by Joshua Price
“What if we’re in the spire?!”
Charlie pointed at a nearby window, outside of which a plainly visible spire stretched towards the heavens.
“What if that’s a mirror?”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
Dr. Malevolent smacked the both of them upside the head. “Shut up.”
Before they went off in search of this roof, Charlie got in one final note, “At least we know they brought us to the spire’s grounds. We just have to get there.”
Annoyed that he had discounted her order to shut up, Dr. Malevolent stared him down and pointed to a nearby stairwell. They scaled the dimly lit and slippery smooth steps that were sullied by the occasional scuffmark by goat hooves. A couple flights went by and they soon came to a nondescript traditional grey doorway, one endowed with quite the knob. Captain Rescue gave it a twist and there it was.
The roof had a smooth white level surface and a few structures that were most likely air conditioning and whatever else futuristic prisons needed to function. Charlie stepped to the edge of the rooftop; they were well over two stories from the ground, and getting down there would most certainly be tricky. First, though, he had to deal with the uncontrollable weeping coming from the stairwell exit. Charlie swung around half expecting to find Captain Rescue on his hands and knees crying his eyes out, but no—it was Freight.
“What’s the matter, big guy?” Charlie asked in a nurturing tone as he knelt down beside the giant man.
“My wonderful Courtney, she’s gone!”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get her back… even if we have to crack open the skull of every bigfoot on the planet to find her.”
Freight’s sorrowful expression turned to joy. He patted Charlie on the back and said, “Thanks bunny.”
“Anytime, big guy.”
Charlie turned back to the rooftop ledge. “Now, the real issue at hand, aside from personified shotguns: how are we going to get down from here?”
Captain Rescue flexed. “We’re superheroes, we’re going to jump.”
Dr. Malevolent pointed over the side. “Be my guest.”
He nodded and stepped towards the ledge.
Charlie yanked Captain Rescue away from certain death. “If you jump from this height, you’ll split the ground underneath your feet and shatter the world.”
“Wow, I had no idea.”
“Yeah, that’s why we have to rappel down.”
“With what exactly?” Dr. Malevolent snorted as Captain Rescue inspected his earth-shattering feet.
Charlie opened his bunny pouch, dug around for rope, and noticed the detonator in the process—he had almost forgotten about it. The bunny grabbed them both and turned to the explosive one.
“I guess now is the perfect time for a distraction.” He gave the switch a flip.
An explosion centered at the supply depot rocketed across Dolphin City. It had not gone according to plan though; there was a blinding white light, and a huge shockwave that shook the very bedrock under their feet. Apparently, the weapons and explosives contained within the armory had amplified the explosion. Either that or Charlie had used a metric shit-ton of C17 (C4’s genetically engineered brother).
As a warm shockwave lifted her hair into the air, Dr. Malevolent gave the bunny a furious stare. “I sure hope you didn’t dose us with a lethal dose of radiation.”
“Radiation?” Captain Rescue’s eyes lit up. He threw his arms into the air and cried out, “Super powers!”
Dr. Malevolent mockingly threw hers into the air as well. “Cancer and death!”
Charlie, proving that he had a gadget for every situation hidden in his suit, pulled out a Geiger counter and showed it, and the normal levels of radiation, to Dr. Malevolent. She childishly mouthed bad words at the bunny rabbit as he wrapped the rope around one of the rooftop structures and commenced their descent just as alarms triggered by their distraction went off all across Dolphin City.
Chapter 16: Break Out, Break In, Break Free, Break Dance
While still adorning the mechanic uniform that had a grease rag sticking out of the front pocket, Greg floated around in his magical lamp. Next to him, the control console sparked and smoldered from its run in with a not-so-superhero. Despite his stylish outfit, the genie had not bothered to start repairs on anything yet. It was all for show, and once his corporeal counterparts knocked over this tower, the genie would be able to fix it instantly. In the meantime, Greg would avoid the dangers lurking outside the safety of his wonderful little lamp.
