by Lynette Noni
Jordan didn’t need the revealing agent to know what she was seeing—he saw it even when his eyes were closed. He felt it, too; the warmth of the chemically infused ink thrumming beneath his skin—ink that revealed the last words his brother had ever written him. There had only been five—the last five words Luka had ever offered anyone:
NEVER LET THEM BREAK YOU
Nothing else had been scribbled on the note, but Jordan had wanted more than just Luka’s words inked into his flesh. He’d wanted another reminder, too—not that he’d ever forget. And that was why, when he’d hunted down the revered skin artist years ago, Jordan had asked the woman to mock up a design where Luka’s final words were arranged around a curling rope… that ended in a noose.
It was intricate and artistic, the rope loose and relaxed with the words positioned alongside the coils and hugging either side of the noose. The whole design was only about as large as his palm, fitting perfectly over his left pectoral—over his heart. A reminder that was always there, even when it was hidden. His brother’s final words.
Words to live by.
Words to die by.
Never let them break you.
“I carry this with me everywhere I go because it means I can carry him with me, too,” Jordan said, his voice rough. “And when Aven—when things were really bad—when I feared he might use me as a weapon to hurt Alex, hurt Bear, hurt you, and I thought the only way to stop that happening was if I… took myself out of the equation…” The flash of pain that crossed D.C.’s face made Jordan ache inside, but he pushed through it, needing to be completely honest with her about all he’d gone through. “At those times when I thought it’d be safer for everyone if I was… gone… all I had to do was feel the ink thrumming under my skin. Feel the reminder of what had been taken from me. And I knew I couldn’t do that to someone else, couldn’t put anyone I cared about through that kind of pain.”
He drew in a shuddering breath, his body trembling and not just from the cold. “I loved my brother and I understand why he thought he couldn’t live out the future laid before him, but I also hate him a little for leaving me like that. And also for the message he left behind—one that he himself didn’t listen to. He let them break him. And in turn, his death nearly broke me.”
A long silence filled the air as Jordan tried to figure out how to say the rest of what he needed to share. He wasn’t sure what he was more nervous about—the conversation he’d just endured, or what was about to come next.
While he deliberated, D.C. pulled back from him and collected his discarded clothes, handing them to him with a pleading expression. This time, he didn’t resist, his body too cold to function much longer without protection.
Only when he was rugged up again and rubbing warmth back into his arms did he find the strength to continue.
“When I was Claimed, Aven spent a lot of time messing with my head, making me re-watch Luka’s death a hundred, maybe a thousand times.” The words felt like glass in his throat, but he forged onwards. “He got a kick out of tormenting me—he particularly enjoyed that day in Raelia when he forced me to tell you all that I asked him to Claim me because I was sure Luka was alive. It was—” Jordan shook his head. “I’ve never known anyone could be so cruel. Could have so much hatred in their heart.” He paused. “But it was worse than that. Because it wasn’t just Luka’s death that Aven made me watch.”
This was the moment. Other than to share with D.C. about his brother, this was the reason he had brought her here, so he could show her his scars—all of them.
“After Calista killed Skyla, Aven played that on repeat, forcing me to re-live it time and again. But in the weeks leading up to that, and then afterwards, he didn’t just show me real memories.” Jordan swallowed. “He made me watch things he was going to do. Things he was going to make me do.”
Jordan turned so he was right in front of D.C., facing her straight on. “Day after day, hour after hour… he made me watch as I killed you. Over and over again.”
Twelve
The memories now assailing Jordan were so vivid that he struggled to stay in the moment rather than let them overcome him; struggled to keep looking at D.C., watching the emotions play out across her face. Sadness, anger, anguish—all for him. For what Aven had made him go through, made him witness, made him experience.
“You, Alex, Bear and his family—anyone I care about was free game,” Jordan said. “But you especially, since Aven was in my head enough to know how I feel about you.” The last part was whispered, his eyes losing focus as he fell into the memories. “I poisoned you, stabbed you, drowned you, strangled you. I did”—he shuddered—“terrible, despicable things to you. Unforgivable things.”
D.C. was motionless in front of him, tears dripping down her cheeks and falling onto the snow, her watery blue-green eyes filled with horror.
Filled with pain.
For him.
“And even though I’m not Claimed anymore,” Jordan said, still whispering, “that’s what I see every night when I close my eyes. That’s what I wake up from, screaming myself hoarse. I hear Aven’s voice as he tells me I’m his forever. I see Luka hanging from his favourite tree. I hear Skyla’s neck breaking. I watch Alex, Bear, everyone else dying. And I see myself hurting you, killing you because I wasn’t strong enough to protect you—from me.”
He was breathing heavily now, his heart hammering as the emotions became too much for him. But he needed to finish. He needed her to know the rest, to know it all. To see him—scars and all.
“I know Aven doesn’t control me anymore, that he can’t force me to do anything to you,” he said, his fingers itching to wipe the tears that were flowing like rivers down her face. But he kept his hands by his sides, not sure how she would react when she was standing so still, so silent before him. “I know that. But I also know that if you and I—if we ever started anything between us—he would make it his mission to come after you just to make me pay. He would make sure you suffered, and he would make sure I watched it happen. I’m the one that got away, and he’s never going to forget that.”
