To counter the allegations of their inner prosecutor, procrastinators can develop another inner voice, that of a “defense attorney,” to speak on their behalf when the prosecutor starts in. David, the lawyer who wanted to prepare every case brilliantly, wrote down a conversation between his inner prosecutor and his newly hired “defense attorney.” You could try the same exercise, mentally or in writing.
Prosecutor: You stupid idiot! You screwed up again. You’re not smart enough to be working for this firm, and sooner or later they’ll find you out.
Defense: I would have done a better job if I’d started sooner.
P: You should have known better than to wait so long.
D: I had a lot of other things to deal with.
P: You’re always making excuses. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.
D: If you would lay off, it would be easier for me to get back on track.
P: I’m only demanding for your own good. Without me, you’d have no drive, no motivation.
D: That’s not true. I could do more if you didn’t constantly attack me.
P: But then you’ll never amount to anything.
D: Don’t predict the future for me. I’ve learned a lot, and every experience makes me better. I can only go on from here.
The challenge is learning to come to your own defense, to allow your values and actions to emerge as much as possible, in a judgment-free response. There is no absolute right or wrong answer to the question, What do I want for myself? This means that you have to separate yourself not only from the influence of others but also from your overdeveloped critical perspective. You have to get out of your own way.
The voice of the defense attorney creates fresh positive thoughts, which, as we have seen, helps to build new neural connections and weaken old ones. The more you practice defending yourself, the more automatic it becomes, the more it helps your brain stay in balance, and the more you develop confidence in yourself.
Perhaps you can now consider an alternative to the Procrastinator’s Code:
THE FREEDOM FROM PROCRASTINATION CODE
It is not possible to be perfect.
Making an effort is a good thing. It is not a sign of stupidity or weakness.
Failure is not dangerous. Failure is an ordinary part of every life. The real failure is not living.
Everyone has limitations, including me.
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth making mistakes along the way.
Challenge will help me grow.
I’m entitled to succeed, and I can deal with other people’s reactions to my success.
If I do well this time, I still have a choice about next time.
Following someone else’s rules does not mean I have absolutely no power.
If I show my real self, I can have real relationships with people
who like the real me.
There are many possible answers, and I need to find what I feel is right.
As you read this list, how you do feel? These ideas may be shocking at first, but if you let them percolate they may sink in gradually. They offer you a new attitude toward living, and can become a foundation for a more confident you. This will allow you to explore and take risks without relying on procrastination for protection.
PART TWO
OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION
TAKING STEPS
In the following chapters, we have brought together a smorgasbord of techniques to help you begin to manage and eventually overcome procrastination. These techniques have been designed with procrastinators in mind, and they work, if you use them.
When you try to practice these suggestions, you will probably have a push/pull relationship with them; you’ll encounter resistance and make excuses, just as you have with other tasks. We encourage you to pay close attention to how you approach these reasonable, effective approaches to change, because resistance does not have to be your enemy; it can be transformed into an ally. If you find yourself putting off experimenting with these techniques, you can learn a lot by asking: What specifically do I feel uncomfortable about? Is this touching on something from my past? Am I confronting something I usually try to push out of my mind? What makes me think I can’t do this now?
When people observe their behavior and clarify what’s behind their resistance, they may realize they are automatically reacting with old patterns and fears from the past, rather than responding to circumstances in the present situation. In addition, once people identify the issues involved in resistance, they often feel less overwhelmed or frightened and are more able to proceed.
CHANGE IS A PROCESS
Making a change and learning new behavior happens gradually over time. There are many different models of how change occurs. James Prochaska and his colleagues have researched the change process in health habits and substance abuse and have identified a predictable sequence they call the Stages of Change.1 The first stage is “Precontemplation,” when you’re not ready to change and not even thinking about it. “Procrastination? What procrastination?” By reading this book, you have already moved beyond this first stage, at least to the second stage, “Contemplation.” This is a time of thinking through whether you’re ready to take action and deal with the repercussions, positive and negative. “I know I procrastinate, but I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Prochaska’s third stage is “Preparation,” when you’re testing the waters, not fully committed but willing to try something new. “OK, I’ll finally start exercising.” Then comes stage four, “Action.” “I went to the gym today; it wasn’t so bad.”2 We think it’s interesting that you have to go through the first three stages before you even begin to do things differently. This is one reason why it’s hard to “just do it.”
