by Amira Rain
Feeling frustrated and edgy, I showered, dressed, and left the house to take Sunny on a long walk, leaving Elliot sleeping. He typically slept longer and later than Cameron, which I was now beginning to think was the result of having a clean conscience. At first, I'd had a few thoughts along the lines of maybe he just didn't have a work ethic quite as strong as Cameron's.
It was now July, and the summer morning was more beautiful than any I'd ever seen in Haverwood, which was saying a lot. Dew-kissed, tallish grass on either side of the lane waved in a gentle breeze; the sun provided a blazing backdrop for the towering, jewel-green trees; flowers in vivid shades of red, purple, and pink spilled out of pots in front of most homes. My mood didn't exactly match the beauty of the day, however, and I had to remind myself to walk, not stomp when Sunny paused in his walk-hopping, turned to look at me, and cocked his head to the side quizzically, as if wondering if something was wrong.
While we went up and down the lane a few times, we ran into a few early morning joggers, one of them a pregnant Gifted who was just beginning to show. Fortunately for her, as opposed to the other pregnant Gifteds in the village, there would be no doubts about her baby's paternity, as she was one of the few Gifteds who had a relationship with one man only, and had ever since she'd arrived in Haverwood, which had been a full month before she'd become pregnant.
After saying hello when our paths crossed, I thought about how much easier her love life probably was compared to mine, what with me having to constantly suppress feelings of warmth and love. More than anything, I looked forward to the day when I'd no longer have to do that.
Just when I was thinking about turning around to head back home, Sunny and I came across Dana, who was racing along, huffing and puffing, pale blue t-shirt damp with sweat. Because she didn't run every single morning, I hadn't wanted to wake her up by calling or texting, but I'd been hoping to run into her. I felt like I just needed a listening ear, even though I couldn't tell her about the situation that had me upset. Really, I had no clue what I could bend her ear for, but I just wanted to talk.
Apparently, she did, too, because after slowing to a stop, taking her ear buds out, and saying good morning, she asked if I was up for a cup of coffee at her house. "I've got some dark chocolate-filled croissants we can have, too...fresh out of the oven an hour ago. I've already had one, but I'm thinking I may need another."
One of the things I liked about Dana was that while she was extremely health-conscious, taking long runs at least four or five times a week and eating an unprocessed, plant-based diet the vast majority of the time, she still allowed herself occasional indulgences and enjoyed them guilt-free. I also admired her usual honestly, frankness, and positive attitude, although today, something about her expression told me that she wasn't feeling quite so positive, and I had a clue what might be behind it. We hadn't discussed Jason's pulling away from her since we initially had, and after the red-eye battle in the forestland, Dana had seemed to go back to her usual upbeat, sunny self, telling me that being able to help in the fight had given her a badly-needed confidence boost. But now, with Jason having been gone with Cameron doing God-only-knew-what the past few days, I was pretty sure she must be feeling low again.
Once we got to her house and were seated up to the island in her kitchen with mugs of steaming coffee and chocolate-filled croissants on plates, she confirmed my thinking, blurting out that she'd barely seen Jason in days. "And when I do see him, he's so distant, like he's stressed or preoccupied or something, or like he's made up his mind that he's really done with me and just doesn't know how to say it. He hasn't even been talking to Brent, either, really...it seems like there's some weird tension between them that I just don't understand. Jason even left the house an hour before Brent today, when it was still fully dark out, and they used to always leave to run patrol together. So, just tell me...what do you think could be going on? Does it just sound to you like Jason's just sick of me, or sick of the whole relationship with three people involved?"
It sounded to me like Jason was preoccupied with whatever probably-nefarious things he and Cameron were up to with the Angels, but obviously, I couldn't say that, so I had no idea how to respond. Fortunately, I was spared a response at that moment by Sunny whining at my knee. Knowing that the chocolate in our croissants could sicken a dog, Dana had given him a piece of bacon leftover from Brent's breakfast, and now Sunny wanted more. I told him it was all gone, which it was, not that he could understand English. He just whined even louder, sounding almost tortured, and Dana hopped off her bar stool with a smile.