The genie made his way to the front of it, and his gases started to ascend the snaking spout. At the very top, he could see the jet black eye of a dolphin staring into his humble abode. Greg decided to stay inside and avoid any face-to-face confrontations with the beast. For all he knew, those dolphins had devised some means in which to kill a genie, something he thought was not possible, but, as a sensible incorporeal being, Greg was not going to try his luck. He much preferred the alternative: all his gaseous life, the genie had heard stories that after a certain point in their lives, his kind simply grew bored of corporeal life, floated off into oblivion, and were never heard from again. Of course, parents tell their children similar stories when pets die. So, who knows?
“What do you think you’re looking at, fish-face?” he called up to it. The dolphin stared for another few seconds and then pulled away, retreating back to wherever it came from.
“You know where to find me when you feel like chatting!” Greg yelled up to it.
He descended the spout upon realizing that antagonizing fish-face was probably a bad idea. The last time he offended one of these corporeal babies, Charlie stomped on his lamp. Greg’s orange face cringed, those were memories he did not want to relieve. He only hoped the inbred meatbags would destroy the tower promptly so he did not have to.
***
Pink storm clouds had begun to gather in the darkening skies above Dolphin City, or perhaps they only appeared pink because of the domed force field stretching as far as the eye could see. Pink clouds, grey clouds, whatever color they were, it was far too much for the time-displaced heroes to stomach. Who knew the future would be so damn—girly? They had to fix this, to fix time, or at least change it so that the world did not suck quite so badly. Charlie waved to the others as he ducked around the side of the prison while flashes of red danced across the city as it went on full alert.
“As George said when he and the other apes captured us, they took the lamp to their leader, who’s probably at the very top of that spire,” he said, planning their next course of action.
Captain Rescue kicked the dirt. “The top?! Really?”
“Yes, that’s where all evil dictators keep their seats of power.”
Dr. Malevolent nodded in agreement.
Charlie turned his attention away from the spire and gripped the rope still dangling from the top of the three-story prison, research, and freak-show hybrid of a building. After Charlie gave the rope a sharp tug, it tumbled from the roof elegantly and landed in a neat pile upon the ground. Charlie grabbed this magical rope, tightened its looped around his arm, and then tossed it back into his pouch with all the other enigmatic wonders.
“What just happened?” Dr. Malevolent asked, looking to the roof, then to the ground, and then to Charlie’s pouch. “You let us climb down something so loosely anchored to the roof?”
“It’s all in the knot,” the bunny replied evasively, shrugging as he pointed at the spire. “Let’s save the past.”
They looked out over the hotbed of dolphin domination before them. Buildings littered the city like white polka dots, white polka dots that were flashing red in accordance with their explosive distraction. The prison of most insidious horrors they had just broken out of was in the very corner, more than a thousand feet from the spire. Getting to that towering monstrosity without any of the countless patrols noticing, capturing, and then torturing the gang would be quite the adventure.
Captain Rescue began staring
upwards just as a crash of thunder echoed across the area, followed shortly by surprisingly gorgeous pink lightning that etched the sky. Seconds later, a heavy rain started to fall, tinted pink from encompassing field. Captain Rescue watched the sky as raindrops splattered against his face, filling filled his mouth and drowning him slowly like a turkey. Dr. Malevolent looked at him, rolled her eyes, and then slapped him on the back of the head, throwing it forward and spilling the water that had collected there.
He gasped for breath. “I think… you might have just… saved my life.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me,” she joked.
Just before the heroes could begin their hopscotch towards to the dark and impending spire, the prison suddenly grew bright red, redder than the rest of the city, as it broadcasted their escape. Within a few moments, the area would most certainly be swarming with an army of scantily clad bigfoot bent on their annihilation, not to mention their everlasting defense of their loincloth ways.
“Well,” Dr. Malevolent said, stepping away from the building, “that was rather delayed.”