Michael Hargrove, a success coach and workshop leader, also uses a four-step model that emphasizes people’s experience at each stage of change.3 Hargrove’s first stage is “Unconscious Incompetence or pre-change,” a time of ignorance or denial, when we don’t let ourselves notice how much it is hurting us not to do the things we think we should be doing. The second stage is “Conscious Incompetence or waking up,” when we realize the price we are paying for not doing what we know we are supposed to do. Hargrove considers this the “single most important step to change,” because it means we are becoming aware that we need to be different.
Third is “Conscious Competence or choosing change,” the stage in which we work to accomplish what we now realize we should be doing. This can be an awkward stage in the change process, because learning new behavior takes effort, practice, and repetition, and there are many frustrations along the way. The fourth stage is “Unconscious Competence,” when the things we know we should do become such a habit that we can do them without having to struggle or even think about it.
From a neurobiological perspective, by the time you get to the fourth stage, your old brain pathways are being disconnected, and new pathways are in use (new neurons are “firing together”). At some point, doing things on time can become the natural thing to do, although you still have to be on the lookout for the tendency to fall back into old habits, especially when you are stressed. Effort, practice, and repetition are important in maintaining change, and over time, you may even lose that temptation to put things off and find it easier to “do it now.”
You are likely to make small improvements or changes at first, rather than experience a sudden, grand transformation. In the Fixed Mindset, every step taken is a measure of success, and every step not taken is a measure of failure. In the Growth Mindset, any step—forward or backward—is an opportunity to learn from your experience.4
ADDRESSING THE FACTORS THAT
LEAD TO PROCRASTINATION
The techniques we offer in this section address the four main factors that research has shown produce procrastination.5 (For a summary of the research on procrastination, see Appendix A.) The four factors that make procrastination more likely consist are:1. Low Confidence in Your Ability to Succeed In order to build up your confidenc
e that you can succeed, we suggest you pick a goal that is realistic, achievable, and easily measured. Then break it down into small, manageable chunks and begin with something you can accomplish in a short amount of time, because nothing succeeds like success. We offer specific techniques to increase the confidence for people with ADD and executive function problems, and for people who are managing cultural changes.
2. Task Aversiveness: Expecting That the Process Will Be Difficult or the Outcome Will Be Unpleasant We hope the first half of this book helped you understand that finding a task difficult or unpleasant may have little to do with the task itself. A task is uncomfortable because it’s related to an underlying fear or anxiety, and it is this discomfort that makes a task so aversive that you avoid it. As you understand your fears and develop self-acceptance, you may be surprised to find that tasks may actually become less aversive. Some tasks may become neutral (yes, even taxes), and some may even become fun!
In Part Two we offer suggestions to make the process or outcome more pleasant, like enlisting support from a friendly ally, rewarding yourself with social experiences, delegating to reduce your to-do list, setting limits so that you are less overwhelmed, and letting go of what you don’t need. We also offer suggestions that will help you manage uncomfortable feelings, so you don’t have to come to a halt just because you’re uneasy.
3. The Goal or Reward Is Too Far Away to Feel Real or Meaningful To help make a faraway goal or reward feel more real and salient, we encourage you to work in short intervals and reward yourself frequently. We also offer techniques to improve your relationship with time, so that the future seems less vague and more tied to the present. And we encourage you to pay attention to your values, so that you can remind yourself how a long-term goal is important to who you are and what you want.
4. Difficulties in Self-regulation, Such as Being Impulsive and Distractible For self-regulation, we offer techniques that help your body and mind relax, so that you can manage your emotions and interrupt the path to distraction. We also include some suggestions specifically for people with attention deficit disorder and executive dysfunction.
HOW TO APPROACH THESE TECHNIQUES
Try One New Thing at a Time
We suggest that you experiment with one technique at a time. Trying to put them all into practice immediately may make you feel overwhelmed, overworked, or discouraged. The result is likely to be that you give up before you achieve any real progress.
Go Slowly
Many of you will be tempted to begin by throwing yourselves wholeheartedly into this project. Yet, as we have already said, trying to do too much is part of the problem—so slow down. You won’t stop procrastinating altogether tomorrow, or next week, or next month, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try.
Watch for Resistance
As you use the techniques we present, we suggest that you keep an eye out for resistance. For example, even though you may begin to make progress in handling your procrastination, you may feel disappointed or angry with yourself for not trying hard enough, not making progress fast enough, or not accomplishing all that you set out to do. Or you may feel we are demanding too much of you, that these techniques require too much effort. Whatever form it takes, resistance can keep you stuck in one place as if your feet were planted in cement.