"One sec, Sunny. I think Sarah left a package of little rawhide bones here the last time she brought your buddy Max over."
Once Sunny was contentedly going to work on a bone that Dana had rubbed with a bit of bacon grease from a frying pan on the stove, Dana hopped back up on her bar stool, asking me again if I had any idea what Jason's problem could be. "I mean...I know I should just ask him what's wrong myself, but I guess I'm just scared of what his response might be. I'm just not sure I can stand hearing him say that he doesn't love me anymore."
After setting my croissant down, I washed the bite down with a drink of coffee, planning my response carefully, then set the mug on back on the granite-topped island. "I think maybe you should give this all a few more days. I know Jason and Cameron have been involved with some type of secret project together, and once we find out what it is, maybe things will make a lot more sense to you."
I was really thinking that if my suspicions were confirmed, and it turned out that Cameron and Jason both were working with the Angels, it might help ease Dana's inevitable heartache in some small way to know that Jason wouldn't have been a quality man for her to be with in the long run anyway, since any man working with the Angels surely had to have a secret, dark part of his heart.
In response to what I'd said, Dana frowned. "Well, what do you think Jason and Cameron have been working on together?"
Fighting to maintain eye contact with Dana, I shrugged. "I have my suspicions, but I'm just not one hundred percent absolutely sure yet."
"Well, what are your suspicions?"
Not able to look her in the eyes anymore, I picked up my mug and took a drink of coffee before responding. "Oh...I think it's just some project having to do with the Angels. I know we'll find our for sure in time."
"So...you think maybe Jason has just been preoccupied with whatever the secret project thing is?"
I hated lying to a friend, which is what I felt like I was doing, even if maybe it technically wasn't.
"Probably."
Seemingly satisfied, Dana picked up her coffee mug, nodding. "I guess that would all make sense. Lots of men get preoccupied with work stuff, don't they? Sometimes I guess I just forget that our men are wolf shifters, working hard everyday to keep this entire country safe. So, really...well, no wonder Jason's been a bit distant. I'll probably just give him some space and wait this out a few days, like you said."
Dana soon changed the subject to something relating to Gifted practice, and I'd just about never been more relieved, feeling like the less I said about Jason and Cameron, the better. However, once Dana and I had finished our breakfast, I was the one to mention Cameron again, deciding that I wanted to ask Dana something.
"Do you know anything about Cameron's past before he came here to Haverwood?"
Looking a little surprised, she shook her head. "I really don't. Why do you ask?"
I supposed I just wanted to learn something that might indicate what his reasoning might be for working with the Angels, if indeed he was.
But, unable to tell Dana this, I just shrugged. "I guess I'm just curious. He and I hardly ever get any time alone to talk, and he really doesn't open up much when Elliot's around."
"Well...I'm sorry, but I really can't help you at all there. I don't know anything about Cameron's past before he came to Haverwood, and I don't think anyone in the village does. I mean...I know he was reassigned here from some other shifter v
illage, just like most of us Gifteds and shifters, but...gosh, Jayme, I really don't know."
I nodded. "That's okay. It's really not important anyway."
I just hoped I could get some sort of an explanation from the government later, some reason that had made Cameron decide to work with the Angels, which I was becoming increasingly sure that he was.
The next day, I finally got the chance to ask Cameron what I'd been wanting to ask him ever since I'd awoken from my dream with the question rolling around in my mind. Surprisingly, Elliot was the first to leave the house that morning, which he'd done right after I'd gotten out of the shower; so when Cameron entered the kitchen just as I was finishing breakfast, I knew it was now or maybe never.
I didn't even let him finish pouring his coffee in the kitchen before I marched out from the dining area, came to a stop beside him, and spoke. "Do you love me, Cameron?"