“Delayed or not, let’s get moving before we find ourselves eaten alive by angry ape-men,” Charlie replied in a hurry as he headed for one of the nearby buildings.
Freight and Dr. Malevolent followed the bunny, leaving both the building turned siren and Captain Rescue behind. Since the hero was too preoccupied with catching raindrops that tasted nothing like pink lemonade in his mouth, he might have missed the plan. Just before Captain Rescue could succumb to the water sirens and drown, Charlie rushed up to him, slapped him in the back of the head, knocked the water out, and then dragged him to where Freight and Dr. Malevolent stood with annoyed looks upon their faces. The two of them slapped some additional sense into the hero just as droves of furious ape-men converged on the flashing red building. The enemy paid no attention to the escaped prisoners hidden within the shadows just a few dozen feet away. Still stubborn enough to believe the apes might want to do something other than torture him, Captain Rescue waved to these ape-men, and Dr. Malevolent slapped his hand downward, instructing him silently to knock it off. Once the hero finished unsuccessfully making first contact, Charlie led the gang down the side of the building, still hidden within its shadow, impossible for anyone not on the lookout for brightly colored clothes to spot.
The bigfoot surrounded the nondescript prison with no knowledge that Captain Rescue had freed the horrors contained within. They flanked the entrance and prepared to open the plain white doors. The lead apes looked at each other and nodded—their laser rifles ready to scorch some superheroes. One of the bigfoot leaned in and pressed a few buttons on the console, which beeped as the doors slid open. The apes entered the prison with their laser rifles in the upright and cocked position expecting to find the costumed crusaders hiding somewhere within. At about the same time the last of the apes entered the prison, they started to stream back out again, followed shortly by a small army of bloodthirsty mutants. The ill-prepared bigfoot scattered as the abominations pummeled them with giant red hands. Since their strength rivaled that of an exoskeleton-clad dolphin, it was not a pretty sight. The monsters grabbed hold of any bigfoot they could find, lifting them clean off the ground and tossing them through the air as they screamed for their ape-mommies.
The heroes kept their distance and watched the story unfold. After a few minutes of pointless lasering, the apes realized their rifles had little effect on the abomination’s hardened skin. After a few more minutes, they discovered the best strategy was to use the butts of their rifles to keep the enraged beasts at bay until someone with a clue showed up. Hopefully, not only would that person bring a clue, but also a weapon powerful enough to bring these bloody, smelly monsters down.
Charlie decided that sticking around any longer was a bad idea, and the bunny slipped around the side of the building. As he turned the corner, followed shortly by everyone else, he slammed into something large and hairy. He looked up to see George’s cross face staring down at him. Upon his shoulder, the ape carried the largest weapon any of them had ever seen, and it made Freight’s mouth water. The weapon, and even calling it that was a gross understatement, could have probably blown holes through entire planets. Even if that turned out to be a gross overstatement, it would at least blow holes through anything standing in the bigfoot’s path, be it science experiments gone wrong, or oversized bunny rabbits.
Charlie smiled up to him. “Hi George, I guess you’re… uh curious… what we’re doing here, out of our cells.”
George just grunted.
“Well… if you’d excuse us, we’ll be on our way.”
Without giving the giant ape a chance to shove that giant weapon straight up his ass, Charlie turned and ran, taking the others with him. George yanked the weapon from his shoulder took aim for the bunny rabbit, who turned the corner milliseconds before the ape could pull the trigger. He grunted once more and turned his attention to the mess of abominations tearing his men limb from limb. George lifted the weapon and set his sights for one of the monsters. As the ape pressed and held the trigger, four claws mounted at the weapon’s tip started to power up, conjuring a ball of glowing red plasma within its mechanical grasp. George held the trigger and the orb grew larger and larger until he finally released it.