People usually resist when something feels uncomfortable. These techniques may appear simple, but their appearance is deceptive. The techniques work, but only if you take action and use them. This, of course, is exactly what procrastinators have the greatest difficulty doing: putting into action things they know in their heads! When you get stuck, think back over the issues we raised in Part One. How are your fears getting in your way? Are you stopping because you are on the threshold of possible failure or success? Are you determined not to give in? Are you apprehensive about getting too close or being on your own? Are you playing a familiar role from your family dynamics or a role you took with friends or at school? In spite of your fears, there are steps you can take. Remember, it’s your procrastination. Nobody else can make you change it or change it for you.
Use a Notebook or Journal
One way to track your experience is by keeping a journal. We strongly urge you to get a notebook you can use for working on the exercises that follow and for jotting down thoughts or reactions you have along the way. Some people like to record specific incidents as they occur. Patterns and themes not easily identified at first often become apparent when you review a series of events. You can also observe patterns in your thinking and emotional responses if you include some notes about them, in addition to describing the event itself. Monitoring your attempts and reactions can give you valuable information that won’t get lost or distorted in memory.
Free Writing
You can use your journal for “free writing.” Free writing is the process of writing down whatever is on your mind for a limited period of time without stopping, without judging, and without editing. Writers use this technique as a way to get themselves started or as a means to discover ideas that are not in the forefront of their minds.
During ten to twenty minutes of free writing, you just keep going, even if what you write down is, “I have nothing to say,” or, “I don’t know what to write next.” Don’t even pick up your pen or stop typing; just write down your thoughts as they come to you. Don’t worry about punctuation, spelling, grammar, or whether what you are saying makes sense or is accurate. Don’t erase, cross out, or delete. The purpose of free writing is not to produce a gem but to explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
You can use free writing in any way you find helpful in your quest to overcome procrastination: to explore your fears, understand your resistance, identify your values, examine your reactions to our suggestions, or to monitor your response to change. The reason free writing is effective is that it helps you bypass the inner prosecutor who judges your ideas. It also allows your brain to follow a chain of associations that are linked together,6 often without your being aware of it until you begin writing nonstop. (Remember, 80 percent of brain activity occurs outside of awareness.) The great novelist and short story writer Flannery O’Connor said, “I don’t know so well what I think until I see what I say.”7
Consider Psychotherapy
If you are able to put our suggestions to work, and they help you overcome procrastination, we congratulate you. However, if you find that you put off trying these new approaches, you may feel stymied. If you can’t make use of our suggestions and procrastination continues to hurt your work, your relationships, and your self-esteem, then it might be helpful to talk to a therapist. In therapy, you can explore the worries that underlie procrastination, closely examine what happens at those moments when you choose avoidance instead of progress, and benefit from the supportive, respectful, and confidential relationship therapy offers.
Many non-Western cultures disapprove of taking problems outside the family or the church, and there is shame attached to seeking counseling. African Americans, Asian Americans, Hispanic Americans, and immigrants generally do not look for help from mental health services, but prefer to get help from family, friends, spiritual leaders, traditional healers, and finally, if all else fails, a primary care doctor.8 Even when they attend college and begin to trust mental health services, they aren’t likely to use them.9
Mental health agencies and college counseling centers usually have bilingual counselors from diverse backgrounds. It can be difficult to disavow cultural values in order to get help, but as you see from Part One of this book, procrastination has complicated roots that make it difficult to fix by yourself. A psychological perspective can be very helpful.
Some people are skeptical about whether therapy can help them. A landmark study conducted by Consumer Reports showed that therapy is effective.10 Most of the people who had been in therapy reported that they improved significantly. The type of therapy and the credentials of the therapist are not as important as finding a therapist
with whom you’re comfortable. Give therapy a chance to work; long-term therapy produced more improvement than short-term therapy. If you’re taking medication for anxiety or depression, therapy is a good addition, since the combination is more effective than medication alone.11
It turns out that therapy is even good for your brain. Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Eric Kandel stated, “There is no longer any doubt that psychotherapy can result in detectable changes in the brain.”12 During therapy, the plasticity of the brain allows it to reorganize itself as a result of talking with the therapist and thinking and feeling in new ways. The more successful the treatment, the greater the change.13
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