by Lewis, R. J.
“Please keep an open mind,” he heard Emma say quietly. “Please, Granny.”
“Why do you think he’s here, Emma?” Darlene responded. “It’s because I am.”
He waited a few seconds more, until the silence filled the space again, and then he stepped in.
Emma
Dinner was awkward.
Granny’s eyes were pinned to Borden, and as a result, I was shaking endlessly. I couldn’t even hold my fork and eat my goddamn pasta without the metal clanging against the dish.
I’d never done this before. Never brought a man home, I mean. And it was made worse that I was bringing a man home that my granny already spent years absolutely loathing. It was all such a disaster, and I was already staring at the clock on the wall, waiting for time to pass so we could get the hell out of here. So far we were a measly fifteen minutes down and two bites in.
I was waiting for Borden to say something pleasant like, “You have a very lovely home” to get the ball rolling. But Borden wasn’t like that, so it never happened, and besides, Granny would never have bought that dribble.
I glanced at Borden across the table from me. He was digging into his pasta without a care in the world, and when he caught my eye he winked. The nerves inside of me settled some more, and I smiled at him. He hated pasta, and he was devouring it like it was crack to an addict. I loved him for it.
“You’re not hungry?” Granny asked, looking at my full plate.
“I am,” I answered. “Just… I dined with Blythe in the afternoon and all.”
“You need to eat, Emma. None of that salad garbage either. Proper food, or has that also changed?”
I caught her glance at Borden, and that look of disapproval followed. What the hell was she blaming him for now?
I swallowed a sigh. “I am eating,” I assured her.
More disapproval.
More painfully awkward silence.
And Borden…just smirked on by.
I forced a few bites down and another three and half minutes ticked by. This is fucking agony.
“So how is work?” Granny finally said, breaking the tension in the air as she feigned interest.
“It’s good,” I replied simply.
“When you said you two work together, did that mean in the same environment?”
“Yes.”
“So you see each other regularly?”
“Every day.”
She nodded stiffly. “I see.”
Then she turned to Borden, and already my heart climbed to my throat, because she had on that wise up, child look, and I knew an interrogation was about to ensue.
Three, two, one…
“Emma worked at a diner for a couple years. I worked as a waitress all my life too, but I was fortunate to be working in a better establishment than hers. I wasn’t very fond of her boss. He was cruel. She doesn’t like to admit it, but I know she was unhappy there, and she tried very hard to find other work. She was stuck there and she made do. I admired her for that. Not many people I know would have stuck it out for so long on their own under the same circumstances.”
“You’re right,” Borden replied. “They wouldn’t.”
“It was very exciting when she told me she’d found another job. I’m very thankful you decided to bring her in and put her brains to use, Mr Borden.”
Whoa. A thank you? Okay, okay, this could work. Now all Borden needed to do was avoid fucking it up. I eyed him warily, but he surprised me with his response.
“You put Emma in any situation and I’m sure she’d excel.”
Granny nodded and returned to her plate.
A few more bites, a few more minutes ticked by. My hope climbed, and I let out a long breath, finally trying to relax. This was civil, and I would take civil over hostile any day of the week. This was good –
“Emma’s been very vague about the way you two met, or how she came to be your employee,” Granny added, looking at him thoughtfully. “I’ve always wondered about it. What did you see in my granddaughter when you decided to hire her, Mr Borden?”
Borden’s answer was immediate. “I saw a very beautiful young woman who intrigued me.”
“And how did she manage that?”
With lips closed, Borden smiled at her. That smile could have been interpreted in a million different ways if he hadn’t answered right away. “Her mouth,” he said in a spine tingling voice. “Her mouth intrigued me, Mrs Warne.”
Granny just stared at him, her face blank, her mouth slightly open.
“Emma is a very intense woman,” Borden said, looking back at me. “She’ll tell you how it is without giving a damn. I liked that honesty. It was refreshing.”
He returned to his food and took another bite, meanwhile Granny was trying to figure him out with narrowed eyes. She pushed aside her food, set her elbows on the table and clasped her hands together, glancing at the two of us with an unsettled expression.
“How serious is this?” she wondered aloud.
I sighed miserably. “Granny –”
“I’m entitled to know, aren’t I?”
“Not the first time I bring a man over for dinner.”
“And it’s because it’s the first time you’ve brought a man over for dinner that I’m asking. I don’t want to live through a disaster twice in this lifetime,” she replied steadfastly. “I think I have every right to be serious when you are going down the same path your mother did.”