Clearly stunned, he froze for a moment, then put the coffee pot down before slowly turning to look at me with a frown.
"Where is this coming from? Why all of a sudden-"
"You call wanting to know if a man loves me after sharing a bed with him for a month 'all of a sudden?'"
"Well-"
"Please just answer the question. Do you love me?"
Raking a hand through his thick hair, Cameron frowned even harder, avoiding my eyes. "I can't...I can't allow myself to love you, Jayme, and it's for your own good."
Because he was indeed working with the Angels, but he at least had enough compassion in his dark heart to want to keep me out of it. I was sure of it. And now I was finally sure that my suspicions about him had been dead-on from day one.
Despite the fact that I'd expected a response like the one he'd given me, I hadn't expected how I began to feel within a moment or two of him saying what he had. It started with a sudden tightening in my chest, so sudden that I might have thought I was having a heart attack if I'd been a little older. But then the tightness quickly turned into a distinct ache that seemed to spread from my chest to every part of my body with every beat of my heart, making it hurt to even breathe. Making it hurt to even exist.
Horrified, I realized that I loved Cameron. I loved him, and I didn't truly love Elliot, even though I did feel deep, strong affection for him. But Cameron was the one who'd made every molecule in my body hurt with his words, with his betrayal. Despite the fact that he hadn't wanted my now-beloved dog to come inside, despite the fact that he always seemed to be holding me at arm's length, and despite the fact that I know knew for sure that he was working with the Angels, I loved Cameron. It defied common sense. I didn't even know why I loved him.
Other than the fact that right at that moment, standing right in front of him in the kitchen, all I could think about was the warmth that I always saw in his eyes whenever we were teasing and joking. I also thought about how I'd seen him feed Sunny food off his hand a few times with that same warmth present in his eyes. Sometimes I'd seen it while we were making love. And apparently, that warmth had been enough for me to fall in love with him, even though I'd tried not to.
What I couldn't understand was how a man who got such beautiful flashes of genuine warmth in his eyes could secretly be working with the Angels, the enemy who just wanted to kill all mortal men, enslave all women, and take over the world. Nothing about it made sense. But then again, I reasoned, a person didn't have to be a complete hard-hearted psychopath in order to make a really bad choice and sell his soul.
With the hurt spreading through my body making me blink back tears, I made a move to leave the kitchen, having nothing else to say to Cameron, but he took me by the arm to stop me.
"Jayme, please...just wait a second. If you love me, you shouldn't, because I am not the man you think I am." Pausing, he looked deeply into my eyes before repeating himself, speaking quietly now. "I am not the man you think I am."
I already knew that. He hadn't needed to say it once, let alone twice.
After jerking my arm out of his grasp, I tore out of the kitchen, into the foyer, and out the front door, not even knowing where I was going. Just somewhere away from Cameron, where maybe the full-body hurt I was feeling would lessen a bit.
THE FINAL CHAPTER
Not wanting to walk down the lane and come into contact with anyone, I went behind the house and started down a little trail that I'd heard was back there, cutting straight back through the eastern forest at least half a mile before ending at some sort of construction site where a few new homes were being built, though I'd never been back there to see. Elliot had told me that one of the homes being built was for him; two were being built for any new shifters or Gifteds that might join the community at some point; I assumed one was for Cameron, though he'd never mentioned anything about it. The topic of who I would move in with, or if I would get to have a new home of my own built had certainly never come up.
I'd heard that workers from Hastings had brought cranes, backhoes, and other construction equipment to the site from an access road that led from the building site to the main road leading to the highway, which also connected with the lane leading through the village; but as far as the trail that led from the back of my current house to the construction site, it was hardly wide enough for a person to walk down, let alone accommodate construction equipment. I could definitely see why the creation of the access road had been necessary.