His gaze remained locked with hers as he said the words, as he witnessed her reaction to them. He didn’t know what to think when she closed her eyes and turned her face away.
Shifting his weight, he continued, his pulse still beating too fast, “I can’t—I can’t lose you, too, Dix. That’s why I pulled away the other night. Because the idea of something happening to you because you’re in a relationship with me, I couldn’t stand it. My parents are wildcards, I don’t know what they’d do if they found out. But Aven, I know exactly what he’d do. He showed me, vividly, what to expect. And I’d rather—I’d rather never see you again than see anything like that happening to you… because of me.”
He reached out and, with a shaking hand, gently turned her chin back to look at him. He was surprised to see the fire in her eyes, but he had one last thing to say and forced himself to finish.
“I’m like a poison, Dix. My life has been tainted since birth and everything good in it, everything I touch ends up being taken from me. I can’t—I won’t allow anything like that to happen to you.”
Feeling drained, Jordan dropped his hand, waiting to hear how she’d respond; waiting to hear her say she understood.
What he didn’t expect, however, was what she said instead.
“Are you done?”
Combined with the fire still blazing in her eyes, the tone she used had Jordan sensing the need to brace himself.
He nodded, somewhat hesitantly, and confirmed, “I’m done.”
He was right to have braced, because while he’d anticipated a continuation of the compassion and care D.C. had been showing him not just today, but since his return to the academy, she proved yet again to be a surprise.
“You’re an idiot, Jordan Sparker.”
Jordan blinked. Twice. “What?”
D.C. crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes narrowed. “You do realise that I’ve had a
target painted on my back since the day I was born, don’t you? Before that, even? I’m the heir to the crown of Medora—the heir to one of the most powerful positions in the entire world. Death threats have been coming in daily since before I was even conceived! Aven himself has already tried to kill me—and that had nothing to do with you. It won’t be the last time he tries, either.”
Jordan clenched his jaw and looked out over the pond, not wanting to hear her words, to feel the fear and desperation and vulnerability they ignited in him.
“I can see you don’t want to hear that,” D.C. said, her angry tone softening, if only slightly, “but it makes it no less true. And even if I wasn’t the princess, even if I wasn’t best friends with Alex—which, by the way, offers another reason for Aven to come after me, to get at her, not you—then I’d still be in danger.”
D.C. moved a step closer. Then another. Until she lightly rested her hands against his chest.
“Don’t you see, Jordan?” she said, her tone pleading with him, enough that he turned back and found himself caught in her brilliant, bright gaze. “We’re all in danger now. No matter who we know, no matter who we’re close to. If Aven has his way, there’s going to be an all-out war across this world. No one is truly safe.”
She pressed her right hand more firmly against his chest over his heart—over the ink that was now covered by his clothing and would soon fade beneath his skin.
“If you let him take the things you love away from you for fear that you’ll lose them, then you’re just going to lose them anyway.”
Jordan’s breath arrested in his lungs, but D.C. wasn’t finished.
“However many or few my days may be, if I have a choice between spending the last of them with those I love even if it means ending my time in pain and suffering, I would choose that in the space of a heartbeat. Because better to live a life filled with love and die for it, than hide behind my fears and never risk the pain of heartbreak, the pain of sorrow, the pain that comes with loving someone with everything you are and everything you’ll ever be.”
She held his gaze as she ran her fingers over the exact spot where the ink was thrumming under his skin and whispered Luka’s words, “Don’t let them break you, Jordan. Don’t let Aven break you. He doesn’t deserve that kind of power. And if you give it to him freely, then he wins… but you’re not the only one who will lose.” Her voice was husky as she declared, “I will, too.”
The meaning in her eyes, it was unmistakable. But she still made sure he knew exactly what she was saying with what she told him next.
“I love you, Jordan,” she breathed, looking up at him with brimming eyes. “I know you’ve been through so much—more than anyone should ever have to go through. But if the only reason you have for not being with me is because you’re afraid to go through more, then you have to know… that’s really stupid.”
A surprised sound escaped Jordan’s lips—something partway between huffed amusement and choked incredulity. It was a sound that shocked him, since it came from a place deep inside—a place that was beginning to fill with warmth, making him feel lighter than he had in a long time. But still—
“I get what you’re saying, and you’re right—because of who you are, you’ve always been a target. And because of your friendship with Alex, too,” Jordan acknowledged, already having realised all this. “But I don’t think you understand just how much Aven enjoyed the images he sent me—how much he wants to see them happen. And how if he learns that we’re… together… he’ll make sure that they play out.”
“Let him try.”
Jordan reared back at the strength of D.C.’s words, at the challenge in her voice, at the determination in her eyes.
“I think you’ll find that this is one princess who isn’t so easy to mess with,” she continued. “And that’s what he’ll find, too, if he’s foolish enough to dare coming after me again.”