Propelled by space-age dolphin technology, the orb moved forward at a leisurely pace. After enough travel time had transpired to bore Captain Rescue if he were paying attention, the orb collided with one of the abominations, instantly disintegrating it. George tapped the trigger and miniature orbs shot out, barraging the monstrosities as it melted small hunks of their flesh, weakening as well as pissing them off. This demonstration implied one thing and one thing alone: that if George were to hold this weapon’s trigger for long enough, he might actually be able to blast holes through planets, so perhaps that wasn’t a gross overstatement.
Across the battlefield and hiding in plain sight, the gang stopped to rubberneck under the shadow of a tall five-story building. Just to their side, an alleyway cut between the city’s wall and this building would provide a means of escape when and if they needed it. Considering how much everyone, including apes, hated rubberneckers, the gang would likely need this escape route shortly. In the meantime, Freight watched another orb travel across the battlefield at a brisk pace as it evaporated the pink raindrops that fell into it. The giant man watched in awe as an abomination turned to look at the orb and then grunted primitively. The orb crashed into its target, which simply froze for a moment, grew bright red, and then disappeared, leaving behind a charred circle on the ground and a puff of dark black smoke. The wideness of Freight’s eyes matched that of his smile. He sure loved weapons and the many ways in which they nullify their target.
“Amazing!” Freight bellowed across the battlefield. George’s head snapped straight towards the excited man, who suddenly realized that his actions had probably escalated the situation.
Charlie shook his head in both annoyance and dismay and then waved at the gigantic ape once more, who pointed his devastating weapon in their direction. The bunny gulped and said, “Okay folks, show’s over, let’s get out of here before we get orbafied.”
Charlie turned and sprinted down the narrow alleyway, leading the way for the others as George led the way for the dirty apes under his command. Ahead, a backdoor into this five-story building opened automatically as they sprinted by it. The bunny glanced over his shoulder to see George and a group of bigfoot racing around the corner. The heavy weapon upon the ape’s shoulder caused him to lean ridiculously, but he kept his balance, showing the humans that he could not be trifled with, for not even weighty super weapons could slow George down.
With his head still looking behind, Charlie saw his allies screech to a halt and, not to feel left out, the bunny did the same. His head jerked around and he coughed an awkward cough, an oh shit cough. From the other side of the path, more hairy apes were now running straight at them with a furious kill all humans look in thei
r eyes. The first and only real option ran through the bunny’s mind: the doorway a few feet behind them. He pushed through the gang as they stood there with dumbfounded looks upon their faces. Charlie grabbed the first arm his hand could find on the way in. Captain Rescue shrieked in terror as he felt something possess his motor functions. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that it was a bunny rabbit—and not a rampant poltergeist that followed him back from the haunted maintenance tunnels.
Freight and Dr. Malevolent realized where the other two were going and followed them quickly into the building. The automatic door closed shut and without missing a beat, Freight turned and fired his laser rifle into the control console, which went from green to red and started to smolder and spark. Freight leaned against the malfunctioning door just as furious apes started to beat against it. He smirked widely, congratulating himself on a job well done, and then stepped away from the doorway and into this building. The lights within instinctively reacted to their presence, granting illumination to the lobby they now found themselves in. The innards had much in common with that of a hospital. An unimportant, yet interesting, side note to all of this: bigfoot sure kept the place sparkling clean, from the sparkling white floor, to the sparkling grey panels along the wall. Who would have thought under-evolved apes that formerly lived in dirt hovels would be such clean freaks.
A portrait hung on the wall to their right depicted a dolphin in its unnatural glory. As the creature sat in its leather chair, a bookshelf behind it contained notable novels from all of mankind’s history. A lamp, of the non-magical illuminating variety, was on a table just next to the dolphin. In one flipper, it held a glass of amber liquor, and in another, an unlit cigar. The dolphin stared forward, filling whoever glimpsed into its eyes with dread. Captain Rescue shivered at the evil painting and turned his attention away from it. As he and the others headed further into the building, the clatter of their feet against the white tiled floor met with the repeated lasering by apes trying to get in. The noise created an almost musical sound that Captain Rescue had no problem nodding his head to, pretending he was at a concert.