Wiping away tears that seemed to be slowly carrying the pain away from my body, I walked up the trail, figuring a construction site was as good a place as any to sit down and have a hard, cathartic cry and a good, long sit surrounded by peace and quiet before heading back to the house and the village. I definitely didn't want to be seen by Cameron, Elliot, or anyone else, not wanting any questions.
However, once I'd walked for a half-mile or so and had reached the building site, I discovered several shifters that I recognized working there, one of them on a crane, and three of them dragging heavy steel beams across an expanse of dirt. The whole site was pretty much a wide expanse of dirt at this point, dirt surrounded by forestland, with only one house foundation having been put in place so far. From what it looked like, though, it was going to be a hell of a house, mansion-sized and then some.
Figuring I'd just have to find another place to have my hard cry and my long sit, I turned to leave the site and head back down the trail, but one of the shifters dragging a steel beam called out my name, apparently having spotted me.
Knowing I couldn't just dash back down the trail pretending that I hadn't heard him, I wiped my watery eyes before turning back around with what I hoped was a convincing smile. "Hi there!"
The shifter who I assumed had shouted my name was a shifter named Jeff, one of Maggie's two boyfriends, and he now waved to me. "Come take a tour and see what we've done today!"
"Oh, I don't want to make everyone stop their work!"
"No, we need a break! Come on over!"
I reluctantly did, and Jeff gave me a tour, first taking me over to one side of the vast dirt clearing and showing me all the equipment and supplies that had been brought in, then leading me over to the mansion-sized foundation that had been laid.
"This first house is going to be for Commander Maxwell, and what a house it's going to be."
All the shifters addressed Elliot as Commander Maxwell, and Cameron as Commander Scott.
Sweeping a muscular arm in a wide arc, as if to highlight the foundation's scope, Jeff continued. "It's going to be eight thousand square feet, with seven bedrooms and ten bathrooms...a whirlpool room, too, with vaulted ceilings and walls all made of glass."
He went on to tell me about other features of the house, and I murmured appreciative things every so often, though I could barely focus on what he was saying. All I could think about was Cameron, and how he was working with the Angels, and how he'd let me down. How he'd basically even confessed to me that he was working with the Angels by saying that he was not the man I thought him to be. Not once, but twice, making it pretty clear.
&
nbsp; Still stunned about it all, I began wondering if there was still any possible way that he could not be working with the Angels, but I knew this was probably just some sort of denial mechanism setting in, a result of my subconscious not wanting to accept the truth. Soon, I got confirmation of this, in the form of an answer to a question I'd asked Jeff. Just to feign interest in the building site that Jeff was obviously very proud of, I'd asked him where Cameron's house was going to be situated, and Jeff immediately frowned, drawing his gingery brows together.
"Well, that's the funny thing. There's plenty of space out here, and more of the forest could be cleared for another home, but Commander Scott says he doesn't want one...keeps saying he just doesn't want one built."
Of course he didn't. That fit. He probably didn't want a new house built knowing that he'd soon be going to join the Angels and their wolves in their encampment to the north.
Suddenly, I needed no more evidence. I just needed to call Cynthia. After soon thanking Jeff for the tour and telling him that I had to run, I left the building site and began making my way back down the trail. I was about halfway back to the house when sobs overtook me and I had to stop walking and lean against a tree with my hands in my face until they subsided.
Only when I reached the house, which was empty, did it occur to me that if Cameron had any suspicions that I knew his secret, I might be in danger, as miserable a thought as that was to have, that he might try to hurt me or something. But then, upon further reflection, I realized if he were secretly that cruel, he probably wouldn't have tried to dissuade me from loving him. He'd seemed almost contrary to wanting to hurt me, he'd wanted to protect me from the dangerous world of double-dealing that he was surely caught up in. And as far as him having any suspicions that I knew about his double life, I now realized that it was likely he didn't. After all, a woman wanting to find out if a man loved her after a month of intense passion seemed like it should be taken as a fairly normal thing, and not as evidence of any suspicion on that woman's part.