The wind picked up around them, blowing D.C.’s loose hair around her face. With her eyes ablaze and expression fierce, Jordan thought she’d never looked more beautiful.
“This is my decision too, Jordan,” she told him quietly, stepping closer again, the toes of their boots now touching. “And I’m choosing you. Because I believe that whatever comes next will be worth the risk. The question is, do you feel the same?” She licked her lips, the only indication of her nerves. “Am I worth the risk?”
Jordan shut his eyes tight as he leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers, just as he had when they’d first arrived through the Bubbledoor. His mind was in turmoil, his scars laid bare. His fears, his nightmares, his past—everything. And yet here she was, not running from him, not agreeing to keep a safe distance; instead offering herself to him, willing to risk her own life, her own death just to be with him.
‘You’re mine, Jordan Sparker. Forever.’
Jordan heard Aven’s threat intrude across his memory. But then, clear as day, he heard another voice—Alex’s voice—and the words she’d spoken from inside his mind.
‘You’re done, Aven. You have no more power here.’
And then, straight after Alex, Jordan heard Bear:
‘I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.’
He then heard D.C. from just moments ago:
‘If you let him take the things you love away from you for fear that you’ll lose them, then you’re just going to lose them anyway.’
And lastly, he heard Luka, the voice of his long-dead brother so close that Jordan could almost imagine he was standing right next to him:
‘Never let them break you, Jordo.’
Pulling in a haggard breath that broke midway through, Jordan opened his eyes and drew back enough to see D.C. watching him, her expression open, warm, filled with all the affection she felt for him.
Seeing all that, he heard one final voice—Hunter’s.
‘To fading scars. And the hope of healing.’
Jordan could almost imagine his instructor raising his glass in another toast as his thoughts fell into line and began to solidify within him. As his scars began to fade in the silence offered by the girl he loved while she waited for him to realise what she already knew: that being together was worth the risk. Was worth any risk, every risk. And that Aven would be a fool to come after them, because they weren’t going to roll over without a fight.
They weren’t going to let him win.
They weren’t going to let him break them.
Feeling peace settle upon him unlike anything he’d experienced before, Jordan was finally able to answer D.C.’s question.
Sort of.
“In the last few minutes, you’ve called me stupid and an idiot, both terms I find highly offensive.” His lips tipped up at the corners as he reached out and slowly began to curl his arms around her waist. “But I also think you might be right. About them… and everything else.”
“I normally am right,” D.C. said, her voice slightly breathy as he pulled her closer, the hint of a tentative—and hopeful—smile spreading across her face. “You should know this about me by now.”
“Somehow you keep managing to surprise me,” he said, one of his hands travelling up until it cupped her cheek, the other still wrapped around her middle. “I’m guessing this is something I’m going to have to get used to, especially if we’ll be spending more time together.” His voice turned meaningful as he said, “A lot more time.”
“A lot more time, huh?” D.C. asked, nothing tentative about her smile now—it was full-on glowing. With a playful tilt of her head, she continued to surprise him by what she said next. “I hope this means you’re going to kiss me. Because if you want my opinion, we’re long overdue.”
Jordan pulled her closer, fighting a grin. Fighting a laugh, even—something he never would have imagined possible, given where they were standing and what they’d just been through.
“I don’t know,” he said, enjoying teasing her. Enjoying feeling light-hearted enough to tease her. “I mean, you might be the girl I�
�ve fallen in love with, but let’s not forget, you’re also the Royal Princess. Is there some kind of paperwork I need to fill out first? An official petition of some kind? Maybe a—”
“Just shut up and kiss me, Jordan,” D.C. said, eyes dancing.
Jordan returned her smile and leaned forward until he was whispering against her lips, “As you wish, Your Highness.”
And then he closed the distance between them, touching his mouth to hers and revelling in the soft sigh she released as he did so… and as he continued to do so, until the afternoon sun disappeared over the horizon and the moon rose in its place.
Only when the two of them were so cold that they could barely feel their lips anymore did Jordan activate the second Bubbler vial to return them to the academy.
They trundled up to their rooms, cheeks flushed and eyes bright with the happiness they both shared. It was there that Jordan gave her a final—and lingering—goodnight kiss right in her doorway, one that only ended when Alex arrived and cleared her throat, unable to get through because they were blocking the path. The look she sent them was both knowing and amused—and also showed just how happy she was for them.
Bear, too, was just as thrilled, as Jordan discovered when he arrived in his room only to be ambushed by the other boy who demanded to know everything.
Jordan, of course, didn’t share everything. But he did confirm his new relationship status—something that seemed to delight Bear almost as much as it did Jordan.
As he started getting ready for bed, Jordan thought about the days ahead, knowing they would be difficult, challenging, even terrifying. But that would be the case regardless of whether he and D.C. were together or not. With Aven out there, no one was safe. And while the weekend would see Jordan and his three closest friends—one of whom was now officially his girlfriend—travelling to Nialas, Maroo and Graevale to petition the support of the other races in the coming war, even with their help, he knew they all had the fight of their lives awaiting them.