“I’m nothing like my mother,” I snapped. Like a faucet being turned, tears sprang to my eyes instantly. Why did she have to bring that up? Putting me in the same sentence as my mother was a low blow.
She looked at me contritely. “I’m trying to be delicate about this, Emma, and if I have failed, I’m sorry, darling.”
I looked down at my uneaten food. I felt Borden’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t meet them. My weakness was my mother. You bring her up and I crumbled. Too many buried feelings of hurt lurked within me, unaddressed and abandoned.
It was silent and uncomfortable. Nobody ate.
“What is it that’s getting to you, Mrs Warne?” Borden then asked, getting straight to the point. “Are you comparing me to the man that abused your daughter?”
I glimpsed at Granny. She was surprised by his question. Maybe she didn’t expect him to know all about what had happened.
“I’m only concerned for my granddaughter,” she answered. “I want to understand this relationship.”
“I don’t hurt her,” he told her sternly. “Not unless she wants it.”
I nearly groaned. My face flushed as Granny’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. There was no going back from that. He’d knowingly addressed the bruises she had routinely scrutinized over. He’d let my grandmother know, and now her imagination would run wild.
He appeared content with the reaction as he asked, “What else would you like to know to alleviate your concern, Mrs Warne? I’m only going to do this once. Ask whatever you want, and I’ll be honest with you.”
Granny looked back at him steadily, removing all previous trace of shock from her face. “Are you still an addict?”
Borden didn’t look affected. “No.”
“It was heroine, wasn’t it?”
He took a couple seconds to answer this time. “Yes, it was.”
“How long have you been clean?”
“Four years.”
I blinked hard at that. I was surprised, only because I expected it to be longer. In fact, that meant even when he returned he’d been using. He caught my surprise and pressed his lips together in a thin line. My surprise bothered him, I could tell.
“My granddaughter,” Granny went along, “she hasn’t seen anything, has she?”
I went rigid, my heart spiking. No way would he tell her about the alleyway incident, would he? I realized then that Borden was suddenly too unpredictable for my liking.
“Granny,” I started.
“Don’t, Emma, please. I’m talking to your boyfriend. Isn’t that wha
t he is? Your boyfriend now?”
Calling Borden my boyfriend sounded so juvenile, but I nodded. “Yes, he is, but we didn’t come here to be interrogated. We came here to have a good meal –”
“You’re my flesh and blood, and I wouldn’t be your guardian if I didn’t ask the right questions to this man. I want to know if you’ve seen anything, and I want to hear the answer from him.”
Looking completely indecipherable, he replied, “Like what, Mrs Warne?”
“You know what,” Granny responded slowly. “Don’t insult me by pretending not to know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard many things about what you do, and I don’t want my granddaughter in the centre of it.”
“And what is it that you think I do?”
“Illegal things.”
“That’s very vague. Anything in particular?”
“Drugs for one since you clearly have a reputation for using it…Murder for another. Anything that you would relate to the underworld you’re in. One iota of exposure to that filth and my granddaughter could be very well in danger. Has that even entered your mind, or are you aware of what you’re doing and letting her in the cusp of it?”
I gripped my fork tightly. Shit.
Borden remained calm, though I saw his jaw tick once. “All my businesses are legit, and what you’ve heard are rumours by uneducated, ignorant people that thrive on drama. I have nothing to hide. I understand your unease, but I can promise you, your granddaughter is safe with me. I wouldn’t have her if it were any other way.”
He lied so smoothly, without a trace of hesitation. If I didn’t know any better, I would have almost been convinced by it.
“I wonder, Mr Borden,” she responded thoughtfully, “did you make that promise to Kate too before she was violently murdered?”
Borden went still, and just like that, my stomach dropped. Time froze, and in that fleeting second, I saw a pain in Borden that went layers deep. His cover cracked, and he bled right there in front of me; all that raw pain he still harboured coming out of him. He took a deep breath in and held it in his lungs, slowly letting it back out again. The impassive face came back on, and he opened his mouth to respond.
“Don’t answer that, Marcus,” I quickly said.
His blue eyes shot to mine. I shook my head at him, mouthing “don’t” again. Then I turned to her. “That’s enough, Granny.”
She didn’t acknowledge me. Her reproachful stare burned into him as she carried on. “He goes on that he can protect you, that he is legitimate, and yet there are cars out front of our house and men around my home on the few occasions you see me. Tell me how she can be safe when you’re making an effort to protect her in the first place, Mr Borden? What is it that you’re protecting her from?”
“Granny,” I hissed, “stop it.”
