off, listening only to the click of the clock, reminding Rebekah of her last conversation with Leah. Conversation? No, it was an argument, a fight, in which Leah was upset enough with her to strike her.
You’re only thinking of yourself. Those had been Leah’s words. Would it be the last ones between them? Oh dear God, I promise I will do anything you ask of me if you will only let her live. Please God.
A cup of coffee was pressed into her hands and she took it in a stupor. It was Nick, bringing Styrofoam cups of coffee to all the adults and juice to the children. Sweet Nick, he hadn’t left the family for the five and one half hours that they h
ad been at the hospital. He offered her a sandwich. She shook her head, not hungry, not tired, not anything but sorry. So very sorry.
Rationally, Rebekah knew that God was not punishing Leah for Rebekah’s sins. Yet it felt that way. God was making Leah pay the price for Rebekah’s selfishness and lust. She, Rebekah, must do whatever in her power she could do to make it right. Oh Dear God, please. I promise, I promise anything. Just let me know what You want me to do. I’ll do it.
No one spoke. Even the small children grasped the severity of the situation and were unusually solemn. She looked to her parents stoically sitting beside each other; Hezekiah with his mother’s hand on his arm. Rebekah longed for comfort of her own as well, the only problem is that the person she wanted it from was in the operating room, possibly dying.
She reached out mentally to communicate with her sister. Please, Leah, don’t die. Could Leah hear her?
She felt Nick’s eye’s upon her and knew he wanted to console her. If only he could! But the thought was almost abhorrent to her. Being made now to pay dearly for her transgressions, further offenses could be dealt with more rigorously. Even the memory of her wantonness filled her with a sense of griminess.
A balding man in spectacles and hospital garb came over to speak to Hezekiah and the whole family gathered around in order to not miss a word.
“—Placenta Previa. We finally stopped the bleeding. However, during the course of the surgery, she suffered heart failure and did not resuscitate for six minutes. I am afraid that she will experience some brain damage; there is no way of knowing how severe at this time. She will need help when she does return home.
“However, she is currently conscious and wanting to see you.” The doctor put on a stern face and held up three warning fingers, “Three minutes. That’s all.” Almost as an afterthought he added, “The baby is fine. We got him out in time. A healthy boy.”