“I need to know –”
“You need to stop –”
“I’m not going to stop until he answers –”
“That is enough!” Frustrated, I slammed my fist on the table, startling her. Bug eyed, she looked at me, a hand over her heart. Meanwhile my chest was rising and falling rapidly, my heart beating at an alarmingly fast pace.
This was a mistake. A big fucking mistake. I knew it would be. God, what had possessed me to do this in the first place? This never would have worked out. She would never accept us. I kept my eyes on my plate for a while, trying to calm my breathing down. I felt my vision blur with unshed tears, and I kept on breathing to block out the mess of thoughts firing through me. When I finally regained my composure, I looked at her again and said calmly, “No more questions.”
She just stared at me, like I was a stranger to her. Like she didn’t know me at all, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t break my heart. Swallowing hard, she slowly nodded.
We resumed eating, or at least we pretended to, and not another word was spoken the entire time. When we finished, I stood up and cleaned the table and put away the dishes. Meanwhile, Granny sat there, her body deflated, the look of hate still fierce as she glared at Borden.
“Time to go,” I stated to him.
He didn’t waste time. He stood up, looking between my grandmother and me with an unreadable look. Frowning, Granny watched his movements every step of the way. “I didn’t want to cause trouble,” Borden whispered into my hair as he passed me.
“You didn’t.”
“I’ll be in the car.”
I nodded. His lips twisted, and he turned his head to Granny on his way out, stopping by the threshold of the kitchen. Granny stared at him from the corner of her eye, her body unbearably still.
He sighed, and it felt like eons had passed before he finally spoke with conviction. “I did make Kate that promise, Mrs Warne. I told her everything would be okay, and I failed her. But I’m not going to fail your granddaughter. She wants me, and I make no apologies for wanting her too. She’s mine as long as she wants to be, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can resume your relationship with her.”
He disappeared out of the kitchen, and a moment later the front door closed. Now that we were alone, the wall she’d put up dropped. She looked at me, her devastation clear in her eyes. We both stared at one another, tears suddenly spilling over our faces.
“Granny,” I said hesitantly.
“I’m disappointed in you,” she whispered back, her voice broken. “And I’ve never felt that way toward you before. I’m having trouble coping, and if I have hurt you for the way I have reacted, I am sorry.”
I wiped my tears, pleading for her to understand. “I love him, Granny.”
She shut her eyes briefly. “Yes, I see that you love him. But when it comes down to it this man can’t promise that you won’t wind up dead the same way his former lover was. When you have too many enemies that want to watch you fall, one of them will always find a way. And that’s all it takes, Emma. Just one.”
Linda’s words ran through my mind. It only takes one.
“That’s not going to happen. I know what I’m doing, and you need to take a step back and trust me.”
“I trust you. I just don’t trust the man you’re with.”
There was a finality in her words. The conversation was over, and there was no point trying to make her understand differently. I hated that I was leaving her like this. I hated that I was going to walk out that door and today was going to burn in my memories forever. I’d spent so much of my time after my teenage years trying to impress her and show her I was a strong and independent woman, but I was pretty sure that was bullshit. Because the problem with love is you start doing things that your normal self wouldn’t be proud of. I had relinquished my independency to be with a man who had enemies bad enough to want to hurt me. It would sound dumb on paper that I would do something like that. But the heart is fucking dumb, and I was content to disappoint myself to make that muscle happy. Even if it meant disappointing my grandmother in the process.
Maybe time would change her mind.
I slowly walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She wrapped hers around me too and despite our disappointments, we hugged each other. We loved each other.
“Come back on your own next time,” she whispered to me before I pulled away.
I nodded, wiping away a fresh tear that had fallen from her eye. I stared at her hard, looking into her warm dark eyes. “I love you, Granny, and I promise everything will be okay.”
She swallowed, her eyes watering further. “Don’t be concerned with me. Just take care of yourself.”
After another nod, I kissed her on the cheek and left.
*
Borden was quiet on the ride back. He held my hand, which was reassuring, but he looked out the window, staring off into the distance. Granny had hit a nerve, and I didn’t blame him for shutting right off. By the time we reached the apartment, he didn’t step out of the car with me.
“I’ve got some things to do,” he told me after I had unbuckled my seatbelt.
My brow furrowed. “Like
what? It’s eight at night.”
“Hector found a guy that knows some things, and I need to question him.”
It was too dark in the car for me to study him, not that I would learn anything if I did. He was closed off and impenetrable.
“Okay,” I said uncertainly. “When will you get back?”